These Friends Are Holding You Back In Your Goals
No woman is an island. You can’t deny that you’re affected by the social landscape around you. All the mental fortitude and conviction in the world will not hold up if you surround yourself with friends who incessantly try to get you to change your belief system, and question your values. And even if your conviction could hold up in those circumstances, why would you want to stack the deck against yourself like that? For some reason, it looks like a lot of people do. I have too many friends who, each time I see them, complain about the same person they’ve been having issues with. All I can think is, “So why keep them around?” It’s a shame that we’re wasting time and energy talking about that negative person when we could be talking about positive things—things that lift us up, motivate us, energize us, and inspire us! Here are the friends who hold you back in your goals.
The one who never accepts responsibility
If she gets fired from a job for breaking the clear and explicit “No personal calls at work” rule, she blames the job for being too strict—but never herself for messing up. Her mentality may rub off on you, and it’s not useful.
You need friends who will go with you to that networking event or this lecture or that class when they say they will. If you rely on a buddy to give you the confidence to attend certain career-oriented events, then you can’t have a friend who always bails on you at the last minute.
When you get a great opportunity, this friend just lists all the ways it could go wrong. “What if you mess up in this way? What if this happens? What if you embarrass yourself?” She claims she’s just trying to protect you, but with her type of thinking, nobody would get anywhere.
The one who is jealous of you
Even though having a friend be jealous of you can be a nice ego stroke, be wary of these people. They probably send subliminal messages to take down your confidence.
The one who is jealous of everyone
Then there is that friend who is jealous of everyone. All she ever wants to talk about is how this person only got that opportunity because she is dating the son of so-and-so, or she social climbed her way there. Jealousy is an exhausting, nasty energy—don’t surround yourself with it, even if it isn’t aimed at you.
The one who won’t pursue her own goals
Maybe you have a friend who, for all intents and purposes, is sweet and agreeable. But she isn’t pursuing her own goals. She always has an excuse as to why she still hasn’t signed up for that business class that she’s been talking about for half a year. Even if she isn’t totally harmful, she certainly won’t motivate or energize you.
The one who thinks everybody sucks
We all know this person—the person who claims the system is rigged and that only the bad guys will prevail. When you have one little disappointment, she comes at you with a speech about all the evils in the world and how everyone is trying to bring you down. It really just feels like she is trying to bring you down, though.
Rebels might be fun in high school and college, but when you’re an adult who is pursuing real goals, rebels are just a problem. This is the person who sneaks behind the bar at the office holiday party and steals a bottle of alcohol, or who tries to seduce her married boss, just to see how he’d respond. How is this person supposed to aid you in your journey?
The one choosing comfort over ambition
You feel sorry for this individual. For whatever reason, she doesn’t believe in herself. Or who knows why, but she’s decided to, perhaps, marry someone wealthy who she doesn’t really love, just for the security. You’re not on the same level. You’re not about the same things. She probably won’t take an interest in what you do, or genuinely encourage you because doing that would make her reflect on her own choices too much.
The one who doesn’t make you take responsibility
When you mess up, this friend tells you that it’s everybody else’s fault. If you didn’t get the job/promotion/opportunity, she tells you that it’s because the powers at be are stupid. And who knows—maybe they are. But you won’t get anywhere by throwing your hands up and saying that. You have to learn to understand how you can do better next time.
The one who always just wants to have fun
The friend who always tempts you to stay out for a couple more drinks, even though you have an early morning the next day. Or the friend who tells you to bail on that extra project at work, to go away for the weekend. She is a lot of fun, but she also isn’t helping you.
It’s human nature to want to hear gossip, but resist your nature. When you realize someone is a gossip, run as far as possible. You don’t want to get a reputation for being friends with the gossip, because then people will just think you’re a gossip, and they won’t want to work with you.
The one who only calls you in crisis
This friend only calls you when she’s down, and wants you to bring her up. There’s nothing wrong with cheering up a friend—but there is something wrong for doing that for somebody who never does it for you.
The one who always teases you
Does one friend love to roast you? She says it’s all in good fun. But if you think about it, does she ever genuinely compliment you? If not, she could be trying to undermine your confidence.
The possessive one
This friend doesn’t want you having other friends or acquaintances, so that means you always have to choose between seeing her, or hanging out with other people who could energize and motivate you. That’s a problem.