All Articles Tagged "women"

Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Female Ejaculation

November 28th, 2014 - By TaMara Griffin
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Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

The elusive female ejaculation, commonly known as gushing or squirting, is a phenomenon that has been popularized by the adult entertainment industry and it is actually more real than you think — that is, of course, minus the lights, camera, props and the beauty of editing!

So let’s say you’re having sex with your beloved and they hit that “spot” just right and all of a sudden you get the urge to pee. Afraid you’re going to urinate on your partner, you stop right in the middle of sex, cutting yourself short of experiencing the phenomenon known as female ejaculation. We don’t want you to do that anymore because you’re not about to pee. You’re about to you know what. So here’s everything you need to know about female ejaculation.

What is it? Female ejaculation refers to a watery fluid that originates in the G-Spot and is secreted by the Skenes/Paraurethral Glands through the urethra before and/or during orgasm. Although the fluid released during female ejaculation comes from the urethra, rest assured it is not urine. The fluid is female ejaculate, and it comes from the ducts around the urethra, not from the bladder, where urine is stored. The reason people may confuse female ejaculate with urine is the fact that female ejaculate can also sometimes travel back up into the bladder, which is called retrograde ejaculation. And because the female ejaculate may mix with urine and even share some of the same properties of urine- -urea and creatinine– many people think that it is urine; however that is not the case.

Female ejaculate is also distinctly different from normal vaginal fluid. Normal vaginal fluid can vary in taste, smell, color and consistency, depending on menstrual cycle, hormonal levels, food intake, presence of infection etc. Female ejaculate on the other hand is fairly consistent in taste, smell, color and consistency. It is a sweet smelling, watery type of fluid and is not the typical fluid that one sees when a woman is wet from sexual arousal or having had an orgasm.

What causes female ejaculation? During sexual arousal the G-Spot becomes enlarges and the tissue surrounding the urethra becomes engorged with blood and the Skenes/ Paraurethral glands begin to produce and fill with fluid. The rhythmic pressure from fingers, toys, a penis, or the contractions of an orgasm pushe the fluid out through the urethral opening causing ejaculation.The amount of fluid expelled during ejaculation can vary from woman to woman however the average amount is somewhere around two tablespoons. This depends on how hydrated a woman is and how much she pushes while ejaculating.

Can every women experience female ejaculation? All women have the Paraurethral / Skenes glands so all women are capable of producing this fluid and can eventually achieve female ejaculation! Interestingly enough, many women experience ejaculation during sex, but do not realize what’s happening and as a result, they cut the experience short for fear of “urinating on their partner.” That fear in turn leads to clenching down of the PC muscles which stop the fluid from coming out. The inability to relax, bare down and push prevents the release of the ejaculate. This inability usually comes down to a matter of inhibitions regarding sexuality, embarrassment, guilt, unfamiliarity with the female reproductive system, not being in touch with one’s own body, not having a thorough understanding of female ejaculation, lack of connection and/or sexual compatibility with one’s partner, and stress.

How can a woman increase her changes of experiencing female ejaculation? The first step is to stop trying! Like exploring everything else new in your experience of sex, you should work towards it but not put unnecessary stresses on yourself or your partner by making it your goal. Having goal-oriented sex almost always ensures that you will not reach your sexual goal. Addressing any psychological barriers that may contribute to your inability to fulfill sexual desires may also be helpful and/or it may be just be a matter of finding the right technique.

