Pictured: Charlamagne Tha God & DJ Envy; Source: PNP/WENN

When you’re famous and your spouse becomes fed up with your antics, all you can do is apologize…publicly.  Well, that’s the route New York radio personality DJ Envy took with his wife, Gia.

On Friday during Power 105′s Breakfast Club, co-host Charlamagne Tha God was awarding his daily “Donkey of the Day Award.”  To the surprise of listeners, the award went to fellow Breakfast Club host DJ Envy, with Charlamagne saying, “Something is off.  You’re looking stressed, you’re balling up in the corner in the fetal position, your radio/dj game is off…I know I gotta talk to my friend.  Whatever personal issues which are causing you to age drastically, like you listen to Adele records…I’m asking as a friend if you need some personal time off. Why has your game been off?”

After a “pregnant pause,” DJ Envy revealed:

“Shout to my wife. I been with my wife 18 years and sometimes you don’t treat the person well. You think they’ll always be there.  Its been a point where I’ve treated my wife like ish. It has to do with the small things you don’t do anymore.”

As the show continued, Envy went on to reveal that he’s gotten to the point where he doesn’t appreciate her and has taken her for granted.  Further, in a shaky voice, he revealed that he buys Gia things versus complimenting her or taking her out and making her feel like a wife.  In an attempt to make the situation better, he decided to call his “queen” on the air.  He then told her that he knows  he’s not been there for her, hes’ not been honest or loyal and he regrets everything he’s done to her and sincerely apologizes for everything.  At the end of the conversation, a seemingly shocked Gia told Envy she loved him as well and to call her when he was off the radio.

Whatever Envy has done to his wife (and there are many things you can assume based on his apology alone), he seems to really feel bad about it now. The hope is that this was a very sincere apology, especially since they have two children together and almost 20 years together (they were high school sweethearts). However, with the Breakfast Club in a ratings war with Hot 97′s Cipha Sounds & Rosenberg morning show as well as Gia allegedly joining the cast of Real Housewives of New Jersey, there’s a chance this was all for publicity and better ratings. There’s no question that in a local radio war, listeners will opt to listen to the station that makes them feel like they can relate to them.

Perhaps we’ll see when RHONJ airs this summer where they are in their relationship. Marriage is hard and since Envy seems to know that he is solely to blame, we hope he does his best to get his family back together and the chips fall where they should.

If your significant was not treating you the way they should, would you think that a public apology would be a good way for them to go?

If you’d like to listen, the conversation starts around 22:15.

A group waits in line at a California job fair this summer. AP Photo/Nick Ut

The holiday season is here (as of Thursday), with droves of shoppers looking to spend their extra cash on the latest gadgets, toys and big purchases. And while the economy might seem a bit more stable when it comes to driving consumers, many still struggle with unemployment. As 7.9 percent of Americans face the possibility of unemployment during the holiday season, the craziness of the popular consumer season sparks an increase in seasonal job openings.

According to the Tribune Chronicle’s TribToday, retailers nationwide “are expected to hire 585,000 to 625,000 seasonal workers this holiday season, according to estimates by the National Retail Federation.” So if you are still in search of a job, or looking to earn a little more money for extra spending or expenses, try your hand at getting a seasonal position for the holidays.

Damali Elliott, the young entrepreneur behind Petals-N-Belles, an organization dedicated to the mentorship and guidance of young woman said,

“There’s a point for [boys] when they’ve ‘reached manhood’ and can say, “I’m a man.” There’s no definitive moment where a girl becomes a woman. Except a Sweet Sixteen which isn’t really womanhood. I think that’s something that needs to change. We need to teach girls that there are times when you have to become more serious about things. How to handle yourself in business. How to present yourself, just in general. Women stay in remedial positions and seem to accept that. They don’t reach for anything higher. No one really ever says, “You’re a woman, go for it! I want to help my girls [in Petals-N-Belles] to make decisions that will prepare them for that transition.”

I agree with that sentiment immensely.  In observing girls, women my own age and even myself nowadays, the general consensus among many young women (black or otherwise) seems to be that in order to be a “grown woman” you need to have a few ideas of your own, any amount of income (stable or not) and a “relationship.” It’s funny to me because I never thought of myself as “grown” until I reached college, living outside of my mother’s household, making many more of my own decisions than I ever had to before. But looking back on those college years, I can see how ill-equipped I really was to deal with love, life and all the intricate matters in between. I thought I had it TO-GE-THER, honey. But I couldn’t balance a checkbook, had low self-esteem, didn’t know what my capabilities were in life, and had issues that prevented me from being functional within a relationship. I was a hot mess, but I thought I was “grown” and was just glad to be living on my own. Hmph. Life sure taught me a thing or two.

