All Articles Tagged "women"
Am I the only one who just discovered “push presents” when Ice-T said he wasn’t down with giving Coco one? Are our friends and family dropping the ball? Or are these gifts for women doing a little too much?
Are you a woman who's about her business or know someone who is? We want to hear from you!
MadameNoire is providing two women a chance to win a makeover by Strength of Nature for sharing their story of their journey to becoming a boss with us. To get your name in the running, upload a video of yourself or a family or friend you want to nominate to Facebook or Instagram explaining how this person is a boss why they should be picked for the makeover and be sure to use #BeTheBossMN hashtag. Then send an email email@example.com with the following:
- subject headline: #BeTheBossMN Contest Entry
- Link to your video on FB/Instagram
- headshot of the person nominated
- Full name
- A short paragraph explaining why the nominee should win the makeover
Check out the video above for more details and good luck!
Scrolling through my Instagram timeline the other morning, I was stopped in my tracks by an awesome image of Alicia Keys boxing underwater. It’s a recreation of Flip Schulke’s iconic series of Muhammad Ali boxing underwater, originally published in Life magazine in 1961. Under her pic by Brendan Forbes, she wrote:
I only got 28,000 of those days. So what the F**K am I waiting for?? 😉 Let me elaborate: (click link in bio) #inspiredbythegreatest #Ali #28000days
Yes, 28,000 days is the name of Alicia’s new single but it’s also a call for everyone to think about what you’re doing with your life and the precious time we have here. Are you wasting time hating on someone or feeling sorry for yourself, or are you enjoying life and attacking the challenges like they could be your last?
Alicia took to her site, AliciaKeys.com, to pen this revelation she’s had about life and I know I could relate, so I thought it would be great to share her with you moms who maybe feeling like you’re not giving life your all.
Here’s some of what’s in Alicia Keys ‘A Revelation’:
For as long as I can remember, I’ve hidden myself. It might have started in school when I realized that I caught on to things a little quicker, and teachers started to show slight favor to me, or use me as an example. I remember feeling like my friends would make fun of me or look at me as if I was different from them and so… I started hiding. Not intentionally, I didn’t mean to, but I did. Little pieces at a time.
I remember feeling that same way when I first started to get recognized as an artist. I had the baggy/braided/tough NY tomboy thing mastered, that was who I was (or who I chose to be) and I felt good there. Then, because of the way I spoke or carried myself, people started calling me gay and hard and I wasn’t gay, but I was hard and although I felt comfortable there, it made me uncomfortable that people were judging me and so slowly I hid that side of myself. I put on dresses and didn’t braid my whole head up, so people could see more of the “real” me, even though at that point I’m sure I was more confused then ever of what the real me was.
I became comfortable hiding, my intelligence, my physical appearance, my truths, my thoughts, myself.
And just the other day it hit me! OMG! Alicia!!! Why are you choosing to be that person?? That is so old and outdated!! STOP!!
You are allowed to be smart
You are allowed to be beautiful
You are allowed to be radical and have strong thoughts that others might not agree with
You are allowed to be tough
You are allowed to be sexy
Being a forward thinker comes in handy at several points in adult life. You’ll never or hardly ever run into a complex financial situation that you can’t strategize your way out of. You’ll be able to make decisions based off of sound judgment. But what happens when being a forward thinker begins to do more harm than good when it comes to your love life? It seems like you’re just at the beginning of the tunnel and trying to see what’s on the other side instead of enjoying the journey.
For most women, when we hit 25 we start to think obsessively about things such as career stability, financial security, and who we’re going to spend the rest of our lives with. If you’re single and have been for some time, one of your deepest desires can turn into an obsessive goal—to meet a guy. So you start to look for the qualities you deem a must-have in every man you come across and quickly move on to the next if they don’t add up. Dating takes on an entirely different meaning for you. Sure, you might entertain a few flings here and there, but what you really want is someone who’s going to stick around and put a ring on it. You’re not just dating for the hell of it, to kill some time, or so you won’t be lonely. If you’re giving of your time, it’s because you see something in a man that interests you. However, you can be a little high strung and too hung up on what the end result could and will be. I can relate because this is a major issue for me.
Long story short, I started dating a guy who was a year younger than me in age, and, it seemed, a lot younger in terms of his wants and needs. I was interested, but I couldn’t ignore that, so things didn’t work out. I shut it down quickly.
Now, I’ll admit, sometimes I do expect things to just happen overnight, but I know realistically that they won’t. However, whenever I meet a guy that I’m really interested in and like, my mind is already daydreaming about us having a beautiful brownstone in Harlem, or a fancy loft in the Lower East Side with great careers and children. I start to see possibilities that begin to obscure reality.
