Thoughts Every Woman Has Before Her 30th Birthday

February 20, 2018  |  
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Thirty will take you by surprise. The twenties are such a busy time. For your first couple years of it, you’re in college. You’re thinking about parties and grades and then suddenly you’re thinking about first jobs and first apartments without seven roommates. Then you hit the ground running, trying to figure out what you want to do with your life, and then trying to pursue that thing. You have your first “grownup” relationships (that still look a lot like college ones) and are hustling away at your work, just hoping somebody will notice you/promote you/help you. Your 25th birthday aka your quarter life one is in there, too, which has plenty of buzz around it. You live off of that buzz for a while until bam. Here comes your 30th. Seemingly far too soon, but it’s not like time moved any differently for you than it did for anybody else. Here are thoughts every woman has before her 30th birthday.

 

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Can people tell?

Does some major switch happen by which people can just look at me and tell, “That person is in her thirties—not her twenties.” Does it happen slowly? Is it happening right now? I should go look in the mirror.

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I feel too young to be married

Allegedly women are supposed to feel like spinsters if they aren’t married by 30, but I feel like I just now know what I want in a relationship, and am stable enough as an individual to even think about getting married.

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I feel too young to have kids

And I definitely still feel too much of a child myself to have had children by now! My doctor tells me my eggs are drying up, but my mind only just now feels ripe enough to be a mama.

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I’m not where I thought I’d be in my career

In movies, people have their careers together by the time they’re 30. They get an internship at 22, are promoted at 28, and are CEO by 30. That’s not what happens in real life. In real life, you may still be an assistant at age 30 and somehow…still quite happy.

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I care more than I thought I would

Oh no. I can’t be one of those people who make a big deal about being 30. Why am I even thinking all of these things? My birthday will be a day just like any other day. There’s no reason for me to feel any particular way about it. This has to stop. I’m being ridiculous.

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I’m officially not an adolescent

Wow. I’m officially not an adolescent. Movies like “Twilight” and magazines like “Seventeen” really aren’t for me. I’ve graduated to a new marketing demographic.

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I should hang with 50-year-olds

I should hang with much older friends so that I’m always considered the young one. And I should definitely not date any man under the age of 45.

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Nah, I still act like I’m 20

Woops. Tried the hanging-with-50-year-olds thing and it turns out that I’m still too young for that crowd. I still have a 20-year-old mentality.

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(Hangs with 20-year olds) Never mind!

Woops. Hung out with 20-year-olds and I am definitely not like them. And thank goodness. They are obnoxious. I guess I am definitively 30…

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Should my party be less turnt?

Should my birthday party be less turnt now that I’m leaving my twenties? Should it just be like a small dinner party? Nah. I had six margaritas last night. I definitely still want my party to be turnt.

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It’s just a number. Why am I acting like this?

Seriously I need to quit it. Thirty is just a number. I always told myself I wouldn’t be one of those vain women who freaked out over the aging process. I’m being a hypocrite.

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OMG this and that ailment are due to age

Oh my gosh. I thought I had some unique condition because this joint hurts or I have insomnia. It’s just called getting older.

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It’s the first milestone birthday I’m not excited for

Woah. This is the first milestone birthday I’m not excited for. Sixteen meant getting a driver’s license. Eighteen meant being an adult. Twenty-one meant getting to drink. Twenty-five meant being a real adult. Thirty is just…thirty.

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Please don’t feel sorry for me

Just writing “My 30th birthday” in the Facebook event title already makes me think of the people that will pity me when they get the invite. And I’m annoyed at those people!

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Can I not go to that bar/restaurant/shop anymore?

Should I no longer shop at Forever 21? Or go to that place with dollar tacos on Tuesdays near the college campus? But those are all my favorite places!

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