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Springy, kinky, coily, curly, crinkly haired sisters are all over the place now. Black women are embracing their natural hair like never before. No longer are we shying away from our natural roots. For many of us, straightening our hair with a relaxer will never again be an option. Why straighten when our lives aren’t even straight and narrow? Life is full of kinks, just like our hair, but we work through them on this journey called life.

But the natural movement isn’t just about hair. It’s about embracing ourselves – mind, body and soul. A total lifestyle change, if you will. So if you’ve ever felt  like you can’t clear the negative feelings of self-worth and doubt from your mind, this is a must-read for you. Sometimes, we all need a gentle nudge to fall head-over-heels in love with ourselves again.

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Banish Self Criticism

Turn a deaf ear to the tiny voice in your head that whispers nothing but words of negativity. Refrain from berating yourself and feeling like you are worthless or stupid. Make a conscious effort to stop criticizing yourself.

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There comes a time in every woman’s life when there is no compromising or sheltering of herself for the sake of anyone or their feelings. It’s the time when she becomes 100% confident in who she is, where she’s been and where she is going. Her unwavering self-esteem is what makes her a true woman and armed with the tenacity to take on the world.   

With that said, there a turning point in our lives when “faking” becomes foreign and being honest and real is our reality. Here are just a few things we women of a certain age (cue 30+) should never fake the funk with…

1. Your feelings – If you feel strongly about something or someone, don’t be afraid to express it. Your feelings are real and should be treated as such.

2. Your reality – There is no need to lie or “front” about what you have or don’t have as a grown woman. Accept who you are and never allow anyone to make you feel less than that.  

3. A designer bag – If you can’t afford the designer bag you want at the moment accept it and move on, it’s not that serious. A woman of a certain age should not be sporting a knockoff of any kind.

4. An orgasm – If he is not pleasing you the way he should then tell him. Faking a good time will only hurt you in the long run. Be an adult and speak up!

5. Your friendships – Life is short, especially as you get older so befriending folks who you could care less about is useless and a waste of time. Not everyone is going to like you and you’re not going to like everyone either.

6. Your success- Don’t pretend to be less successful just to keep others comfortable. You worked hard to get to where you are. Don’t brag or boast just don’t belittle yourself.

7. Your past – I noted this in my last column, don’t fake your past. Accept your experiences, lessons learned, and wear them like a badge of honor.