The Worst Places To Go After A Breakup
After a breakup, the world can be a risky place. You take a chance every time you step outdoors because you never know what will trigger your heartbreak, or remind you that you are, in fact, single again. Simply running an errand like picking up a prescription or dropping your dog off at the groomers can be problematic. When you’re in a serious relationship, it touches more areas of your life than you realize…until it’s gone. Some places are obviously minefields when you’re fresh from a breakup, but other places leave you going, “Really? I’m crying here? Next to the toilet paper stacks?” If nobody else will warn you of where not to go post-breakup (or at least where not to go without dark sunglasses), we will. Here are the worst places to go after a breakup.
You’re just going in for your routine pap smear and well women’s exam but, oh, right…You have to tell your OBGYN about your relationship status. Are you sexually active? With the same partner? Ugh. NO! Okay! I’m all alone again. No need to do any pregnancy tests. Not even possible, thank you very much.
You’re just there to grab a five-pack of cotton granny panties because your dog ate the crotch out of your other ones, but then there are the girls there trying on sexy lingerie for their fiancés and new boyfriends. Can’t there be a separate section for people like that?
All you want is to pick up your prescription. But the prescription counter tends to be near the family planning isle—you know, that aisle you don’t need at all now that you’re single again. And then there are those little obnoxious self-help books next to the checkout counter, taunting you.
The Farmer’s Market
So much for your efforts to eat healthier now that you’re single again. The Farmer’s Market is overrun by couples, holding hands, buying tomatoes to make pasta sauce later so they can eat spaghetti “Lady and the Tramp” style. GRR!
Outdoor movie night
Outdoor movie night sounds like a unique, fun way to break up the monotony of Netflix Fridays. But, oh right—every couple in town thought the same thing. And they’re all snuggled up sharing a bottle of wine. You’ll be shivering because you have nobody to keep you warm. Well, besides this bottle of Merlot you’ll be drinking all by yourself.
Your standard takeout place
Your old takeout place that you and the ex always ordered from—yeah, they memorized your order. Both of your orders. So when you call and ask for the red curry, they instinctively ask, “And the drunken noodles?” NOPE! Just the one thing. Thanks.
Chocolate or ice cream stores
First dates just love winding up at chocolate and ice cream stores. Can’t a girl just get her fudge on without waiting behind a couple who wants to sample everything and hand feed chocolate to one another?
A cooking class
You’re single again so this is a great time to try new things, like a cooking class! But you know who else loves cooking classes? Couples. They buy them for each other for Valentine’s day and birthdays. And they have a built-in partner for the class. You have to be paired with the teacher.
Pumpkin patches or apple farms
Don’t even touch these after a breakup. Just don’t. Don’t even try strawberry picking, either. Couples love pumpkin patches, apple farms, and strawberry fields.
The boardwalk is full of great distractions after a breakup like cute kids playing, the sounds of the ocean, street artists and…AH! Couples! Couples everywhere! You forgot: a stroll on the boardwalk is a favorite activity of first dates and established couples everywhere.
The opera, the symphony, and the theater at large are problematic after a breakup. It’s quite common for couples to buy each other tickets to these venues for special occasions.
A dance class
You know what you need at a dance class? A partner. Unless you go for a hip-hop class. But salsa, the waltz, or the Charleston—forget it. It will become painfully obvious that your single butt is throwing off the equal numbers in this class.
An amusement park
Perhaps the thrill of a roller coaster will take your mind off the breakup. Oops…you forgot about those signs everywhere that state, “No single riders.”
What are you to do when your very good friend is getting married and she wants you to go dress shopping with her? Selfishly tell her you can’t because you’ll probably cry into the chiffon and lace?
You really can’t bail on someone’s wedding just because it will literally feel like someone is stabbing you in the throat with wedding cake. You have to go and listen to the couple exchange vows filled with words you fear will never apply to you.