Strong portraits on a green background
I happen to find T.I. to be one of the more entertaining figures in Hip-Hop. Despite his numerous outbursts and run-ins with the law, he always seems to bounce back in the public eye. He’ll return on the scene with some interview to justify whatever actions took place through his loquacious delivery which really is the stuff of legend. And many times his musings humor us all, but there are other times when he simply puts his foot in his mouth.
Recently, T.I. posted a social media commentary on marriage, saying, “Note to women: Happiness needs no validation…. The ego does. Most women out there nowadays just wanna be married to impress their friends, family (his side pieces) and fit into society’s standards. THAT’S NOT LOVE!!!”
This insight, so to speak, was brought on by remarks written by Helen Smith in her book Men on Strike, in which she posited: “Men aren’t wimping out by staying unmarried or being commitment-phobes. They are being smart.” The author goes on to say, “Unlike women, men lose all power after they say, ‘I do.’ Their masculinity dies, too.”
I think that there are two schools of thought from men when it comes to these statements. You have a guy like T.I. who makes it clear that he does not honor monogamy in a marriage through his behavior. He is stuck in his ways and has refused to split with Tiny. His comments are contradictory to his status as a married man. Happiness needing no validation sounds like the classic “love without labels” situation in which a man believes he can treat a woman any kind of way simply because she is not his girlfriend or wife. If T.I. were a single man, his perspective would be fine, but he’s very much married, at least legally, and therein lies the problem.
The idea of women yearning for marriage solely because of the look is also dismissive and paints the opposite sex with quite the broad stroke. But we have to remember the kind of world that T.I. exists in. He has money and he’s an entertainer. This could simply be the perspective of a man who is around women who aren’t in the business of marrying for what we considers to be the right reasons. Though he’d then have to question his own judgement since he did in fact marry Tiny. But considering he has since removed the Instagram post in which he shared these thoughts, it’s likely he who was forced to consider an alternative perspective.
Still, we can’t forget men from the other school of thought, the kind that embraces the responsibility of fidelity in marriage. Men who I doubt would view marriage the same way that T.I. does, or Helen for that matter. If you maintain the mentality that you’ll get the short end of the stick in a marriage, you would never even view the prospect of that union in a positive fashion.
I personally can’t wrap my mind around this idea that marriage emasculates a man. It would seem to me that being a voluntary partner in a relationship, one would have to allow themselves to be emasculated. A good relationship runs just as a good sports team does. Good teams have something that others don’t and that would be defined roles. When people operate in roles that maximize their best attributes it naturally helps the bigger goals at large. If any man feels emasculated by any woman then that man is either insecure or the roles in that relationship aren’t clearly defined. Assert yourself and let it be known what parameters you’d like to set in your marriage. If a task is being taken care of that you feel you want to be in control of, speak up. If you feel you’re not being heard, then be vocal. But do not sit with your mouth shut and then cry emasculation. I can’t go for that.
If you approach marriage with the right person and the right attitude and spirit, how does anyone get any short end? The question that should be asked is how committed are you to your union and making sure neither you nor your partner comes up short. I see the aforementioned quotes as just one perspective of a man who can’t — or doesn’t want to — get out of the game. If you are that guy, then I say, fine, don’t get married. But certainly don’t be T.I. in this situation and have your family dynamic looking shaky to everyone in and outside of it. No one forced T.I. to get married and no one is forcing him to stay married. Men like him are looking for more excuses than solutions for the situations they’ve found themselves in and we’re off that now.
These are my words and I make no apologies.