Some days I see what I’m looking for and some days it’s hard to tell. My friends have told me countless times to be in the moment and enjoy the guys I date. Others say that if I can’t see it, as in a future with a guy, I shouldn’t waste my time.
I know my biggest issue is patience. In retrospect, being a forward thinker seems to be the reason a lot of my relationships have ended before they’ve even taken off anywhere. I come into a dating situation knowing full well what I want and expecting it just to click right away. Being a forward thinker means that you’re always one step ahead of the game, but sometimes being so far ahead also means missing what’s right in front of you.
I think it’s okay to be a forward thinker and have expectations for yourself in building a relationship. But it can be unnecessarily stressful when you start creating expectations for someone else before you even get to know them well. I know I need to slow down my mind, but it’s difficult when my biological clock is on warp speed…
Any other women in a quarter-life or mid-life love crisis having this problem?
Have you seen the Foul Bachelorette Frog meme? Ladies all over the Internet have been spilling tea on all the secretly foul things they do from time to time. Let’s have a real talk, y’all. Share one of your confessions in the comments.
From picking the guy that you’re into to regulating your sleep cycle, get ready to be surprised at all of the ways hormones are secretly running your life.
Spanx and a growing bank account are a good start, but if you want to rule in your 30s like you rocked in your 20s, there are a few more things that you will need.
Last week, a fellow MadameNoire editor published a piece for her Working It Out column based on her profound weight loss journey. Titled, I’ve Lost 78 Pounds And Have No Man To Show For It, her article centered around how your dating expectations change after you lose weight. After reading it, I excitedly shared the essay on my personal Facebook page to show off how amazing she looks and to inspire others who desire to make healthy changes in their lives. In the piece, Brande candidly wrote about the annoyance all women face when they make significant physical changes for themselves but also expect the finest brotha to sweep them off those pedicured toes because they did their “work” so to speak. #AuntieIyanlaTaughtMe
Many female readers related to this point while others comprehended her piece a little differently. The latter took it as an opportunity to channel their inner gurus to help Brande not long for a man, but rather love herself.
As the two opposing teams debated Brande’s personality, self-esteem, and looks, another perspective was revealed and it had everything to do with men. The male-bashing proposed answer as to why Brande had no man presented itself in the first comment on my shared Facebook link:
“Because these men aint sh!t. i been tryna tell yall.”
When I saw who posted the comment, I chose not to respond. Personally, I don’t invest in “Men ain’t ish” conversations and avoid them like urine spilled on subway steps. After all, social media commentary can easily be misread and lead to arguments that unnecessarily breed humiliation and resentment. Plus, the commenter was a woman who I considered a good friend and a former colleague, so there was no need to engage in a Facebook debate. If I needed to tell her something about herself, I’d do it on the side.
Since I didn’t take an opportunity to respond, of course, others did. Two male friends of mine replied to the remark: one with several laughing emojis (tears included) and another, who also knew the commenter, with:
“Yo, you gotta let that hurt go. [sips tea]”
I, of course, immediately broke down into giggles. When I shared what made me laugh with my coworkers, one editor asked the realest question: “Girl, imagine if you said the same thing? There would have been drama, but when men give women the real, it’s as though they’ve been given an epiphany.”
Sure enough, my friend’s reply to the man putting her in her place, so to speak, was a mixture of “bwahahahaha” and compliments. She focused on how great Brande looks while dismissing the palm tree he planted in her front yard. Interestingly enough, this is not the first time I’ve witnessed this.
I’ve lost a female friend or two by telling them to focus on more important things than their negative emotions or drama, only to be met with reactions that mimic rounds of WWIII fights on the USA channel. Strangely enough, when their male friends or significant others tell them the same thing it is as though Jesus gave them a special page out of his unpublished scribes. The same can be applied for dating advice. When the editors here give their two cents to readers (who ask these questions by the way), we’re called angry, bitter, white-men-loving b****es. Whereas male celebrities and relationships experts are met with praise, no matter how ridiculous their opinions (unless they’re Steve Harvey or Tyrese).
Some people believe women don’t receive advice well from other women because they view their gender as competition, or simply hateful. Others tend to think men will be romantically impressed and flattered by a woman being submissive to their truth; and some basically believe men have all the answers. Although I’m not sure what the real driving force is, what I do know is it’s extremely disheartening to see women’s suspicions raise when another woman gives them a good word but their hearts flutter and their minds open when someone else delivers a similarly harsh truth (or not) simply because they have a different set of reproductive organs. We’ve gotta let that hurt go too.
