Things We All Do Around 30 To Prove We’re Still Young

April 12, 2018  |  
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The years between 25 and 30 are a roller coaster. First, you hit your quarter-life crisis at 25. You realize that you are not a post-grad anymore. You’re pretty far from your college years—far enough that you feel uncomfortable going back to your old college bars and stomping grounds. And you (hopefully) have some sort of stable job. It’s no longer cute to be flying from internship to assistant job every few months. So you accept this new stage of life and just as you’re getting into it, 30 comes knocking on the door—that rude, presumptuous, pushy neighbor of 25. And something about 30 makes you want to prove that you’re still…18. That makes you do some pretty strange things. Here are things we all do (and regret) around 30 to prove we’re still young.

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Take the girls to Vegas

Everyone’s been getting too into probiotics and Pilates and self-help books and that’s it! Everybody needs to pile in the car so you can go to Vegas and shake off this old-person behavior you’ve picked up. So you make all the girls go to Vegas with, like, no plan. Then you get there and realize every club has a two-hour wait, drinks are too expensive (and sugary) and you really can’t all share one room the way you used to.

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Go to a friend’s coworker’s one-man show

You realize you’ve become a little judgmental and close-minded. You don’t want to be like that so, yeah, you will go to your friend’s coworker’s one-man dramedy show at the community theater. And you do…and realize why you usually don’t do things like that.

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Stay in a tent at a music festival

Hey, you can still rough it. Yeah. Totally. You are not going to get a room at the nearby Marriott for the festival. You’re going to stay in a tent, like the young people do…OMG this is insufferable. There is no air conditioning. Portapotties are only tolerable when you’re drunk 24/7 and, well, you just can’t be anymore. You want a shower. You’re checking into a hotel.

Gettyimages.com/Smiling friends dancing on dance floor of nightclub

Go to music festivals

Actually, you realize that music festivals—as a whole—aren’t for you anymore. You’re into concerts now. Yup; one off concerts. You get to go home after concerts. You can go sit down at a restaurant rather than wait in line at a food truck. There is decent wine at concerts. You don’t need 48 consecutive hours of music in your life.

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Protest everything

In college, you were always an activist for some cause. You were passionate. You cared about the issues. What happened? You know what; you’ll go find an issue and protest it. So you do. But you find yourself standing there, amongst a bunch of 18-year-olds who see things as totally black and white and clearly don’t know all the facts about this thing they’re protesting.

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Attempt public nudity

You don’t know why but…you just want to flash somebody or go skinny dipping. It’s the type of thing you would have done when you were 18. But you realize it’s pretty difficult to find an appropriate time or place to do those things when you’re near 30. You can’t skinny dip at a wine and cheese party.

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Do shots

Damn—it’s been a while since you’ve done a shot. You and your friends used to do four before going out for cocktails. Now, it’s all fancy drinks all the time. You can do a shot! Oh wow—you can’t do a shot. Why did you do that?

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Dress provocatively …again

When did you become so conservative? You can wear those daisy dukes that show off your butt cheeks. Come on! It’s hot out! That’s what girls wear when it’s hot out. Oh my goodness these are SO uncomfortable. They ride up your butt. You can’t sit on public benches in these! That’s a bladder infection waiting to happen.

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Shop at Forever 21

Hey, you haven’t popped into that store in a while. You used to have a lot of fun in that store. There was always something cute! You’ll go back…So, um, when did they start only selling sizes XXXXS to XS?

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Force yourself to stay up late

You didn’t used to have dinner at 6pm before the movie—you’d have it at 11pm after the movie. You can still do that! That’s fine. Oh, well, except for the fact that only fast food places are still open at that time and all of those give you indigestion and you’re exhausted.

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Take some obscure class

Some days, it can feel like you take in the same information and stimuli every day. You want to keep learning and expanding your mind. So you sign up for some strange class like…The Anthropology of Witchcraft.

Gettyimages.com/Bouncer checking identification with flashlight

Force bouncers to check our ID

“Are you sure you don’t want to check it? You could get in trouble if you don’t. Look closer at my face—come on. You should probably check it. CHECK MY ID DAMNIT!”

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Reject our parents…again

For a while there, you thought it was cute and funny that you got into water aerobics and coin collecting with your parents. Now you realize…that may have actually been your age kicking in. So you reject your parents again—like you did as a teen—but then you feel bad because, they’re sweet and you really do like water aerobics and coin collecting.

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Eat crappy food

You can eat a couple of silly little hot dogs and some funnel cake. Come on—you used to crush that stuff on the weekends. You’re no geriatric—your body can handle the fried stuff. Oh no it cannot you need to go home and live in the bathroom for the next 36 hours.

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Make a financially irresponsible decision

You’re so obnoxiously responsible with money these days. You only allow yourself to dine out X amount of times a month. You have all these budgeting apps. Ugh. You just want to let loose like you did in college. So you know what? Screw it. You’ll buy this $600 dress that you’ll only wear once. Oh no what have you done you NEED to return this thing that’s rent money.

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