The most simple and effective way to bring yourself or your partner one step closer to allowing the waters to flow from within is by including some of the following tips into your regular sex play:

  • Strengthen your PC Muscles. Being able to contract and release your PC muscle can help with achieving female ejaculation
  • Add clitoral stimulation to your G-spot stimulation. Multiple forms of stimulation help to increase levels of arousal.
  • Locate your G-Spot. Try using a g-spot stimulator to help locate your G-Spot. Additionally, the G-Spot is usually much easier to locate after the first orgasm.
  • Try to urinate before sex play. Emptying your bladder will help to reduce anxiety around urinating on your partner.
  • Bare down and push when you feel like you are about to have an orgasm rather than clenching tight. This will help to force out any fluid that has built up in the Skenes/ Paraurethral glands. Whatever you do, don’t stop pushing just allow the fluid to flow. The orgasm will be very intense and pleasurable.
  • Seek the advice of a professional sex therapist or counselor. There may be some deeper issue blocking your ability to experience your sexual desires.

So the next time you are in the midst of sex play, give yourself permission to let go and experience the orgasmic intensity of a g-spot orgasm. Don’t worry it’s not pee — unless you didn’t empty your bladder first. Try to make yourself as comfortable as possible and try to enjoy what the experience has to offer you.Give yourself permission and freedom to let go and most importantly, have fun! Remember the journey is just as important as the destination!

 

IMG_1685Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

 

No Thanksgiving Invite? 7 Obvious Sign You’re A Jump Off

November 27th, 2014 - By TaMara Griffin
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7 Obvious Sign You're A Jump Off

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So you’ve been “dating” this guy for quite sometime and you’re really starting to develop feelings for him. You’re ready to take things to the next level but you’re not quite sure how he feels. You finally muster up the courage to ask him just exactly where you stand with him and where the relationship is going and he responds with those dreadful words no woman ever wants to hear: “I’m not ready for a relationship,” “I’m just having fun right now,” or the all time favorite, “it’s not you, it’s me.”

Caught off guard, you can’t believe your ears because, after all, in your mind you have been spending “a lot” of time together, or have you? It’s time for you to assess your situation and realize that you probably were just a jump off. As hard as it may be to face the fact that you’ve been played, it’s a necessary period of reflection so you don’t find yourself in the same position again.

Here are 7 dead giveaway signs that you’re just a jump off. Warning: you may experience one or all of these signs at any given time.

1. The 2:00 a.m. phone calls. It’s 2:00 in the morning and your phone rings. Although you’re halfway sleep, you answer the phone only to hear a voice on the other end asking if he can stop by. Anxiously you agree because, after all, he called you instead of someone else so of course that must mean he’s so into you, right? Wrong! Nevertheless, you immediately jump out the bed and freshen up as you await for your company to arrive……at 2:00 a.m.

2. His friends don’t know you exist. Despite the fact he’s always hanging out with his friends, you’ve never met them nor does he ever invite you to. When a guy is truly into you, he doesn’t hesitate to show you off to his friends. He’s so proud to have you on his arm and in his life that he doesn’t waste anytime bragging on you.

3. No happy holidays. Thanksgiving is here and you eagerly made plans, anticipating spending time together. However he comes up with an excuse for why he’s not available to spend the day with you. Or even worse, he shows up at your house after all the festivities are over. And to make matters worse, he uses his mother, his kids or his job as an excuse.

4. He introduces you as just a friend. Whenever you’re out together and he runs into someone he knows, he introduces you, if he does at all, as just a friend. This introduction is necessary to let others know he’s not committed and still very much available to anyone who’s interested.

5. No daytime dates. Whenever the two of you get together it’s always at night in a low-key location without high visibility. His justification: “I want to spend some quiet alone time with you.” Although these outings are not really dates, he does just enough to show some interest to keep you hanging around just so he can hit it and quit it whenever he wants.

6. Affection equals sex. The only time he shows any affection is when you two are having sex. You desire more affection and attention but P.D.A. is so far off his radar that you would have better luck finding Waldo. Try denying him sex one night and watch how quickly he and your pseudo-relationship disappear.

7. You can’t get in touch with him. Like an old cell phone plan, his nights and weekends aren’t free! He is never available to talk when you want to, so you sit by the phone waiting for a call that never comes. He conveniently comes up with excuses that include: my phone was on vibrate, I didn’t hear it ringing, my phone was in the other room, I left it at home by accident or I was out of the area and I couldn’t get any reception (side-eye).

