When Your Partner Doesn’t Like Your Friends’ Partners

March 14, 2018  |  
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Gettyimages.com/Young African woman balancing a spoon on her nose at a dinner party, Richmond, Virginia, United States

Why is it so difficult to find couple friends that you and your partner have great chemistry with? Any couple who has been together for a while knows that finding another couple with whom, when you spend time with them, everyone feels like they are winning, is like finding a unicorn. For the most part, every time another couple invites you and your honey out to dinner (or worse, on a vacation) you find yourselves arguing because one of you would love to go, but the other would be making a major sacrifice. When you’re in a serious relationship, your partner is first tasked with becoming friends with your friends. That, typically, is doable. But then he’s faced with a second step: becoming friends with those friends’ partners. That’s a leap some people cannot make. Here’s what it’s like when your partner doesn’t like your friends’ partners.

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You have to make a lot of excuses

You often find yourself having to explain to your friends, when several couples go to dinner and you show up stag, why your partner isn’t there. You’ve become an expert at making excuses for him.

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You owe him one—a lot

Anytime your partner does hang out with that one couple in which he’s not crazy about the guy, you owe him big time. You have to eat where he wants to eat or watch the movies he wants to watch for the next week.

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Every invitation induces panic

Every time a couple your partner isn’t nuts about invites you two out, you just panic. You instantly think, “Okay—now I need to find a way to get him out of this.” Or, you know you’ll have to owe him one big time if he goes.

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Proposed couples vacations=huge arguments

About once a year, that one couple tries to invite you two on a trip. You think your partner will come around. He doesn’t. And you get into a huge blowout fight about it.

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Some friends think he’s a bad partner

Some of your friends assume he’s a bad partner because he’s barely present on triple date night or at some parties. They don’t realize it’s just those specific instances that he isn’t present.

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Sometimes, you think he’s being difficult

Sometimes you really feel like he’s just being difficult. Some of your friends are dating or married to men who you genuinely think your partner should/could hit it off with, and that he’s not making the effort.

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When you do find a couple he likes…

When you discover that your partner loves one of the husbands of one of your friends, you try to see that couple as much as possible. Hey—it’s a chance for you to be with a buddy, without making your partner suffer.

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But you can’t play favorites

You have to be careful not to hang out with that one couple you both love too much. The other couples will notice and feel like you’re playing favorites.

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Sometimes you have to pad the group

You can sometimes get away with inviting that couple your partner doesn’t like so long as you invite other people, and pad the group with friends your partner likes.

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You have to pick and choose your engagements

If two couples—both of which your partner isn’t a huge fan—invites you two to things you’d really like to attend in the same month, you can only ask your partner to be your plus one to one.

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You naturally see his friends more

I’ll just say it: women do a better job of hitting it off with and having fun with new women than men do with new men. So, you always have a great time with your partner’s friends’ wives and girlfriends. Because of this, you, as a couple, spend more time with his friends than yours.

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That can make you resentful

Even though you genuinely have a lot of fun with your partner’s friends and their wives and girlfriends, sometimes you really resent the fact that you’ve seen his friends three times in the last month and yours…not at all.

"Woman on the phone in bed pf"

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Your friends think you’re choosing him

Oh, and your friends definitely notice that you seem to dip into your partner’s social group more than the other way around. It makes them think you’re one of those clingy girlfriends whose boyfriends is her life.

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Wedding invites can feel awkward

You feel bad when a friend invites you to her wedding, and you know your partner hasn’t made a huge effort with her fiancé. You get it—they aren’t really compatible as friends—but it still doesn’t feel good showing up and enjoying the open bar.

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You want to tell him to suck it up

Sometimes you want to tell your partner to get the F*&# over it because he’s making your life very difficult. But then you think of all of the things you don’t want to do that he doesn’t force you to do and think you’d like to keep it that way.

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