Are Your Standards Sabotaging Your Love Life?
Everyone has to have some level of standards or else the dating game would be total chaos. It’s okay to be a bit judgmental—that simply means that you use your past experiences and insight to help you better understand people. The only reason that being judgmental gets a bad reputation is that some people just judge that everyone is, well, not as good as they are. Those are the folks we can actually call “Judgy.” They’re able to spin any quality or behavior into a negative. They look for reasons not to like people. They interrogate and analyze each person they meet assuming they’re already guilty of something. This usually just comes from a desire to protect ones self or—and this is often the case—a deep-seated insecurity the judger is projecting onto others, judging people before they get the chance to judge them. But this personality type has a very hard time in the dating pool. Are your standards sabotaging your love life?
He can’t have roommates
If you live in a metropolitan area, then a guy would have to basically be the CEO of a very successful company to not have roommates. You know how high rent is in the cities. Having roommates in no way indicates that someone isn’t doing well or isn’t working on their goals. Oh, and if you have a roommate, but the guys you date can’t have roommates, then that’s just unfair.
He must be well established by 30
Life is just harder, as far as careers go, than it was, say, fifty years ago. Most people don’t hit their stride until their forties. And good! We’ve learned the value in spending more time exploring what it is we actually want to do and getting to know ourselves. This, naturally, pushes back career success by a few years. But that’s okay.
He must’ve gone to a very good college
A lot of people never went to college at all, or didn’t finish, like Steve Jobs, John. D Rockefeller, and Russell Simmons. I’m sure their partners are glad they didn’t write them off due to their lack of college credits.
People say you have a princess vibe
More than a few men have referred to you as princess or told you that you have a princess vibe. Princess vibes only develop after years of being very judgmental and hard to please.
Your friends refuse to set you up
Your friends have given up on setting you up. They’re tired of you turning down the best bachelors they know over some trivial piece of information. They aren’t wasting one more good setup on you.
Your profile has a long list of deal breakers
Your profile has a very small blurb about you, another very short blurb about what you’re looking for in a man, and a very long list of all of your deal breakers.
Men have left because you were too difficult
A few men have bailed on date two or three and just said that you were too difficult. In simply deciding what to do, or dealing with scheduling things with you, they decided you were a handful. You didn’t even make it to the second or third date. Or first…!
Your exes are all narcissists
If you have impossibly high standards, then you’re going to wind up dating a lot of narcissists. Look, I’m not saying that all extremely successful men with perfect bodies and high status in society are narcissists. But, um…a lot of them are. And that’s all you’ll date.
Or they left because they couldn’t meet your needs
The few men you dated who weren’t narcissists broke up with you with some variation of the words, “I can’t seem to give you what you want” or “I clearly cannot make you happy.”
Your list of approved singles venues is very short
There are only a handful of places you’ll even go to meet men. It’s a very short list, the drinks are $15 at all of the places, and they all have valet parking.
Your list of date venues is also very short
The list of places you’ll go on a date is even shorter. Oh, and you don’t let men choose the date spot. They are allowed to pitch you a list of ideas that you will edit for them.
He must have had a serious relationship before
You won’t date a guy if he’s never had a serious relationship. Maybe for men over the age of 40, this should be a red flat. But in this era of self-discovery and self-improvement, it’s not uncommon for men not to get into their first serious relationship until their thirties.
But he cannot have been married
You won’t date men who have been married. Well, that writes off a big group. Hey, some people make mistakes. At least you know this person was able to commit.
You give a lot of lectures
You’ve given a lot of men lectures—lectures about certain rules of yours that they broke, lectures about when they’re supposed to call, and lectures about how they are to behave when they’re out with you.
You wouldn’t be described as approachable
Nobody would describe you as approachable. Maybe you get things like “Ice queen” or “Intimidating.” But not approachable.