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When it comes to telling people “no,” it appears easier for men because 1) women don’t take kindly to rejection so they’re more hesitant to do the same to their friends, 2) women can be a bit irrational when thinking about the consequences of saying “no,” and 3) men and women tend to have different standards when it comes to friendships.

The “slight” difference between men and women.

Men and women have different ways of dealing with requests made by friends. When asked for a favor both will determine whether they will say yes depending on 1) how reasonable the request is and 2) whether they’re actually capable of carrying out the asked favor. Women, by nature, tend to be more giving and take the feelings of the person into consideration. Also, women generally tend to be more willing to go the extra mile, even if it means sacrificing themselves in the process.

Women don’t like being told no. By anybody.

As I talked about in my earlier piece regarding women and rejection, women don’t like being told “no.” This is a key point as to why it’s easier for men to say no. If a friend asks me for a favor that I either cannot do or have a reason not to do, telling him no isn’t seen as a rejection of the person. If a favor cannot be granted, it simply means that favor cannot be granted. For men, it’s possible that because we experience rejection more often (like when approaching women) we simply don’t have an emotional reaction to it. Furthermore, unless it’s a “life or death” situation, we’ll simply resolve to either asking someone else to do it or handling it ourselves.

The gates of hell will not open up because you turned down a friend’s request.

While discussing women’s internal conflicts with telling someone no, I’ve found that women tend to be a bit more extreme with respect to the emotional ramifications. Not to be sexist, but women seem to be far more likely to think of worst case scenarios when saying no. I’ve witnessed stress and belief that the gates of hell will open up and swallow women whole for rejecting a favor. Or, in a more realistic case, they believe it makes them a bad person for not being able to help. Life, and these types of situations, are hardly, if ever, that serious.

If you can’t help, you can’t help. If you don’t wish to sacrifice yourself every time someone asks to help, that’s perfectly fine too. There are a myriad of reasons to refuse to help someone, even if it wouldn’t take the effort to text a response. Whatever the case, men tend to take a far more pragmatic view on these decisions than women, which is why it might appear men have less of a problem saying no than women do.

Men tend to do it like “this” and women tend to do it like…”that.”

Lastly, it might also be worthy of consideration to take into account the nature of friendships for men and women. From an observational standpoint, women tend to deal with the slights of their peers differently than men do. Whereas men are generally of the mind, “that’s the homie and if he can’t do it then he can’t do it,” I find women don’t take that same approach. Again, observationally speaking, women tend to be more likely to bring up those past favors when handing them out or feeling as if they’ve gained a chip they will be able to “cash in” at a later date. A woman does her friend a favor and she later feels as if the next time she needs a favor to be done, she shouldn’t be refused. It almost turns into a “look at what I did for you and you can’t even help me out when you need me” type of situation. No, that’s not every woman and every situation, but I do think in some cases that’s the logic being used.

The bottom line is it’s easier for men to say no because we tend to believe the person will likely be able to fix their situation at some point. Women tend to believe if they can’t help, something terrible will happen and it’ll make them a bad person. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that some situations are much harder for men to say no to (especially when a woman of his interest is asking) and it’s far easier for women to say no (especially when it comes to men they don’t care for) in certain situations. Like most like situations, its all depends on the context and who’s asking.

Peace.

For more on RealGoesRight’s opinions on men and women, be sure to check him out with the all-star collective of black men writers over on SingleBlackMale.Org. If you prefer something a bit more direct, feel free to follow him on Twitter at @RealGoesRight and subscribe to his blog at RealGoesRight.Com.

Via Shutterstock.com

From YourTango

Our culture promotes sex everywhere from magazine covers to product advertisements. When sex sells, it sets us up to objectify ourselves and others. When we objectify someone, we really don’t see the other person. We lose out on the most intimate loving parts of a relationship and we look to magazines, books and blogs to help us get the relationship we’ve always wanted. What we fail to realize is that the best person to consult about our beauty is ourselves.

When a person owns her innermost self — and is happy with who she is — she projects a beauty radiating with confidence. People naturally are drawn to those who make them feel good. Healthy sexuality and intimacy is about having the courage to love and be loved in return. Here are some ways in which people benefit from sex:

Having a healthy attitude about your sexuality promotes beauty from within. Experts say, “a sexually healthy person is someone who feels comfortable with his or her sexuality.” This means, a person doesn’t view s*x as something naughty, bad, improper or sinful and can engage in it without feeling guilty or anxious. When you’re comfortable with who you are on the inside, your attractiveness is infectious on the outside. Others want to be around you and have what you have.

Read more at YourTango.com

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After sharing a guest-post on step-parenting from the step-child’s point of view, one commenter asked an interesting question: “Should a man with no kids be hesitant to date a woman with kids?” First, whether a man has children of his own or not, there is nothing wrong with preferring to date women without children. We are all free to make up whatever dating preferences we want. They are called personal preferences for a reason and we don’t need the approval of anyone else when it comes to what we like. However, there are a few things childless men should keep in mind when deciding whether they are ready to date a woman with a child, or children. Women, would you agree on the following?

Figure out if you like or want kids BEFORE dating a woman with children.

