Is This Petty? On That Future Story And When The Expectation Of Sex Isn’t Always Ridiculous

June 8, 2018  |  

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When is the expectation of sex, or a sexual interaction, not so ridiculous?

It’s hard to say, right? Especially since some men expect sex for doing the bare minimum. If you come out of the house and they pay for your meal, sometimes it’s expected. If you go back to their home to “talk some more” or share a drink, it can be expected (and then you’re blamed for being a “tease” when there’s no sex). In those scenarios, and many others, it can feel unfair, particularly when someone comes into a situation pretending they are looking to make a real connection.

But there are some instances where all signs are leading to something sexual, from start to finish, and our shock at sexual expectations seems out of place.

For example, take Molly Duff and Jonathan Francetic from the recent season of Married at First Sight. They were the only couple out of the three on the show to go without consummating their marriage. At one point, the experts asked the couples to share their desires. For Jon, he had a thing for redheads. Because of that, Molly borrowed a red wig, and one evening, she sat on his lap and surprised him in it. Suffice it to say, he was turned on. They went to their bedroom, and viewers assumed consummation was finally going to happen and this marriage would be saved.

But it didn’t and it wasn’t. Everyone expected sex BUT Molly. She told him when they went in the room that she was tired, and fans took to Twitter (men and women alike) to say she played him:

But no other public instance has stirred the conversation about the expectation of sex than a story that went viral this week surrounding rapper Future.

After sending the rapper some hearts in his DMs on social media, Alabama-based hairstylist Shamartess Whitsett was surprised when he responded and asked for her info. The two ended up meeting up in Miami and hitting it off well, and she was even invited to come listen to some new music from him in the studio. Whitsett said Future never “tried her” in Miami, and she thought they were cool. So when they continued corresponding and he told her to come to Los Angeles recently, she jumped at the chance. However, he didn’t offer to pay for her flight. He told her to pay for it on her own and when she got to L.A., he would reimburse her “1000%.” She took that to mean a reimbursement of double what she paid.

So she booked her flight, got to the west coast, and was ready to hang out. When he told her to meet up with him and “get sexy,” she told him she didn’t come to L.A. to have sex with him.

“I’m sorry I’m not even on that type of time,” she text him. “I wanted to chill tonight.”

From there on out, Future was done, and her trip to LA fell apart immediately. Check out her messages:

All in all, she didn’t get to see Future, she had to pay for her own flight after all, and after he only covered one night at her hotel, she had to pay for the rest of her lodging alone.

Pissed and wanting her money back, she shared the story, and social media wasn’t very sympathetic. Many said (in the typical mean way) that she should have known better:

Shamartess, as with any woman, owes a man nothing. If she didn’t want to have sex with him, she didn’t have to do it. And I respect that she didn’t, because I’m sure there are women who would have felt pressured to make it happen. She didn’t have sex when they met in Miami, so she wasn’t baseless in thinking they wouldn’t in L.A.

But to assume, as someone who is not a songwriter, rapper or musician, that he was going to pay for you to fly all the way Los Angeles to come meet him in the studio? To think that this rapper, known for not for being all that emotionally available, was going to somehow change for you? To believe he was your friend, but as a wealthy rapper, wouldn’t even Venmo you some money or pay for your flight upfront? That is all pretty naive.

But such is life. It’s a buyer beware situation and she should cut her losses. These are the risks of trying to make something happen with people without having a clear conversation about expectations. And a real conversation, not a text one. Neither party was wrong for their expectations. For the record, to expect means “to regard something as likely to happen,” which is much different than a demand. And per their texts, he didn’t demand anything. But they both literally paid for assuming something without confirming what they were hoping for beforehand. Him, the cost of one night at a hotel. He didn’t have a squeaky-clean image to begin with. Her, $550 and Internet infamy she brought on herself — because that story is one I would have kept to myself…

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