Don’t Isolate Your Married Friends In These Ways

April 27, 2018  |  
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Gettyimages.com/Women talking outside coffee shop on city street

I’m not going to sit here and tell you that life doesn’t change for someone at all after marriage. Some things obviously change. It would be a bit strange, for example, to spend a major holiday with your best friend’s family instead of your spouse’s. That’s something you might be able to get away with before you tie the knot. But once married, a person becomes family—legally—with their spouse, and so they have more family-level responsibilities. That being said, a lot of things still stay the same. Someone’s personality doesn’t (or at least shouldn’t) change after they get hitched. And, in many cases—especially today—a couple has been dating and living together for years before they make things official in the eyes of the law. So everyone in their life is already pretty used to the fact that this couple is committed and deeply involved in each other’s lives. So why, then, do so many women start to treat their friends differently when they get married? It hurts them. Don’t isolate your married friend in these ways.

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Excluding her from the dumb but fun group text

You know the one—the ongoing thread you have with your girlfriends, in which you share every single unimportant detail and anecdote of your lives. Your married friend might still want to be on that! Being married doesn’t mean she has any less time to see a photo of a dog that somehow looks like Madonna.

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Leaving her out of the girls’ trips

Invite her on the girls’ trip! It will break her heart to see the photos you post from a trip she never got the invite for. Even if she can’t attend, it costs you nothing to let her know she’s welcome.

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Hiding the hookup stories

You don’t need to just tell your single friends your bizarre, awkward, and kinky hookup stories, and then go silent when your married friend arrives. She was once single—she did some weird stuff back in the day too, remember? She probably needs your stories as a little excitement in her life.

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Only planning girls’ activities

Don’t forget that she is married now so, that significant others of hers probably isn’t going anywhere. And he’s a big part of her life. So don’t only plan girls’ nights out. Invite her spouse from time to time, so she doesn’t feel like she only gets to see you if she ditches him.

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Rejecting her set-ups

For some reason, single people often resist their married friends’ setup attempts. I don’t know if it’s to be rebellious or because they just think their married friends are out of touch but, your married friend may know a thing or two about good boyfriend material. She is married, after all!

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Leaving her out of the wellness retreats

Just because your friend is married doesn’t mean she thinks she has life all figured out. She’d probably still be down to attend the meditation retreat with you and your single friends, or go to the female empowerment conference. She is still a work in progress, just like everybody else.

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Not sending the outfit selfies

Of course, she still wants the outfit selfies! You know the ones—you send them from a changing room of a store to get your friends’ opinions on something before you buy it. Or you send one from your bedroom when getting ready for a date. Those are fun for everyone—married or not.

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Only tagging your single friends

Your married friend still wants to be tagged in the Facebook post with the funny photo or article, or the memory from college. She’s not too busy to check a Facebook post, and it will probably make her smile.

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Ostracizing her from the outfit swaps

Hey, she has good clothes, too! Her wardrobe didn’t change the second she got married. When you go through your friends’ closets to borrow something for an important date or event, don’t leave your married friend’s closet out of it.

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Saying, “You wouldn’t understand”

Literally right before your friend became a Mrs. you would talk to her about your dating and relationship problems. So why would one little legal document change that? Fill her in—she wants to know and she wants to help.

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Closing the door when you pee

If she wasn’t a prude before she won’t be one now. So go ahead—change in front of her, ask her to look at that mole on your bikini line, and pee in front of her. You don’t need to start changing behind closed doors because your friend has a ring on her finger. And peeing with the door open is the ultimate sign of friendship.

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Leave her out of sleepovers

Alright, the truth is that, once people get married, they don’t sleep over at their friends’ places as much. But this is another time when your married friend would probably appreciate just knowing she’s invited to the slumber party.

"Woman on the phone in bed pf"

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Not go to her with your problems

It probably makes your married friend pretty sad when she finds out from your other friends that you’ve had an issue for a while that you’ve been talking to everyone about…everyone except her. Don’t assume she is too busy for your problems.

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Not get their input on a text to a guy

You know you like to get your friends to gather around your phone and help you compose a text to a guy. You don’t need to get that out of the way before your married friend shows up to the lunch.

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Hush your bad gossip around them

You know the gossip I’m talking about—those deep, dark, sinister thoughts you only share with your closest friends about the people you don’t like in this world. Listen, if your married friend was down for some nasty gossip before she got married, she will still be now.

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