When you are single and looking to mingle, you generally will not hurt anyone if you start dating “just to see where things go.” Plenty of men do this all the time. But when deciding to date a woman with a child, you should be clear about your expectations for the relationship upfront with yourself and her. In other words, if you’re still in the “dating just to date” phase of your life, involving a woman with a child is probably not the type of relationship you should engage in because your actions will more than likely impact the lives of two people — the woman and the child. While the age of the child plays a factor, if you’re not looking for anything serious, you shouldn’t play the “I’ll figure it out” game with a ready-made family.

Further, if you’re not a kid person or don’t want kids, you should not date a woman with kids to see if you’ll change your mind. This is not a video game that you can turn off when you decide you do not like how the game is playing out. That is a personal decision you should figure out long before you involve a woman and her child in your life. Save the games for the rest of the single people in the world who do not have the responsibility of looking out for the emotional well-being of themselves and their child.

Do you want kids of your own?

I’m always surprised at how few people discuss this topic upfront. Some women with children do not want any more kids, and this is an awkward conversation to have after you have already exchanged “I love yous” or “I dos.” If you want one or two kids and she already has one or two kids, this is a conversation you should have sooner rather than later. In addition, if you do not want any (biological) kids of your own, do not assume that just because she has one or more child from a previous relationship that she does not want anymore with you.

You are not in first place.

As a continuation of the above point, one of the hardest changes for many single men who decide to date a woman with a child is realizing they are not in first place. In general, the needs of the children come first. This is a hard adjustment for many men to make because when you’re single and don’t have any kids, you can be as selfish as you want. People with children are used to (hopefully) putting the needs of their children before their own. I have friends who have gotten upset because a woman they are dating has to drop everything for their child. This makes not one iota of sense. A woman should not be placed in a position to choose between the child she loves and the man she likes. If you don’t understand that, then you aren’t ready for this type of relationship and it is best if you do not bother wasting her time or yours.

How is the relationship with her baby’s father?

I’ve written on whether you need the baby’s father approval before  — and for the record, no you do not. But while the relationship with the father of the woman’s child should not dictate your relationship, their relationship –- whether good or bad –- will play a role in your lives. It’s important to know what you are getting yourself into. Before your relationship gets serious, you should know what role, if any, the baby’s father has in the child’s life, and what type of relationship the two parents have with one another. Contrary to popular belief — and Lifetime movies — not every woman with a child is looking for a second parent if the biological parent is actively involved in the child’s life and doing a good, low-drama job of co-parenting. An honest conversation about this should minimize the chances of you making a surprise cameo on a VH1 reality show.

What do you think? Should a man without kids hesitate to date a woman with kids?  If you are a step parent or single mother, what advice would you offer a man to know if he is ready to date a woman with kids from a previous relationship?

WisdomIsMisery, aka WIM, uses his background as an internal auditor to provide objective, yet opinionated, qualitative and quantitative analysis on life, love, and everything in between. WIM is not a model, a model citizen, or a role model. See more of WIM on his weekly write-ups for SBM, on Twitter @WisdomIsMisery, and Instagram: WisdomIsMisery.

Miss Keri baby is dropping some knowledge this Friday afternoon when it comes to women and relationships — or not depending on your view of the male/female dynamic.

According to Necole Bitchie, innocently, or so it seemed, Keri Hilson uploaded the image above to Instagram seemingly offering an inspiring word to women and girls about their dealings with men. But it didn’t take long for people to zone in on the fact that Keri appeared to be putting all the onus on women when it comes to men treating them right — and that people did not stand for. Seeing the 200-plus comments she received on the posts (mostly in the negative vain) Keri backed up her message with this advice:

“Interesting comments on my last IG post…quite a stir. But I don’t see the confusion. Ladies don’t get it twisted. It DOES start with YOU!! Unfortunately, every man doesn’t possess some standard high amount of respect for every woman they encounter…just as every woman doesn’t exude the same amount of confidence, class, or self respect. This is not a perfect world, where men treat “hoes” with the same respect they give “ladies” just because their mother taught them well.

Bottom line is, a man will treat you according to the “messages” YOU put out there. That’s the way of the world…reality. If you exude sex, you will attract men who want that from you. If you exude self respect, you will attract the type of men who respect women. In this world, you attract what you exude. Ladies, WE set the tone!! NEVER forget that!! We have the power to change our experiences w/ men.”

Keri’s message certainly isn’t wrong, but I’m sure there are plenty of women out there thinking I treat myself with respect and demand it from others and I still can’t find a good man, so don’t act like this advice is foolproof. Or they feel like this commenter who told Keri her message is nothing but “Patriarchy at its finest & many women can’t even see how they buy into and/or perpetuate the oppression.”

I definitely believe we all show others how to treat us, but I, for one, am tired of the notion that women have to teach men how to be men. Some men will attempt to walk all over you no matter what signs you put in the universe. At that point all you have control over is how long you tolerate the nonsense.

What do you think about Keri’s message?

