Why Being Relationship Material Might Keep You Single

May 11, 2018  |  
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Some of the most incredible women I know are single. And it actually drives me crazy when people ask them, “Why are you still single?” as if it’s some curse, plague, or disease. People ask them this question as if these women want desperately to get into a relationship. They are greatly misunderstood. The funny thing is, the exact qualities and behaviors that people praise these women for when they ask, “Why are you still single?” are so clearly, to me, the reasons they are single. In a very, very good way. Think of all the couples you know who are together but, really shouldn’t be. Finding that person who just really works with you is no easy feat. That’s why so many people just settle for someone who is…okay. Whatever. Gets the job done but isn’t exactly a soul mate. But many of my single friends, because they’re so wonderful, don’t mind staying alone until they find someone truly special. Here is why being relationship material actually keeps you single.

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You don’t mind doing things alone

You have no issue with going to dinner at a restaurant, going to the movies, or even going to happy hour alone. You enjoy your own company. That’s wonderful—it will mean you aren’t a codependent, unhealthily needy partner when you’re in a relationship. It also means you won’t just grab the nearest person, just to have a dinner companion.

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You can give yourself pep talks

You are an expert at lifting yourself up, at cheering yourself up, and at making yourself believe that everything will be okay—even in the darkest times. You don’t need someone else to be your cheerleader. You’re your own cheerleader!

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You’re doing your personal work

I would say that most of the world has a lot of personal work they should do before getting into a relationship that they just…don’t do. Instead, they get into relationships and force other people to deal with their unresolved issues. Maybe you’re single because you’re still doing your personal work, so that you can be the strongest, most emotionally stable partner one day.

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You demand respect

You know how you’d like to be treated and you won’t settle for anything less. When you find someone who can treat you like that, and who you respect in return, you’ll have a really solid foundation built on strength and openness, rather than two people acting as doormats so they don’t need to be alone.

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You’re honest with others

You call people out on their flaws. That’s a great quality to have in a relationship if your partner can handle it. But most people aren’t ready to face the truth about themselves, so this honesty will scare away most people. But it won’t scare away the right person.

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You’re honest with yourself

When you can feel, in your gut, that something doesn’t work for you, you admit it to yourself and get out of there. You don’t try to silence that need. You don’t try to suppress it, all so you don’t have to be alone.

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You’re going after your goals

You’re pursuing your goals, full throttle. When you do that, you don’t exactly have all the time in the world to date. But, that being said, you also won’t give up your dreams in order for a codependent, all-consuming relationship. You’re making your own nest before attaching it to someone else’s.

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You have a vibrant social life

You have put in the time and hard work of curating a network of wonderful friends. You didn’t just look for one person to latch onto and make your entire social life. You have plenty of great friends who are your support, your movie companions, constant sources of laughter, energy, and love, and more. When you’re in a relationship, you won’t rely on your partner to be your whole world.

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You reflect on your mistakes

Like I said, finding that right relationship isn’t easy. Statistically speaking, most people we meet won’t be the one (or even one of the few ones). You want to find that person sooner rather than later, so you’re taking time to reflect on past relationships to understand what went wrong, and what you need to look for in a new partner.

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You know the value in taking things slowly

People are impatient these days. A lot of people think you just don’t like them if you haven’t slept with them by date three. Or gone on a trip with them by month two. You know that rushing things doesn’t work out well. But that also means that, men who do want to rush things believe you don’t like them, and they go away. Good. Let them go.

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You take care of yourself sexually

Here’s a relationship reality: sometimes your schedules get crazy and you can’t have sex for weeks. Taking care of yourself (with the help of some toys) is just part of being a good partner who doesn’t stray! So, maybe you are someone who takes care of yourself, rather than seeking casual sexual encounters that always inevitably turn into misguided, unhealthy pseudo-relationships.

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You never want to stop growing

You never want to stop growing, learning, developing, and improving. It’s hard to find someone who is also strong and open enough to be willing to share a life with someone that adventurous.

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You don’t require outside validation

You know you’re freaking fabulous and you really don’t need anyone else to say it to believe it. That’s great because it means when you are in a relationship you won’t constantly require attention and validation from your partner.

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You only surround yourself with uplifting people

You don’t make time for anyone who doesn’t lift you up. You are acutely aware of people’s energy—who leaves you feeling happier than you did before you saw them, and who leaves you feeling drained. It’s a good thing to be aware of, but it will make you realize that a lot of people need to go.

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You’re just very happy alone

You’re just genuinely happy by yourself, so you refuse to be with anyone who doesn’t make you even happier. That’s hard to find. But it will be worth it when you find it.

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