How Becoming A Mom Shows You Who Your Real Friends Are

July 13, 2018  |  
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Gettyimages.com/Mother combing toddler daughters hair while sitting with family on sofa in living room

When you become a parent, your entire life changes overnight. Sure, things were a bit different while you were pregnant, but you could still go (almost) anywhere you wanted at (almost) any time—doctors appointments and morning sickness permitting. Once that baby comes out of you, it rules your schedule. When you’re nursing, the baby needs several naps a day and you can barely make it out of the house for more than three hours at a time. Then when your little one begins to crawl and (gasp) walk, you can’t take your eyes off of him for a second. So, the truth is that, if your friends want to see you, they pretty much have to bend and adjust to your new crazy lifestyle. It has a way of showing you who will see you, even when it’s extremely inconvenient. Here is how being a mom shows you who your real friends are.

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They don’t mind the burping/spitting/pooping

They don’t say, “Gross” or “I can’t see that” when your little one burps or dirties his diaper. They are cognizant of the fact that you’re already insecure about your baby bothering other people, and they actually go out of their way to show you that they are totally unbothered by the spit up.

Gettyimages.com/Mother and educational blocks with her baby

They take an interest in the baby

They actually ask you questions about your baby. It doesn’t matter if their questions are good or interesting or deep. It’s just about them wanting to get a better idea of what your life looks like now, and wanting to understand your experiences.

Gettyimages.com/Mother and daughter talking on sofa with cell phone

They let you vent

They let you vent as much as you need to about how tough it is to be a parent. They certainly don’t say things like, “You wanted to be a parent” or “Nobody made you become a parent.” They understand that, if it’s something that makes you happy, they’re happy for you and that you’re still allowed to vent sometimes.

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They’ll stay in with you

They get that it’s hard for you to leave the house all day, so they’re happy to just come over, and keep you company between baby’s nap times. And they take extra care to be very quiet once you’re baby is sleeping. They never complain that they have to stay in with you.

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They offer to help you

They ask how they can help, even if they really aren’t familiar with parenting. They’re happy to do even little things to take them off your plate, like emptying the drying rack or holding your baby while you give yourself a much-needed pedicure.

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They understand you can’t help them

If you had any friends who were only around because you were generous and would do things for them, they’ll be gone now. Good friends totally understand that, when you’re a new parent, you are not the person they should go to for rides to the airport or help painting a room.

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They think of child-friendly places

Your good friends put some thought into it when choosing a restaurant or place for you two to meet. They don’t choose some swanky place that’s clearly just for adults and won’t welcome babies.

Gettyimages.com/Smiling mother and daughter posing for cell phone selfie

They want to be near your child

They actually want to be near your child. They don’t sit far away from him. They ask to hold him. They want to snuggle him. He’s a part of you, and they love you, so they love the child.

Gettyimages.com/Young happy family having breakfast at home.

They never ask if you can leave the kid behind

Okay maybe for a very special occasion they ask if you can get a babysitter. But good friends try to find ways to make your life easier, not harder, and don’t constantly push you to get a babysitter and leave the kid behind.

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They consider that you’re exhausted

They totally understand that you’re exhausted and might yawn during conversation. In fact, they get that you may fall asleep during the movie or need to leave the party early because you’re sleepy.

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They reach out to ask about the child

They text and call you, unprompted, just to ask how your kiddo is doing. They keep you and your struggles as a parent in mind.

Gettyimages.com/Toddler girl with star wand playing with bubbles in backyard during birthday party

They remember details about your kids

Your good friends pick up on little details about your kids like, for example, that your kid’s favorite animal is an elephant. So they get her the pajamas with the elephant print.

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They roll with the changes

Your close friends don’t become aggravated if your plans to go on a lunch cruise become plans to eat on your back deck because your baby isn’t feeling well. They don’t become annoyed and show huge disappointment.

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They bring things to make life easier

Your really thoughtful friends always show up with something to make your life easier, like food, because they know you’re too busy to cook, or a sleep mask because they know you’re struggling to sleep.

Gettyimages.com/Women using digital tablet and drinking coffee in cafe

They don’t need excitement/clubs/drinking

Your best friends understand that you won’t be their clubbing friend anymore. And, even with that, they still want to see you just as much. They prove that your friendship was just about you—and not about activities or circumstances.

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