Whether we want to admit it or not, we have all played the fool for love. We auditioned, got the starring role and were unknowingly cast as the jump off in someone else’s relationship drama. While we can certainly say shame on them for doing us wrong, at some point it becomes shame on us for allowing ourselves to be done wrong. Once you have learned the signs of being a jump off, you have no one to thank, for your best actress in a drama award, but yourself. So take a bow and exit stage left. It’s time for women to become more responsible and accountable for ourselves, get off the emotional roller coaster and require better for our love lives.

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Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist!  Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

5 Things We Need To Stop Telling Girls About Sex

November 7th, 2014 - By TaMara Griffin
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Stop Telling Girls About Sex

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Mothers and big sisters are usually the first ones to tell their daughters about sex, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. As sensitive a subject as sex is, loved ones should definitely be the first ones to tell adolescents about it. However, our own biases and lack of knowledge can also taint impressionable youths’ vision of sexuality and reproductive health. So in the interest of not leading young girls astray, here are a few things we must stop telling them about sex.

1. Good girls don’t have sex!

Abstinence is great and we all wish that our girls practiced it, but in reality that’s just not the case.  So why turn a blind eye to the situation? It only adds to the problem.  We need to equip our girls with the truth so they can not only protect themselves but embrace and own their sexuality.

When we categorize sex as something that only bad girls do, we subconsciously send the message that “good” girls should not enjoy sex. The challenge this creates is that as our “good” girls grow up and become women who get married, and still are harboring the “good girls don’t” stigma. As a result, they are less likely to experience sexual pleasure with their partner; which can ultimately contribute to significant problems in their relationship. In addition, many girls who grow up with this belief may suffer from sexual dysfunction which may have been prevented if they grew up with a healthy view of sexuality.

2. Douching helps keep the vagina clean and healthy.

For years women have been told to douche in order to feel fresher, cleanse their vagina and keep it smelling spring time fresh. This belief has been passed down throughout generations and still remains a common practice today. The only reason we are still caught up in the belief that douching is relevant is because the media and companies like Vagisil and Massengill have a product to market and sell. It is their job to make us to believe that the vagina is dirty and nasty and in order to feel good about yourself and your vagina you need to use these products that will help the vagina smell like flowers. Having some vaginal odor and discharge is natural. However, if you notice a very strong or foul odor and/or a funny color discharge, it may be a sign of infection.

In recent years, many studies have shown that douching can actually be very harmful to the internal environment of the vagina. Douching can actually have adverse effects on the vagina by washing away healthy bacteria and pushing harmful bacteria further up into the vaginal canal. This can create an imbalance in the internal environment and make it much easier to get an infection.

The vagina is actually designed to cleanse itself. Washing the vagina with warm water is enough to keep it clean. Using perfumed bath and body products only irritate the sensitive lining of the vagina as well as the inner and outer delicate folds of the vulva, the labia minora and labia majoria. Utilize caution when using a face towel or luffa on the vulva, especially as they dry, because they can carry bacteria that may be harmful to the vulva as well. If you must use a soap, then stick to using a non-scented, alcohol-free soap only on the outside of the vulva area.

3. It’s not okay to call your vagina a vagina.

Vajayjay, twat, slit, p*ssy, beaver, kitty, punany, coota mama, coochie, black box, deep hole, down there, titties, watermelon, twins, boobs, and jugs are just a few of the slang names that we use when referring to our body parts. When you stop to think about it, many of these names are not cute at all! They are down right negative and derogatory. They send the wrong message about the female body. Not only that, some of these words are very uncomfortable to hear. When we teach our girls to use cutesy names instead of using the correct terminology for body parts and functions, it takes away the value. When we devalue something, we do not respect it and take care of it. This lack of respect or value of their body places girls at risk for sexually transmitted infections, HIV and pregnancy because they don’t value their body enough to protect it.

