How Your Friends Know Your Relationship Won’t Get Serious
There are plenty of reasons a relationship fails to launch, spanning from a compatibility issue or some emotional problems that prevent one or both individuals from being vulnerable. My boyfriend—who I’ve now been with for a very long time and am very happy with—and I once broke up. When we were one year into dating, we still hadn’t exchanged, “I love you’s” or made any significant advancements in the relationship. Honestly, we were both just emotionally closed up due to some past experiences and so we just couldn’t quite connect on a deep level. After breaking up, and doing some personal work, we realized that we were actually really happy together and had just been idiots who let fear get in the way of something good. Now, five-plus years later, we’re totally smitten and live together. But, my friends told me that, in that first, strange year, they just knew something was off. Here is how your friends know your relationship won’t get serious.
You go home at the end of the night
When you’re into someone, you go home with him at the end of the night! I understand that, on a rare occasion, sleep schedules and work schedules mean this can’t happen. But, if you’re really invested in one another, you usually find a way to spend the night together. So, if you usually don’t, then things will probably die off.
You still see them a lot
And by “them” I mean your friends. You’re still spending lots of time with them. In fact, there has been almost no decline in the amount of time you spend with them. That’s just not normal when you’re dating someone you’re really into…It’s natural to see your buddies a little less when you’re in a romantic relationship that is growing.
And you still call them a lot
You still call your friends just as much, too. It’s your friends whom you call when you’re driving, walking your dog, or waiting in line at a store. And they’re probably wondering why you don’t call the dude you’re dating.
You don’t share your tough news with him
You receive bad news and you tell everyone but the guy you’re dating. You say you “Don’t want to bring him down” but…if this relationship were going anywhere, he’d be the first person you called for comfort.
You don’t bring him along much
It seems that you keep your relationship with your guy to just you and him. You don’t bring him to friends’ birthday parties. You don’t bring him on the group hike. You see him alone—after seeing your friends. You keep things separate.
You hate discussing emotions
If you generally have a hard time being vulnerable and talking about feelings, then your friends know that any romantic relationship of yours will have a hard time getting off the ground.
You have a lot of rules
You have a strict set of rules on how often you’ll see this guy, what sorts of events you’ll bring him to, and who you’ll introduce him to. But, the thing is that, when two people are really invested in each other, there are no rules: they just want as much of each other as they can possibly get, and they involve each other in just about everything.
You only hang out if it’s convenient
You don’t go out of your way to see each other. If it’s past the time of night when you can reasonably find a parking spot in his neighborhood, you just don’t go to see him. If you’ll have to sit in traffic to see him, you just don’t go see him. But that type of stubbornness doesn’t happen when you’re really into somebody.
You don’t talk about him much
You don’t really talk about him…Perhaps you say you just don’t want to annoy your friends but, you are noticeably silent on the subject of your relationship.
You talk to other guys a lot
You sure do get into some lively and flirty conversations with other men. You don’t tell other guys that you’re taken. It’s almost like you hide from them the fact that you’re dating somebody.
You stay apart when one of you is down
If one of you is having a hard time, you stay apart. You choose to just reconvene once everyone is feeling better. But that’s odd…if you really care about somebody, you want to rush to their side when they’re having a hard time, and they want you nearby, too. You don’t only hang out when everyone can put on their best face.
You haven’t said, “I love you” yet
You’re caught up on the fact that, “It’s only been five months” but…I gotta tell you…if you’re regularly spending time with someone and don’t feel in love after five months, there is a good chance you never will.
You don’t (or won’t) gush
You just don’t get that glow on your face when he calls, or when you see him, or when you talk about him. Based on your facial expressions and tone of voice when you talk about him, people would think you were talking about a coworker.
He isn’t always your plus one
You don’t always bring him along as your plus one to work events, weddings, anniversary parties, or any event where it would be pretty standard to bring a date. Sometimes you bring him, but sometimes you just bring a buddy.
You won’t plan anything far in advance
People try to make plans with you as a couple—plans to travel, or to go to a concert—but you’re resistant to planning anything too far in advance.