All Articles Tagged "women"
As a woman, I sometimes feel as though we’re constantly being criticized for everything. It’s almost impossible for us to just be… us, without someone putting in their two cents about how we should live, or present ourselves.
With those things in mind, we’ve come across the phrase “guilty pleasure,” which is a way to sort of lessen something that we enjoy, and it makes us feel bad about liking it. Well you know what? SCREW GUILTY PLEASURES! I feel that there are things that even if I don’t fully understand, or even like, it shouldn’t stop you from openly enjoying them.
Here are 14 of those things, and add others at the end if I missed any.
This weekend a friend of mine went on a quick weekend trip to visit a guy in another city who she’s been getting to know for the past year or so. Understandably, emotions — namely nervousness — were running high before she embarked on the three-day trip and it wasn’t long before she started sending me worried texts like “I don’t think he’s excited about seeing me,” “I hope I’m not over-thinking things.” Of course, a conversation had to follow and as we chatted, my friend continued to make more comments along those lines as she discussed all the preparations she was making for the trip — waxing, packing her best outfits, getting her hair together– and her desire to make a good impression while not once considering the type of impression he might make. That personal narrative quickly turned into a general disgruntled rant about all the work women put in to looking their best in hopes of being visually appealing to a man, while men (presumably) sit back and simply enjoy the view. And that’s when I had to remind my girl that the trip she was taking wasn’t just about her solidifying this man’s interest in her, he also needed to be on his best behavior and do everything necessary to make sure he was appealing to her as well.
In this day and age of many want to be called, but few are chosen, women tend to forget that dating isn’t just about getting chose. We choose too — or at least we should be. I don’t need to remind you of all the books of endless relationship advice describing a man’s ideal woman and how to be that, but just because there’s not an equally robust collection of advice for men on how to not be on their worst behavior, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be held to the standard of being your ideal man as well, whatever that looks like to you. I’m sure we can thank the past few years’ investigation into the statistics on single women, namely single Black women, for this “get chose” phenomenon in which a woman’s singleness has become a problem which it is solely our responsibility to fix. Hence, the obsession with looking like a video vixen just to pick up a pack of gum from the corner store and making sure you put it on him so he knows no one else’s sex is a good as yours. Those things in and of themselves aren’t necessarily bad, but what is troubling is the pressure we put on ourselves to be “the one” for someone else without putting an equal amount of thought into what “the one” looks like to us and whether the man in front of you measures up.
In this dating game, everyone should be striving to put their best foot forward. While the numbers on the available options for single Black women have some fellas out here feeling like a prize to be won, let’s not allow statistics to tip the scales solely in his favor. There’s nothing wrong with doing things within your own level of comfort to secure the affections of a man who has shown interest, but there is something wrong when you begin to obsess over being perfect, doing everything right, punishing yourself when things don’t work out, and assuming a failed romantic encounter means you did something wrong or you’re not good enough. Meanwhile on the other side of town ol’ boy is chilling. Of course when you look at singleness from the perspective of a problem that needs fixing, you want to do any and everything to increase the odds of romantic success, but don’t forget 50% of that success rate is the responsibility of your suitor, and you need to be just as critical of how he presents himself as you are of yourself. Sure, everyone wants to get chose, but the more important thing is to be certain that you choose a man back – not out of fear that there aren’t more fish in the sea or you should be grateful a man like him took interest in you, but because he fits your own standards and makes it a point to be as appealing to you as you work to be for him. Happy choosing!
Tall, short, smart, simple, fat and thin: we’re all different. But for some reason, people think it’s cool to comment if your difference is being plus-sized. In a world where people should all know better, here’s a list of things that “big girls” are tired of hearing. We wish that some of these could go without saying but they really can’t.
Think you know all there is to know about being a woman? It could be time to think again. From shrinking brains to secrets we can’t keep, there’s a lot about women that most of us just don’t know.
We Can’t Keep A Secret
At least not much longer than about 48 hours. If you really want that secret kept, you’re better off telling someone of the opposite sex.
The harsh reality of dating is that you’re never really sure how many chances you’ll get at finding your soul mate or “the one.” For some of us, “the one” is whoever we’re with at the moment. Others go searching for “the one” their whole lives and never find him or her. However, if you’re searching and you finally find something good you’re likely to hold onto it — even past its expiration date. Why? Because of fear that you might not be able to find anyone else.
Think about your dating history (or lack thereof), it’s likely very hard to identify someone that you can see a future with unless you’re desperate. Removing all the desperate people from the conversation you have to factor in a lot of things. You wonder if you can stay in the same room with the person for longer than a few hours, you wonder if you can stomach seeing them on consecutive days, you wonder if you can imagine yourself having sex with them… over and over again, and there’s a whole list of other things to wonder. Now should you happen to find someone who doesn’t make you wonder, you settle down with them and begin a relationship. And then when things start to go south, you wonder, will you be able to find something like this again?
For women this question is a compounded by the fact that it’s a simple numbers game at play. Therefore, in addition to trying to find a man that meets all of their expectations they know that there’s a small chance that there will be another man who meets them, let alone exists. That fear that rises within women is what makes them stay in a situation long after it’s obvious it isn’t going anywhere. I shouldn’t speak for women, but from my point of view it seems many would rather stay in a situation hoping it will change than start over with someone else. It could be that some people (male or female) don’t like to be alone and so they choose to stay in a relationship that’s not going forward because it’s better than being by themselves. It could be a myriad of reasons but the root of them all is fear.
The ironic part of this situation is that there’s not much anyone can do to stop someone from being in a situation they shouldn’t be in. The only person that’s going to get a woman to break up with a guy when the relationship is going nowhere is herself. While it’s hard to be friends with a woman in a dead-end relationship, it’s better to be friends with her than to leave her out there by herself. That’s advice for friends and a warning for said women as well because when you stay in relationships that aren’t going anywhere and alienate your friends you’re barreling towards disaster. When that relationship ends, in addition to it being hard to find someone else to date, you won’t even have friends to lean on during that time. As friends all we can do is be supportive and constructive. We may not know the exact reason why she’s staying in that relationship but the thing we know for sure is that she’s not going to get out of it until she wants to get out of it.
It’s 2014 and we’re all created equal…right? Men and women may be on more even footing than ever before, but there are still a few limits on us ladies lives. Quite a few if you really think about it.
Are some women just not girls’ girls or are some women just hating? It could go either way when it comes to these celebrity women other women don’t like.
Joseline never had the girlfriend drop-in like other stars. We think it’s her non-nonsense attitude…and maybe the fact that she started a relationship with her manager Stevie J before he was technically single. But we’re sure that if she stopped calling herself The Baddest Puta, she’d do better.
He thinks the lingerie, meals and heels are all for him. But we know better. Here are things we pretend to do for men that we really do for ourselves.
Getting Dressed Up
Sure, you didn’t mind catching his eye. But the real reason you rock that bandeau is to plant seeds of jealousy in the hearts of other chicks.
That commercial where several girls carry out an elaborate plan just so one can secretly sneak a tampon into a bathroom isn’t that off the mark. In fact that’s just one of the inconveniences of being a woman that men will never understand.
It’s hard out there for a big-chested girl.
Bring me some fabric tape and a safety pin.