Things We All Do When Our Boyfriends Go Out Of Town

December 21, 2017  |  
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If you live with your significant other, you naturally feel a little sad when he leaves town. Living with your partner—if it’s a good relationship—can feel like getting to have a sleepover with your best friend every night! And who wouldn’t want that? You have a built-in social life. You have somebody to talk to and laugh with every night. You can say you never drink alone because, well, technically you don’t. You feel safe when you hear a bump in the night. When your partner goes on a trip, all that goes away for a while. But, once you get over that initial loneliness slump, you get a little giddy and do some odd things. There is some behavior you just hide when you live with a significant other, and when he travels, it all comes out. In full force. Here are funny things we all do when our boyfriends go out of town.

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Watch TV from the toilet

Rather than watch a show on your tiny phone screen while you do your business, you kick open the bathroom door, angle the TV towards the toilet, and enjoy your favorite show from the can. On the big screen.

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Make a mess

You realize that any tidy or clean habit you have stems directly from the fact that you live with somebody else. When your partner goes out of town, you don’t make the bed once, you let dishes sit in the sink for days, and you leave clothes all over the floor until ten minutes before he gets home.

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Abandon all shaving

You become a wooly mammoth. You just let your hair grow and grow and grow. Not only that, but you also go out in shorts with hairy legs. Who is going to stop you?

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Wear the worst underwear

Just the worst. It’s tattered. The butt droops in a way that makes it look like you’ve soiled yourself. Your dog has chewed the crotch right off.

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Binge the worst shows and movies

You tear through the C-list section of romantic comedies on Netflix. You get into some really bizarre documentary series about food-oriented magicians.

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Attend odd events we normally wouldn’t

You look at the Facebook event invites that you typically ignore. Sure, you’ll go to the barbecue being hosted by that person you met one time in college. Yeah, you’ll go to your coworker’s poetry reading—you have nothing else to do.

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Finally make time for that one friend

You have one friend who you like a lot, but not enough to make time for when your partner is in town. When he’s in town, you have time for him, and your A-list friends. Now you have a little opening in your schedule for that one friend you barely make time for.

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Try to get people to sleep over

You are lonely. You get scared staying by yourself. So you start trying to convince people to sleep over. You try to make it sound like it’ll be a favor for them—that you’re just giving them a place to sleep after drinking (because you fed them drinks).

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Try to get people to let us sleepover

When people won’t sleep over you cave and tell them you’re lonely and ask if you can come over. You offer to bring dinner or help them do chores around the house.

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Barely flush the toilet

Why waste the water? There isn’t anybody around to be grossed out by what’s left in the toilet.

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Give up on makeup and hair entirely

You really push it on going au naturel. You go to a dinner party with your hair in the birds’nest/bun you put it in to nap earlier. You don’t take off last night’s mascara—you let it do double duty for two days.

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Eat all the guilt food

You pick up fast food. You eat that microwave meal that everyone knows can cause serious illness but is so good. You make that one thing that makes the apartment smell terrible.

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Worry that we’ll die alone

You find yourself thinking (a few times) what if now—just when my partner goes away—is the time I have a terrible medical event? That would be just my luck. What was that pain in my chest?

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Quadruple check the locks

You get out of bed after you’re all tucked in with the lights off to make sure you’ve locked the doors. Four times.

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Break his rules

You eat in bed. You leave the air conditioner on all day. You bring electronics into the bathroom. You let the dog in the bed.

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