“I Had To Go From Hell To Happy”: Torrei Hart On Overcoming Suicidal Thoughts After Public Heartbreak
When you go through serious heartbreak, it can have a great impact on your spirit and your psyche. For Torrei Hart, she went through her heartbreak publicly. She watched her longtime partner walk away from their marriage and start a whole new relationship in front of the world, making the process to move on a lot harder.
In an interview with The Hip Hop Socialite, Hart opened up about her mental state during that time. She said she found herself questioning her faith and feeling as though she couldn’t go on.
But of course, she’s still here. The 40-year-old mother of two is still standing and stronger than ever, her career flourishing, her love life as well (she wouldn’t say who she’s with now, but just know she’s good). However, she admits she had to do a lot of work on herself to get to this point.
“I had to do a lot of self-help on myself and self-love to get my happy back because I was doing my artistry, but I was depressed, I was sad, and so that wasn’t energy I wanted to put out to the universe,” she said. “I had to go from hell to happy and get Torrei back and find Torrei again, which that was a part of this journey as well, and people can learn that about me on stage, and through my interviews, and through my work as well. So with that being said, I inspire a lot of women who go through bad breakups, who go through divorces – they have problems in life, I show them that you can always bounce back from anything.”
But when she found herself dwelling in darkness, it didn’t feel like she would be able to bounce back. As she told the publication, “I can tell you there were moments when I was suicidal, and I’m okay with speaking on it. There were moments when I felt like, what’s next God? I questioned God, and growing up, I was taught that you don’t question God, but let me tell you, that showed me, no, you question God. You say listen, You created me and You told me I was great. You put this in me, so I need You to show and prove, and there were moments where in that moment, I tell you, the next hour, God would show me or put something in my life to show me exactly who He is. I think it’s a choice – you can choose to be positive, you can choose to let your aura shine in a positive way, even through the pain.”
The beauty said that to be able to overcome such thoughts required making the choice to focus on the things she could be thankful for. In Torrei’s case, that was her kids. Doing so has put things in perspective for her.
“I choose to not stay in that space, but of course I’ve had dark hours and dark moments like I think everybody, I’m human,” she said. “These were moments like right around where, of course, when Kevin went public with Eniko at the time. You know, it was hard for me to see that because, you know, that was my husband, that was my family, and to see him move on and so publicly, that was hard for me. So there were days I didn’t want to get out of bed, there were days when I didn’t want to go on and I was like well what do I need to live for? And of course in those moments, I would get calls from my mother, I would get calls from my sister, and they would be like, Torrei, you have kids to live for. You have stuff to look forward to. Trust me, this is nothing. And my mother has been through a lot in life as well, and she told me you are so young, you’ll have so much more, and I look back at those moments now, like dag, did I really think that life was over? Like, oh God, no. It’s so much more that I’m so excited about the future – just seeing my kids grow, and I’ve talked to my kids about this. I never sugarcoat anything with my kids – they know about my darkest moments. I’m very transparent with my kids because if they ever feel like they have these types of moments, I want them to know that they can come and talk to me, and know that mommy went through it, and mommy made it out. I dealt with that situation, I did a lot of praying, I went through fasts, I did the forty-day Ramadan fast, and I connected to God on a whole other level. I did the Daniel fast, you know. I did a lot of writing down people who hurt me in life and releasing it to God, praise dances in my backyard – I just did a lot of work to get to where I am today because it was a choice to be happy because naturally, when I was born, I was just a natural happy spirit, a happy person. That was always me naturally, so I was like, I got to get back to that Torrei, and so I fought for it, and now that that Torrei is back, and not saying that every day is perfect, but I do know when I feel like there’s negative entities trying to come on me, I know how to use the tools that I have to fight them off and stay in my happy place.”