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Just because your partner is your soul mate, your one and only, the ying to your yang, your other half, and your missing puzzle piece, doesn’t mean that you are just blind to members of the opposite sex. You’re constantly analyzing personality types in your life, deciding who would make a good friend, who would make a good baby sitter for your child, who would make a trustworthy co-worker—you’re bound to notice when somebody would make a good romantic partner even if you aren’t looking. What I’m saying is that crushes happen, even when you are totally smitten with and committed to your partner. There is no need to demonize yourself for developing a little crush. You can’t help what you feel, but you can help what you say and do. So, can you have a crush while you’re in a relationship? Honestly, it just depends on how you handle it…

He shouldn’t be your confidante

It’s okay to have a crush, but your crush shouldn’t become your new confidante. Your partner, who you love and have a history and bond with, should still be your confidante. If you start confiding in your crush more than your partner, something’s gone awry—you’ve let things get out of hand.

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