Things Nobody Tells You About Miscarriages
The topics that people need to talk about the most are usually the ones people speak about the least. That’s the funny thing about life—we’re more than willing to ask for help in the easier areas, but can be secretive, proud, and just scared when it comes to opening up about the truly trying problems in life. Miscarriage is one of those. Women can feel shame around miscarriages, wondering if it is their fault—feeling like their home is marked with a scarlet letter. They can feel guilty that they didn’t produce a child for their partner. They can feel deeply sad that they lost a baby, and frightened that their body was capable of such a terrible thing. Women rarely talk about miscarriages when they have them. That isn’t surprising because it’s a very private matter. But if women discussed them more, then perhaps some of the after-effects wouldn’t come as such a shock. Here are things nobody tells you about having a miscarriage.
You’re scared to conceive again
You are very confused about your feelings towards pregnancy after a miscarriage. Part of you feels so indignant towards mother nature that you want to become pregnant again to prove her wrong—to show that you can do this. Another part of your is terrified that it will happen again.
You may not feel it
Sometimes, you don’t feel a miscarriage at all. In fact, all you notice is the absence of pregnancy symptoms. You may suddenly stop having morning sickness, but this doesn’t typically send a woman to the doctor.
Or it may be very painful
Some miscarriages are very painful and will require you to take painkillers for weeks after the fact.
If you become pregnant again, you’re terrified
If you do become pregnant again, you’re terrified. You want to get a sonogram every day to make sure the heartbeat is still there. You wake up in the middle of the night, trying to listen to make sure the baby is there.
You can have some pain during exercise
After having a miscarriage, you may have some pain in your lower abdomen when you exercise.
Some people treat it as no big deal
You’ll be surprised how some friends treat it like it’s no big deal. If someone hasn’t had a miscarriage, they really don’t realize how impactful it is. Try not to take it personally.
Some days, you don’t want to get out of bed
Some days the grief is so terrible that you don’t want to get out of bed. Other days, you pop out of bed as if it never happened. You can alternate between these types of days for months.
You feel that you’ve failed your partner
You feel like you’ve failed your partner. You feel like you couldn’t do your most important job as a woman. You wonder if he wishes he’d wound up with someone else.
Your partner treats you like you’re very fragile
Your partner treats you like you’re so fragile that one insensitive word could shatter you. It drives you crazy, and makes you feel worse for yourself than you already felt.
You can have pregnancy symptoms after
You can still have pregnancy symptoms—including a swollen belly—for weeks after your miscarriage. This is emotionally very challenging.
You may even still test positive in a pregnancy test
Due to hormones or residual tissue your body has yet to pass, you may still test positive in a pregnancy test.
You feel defective
You have some days when you feel like, as far as your body goes, you were dealt a lemon. You feel like your whole body is just defective and broken.
You cry when you see pregnant women
You become very emotional when you see other pregnant women. Seeing that first pregnant woman after your miscarriage comes as quite a shock.
People can think it’s your fault
People ask you questions and you know what they’re getting at—was this your fault? What mistakes did you make that they should avoid if they become pregnant? It’s insulting and painful.
You never want your children to know
If you do end up having children, your miscarriage is a sad and dark secret. You don’t know why, but you feel like by not telling them, you’re keeping information from them.