It’s fair to say our vision has been skewed, perhaps by the lack of examples. Or maybe society’s about-face toward materialism has stifled the standard that once was. There was a dignity and class about women back in the day that is absolutely RARE today. But perhaps it’s time to redefine what “grown” looks like and hop on the good foot to get back to it.

“Grown” has nothing to do with having your own place or engaging in sexual intercourse. “Grown” isn’t contained in how many men can buy you gifts and how many clubs you can bounce around to within a week’s time, or simply how many bills you pay and that you pay rent on a little somethin’ somethin’. “Grown” is a much more internal thing that can’t help but to be manifested outwardly. If you know your worth, that’s where it all begins. If you know and accept your responsibilities, that’s another step on the continuum.

I can’t allow my home to go lacking so I can purchase this season’s Louboutins. That’s not a “grown woman.” I can’t watch every trash reality show and comment on each character but refuse to find the time or will to finish my degree. That’s not a “grown woman.” So many young ladies whom I have mentored within past years have had grand ideas and flowing declarations of what they were going to do with their lives and also what they refused to do. I had to sit back in awe as I recognized so much of my younger self in them–a lot of brass but little brain to back it up. Becoming a “grown woman” demands that we count up the cost, get our ducks in a row, think ahead, be prepared, do the little extra, because in its very essence, that’s what it means to be a good woman, a GROWN woman. Grown women do what they can where they are even when they DON’T FEEL LIKE IT and they work to become whatever they need/want to become. We revel in our femininity but do not use it to seduce. We nurture and cultivate. We know and uphold our priorities. We go the extra mile and enjoy a few pleasures as a reward for their efforts. We choose the road less traveled when we’ve reached true “grown woman” status because we know that our lives are unique and we need to shine a light for those who come after us.

What constitutes a “grown woman” to you? How has your perspective changed through the years?

La Truly is a late-blooming Aries whose writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and change. Her blog: www.hersoulinc.com and Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly.

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Do you find that some days, you just don’t get anything done at work? And by the time you get into gear, it’s time to clock out? Distractions can thwart productivity. And one of the biggest distractions is technology.

People spend lots of time at work chatting on IM services, checking Twitter or updating their status on Facebook. In fact, a new study found that social media distractions at work could be costing the U.S. economy $650 billion per year — or $4,452 per company.

And even when you log off, it takes time for to get back to work. According to the study, conducted by Mashable, it will take you 23 minutes to get back on track.

Catching up with the latest office gossip and bringing problems from home can also eat into your day.

The Washington Post recently interviewed Robert Pozen about how to boost productivity. According to Pozen, author of Extreme Productivity: Boost Your Results, Reduce Your Hours, there are practical lessons  to increasing productivity. The general philosophy of these lessons is that you should focus your time on your most critical goals. So first, you have to identify and rank your priorities based on your own skills and desires as well as the needs of your organization. Then you clear away the lower priorities with as little headache as possible. Finally, you perform your high-priority goals more efficiently by quickly reaching tentative conclusions, instead of spending days or weeks researching basic facts, Pozen tells the Post.

In order to prioritize however you need to define your goals, he adds. Determine which are long-term versus short-term, then rank the longer-term goals by importance. Then figure out what you have to do more immediately, taking into account what your boss wants and what the business needs, Pozen explains.

And of course, keep your personal online activity to a minimum. Checking social media on your lunch hour or during 15-minute breaks is fine. But if you’re spending too much time on Facebook, all the prioritizing in the world can’t help.

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Looking for a job like the 12.1 million other Americans who are unemployed? Using data from job search engine Simply Hired, Forbes has compiled a list of the companies that are currently hiring the most. So dust off that resume and go for it. Here are the top five places, ranked by the most job openings.

1)      AT&T:  35,479 job openings. The telecommunications giant is looking to fill retail positions, sales spots, and management jobs, among others.

2)      Family Dollar Stores: 23,769 listings. The price-point retail chain is looking for store managers, customer service representatives, human resources coordinators, and more.

3)      Toys “R” Us: 17,073 new slots. Like the other retailers, Toys “R” Us is bringing on thousands of part-time seasonal workers right now.

4)      Kindred Healthcare: 14,233 job openings. All are full-time positions.

5)      Best Buy: 13,979 postings. About half of these openings are for part-time, seasonal, contract or temporary positions.

Image: iStockphoto

Dreams of retiring early are becoming nightmares. According to a new study, Americans feel they won’t be able to retire—at all. “Thirty percent of middle-class Americans, or nearly one in three, say they plan to work until their 80s because they can’t afford to retire earlier,” reports The Huffington Post.  This means people are planning to work their entire lives—as the average American dies at age 78, according to the World Bank.

Harris Interactive on behalf of Wells Fargo surveyed 1,000 Americans about their retirement goals. The middle class is basically disappearing, say some experts, leaving little room for people to save for retirement. “The U.S.’ real median household income, at just $50,054, is roughly at the same level where it was in 1989. While worker productivity has risen 69 percent since 1979, median hourly compensation rose just 6.5 percent during the same time period, according to the Economic Policy Institute,” write HuffPo.

