Torrei Hart Says Most Women Would Be Ok With A Man Sleeping With Other Women If He Was Upfront About It
Torrei Hart is not the first women to admit that she believes every man cheats. We’ve heard it time and time again. When she sat down for an interview with Studio One, and they asked her if she believed this, she said,
“Yeah. Yes. Every last one of you.”
Then she expounded, stating that her attitudes about cheating have changed over the years and if men were more honest, they would find a lot of women would be willing to accept them sleeping with other women.
“I kind of like the Muslim faith. I think if you can afford her, you should have an extra wife. I just think people should be more upfront. Men need to start just being men. and said, ‘Look, this is what I’m going to do. Either you’re going to deal with it or you’re not.’ And I think most women will probably deal with it. But you men just gotta be more upfront. And here’s the thing about me, I appreciate a good side b*tch. There’s days I don’t feel like doing sh*t. There’s days I don’t feel like sucking d*ck. There’s days I don’t feel like cooking and cleaning. Have the side b*tch do that job.”
And despite recognizing the worth of having another woman in the relationship, Hart says, it’s not a position she would want to occupy.
“I could never be the side b*tch, honestly. I always have to be the main.”
She did admit that perhaps she’s a bit jaded.
“I just turned 40, in February and as I get older, there’s certain things I’m just starting to see. Before, I would get all upset like, ‘You did this n*gga?!’ Now, I’m kind of like, ‘Did she buy you something? What did you get from the deal? Did you at least get something?’ I’m just starting to see things differently. It’s so crazy. It’s not that serious to me anymore, it’s just not…That’s probably bad. I’m so jaded. I sound real jaded, don’t I?”
I used to get very sad and a little upset when I’d hear women making grandiose statements about every man cheating. I’d want to holler back at the screen, “No! That’s not true.” But you can’t argue with a woman’s lived experience. Not to mention, I’ve seen too many women devastated by infidelity to pretend that it’s not a real epidemic. Like she’s gotten old enough not to care about certain things, I’ve gotten old enough not to fight certain battles.
What I did find interesting about Torrei’s interview was the claim that most women would be accepting of a man sleeping with other women if he were honest about it upfront. That’s where I can argue. I think there would certainly be some women who could handle it. Who could even appreciate the arrangement, like she said she would. But I still believe that a majority of women, in America, after hearing such a proposal, would run toward the hills, screaming.
For as much as the Hoteps like to cite polygamy in Africa and marrying more than one woman in Islamic traditions, we can’t deny the influence of Christianity and the expectation of monogamy in America. That type of conditioning is hard to get over. I would even argue that human nature doesn’t make us exactly thrilled at the idea of having to share an intimate partner. Because really, what distinguishes a second wife or another girlfriend from the “main”? What makes the main more exalted? Is she the only one who knows intimate details about the man? Does he only discuss the conflicts in his life with the main? The only thing I can think of is that she’s entitled to more resources. Unfortunately, there aren’t enough Black men in America wealthy enough to support more than one woman to make this arrangement worthwhile. For the average polygamous couple, the main would just be required to do more emotional labor, while the man gets to have sex with multiple women.
Perhaps Torrei suggested that many women would be down to stay with a man who slept with multiple women because so many women end up staying with unfaithful men. So whether they’ve explicitly stated that this is what they’re going to do, their actions show that it’s something they’ll tolerate.
But I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that by the time most women find out a man is cheating on them, they’re already emotionally invested. They’ve spent time with this man, they’re concerned about his well-being. They may even be in love with him. And the thought of losing someone they love allows them to put up with behavior they would have never entertained in the beginning. A man who you don’t know, haven’t spent time with, don’t necessarily care about telling you that he wants to sleep with other women is not that hard to walk away from.
Things change only after a relationship has been established.
But maybe I’ve got the game twisted. Do you think most women would be willing to be in a non-monogamous/polygamous relationship if a man were honest when he first met her?