Have you witnessed women agree with something a man said but go off on a woman for saying the exact same thing?
Over the past few days, websites have been buzzing with a story about a pregnant woman who reportedly got pregnant by having anal sex. Before we go any further, let’s be clear in most cases a woman cannot get pregnant through anal sex; however this particular woman has an extraordinarily rare situation. Her pregnancy was the result of a condition known as cloacal malformation.
So what exactly is cloacal malformation?
Cloacal malformations encompass a wide array of complicated defects that occur during development of the female fetus during pregnancy. Cloacal malformations occur when failure of the urogenital septum to separate the cloacal membrane results in the urethra, vagina, rectum and anus opening into a single common channel instead of three separate openings: urethra, vagina, and anus. Additionally, the clitoris looks like a penis, causing gender confusion. Cloacal-related malformations and/or abnormalities can also result in multiple vaginas, a malformed anus, and other defects of the ureters and kidneys. The literature reports that the incidence rate of cloacal malformations is approximately 1 per 20,000-25,000 live births
Cloacal malformations are discovered typically at the time of birth. Upon physical examination of the newborn, the physician discovers a single opening in the perineal area. The newborn may also have abdominal swelling. After the physician has made the physical diagnosis of cloaca, the full extent of the malformation is typically determined with a complete medical examination and advanced imaging. Patients may undergo many radiologic examinations such as X-rays, ultrasounds and MRI. Failure to identify a cloaca as being present in a newborn and repair immediately may result in serve complications.
Treatment of a cloacal malformation
Cloacal malformations require surgical repair, but the procedure depends on the type and extent of the abnormality. The goal for treatment of a female born with cloaca is to achieve bowel control, urinary control, and sexual function, which includes menstruation, intercourse, and possibly pregnancy. Repairing a cloacal malformation requires a collaborative effort by an experienced multidisciplinary team of surgeons. Special focus is given to separating the rectum, vagina and urethra while still maintaining urinary control, bowel functioning, and preserving sexual and reproductive capacity. While the initial goal is to stabilize the child and relieve blockages in the urinary and intestinal tract, the long range goals are directed at restoring anatomy and function. Great variation exists in anatomy and corrective efforts must be individualized.
Although a cloacal malformation may repair at birth, it is essential that adolescents with a cloacal malformation transition to specialist teams with appropriate expertise as they become adults to monitor any issues.
Sexual functioning in adult females with a cloacal malformation
Gynecological outcomes include menstruation, sexual function and fertility. The aim of reconstructive surgery should be to achieve sexual function, which includes those things. Although reconstructive surgery is used to correct the cloacal malformation, and for the most part the genitalia looks relatively natural, sexual challenges still may present. Sexual functioning can be affected by both physical and psychological factors including:
- vaginal stenosis
- scar tissue after the vaginal repair
- other co-existing medical conditions like renal failure
- bowel management
- fertility challenges
- premature birth
- reduced sexual sensitivity and sexual satisfaction
- body image issues
- lack of self-esteem
- lack of relationship satisfaction
- other mental health conditions
Once the cloacal malformation is surgically corrected and the patient is working collaboratively with a team of expert clinicians, an enjoyable sex life is possible. If vaginal and/or anal intercourse is unbearable as a result of the condition, working with a sexologist or sex therapist can help women explore alternative techniques and tools to enhance sexual pleasure. Additionally, it is extremely important that a female with a cloacal malformation establishes open, honest and consistent communication with sexual partner(s) regarding her condition. This open line of communication can help minimize anxiety and discomfort as well as increase support, intimacy and sexual pleasure.
Unfortunately, the cause of this condition is unknown and the lack of available long-term follow-up data for women with a cloacal malformation presents challenges within the medical community. Nevertheless, in order to optimize health outcomes, it is essential that adult women remain under the care of specialized multidisciplinary teams, including a gynecologist, urologist, internal medicine physician, sexologist or sex therapist that are familiar with the management of cloacal-related malformations and/or abnormalities.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a certified clinical sexologist, sex therapist, best selling author and powerful motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara- Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Dr. TaMara is a “Thought Leader” for the Association of Black Sexologist and Clinicians. She is also a member of the American College of Sexologists International. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook at LIFE by Dr. TaMara or Instagram, or her Live Inspired Feel Empowered (L.I.F.E.) blog www.drtamaragriffin.com. Join Dr. TaMara movement of Healthy Sexuality #HowDareINot #ISaveLives www.howdareinot.com
Men and women may get along, but sometimes it really does feel like we’re from different planets. When it comes to these joys and struggles, they come with feelings only women seem to understand.