Americans seem to feel they won’t have enough to retire on. And this may be true. Americans need about $1 million in retirement savings to maintain a decent standard of living in retirement, according to Kiplinger.

And even if workers do retire from one job, most say they plan on getting another. “Thirty-nine percent of middle-class Americans said in the Wells Fargo survey that they plan to work in retirement out of financial necessity, according to the survey,” states the article.

There are ways, however, to try to save for retirement even if you have a low income, according to  US News & World Report:

•  Set up a direct deposit. Have a portion of each paycheck automatically deposited into a 401(k), IRA, savings, or investment account.
• Redirect your tax refund and tax break. If you don’t need your tax refund for immediate expenses or debts, consider saving a portion of it for retirement.
• Take advantage of tax breaks. Saving in a retirement account has the added bonus of reducing your current or future taxes.
• Don’t spend your savings early. Once you begin to build a nest egg, try not to spend any of it before retirement.

Image: iStockphoto

You’re getting ready to head into a big meeting or a huge company presentation. Your legs are shaky, your palms are sweating  and you can’t think straight. It’s normal to feel nervous and stressed before a major event, but there are ways to calm your nerves.

At Your Desk

Take a few moments before you head off to your event. “Bounce a ball or use a squeeze ball if in a confined space.  The repetition is mesmerizing and gets you in the zone,” says life management expert Kimberly Friedmutter.

Have a cup of tea or sparkling water. “Lay off coffee after breakfast because it agitates you. . . you need a calming,” she tells us.

Get Clued In

Make sure you know what the task calls for and that you are up to the challenge. “Get clear on what your role and responsibilities are,” says Laurie Erdman, founder of Chronic Wellness Coaching. “When we are unclear of what is expected, we tend to take on more than required. There is a time and place to be an overachiever but if it is causing unnecessary stress, it’s time to cut back. Focus on impressing the boss by doing a great job in your role and not someone else’s.”

Don’t ingore the stress, try to figure out what is making you stressed. “Often, we’re stressed but we don’t take the time to sit down and deal with it. Instead, we continue rushing around, absentmindedly stressing about how stressed we are,” says registered yoga instructor Sara DiVello.

Focus on Positive Thoughts

Don’t dwell on things that can go wrong, it will only make you feel more stressed out. “Recall one pleasurable sensory experience you’ve had in the last 24 hours. It might be something delicious you ate, something beautiful you saw,” Dr. Marlene Caroselli,  corporate trainer and author of Principled Persuasion.

Get  Physical

Relieve stress through a few exercises. “Stand in a doorway and press your palms against the door frame on both sides. Hold your breath and keep increasing the pressure. You’ll feel warmth rushing to your face, head, and neck. Hold as long as you can. Release. Inhale deeply. Repeat three times,” suggests Caroselli.

Also use your own hands to soothe your nerves. “Self-massage. Imagine your hands are a magic healing and tension-relieving tool. Breathe slowly and deeply as you massage yourself. As you inhale, feel your breath flowing directly to the tense places in your body. Try to “see” your fatigue, soreness, discomfort, tension, and worry escaping through every pore,” Caroselli tells Madame Noire.

Heath and wellness consultant Akwesi Munir Asante offers another exercise. “Sit upright without forcing or creating more tension. Remove your shoes and simply close eyes. Rub the palms of hand together and cupping them over the eyes. Stay like this for a minute or two.”

What if you are in the middle of the meeting and feel a panic attack? “If you’re in a meeting and can’t do something obvious, try utilizing the ‘fire point’: Press the tip of your tongue to the little mound right behind your top two front teeth. You’ll feel your jaw relax and your whole face melt and your shoulders drop,” says DiVello.

Just Breathe

“Breathe. Yes, it sounds simple, but it really works. The act of taking a long, slow, deep breath brings you out of that fight-or-flight response and calms your brain,” advises DiVello. “You can also try one of these yoga breath work practices for anxiety: Breathe in for a count of 4 and extend the exhale for a count of five, six, or seven… even eight.”

It’s Not Brain Surgery

Don’t let your thoughts overwhelm. If you make a mistake during your meeting, speech or presentation, move on. “Keep it in perspective,” says DiVello. “If you are working on the cure for cancer, world poverty, and childhood hunger, fine. If not (or even if you are), rein yourself in. Of course, we all get caught up in the importance of what we’re doing and everything feels so very vital, but putting it in perspective–and being able to laugh at yourself as you do so–will help you in managing it.”

More on Madame Noire Business!

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• Unemployment Rate Drops to 7.8 Percent, Lowest Point in 3 1/2 Years
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• Unemployed and Undereducated: Study Finds Black Youth Are Disconnected
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