Are You A Self-Involved Couple?
Do you know any self-involved couples? They can be very difficult to be friends with. It’s great to make your partner a priority and cherish your relationship, but some couples go too far and it seems like their relationship is their whole world. Often, this happens when two people who were already either already narcissistic, codependent or a toxic combination of both come together. It’s funny because, when you see that someone has been in a relationship for several years, you might assume that only speaks good thing about their character. It must mean they’re stable and can commit, right? Um…sometimes their relationship just enables their inherent instability (like codependency issues and narcissism). Honestly, I adore my partner, and he is a top priority for me. But I am aware that there is a whole world outside my relationship. Some couples don’t seem to see that. Here are signs of a self-involved couple.
You make people come to you
Self-involved couples don’t go to things they’re invited to. If friends want to see them, they have to go to the couple’s home. They just really think that their little codependency dome is so wonderful that people must just love to visit them there. If they socialize, it tends to be in their own home. But they rarely go to the party/event they’re invited to.
You must be home when he gets home
When you try to make plans with one person in the relationship, they check what time the other person will be home, and say something like, “That’s fine so long as I’m home when my partner gets back.” Um…why? Will he die if you aren’t inside the moment he walks in the door? Will you die?
You spend all of your time together
An adult, who has lived a full life, shouldn’t spend 95 percent of their free time with their partner. Well-adjusted, emotionally mature individuals should have enough other relationships and hobbies to keep them from spending almost all of their free time with a significant other.
You post on social media too much
We get it—your partner is your soul mate, your everything, your heaven sent angel. But, do we need to put up with these photo collages twice a month? Nobody else finds these as interesting as the couple does.
You make people wait while you argue
Couples who are self-involved believe that dealing with a relationship dispute comes above all else. Even if that means being over an hour late to a good friend’s birthday dinner—and making the friend lose her reservation because the whole party had to be there to have it.
You make people wait while you do your own thing
Self-involved couples just tend to run very late all of the time. Even if they aren’t fighting, they’re just busy sharing a bottle of wine at the bar they stumbled upon or having sex or watching their favorite show together on the couch. They make people wait for them all of the time.
You love to talk about how you met
Self-involved couples believe that stories of how they met, what their first date was like, or what the night they exchanged “I love you” was like are the most interesting stories in the world. They’ll tell them to anyone who will listen, with elaborate and unnecessary detail that drags the story on for a half hour.
You don’t reach out to others about plans
Self-involved couples rarely reach out to other people to hang out. If friends want to see them, they have to reach out to them. But it’s uncommon that one person in this couple would voluntarily make and plan activities with anyone besides their partner. If they’re invited to something, they may go. But it doesn’t cross their mind to make the plans.
You bail on people for romantic getaways
Plans with other people don’t hold much water with self-involved couples. Should they feel the urge to jet off for the weekend, they will bail on their buddies who they had standing plans with for weeks. They’d rather go on their trip, leaving their friend with nothing to do that weekend, when it’s too late to make new plans.
Your relationship has hashtags
You have created several hashtags that involve you and your partner’s name. And you just keep using them, thinking people will pick them up. Why would they? Hello—hashtags are generally supposed to be something a large community can get on board with.
You’re just hard to plan with
Self-involved duos are generally hard to plan with. They won’t commit to a plan. They won’t give a solid answer on whether or not they’ll be there. They want to leave themselves the option to just stay home together if that’s what they feel like doing.
You use the words “My man” a lot
In my experience, people who refer to “My man” and “My hubby” several times in one conversation are in a self-involved couple.
You have an “Us against the world” mentality
Pairs like this just seem to think it’s them against the world. They’ll screw other people over if that’s what they have to do to put the relationship first. And they favor friends who worship them, the way they worship themselves.
You assume people want to third-wheel it
Sometimes, a friend won’t mind being a third wheel. But self-involved couples go everywhere as a pair. If a friend tries to plan a girl’s night, the woman in the self-involved couple brings her partner…As if there’s nothing wrong with that. As if the couple is so phenomenal that there is no reason anyone would ever want to separate them for even two hours.
Being with or serving your partner goes above all else
At the end of the day, self-involved couples create a world that is very small and unhealthy. They isolate their friends. But as they do so, they don’t reflect on why that is—they just tell themselves that other people suck, and all they need is one another anyways.