What Your Friends Say When You Keep Getting Back With The Same Guy

April 17, 2018  |  
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When you keep going back to the same guy over and over again, it doesn’t just affect you—it affects your inner circle. It’s your friends who need to hear about it every time you fight, who have to take you out to drinks to cheer you up every time you break up, who have to step out of their meetings to take your tearful phone calls, and who have to dig deep into their brains to come up with some advice or solutions for you. And it’s your friends who have to put on a happy face and pretend it’s all good when you tell them you’re back with that guy. There really does come a point when going back to the same, toxic relationship over and over again isn’t just hurtful to you—it’s plain selfish towards everyone else in your life. If your own pain and heartache isn’t enough to make you stop, can’t the pain you cause others be reason enough? Here is what your friends say when you keep getting back with the same guy.


We aren’t traveling with them

Your friends and their partners are not going to go on any vacations with you and this guy. Why should they invest their precious travel days and vacation budget on time with a couple who will probably fight and ruin the trip? And who won’t even be together in a few months.

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My partner doesn’t need to invest

Your friends definitely won’t make their partners go on double dates with you and this guy. Their partners are busy enough trying to keep up with their long-time friends; they can’t invest in this boyfriend of yours who is just going to disappear eventually.


I won’t rush over next time they break up

You only get to ask your friends to rush to your side and comfort you so many times after breaking up with the same guy. Honestly, you probably get a maximum of two times. After that, they aren’t coming over. They may schedule a coffee date with you in the future, but they aren’t dropping what they’re doing and rushing to your side in the hours right after the breakup.


I won’t talk her through their fights

And your friends really don’t have any more patience for talking you through fights with this guy. It’s always the same fight and the same story. You’re a broken record. They just won’t allow you to monopolize the girls’ night conversation with these tired stories.

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She doesn’t value my opinion

Your friends really start to feel like you don’t value their opinion. They’ve told you this guy is bad news, but here you are, back together with him. So why should they waste time or energy giving you input on your life if you clearly don’t care about it?

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Giving her advice is a waste of time

And they definitely don’t plan on solving your problems. They already tried to solve them the first time you were with this partner. Obviously, you’re just going to do what you want to do so they aren’t giving over their well-formulated solutions to you.

Woman in therapy. Photo: Shutterstock

She needs therapy

Your friends likely believe that you need therapy. They might start to think of you as unstable, broken, fragile, and just not quite suited to handle real life without professional help.


I don’t want to invest in him

None of your buddies want to sit through even a 45-minute-coffee with this on-again-off-again boyfriend of yours. Their time is precious; they only want to spend it on people they know are sticking around.

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It’s hard to be nice to him

Then there is the fact that, after breakups, you’ve told your friends about the terrible things this guy has said and done. And now, when you get back together, you expect your friends to forget all that? Not happening. He has some death stares coming his way.


She’s just afraid to be alone

Unfortunately, your friends can start to view you as rather weak if you keep returning to the same guy. They think you aren’t strong enough to be alone. They may start questioning your choice in other men, too, wondering if you really like the guy, or just don’t want to be single.

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She’s letting him control her

There may also be talk of you being easily influenced, manipulated, and controlled. It’s hard for your friends to respect you if they feel like you so easily let a man tell you what to do and how to live your life.

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We should call her parents

If your friends really care about you, they may want to involve your parents. It can start to appear to them that you aren’t fit to handle your own life, and maybe your parents should take over again.


We almost wish he’d cheat

They’re probably wishing this guy would cheat or do something so terrible that you’d have to walk away forever. They don’t like the idea of him hurting you like that, but at this point, they’re not sure what else could get you to leave permanently.

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Can somebody please find her somebody new?

They’re all begging one another to please just find you somebody—anybody—new. Clearly, you need a man in your life. They accept that. So can’t it just be a different man?


I’m afraid to answer her calls

Eventually, your good friends may begin to ignore your calls. You’ve abused their attention, patience, goodwill, and generosity. They have none of that left to give you—at least not when it pertains to fights and breakups with this man.

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