From YourTango

Is there such a thing as ‘The Nice Guy Curse’? Is it even possible to be too nice? Men, the world over, have wondered why women continually pass up the quintessential nice guy who is loving, caring, giving, supportive, accommodating, faithful and head-over-heels in love with them.In the initial stage of a relationship there are many men who try really hard to make women happy.

In fact, they often bend over backwards to accomplish this task. If and when they enter into a deeper level of commitment, they often take things a step further. They begin to put their partner ahead of everyone and everything else in their lives.  While this may seem to accomplish the goal of making her happy, it actually does the complete opposite.If and when she actually becomes the most important thing in his life, she’ll start to lose her attraction for him. In fact, if he centers his life around her, it will actually drive her away.

She’ll start to resent the fact that his life revolves around hers and she’ll begin to lose respect for him as a man when he keeps adjusting to her every whim. Over time, the attraction she once had will slowly disintegrate until it is no more. While women do not possess an ‘attraction kill switch’, slowly but surely they begin to realize that something is different. Something is missing. What was once something has become nothing.

At this point, the ‘Nice Guy Curse’ has reared its ugly head. In his attempt to find out what went wrong, he is met with frustration and disappointment. Why? Simply put, women often have a hard time articulating the shift in their emotions, because it’s just a feeling they get. They really don’t know how to put it into words. The feeling is either there or it’s not.

Read more at YourTango.com

Ahhh . . . that new, fresh-cookies-from-the-oven love. You all know what I’m talking about. When you are head over heels for your beau. Life is full of kisses, hugs and flushed cheeks from that warm, fuzzy feeling inside you get whenever you see him. Truth is, it should always be this way. You should grow to love your mate unconditionally. We seek relationships to be connected to someone emotionally, physically and spiritually. Unfortunately, that newness wears off like dye from several times washed, dark-colored jeans. But when you start questioning whether or not you should continue to invest your heart, soul and time, you may be in need of a a reality check. Dump the chump and keep it pushing if the following reasons apply to him.

Source: Shutterstock

Physical or Verbal Abuse

If your man ever hits you or verbally attacks you, don’t take it! Leave immediately. This is an assault to your mental and physical well-being and no man  has the right to lay hands on you. Please don’t fall for the ‘Baby I’m sorry, it won’t happen again’ jive either. It can and likely will.

WENN

From EurWeb

Niecy Nash is giving advice. Watch out now.

The actress recently released a book for single women. Happily married to her husband, Jay Tucker, she offers some friendly dating advice for women to meet their perfect match in her new book “It’s Hard to Fight N*ked.”

In an interview with Sister 2 Sister, she talks internet dating and more.

Jamie: You internet dated?
Niecy: I sure did, girl, with my real face. Let me tell you what. I was on Match.com, Black People Meet. I was on Christian Singles and BlackWomenWithWeavesAndKids.org or something like that—

Read More at EurWeb.com

Source: WENN

From StyleBlazer

As a rapper and mastermind behind Apple Bottom jeans, Nelly is well versed on beautiful women. When asked by VLAD TV in a recent interview about urban models and the lack of recognition they receive in the mainstream media, he had a few interesting things to say.

“At the end of the day, it is still is modeling,” he said. “It’s a different type of modeling, but it’s still modeling because if you break down the definition of modeling…it’s [still] a form of modeling but it’s not a high-end form.” Adding, “When Hugh [Hefner] first started Playboy, some people kind of frowned upon it. Then Playboy became a part of America.”

Read more at StyleBlazer.com

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From YourTango

I just spent several days walking, dancing, playing and dining in a world of generous succulence. In this world, I had several opportunities to talk with women about sexuality and their relationship with men.It seems that so many of us want the attention of men, yet greet their attention with anger or fear. We want masculine attention, dress for it, flip our hair on the street for it, but when we get a response — we often respond with fear or anger. Our eyes often don’t greet the smile of masculine appreciation with warmth — often we return it with a “how dare you notice!”

Sometimes we just look away and pretend that we didn’t notice. Some of us may snort and think “pigs” to ourselves. And honestly, it is not necessary to do anything with anyone’s response to our sexuality. But what if …

What if we instead chose to allow the compliments that come to us in an appreciative smile or wink on the street from a masculine energy that admires us as we pass? What if we returned the smile? What if you could feel that the warm attention of men as you walked down the street in your sexual power was simply their acknowledging your feminine power?

Read more at YourTango.com

From Shutterstock.com

From YourTango

According to IndianExpress, a new study claims that women immerse themselves in their romantic relationships, while men place their romantic partners on an equal but distant footing. This study shows that generally, women appear to be more invested in their relationships than men and that their happiness and well-being is more dependent upon how things are going in their intimate relationships. Is this a surprise to you? It’s not a surprise to me.

After all, who is usually the one who recognizes when things in the relationship aren’t working too well? The woman. Who is it that typically seeks professional help with the relationship? The woman. Who is it that mostly spends time on YourTango, reading self-help books and going to seminars about relationships? Women. Why is it this way? (For more information, check out Secrets of Happy Couples.)

Women are biologically wired to be the nurturers. They are the ones with the skills to anticipate the needs of their partners, take care of nurturing the relationship and do the problem solving when things have gone awry.

Read more at YourTango