Madame Noire | Black Women's Lifestyle Guide | Black Hair | Black Love

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From YourTango.com

I hate divorce. It’s a fact I have to live with though, because I am a relationship psychotherapist and some marriages have to end. I think divorce is a lot like marriage in that you don’t really know what you’re getting into until you’re midway in and then it’s too late to turn back. So, you just keep going, feeling, and living.

I have a dear friend going through a divorce she didn’t want. It’s painful to watch, to listen to, and for my friend, I am sure it is the most painful to experience. I’m going to be seeing my friend soon, and this was the short note I received about the status of the divorce.

Dear Mary Jo,

Our divorce might be final by then. We communicate through our lawyers right now. I’m just completely speechless by the way my spouse (ex) manages to turn around and live life as if I had never been part of it! It’s this rejection which hurts most …

Love,

ML

I keep thinking there is a better way, but for the life of me, how does one turn things around to make the pain stop? An annulment is not the answer any more than pretending something which existed didn’t. Mediation comes closest to helping a divorce end with some sort of workable relationship still intact, and I think it is the best idea for children involved to be able to love both their parents without being quizzed or made to feel guilty.

It’s the prevention of divorce I would like to offer … but we have very few tools to work with. The one tool we have that actually has the biggest impact toward helping marriages survive is premarital counseling, but most couples prefer the huge wedding and expensive celebration in lieu of money better spent on making sure they will be compatible for more than three years. It’s frustrating for those of us in the field and for those involved with a divorce they didn’t want. More and more research is coming out in the marital area. Something most of us in the field would never have promoted is making an impact on marriage survival. In the past, if one of the partners were against marital therapy, the other who wanted to go would suffer in silence.

Now, we have good evidence that if one of the partners goes to therapy and shares the homework and talks about the therapy with their partner, the marriage actually begins improving. Below are the new rules for marriage therapy on your own. It may not be as ideal as the couple going … but as long as the couple wants to save the marriage, and both are willing to work at the marriage by completing homework assignments, it can be a positive step in the right direction.

Read the suggestions this expert has at YourTango.com. 

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From YourTango.com

The saying goes “Fake it till you make it,” but that shouldn’t apply in the bedroom. If you’re not in the mood to get down, but your husband always is, it can create serious tension—and not the good kind—in your relationship.

In this video, Psychologist, Sex Therapist and YourTango Expert Dr. Megan Fleming answers the question: I feel like my husband badgers me for sex all the time. Is it better to give in and fake it, or be honest and wait till I have that luvin’ feeling again?

As Dr. Fleming points out, it sounds as if there are only two options here, but really, there are plenty of ways to solve this issue. She suggests making time in your schedule to turn yourself on, whether that requires thinking about “fantasies, remembering past sexual experiences, anticipating pleasure and how good that feels,” or something else. This way, you’ll be primed and ready for your husband’s constant urges.

Want more advice? Check out the video below.

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From YourTango.com

If you’re at the end of your rope with an alcoholic husband, you’ve come to the right place. In this video, Author, Psychologist and YourTango Expert Dr. Jack Singer answers the question: My husband has a serious drinking problem and it seems to be deteriorating. Is there anything I can do about that, or should I just plan on leaving him?

“The first step is to see if he admits he has a difficult time with alcohol and he’s willing to get help,” says Dr. Jack. “If the answer is ‘no,’ if he’s denying it or finding excuses, you need to get out of the relationship.” After all, the likelihood of recovery for an alcoholic in denial is awfully slim. On the other hand, if he can admit he has a problem and is willing to work on it, your marriage may still be saved.

Want more advice? Check out the video at YourTango.com.

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From Your Tango.com

There are some things women just can’t stand when it comes to dating, but too many men do anyway. Here are 10 of the least appealing bad habits of love:

1. When you compare them with your ex.

2. A guy who they like who flirts with everyone.

3. When you put them last, and they put you first.

4. Waiting for a phone call or text back.

Read the rest of the list at YourTango.com. 

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By Dr. Tammy Nelson for YourTango.com

Do you find it difficult to make time for sex? Are you always either too tired or too busy for intimacy with your partner? Don’t worry, you’re not alone, and there is hope.

In this video, licensed phychotherapist, author and YourTango Expert Dr. Tammy Nelson explains that it’s common for sex to become less frequent over the course of a long-term relationship. Fortunately, there are some things you can try to increase the eroticism in your love life.

Find out what they are at YourTango.com. 

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From YourTango.com

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Spinning class may have just become a woman’s worst enemy.

More specifically, the traditional bike seat we sit on as we cycle our way through such workouts may be affecting our sexual health. Previous studies have shown that those hard seats are linked to erectile dysfunction in men, but now women are at risk, too.

Here’s the problem: When we sit on a bike seat, the nerves and blood vessels in our genital area get compressed. Researchers at Yale already knew that female cyclists had less genital sensation than female runners (based on a 2006 study). They hypothesized that these bike-riding ladies, then, thanks to the aforementioned seat design, were at risk for sexual problems.

For the complete story, visit YourTango.com.

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From YourTango.com

To understand the health benefits of love in a relationship, it’s important to understand the meaning and definition oflove. Love has so many meanings and interpretations. Countless people in the world struggle with defining what love really means to them.

Here is Wikipedia’s definition of love:

• Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment.
• Love is also a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection as well as ”the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.”
• Love may also be described as actions towards others based on compassion, or as actions towards others based on affection.
• Love may be understood as part of the survival instinct, a function to keep human beings together against menaces and to facilitate the continuation of the species.

The word love itself has a variety of meanings and interpretations, making it very difficult for many to describe. The health benefits of love, however, are easy to identify and much more obvious. In this article, I would like to focus on the positive health benefits of love in a healthy, loving situation.

For the three main health benefits of love, visit YourTango.com.

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From YourTango.com

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In the beginning of any courtship, everyone shows up wearing their finest mask and putting forth their best foot. We all can agree that we have found ourselves attracted to someone of the opposite sex who appeared to be perfect on paper until we discovered a little more about him or her that was a complete turn off. We could list a number of deal-breakers that can be a killjoy to a new relationship, but below you will find some of the top four that will shut down the fireworks of any new encounter.

1. Dishonesty

The discovery that a person is not who they say they are is the number one deal breaker. I once coached a client who dated a man that acted like he was a professional athlete who was a divorced doting father of two. Once the relationship got serious, she discovered that the man had a ton of debt, did not consistently pay his bills or child support and was still married to his wife albeit going through a divorce. Distrust from the start is a shot in the heart to any potential love encounter.

For the complete list, visit YourTango.com.

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From YourTango.com

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While a sultry dress and stilettos may make him look, what really gets him going might surprise you.

So you’ve spotted a guy who looks like he could be the man of your dreams across the room, and before you know it, he’s noticed you too. He walks over, gives you a cheesy (but cute) opening line, and now you’re talking to him.

You and I both know that you are all that, but right now he only knows that you look great. So what will make him realize that you really are the girl he’s been waiting his whole life for and make him want to retire his little black book for good? Here are 6 personality traits that will make just about any guy fall head over heels for you.

For all the tantalizing tips, visit YourTango.com.

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From YourTango.com

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“Have faith that true love is meant to be and one day love will come shining through. No matter how sad your heart is, the love that you wish for will come true…if you believe.”

When a relationship is over, it’s time to let go. Holding on to a past love clutters up your heart and mind. Letting go opens up the space and possibilities to attract the partner of your dreams. Try these things to stop dwelling on the relationship you had with your ex.

For the list of 14 things to stop doing now, visit YourTango.com.

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