Using slang terms also limits girls’ ability to have an educated and informed conversation with their physician. Many physicians are not culturally competent. They do not understand the vernacular and slang terms that are sometimes used when referring to body parts and functions. This lack of understanding can lead to not receiving necessary treatment or appropriate quality of care. The bottom line is that if the physician cannot understand you, then how can s/he help you.

4. Don’t touch your body.

It’s important that we teach our girls that it’s OK to touch their bodies — after all they’re theirs. They must learn the body parts and functions, they must learn how to properly take care of their body, and they must learn what’s natural and healthy for their body. Teaching our girls not to touch their body only sends the message that their body parts and functions are something that is unnatural and nasty. It perpetuates stigma and helps create shame and guilt regarding the body. This negative view will ultimately contribute to unhealthy ideals about sexuality.

In order to fully discover, explore, and embrace their sexuality, girls must become intimately acquainted with their body. It’s essential to having power over of their sexuality and that begins by being comfortable enough to explore their body. Additionally it helps lay the foundation for learning to understand, respect and communicate sexual attitudes, beliefs, needs, wants and concerns, not only to their physicians but their future partners.

Lastly, by teaching girls to love and honor their bodies, it helps reduce body image issues and self-esteem challenges. Girls and women who love, respect and value their body are less likely to put themselves at risk.

5. Nothing 

In a day in age where sex sells everything from diapers to dog food and the media bombards us with oversexualized images of scantily clad women, we can’t afford to remain silent about sex. The danger of not talking to girls about their sexuality is that it doesn’t prepare them for becoming young women. Many adult women have shared horror stories about beginning their menstrual cycle and not having a clue about what was going on or how to take care of themselves. Imagine how terrifying that could be to a girl who has not been educated about her body.

Avoiding conversations about sex does not mean that girls aren’t going to do it. It only means that they are going to sneak and do it. We were created as sexual beings and we will be sexual beings until we die. Sex is a natural part of life. It’s who we are! It encompasses every dimension of our lives. The urge and desire to have sex does not go away. Not properly educating our girls with the knowledge, skills and tools is only creating a recipe for disaster. Ultimately, they will learn the information from somewhere and in most cases what they are learning is not accurate.

When should you start talking to girls about sex….as soon as they start asking questions. Everything should be done in a developmentally appropriate way. Be open and honest. Allow them to ask questions. If you don’t have the answers, find them! Also, please talk to them about all aspects of sexuality, not just about the physical aspects of sex. It’s important to make sure girls understand the emotional, spiritual, social, legal and economic repercussions of having sex. And while education about sex is great, you also need to take it a step further and teach them the skills. It’s great to say “use a condom” but if you don’t teach them the proper steps to use the condom, where to get the condom and how to negotiate safer sex, then it’s useless.

To all the men out there, please also talk to your daughters! Have a no-holds-barred conversation with her from the male perspective on sex and sexuality. Educate them on the qualities and characteristics men look for in a woman he is serious about.  Take your daughters out on a date! Become the standard of what she should look forward to from a man by demonstrating how a man should respect and treat a woman. Your actions will make the difference in the type of relationships and behaviors she engages in. It just might save her life!

While I do understand that having conversations about sex can be very uncomfortable, they are critical. If you are uninformed or uncomfortable talking about sex, then seek out the assistance of someone who is professionally qualified to have the conversation.

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Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality.  She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

Bad Habits That Women Can’t Stand

November 3rd, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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You can love a man without loving everything about him. These are the bad habits that women can’t stand and some men just can’t help.

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Not Listening

He pretends like he’s tuning in but fails the “what did I just say” pop quiz. Do men just have trouble paying attention? And where do their minds go when we’re doing all of that talking?

Ways Black Women Judge Each Other (And Why We Should Stop)

October 22nd, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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ways that black women judge each other

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No matter where you come from, women are hard on other women. But these ways that black women judge each other should really come to a stop.

