Questions To Ask Before Moving In Together

December 14, 2017  |  
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When you’re going to move in with your significant other, you’re just so excited about the prospect of spending every night together that you don’t think about all the logistics that will go into this. You’re just thinking about the constant source of snuggling, sex, and socializing but you aren’t thinking about all the micro-moments around that. Right now, your partner probably has some lifestyle habits you don’t love, but you don’t really think about it because you can just go home to your own place. Likewise, you may have some habits your partner isn’t crazy about, but again, he is barely aware of them because he gets his space. Now, before you’ve unpacked one box—perhaps before you’ve even begun apartment hunting—is the time to ask the questions you may not want to ask. Here are questions you should ask before moving in together.

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Why are you moving in together?

There’s really only one good reason, and that’s that you’d like to spend your lives together. That may seem extreme but, think about it: if you can’t see a future with this person, then why are you going through the enormous hassle of packing up your things, selling half your things, giving up your current place, and moving somewhere new? You’ll just have to do that all again one day when you break up.

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Would you take on a roommate if necessary?

If finances made it such that you’d have to take on a roommate to make ends meet, would you? If one of you is dead set against that, then you may need to look into a smaller, more affordable place now, in case your finances change later.

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How will the utility bills break down?

Are you splitting them 50/50? Even if one of you works from home and clearly uses most of the Internet, and the other only uses the Wifi to watch Netflix twice a week?

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Who will hand in the rent checks?

Who will take on the responsibility of making sure the landlord receives the rent checks on time each month? And if they slip up and you’re both slapped with a late fee, who is responsible for paying that?

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What if one person wants to hire a cleaning service?

What if one person wants to hire a cleaning service and the other one doesn’t? Does only the one who wants it pay for it? Both people will clearly benefit from it so it’s a bit complicated.

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Whose place is this if you break up?

In the unfortunate event that the two of you break up, who gets to stay? It’s a question you don’t want to answer, but you’ll be glad to answer it now, when things are calm, rather than later, if things go south.

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What decisions must be made together?

What decisions must be 100 percent made together? For example, can one person bring home a piece of furniture without consulting the other? Or is that totally unforgivable?

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How long do you hope to live there?

You should be on roughly the same page regarding how long you’d like to live in this first place. If one person sees it as a nice two-to-three-year starter, and the other sees you hunkering down for five years, you need to discuss that.

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What bothers you the most about me?

It’s time to get real and let your partner tell you what bothers him the most about you. Don’t get angry with him for saying it—he still loves you, after all. This is an important thing for you to be aware of when you live together.

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What bothers me the most about you?

You also have to be honest with your partner and tell him what bothers you the most about him. You’ll be glad to say it now, when things are calm, than when he’s in the middle of doing that thing.

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Do we handle conflict well?

You need to be able to handle conflict well if you’re going to live together. Living together is a series of mini conflicts, a dozen times a day. You need to be able to communicate through them and get past them swiftly.

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How do we feel about houseguests?

You should come to some agreement regarding houseguests that everybody feels happy about. This agreement will involve things like, is it okay to have last minute houseguests who spend the night? What about hosting small parties?

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How do I know when you need alone time?

While your partner is in a good mood, you should ask him what it looks like when he’s in a bad mood. You sort of already know this, but you don’t know what it’s like when he is in a bad mood and needs space in his own home.

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What happens if one person loses his or her job?

If one person loses his job, will the other pick up that part of the rent? Will they turn to their parents for help? Will they have to move to a smaller place?

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What happens if one person hits it big?

What if one person hits it big time and suddenly, as a couple, you can afford a much bigger place. Do you go for it? Or do you only want to live somewhere that both of you can afford to split the rent 50/50?

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