All Articles Tagged "women"
No matter where you come from, women are hard on other women. But these ways that black women judge each other should really come to a stop.
You don’t start fights, you don’t create drama, you don’t take issue with things…per say. But you know some things upset you, even if you’re really laid back, and you probably secretly punish your man these ways sometimes.
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is what’s known best as the golden rule of life. It’s a simple rule many use as a reminder of how to treat others, and while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with giving others your best, don’t forget it’s important to be just as good to yourself.
Often people think of others first and place those needs before their own because, despite our innate selfishness as humans, it’s natural to have empathy and want to help others. Furthermore, a lot of people simply don’t know how to be good to themselves. This may sound a bit strange but it’s true. Many people’s happiness is centered around meeting the needs of others, leaving them with feelings of guilt when they think about satisfying their own needs. So what are some things you can do to break that cycle if you’re struggling to be good to yourself?
1. Start by making a short or long list of things you want to do. No matter how big or small, put anything you’ve always wanted to experience just for yourself on this list, and then start doing them! Be mindful that this is not a bucket list; it’s a live list.
2. Spend quality time with yourself. Find out what you like and don’t like, indulge in a new hobby, take yourself out to dinner, so on and so on. In order to do for yourself, you have to know who you truly are and that includes your likes and dislikes.
3. At least once a month purchase something lavish or do something out of the ordinary. Many times we tend to overlook or not purchase something we’ve always wanted because we think we can’t afford it — or we put those funds toward something for someone else. While there’s nothing wrong with giving to others from a financial stand point, there’s something to be said for treating yourself every now and then when you can afford it. Even if you have to save up for it, buy yourself something nice. You deserve it for all your hard work.
4. Take an hour once a day, at the beginning or the end, and meditate on good thoughts or inspirational quotes. Doing this will refuel your spirit to help you move forward helping others as well as helping yourself. It’s often said that what you put into your spirit will manifest itself on the outside. So if your pouring positive words into your spirit those words grow in ways that’ll you never expected or even knew you needed.
5. Take mini stay-cations! Indulging in a brief getaway for and by yourself will allow quality quiet time to gather your thoughts, read those inspirational books and simply relax and breathe.
Doing these and other positive rituals will help create a healthy balance so you won’t get burned out and will maintain your zest for giving and living. Being good to others is an essential part of a human existence, but failing to be good to yourself in the same token is not only contradictory, it’s inhumane. You can’t truly be good to others and neglect yourself. So take some time each day, week and/or month to be good to yourself so you can continue on this journey we call life with inner peace and harmony.
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
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Friendships among women are full of love, support, encouragement and levels of closeness that men have trouble understanding. But it’s not all sharing clothes and going to the bathroom in packs. Female friendships can be…complicated. But it’s not that women can’t get along. Sometimes it’s just harder.
Society sort of sets women up to compete with one another — especially in the looks department. And sometimes insecurities turn into salty shade and ruin perfectly good friendships. If you don’t love yourself, it’s hard to love somebody else.
There are plenty of things to say “sorry” for, but when it comes to living the life you want there are certain things that you should never have to apologize for.
Acting on Your Instincts
Have a feeling that he’s cheating? Did you just know it was the right decision? Never apologize for acting on your instincts. Some of the world’s most successful people have gotten to where they are by listening to their guts.
You’re not an awful person if you’ve found yourself in the following situations—most woman have at one point or another! The important thing is to know how to get past them.
We know that we’re all technically part of one big sisterhood, but do you have to get along with all of your sisters? We’re trying to love everyone but some of them could help us by taking it down a notch or two.
The Cute One
You’re pretty sure her prettier-than-thou attitude is tied to some major insecurities and you’re trying to be understanding. But if she flips her hair one more time you’re going to lose your mind.
As a woman, I sometimes feel as though we’re constantly being criticized for everything. It’s almost impossible for us to just be… us, without someone putting in their two cents about how we should live, or present ourselves.
With those things in mind, we’ve come across the phrase “guilty pleasure,” which is a way to sort of lessen something that we enjoy, and it makes us feel bad about liking it. Well you know what? SCREW GUILTY PLEASURES! I feel that there are things that even if I don’t fully understand, or even like, it shouldn’t stop you from openly enjoying them.
Here are 14 of those things, and add others at the end if I missed any.
This weekend a friend of mine went on a quick weekend trip to visit a guy in another city who she’s been getting to know for the past year or so. Understandably, emotions — namely nervousness — were running high before she embarked on the three-day trip and it wasn’t long before she started sending me worried texts like “I don’t think he’s excited about seeing me,” “I hope I’m not over-thinking things.” Of course, a conversation had to follow and as we chatted, my friend continued to make more comments along those lines as she discussed all the preparations she was making for the trip — waxing, packing her best outfits, getting her hair together– and her desire to make a good impression while not once considering the type of impression he might make. That personal narrative quickly turned into a general disgruntled rant about all the work women put in to looking their best in hopes of being visually appealing to a man, while men (presumably) sit back and simply enjoy the view. And that’s when I had to remind my girl that the trip she was taking wasn’t just about her solidifying this man’s interest in her, he also needed to be on his best behavior and do everything necessary to make sure he was appealing to her as well.
In this day and age of many want to be called, but few are chosen, women tend to forget that dating isn’t just about getting chose. We choose too — or at least we should be. I don’t need to remind you of all the books of endless relationship advice describing a man’s ideal woman and how to be that, but just because there’s not an equally robust collection of advice for men on how to not be on their worst behavior, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be held to the standard of being your ideal man as well, whatever that looks like to you. I’m sure we can thank the past few years’ investigation into the statistics on single women, namely single Black women, for this “get chose” phenomenon in which a woman’s singleness has become a problem which it is solely our responsibility to fix. Hence, the obsession with looking like a video vixen just to pick up a pack of gum from the corner store and making sure you put it on him so he knows no one else’s sex is a good as yours. Those things in and of themselves aren’t necessarily bad, but what is troubling is the pressure we put on ourselves to be “the one” for someone else without putting an equal amount of thought into what “the one” looks like to us and whether the man in front of you measures up.
In this dating game, everyone should be striving to put their best foot forward. While the numbers on the available options for single Black women have some fellas out here feeling like a prize to be won, let’s not allow statistics to tip the scales solely in his favor. There’s nothing wrong with doing things within your own level of comfort to secure the affections of a man who has shown interest, but there is something wrong when you begin to obsess over being perfect, doing everything right, punishing yourself when things don’t work out, and assuming a failed romantic encounter means you did something wrong or you’re not good enough. Meanwhile on the other side of town ol’ boy is chilling. Of course when you look at singleness from the perspective of a problem that needs fixing, you want to do any and everything to increase the odds of romantic success, but don’t forget 50% of that success rate is the responsibility of your suitor, and you need to be just as critical of how he presents himself as you are of yourself. Sure, everyone wants to get chose, but the more important thing is to be certain that you choose a man back — not out of fear that there aren’t more fish in the sea or you should be grateful a man like him took interest in you, but because he fits your own standards and makes it a point to be as appealing to you as you work to be for him. Happy choosing!
Tall, short, smart, simple, fat and thin: we’re all different. But for some reason, people think it’s cool to comment if your difference is being plus-sized. In a world where people should all know better, here’s a list of things that “big girls” are tired of hearing. We wish that some of these could go without saying but they really can’t.