8 Ways You Secretly Punish Your Man

October 20th, 2014 - By Julia Austin
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"shhh PF"

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You don’t start fights, you don’t create drama, you don’t take issue with things…per say. But you know some things upset you, even if you’re really laid back, and you probably secretly punish your man these ways sometimes.

How To Be Good To Yourself

October 15th, 2014 - By Liz Lampkin
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Be Good To Yourself

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“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is what’s known best as the golden rule of life. It’s a simple rule many use as a reminder of how to treat others, and while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with giving others your best, don’t forget it’s important to be just as good to yourself.

Often people think of others first and place those needs before their own because, despite our innate selfishness as humans, it’s natural to have empathy and want to help others. Furthermore, a lot of people simply don’t know how to be good to themselves. This may sound a bit strange but it’s true. Many people’s happiness is centered around meeting the needs of others, leaving them with feelings of guilt when they think about satisfying their own needs. So what are some things you can do to break that cycle if you’re struggling to be good to yourself?

1. Start by making a short or long list of things you want to do. No matter how big or small, put anything you’ve always wanted to experience just for yourself on this list, and then start doing them! Be mindful that this is not a bucket list; it’s a live list.

2. Spend quality time with yourself. Find out what you like and don’t like, indulge in a new hobby, take yourself out to dinner, so on and so on. In order to do for yourself, you have to know who you truly are and that includes your likes and dislikes.

3. At least once a month purchase something lavish or do something out of the ordinary. Many times we tend to overlook or not purchase something we’ve always wanted because we think we can’t afford it — or we put those funds toward something for someone else. While there’s nothing wrong with giving to others from a financial stand point, there’s something to be said for treating yourself every now and then when you can afford it. Even if you have to save up for it, buy yourself something nice. You deserve it for all your hard work.

4. Take an hour once a day, at the beginning or the end, and meditate on good thoughts or inspirational quotes. Doing this will refuel your spirit to help you move forward helping others as well as helping yourself. It’s often said that what you put into your spirit will manifest itself on the outside. So if your pouring positive words into your spirit those words grow in ways that’ll you never expected or even knew you needed.

5. Take mini stay-cations! Indulging in a brief getaway for and by yourself will allow quality quiet time to gather your thoughts, read those inspirational books and simply relax and breathe.

Doing these and other positive rituals will help create a healthy balance so you won’t get burned out and will maintain your zest for giving and living. Being good to others is an essential part of a human existence, but failing to be good to yourself in the same token is not only contradictory, it’s inhumane. You can’t truly be good to others and neglect yourself. So take some time each day, week and/or month to be good to yourself so you can continue on this journey we call life with inner peace and harmony.

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
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15 Reasons Some Women Just Can’t Get Along

October 15th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Friendships among women are full of love, support, encouragement and levels of closeness that men have trouble understanding. But it’s not all sharing clothes and going to the bathroom in packs. Female friendships can be…complicated. But it’s not that women can’t get along. Sometimes it’s just harder.

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Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Low-Key Jealousy

Society sort of sets women up to compete with one another — especially in the looks department. And sometimes insecurities turn into salty shade and ruin perfectly good friendships. If you don’t love yourself, it’s hard to love somebody else.

15 Things You Never Have To Apologize For

September 25th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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There are plenty of things to say “sorry” for, but when it comes to living the life you want there are certain things that you should never have to apologize for.

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Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Acting on Your Instincts

Have a feeling that he’s cheating? Did you just know it was the right decision? Never apologize for acting on your instincts. Some of the world’s most successful people have gotten to where they are by listening to their guts.

8 Regrettable Relationship Moves Most Women Have Pulled

September 22nd, 2014 - By Julia Austin
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Source: Shutterstock

You’re not an awful person if you’ve found yourself in the following situations—most woman have at one point or another! The important thing is to know how to get past them.