Source: Greater Than AIDS

From Essence

On her own since she was 15-years-old, Eva Fields was orphaned and supporting herself by her sixteenth birthday. “I was taking better care of myself than my elders were,” she admits. “But, I wasn’t making the right decisions.” By 17, she was pregnant with her second child and told she had tested positive for HIV. Thankfully, her son was born healthy, but she knew things were only going to get tougher from there. Instead of giving in to the fear and the pain, Eva chose to educate herself about HIV and AIDS. She focused on staying positive and helping others learn from her experiences and mistakes. Fields always believed she would never be able to have more children, but with medical supervision, she was able to conceive her third child, a healthy baby girl who was born HIV negative. Her story is powerful and a true inspiration to all women who have ever had to face an unthinkable diagnosis. In honor of National Women’s Health Week, we talked to Fields about protecting our bodies and our children and the importance of spreading awareness.

ESSENCE.com: You told your now-husband your status on your first real date. How courageous! Why did you decide to do it that way?
EVA FIELDS: It was scary, of course. Any time, as a woman, when you meet the one, you have those attractions and you don’t want to lose someone because of a societal stigma. Society as a whole puts a bad label on anyone who’s HIV positive. I just felt it was time to let him know and that if he cared about me enough he would either accept it or not. It was my responsibility as a woman and as an adult to let him know. We were on a lunch date and before he decided to take that first bite, I just told him. For me, it’s never been difficult to tell anyone my status. It’s difficult getting turned down and feeling rejected. That’s what makes it hard for anyone HIV positive wanting to date someone that’s HIV negative.

ESSENCE.com: What was his reaction?
FIELDS: He was like, “Okay.” Just like that. I asked him what he meant by “okay,” as I prepared to put my guard up, and then he said, “Okay. I’m educated. I have the real education, and I’m very educated on the subject.” I felt very blessed. In the past, I had come across people who were not educated and reacted terribly. I can’t blame them. Sometimes, as human beings, we fear the unknown.

Read more on Essence.com.

Kris Connor/Getty Images

From Essence

New dad T.J. Holmes is officially on diaper duty.

The former host of BET’s late-night talk show Don’t Sleep says he does his best to help his wife Marilee Fiebig with caring for their two-month-old daughter Sabine.

“I probably change more diapers than her because she breastfeeds and she has to do that,” Holmes told ESSENCE.com at the premiere of Free Angela. “So I do the thing that I can do and that’s change diapers.”

Awww, isn’t that sweet! Men don’t really like to help with diaper changes (it isn’t a woman’s favorite thing either) so it’s nice to see he’s become a pro at it. You can read the rest over on Essence.

What have been some of your most memorable moments as parents?

He took you out once. That was perfect. He told you you’re “so beautiful.” That was sweet. He kissed you. That gave you butterflies. He said, “I can see myself with you.” That made your heart skip a beat and your mind race to marriage. He listened when you were distressed over that horrible situation plaguing your life. That comforted you. He cuddled and watched television with you a few times. That felt so good. He’s funny. He seems genuine. He has potential. How cute.

And those are reasons to sleep with him? Those are reasons to cook for him and clean his apartment as if your name were on the lease? Those are reasons to shut out thoughts of any other possibilities for your love life? Those are reasons to compromise pieces of yourself that you sometimes worry that you shouldn’t have compromised?

Baby girl, you’re doing too much and he’s not doing enough. You know how I know? Because I’ve been that girl. You got so wrapped up in his primary packaging that you didn’t bother to look inside. You were sold. It looked good. At first. It felt good. At first. But “at first” is long gone and so is the spark and you’re not sure why he’s not doing all the things he was doing before. You’re wondering why you no longer seem to be a priority. You’re a little crushed but keeping Melanie Fiona on replay is bolstering your spirit just enough to keep truckin’ along. You still wonder though.

Take it from someone who has been a semi-consistent victim of her own overly active emotions: If he didn’t have to earn it, he won’t honor it. More than once I was so eager to be in love that I took off from my starting block before the gun even got in the air, let alone fired a shot. That kind of impatience – especially when dealing with love – WILL backfire and leave you losing. Every time.

And don’t misunderstand. This is not about playing games. It is however, about guarding your heart and your emotions until the he proves that not only are his intentions honorable but that he will consistently honor YOU. You will never get to that point of assurance if you’re filling girlfriend shoes without him ever having actively given you the title. Or picking out “His and Hers” bath towels and he hasn’t even thought about putting a ring on it.

Much of the hurt we face when dating is a result of our own impatience and need for affection when, as a mentor of mine once said, “Patience reveals all deception.” If he’s for real, you’ll be able to see consistency in his actions over time. If he’s just putting on a mask to get the good-good, then time will tell that as well. Whether young or old, patience has never been anything but a virtue. And in the case of love, wouldn’t you rather keep some mystery about yourself, guard your heart and make him work for your love than to give it away off the strength of a cheap date? To give a man who has not proven worthy access to you physically and/or mentally is like making small tears in your view of your own value. What are you worth? A few drinks at a swanky bar? A few compliments about your hair? What’s your price? Or are you invaluable?

Listen to: “Earn My Affection” by Amel Larrieux

I’ll answer for you. You’re invaluable. But that is a fact you have to know for yourself and refuse to accept any treatment that suggests less – even from yourself. Exercise some patience. Let him work for it. Don’t put yourself in compromising positions. If you know you might sleep with him prematurely, don’t go to his house. Insist on active dates. If you know you’re prone to getting too drawn in emotionally too soon, steel your mindset against getting too attached too soon and enlist the help of your girls for support.

Women hold more power than we give ourselves credit for. Men follow our lead. Let’s be absolutely convinced of our worth with our actions and interactions as evidence. Then, men will have no choice but to be convinced as well and either manifest cowardice by shrinking back, wanting something easy OR stepping up to the plate and earning our affections.

La Truly’s writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and change among young women through her writing. Check her out on Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly.

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Last month, I wrote about Why Men Settle. As part of that discussion, a number of women wondered why a man would ever settle in love when it seems like they have far more choices than women do. I understand how that might seem confusing, but I’m also unsure this popular sentiment is even true. For one, I’m on the fence about if dating is really easier for men. Taking it a step further, is finding a wife/love/soul mate any easier for men than it is for women? I don’t think so. Let’s break down the various assumptions about dating for men.

There are not enough good black men: True and false.

The popular headline is that there are less viable black men for viable black women. There are generally a few errors when this much re-hashed story breaks. First, it assumes a ‘viable black male’ can be quantified using objective measurements, usually schooling and income. For example, they report that more black men are in jail than in college. This is a blatant lie, which you can read more about from this unlikely source here, so I won’t bother dissecting it. They go on to report that we have a high number of high school drop outs, which is true, but they don’t account for the fact that high school drop outs and jail rates are both interrelated and often reflective of the same population. As an extension of this point, the same can be said for college graduation rates – as black women do outnumber black men in enrollment and graduations, but only 30% of Americans have a college degree and miraculously, people still get married every day of the week.  Income is by far the fairest measurement; however, simple arithmetic dictates that the higher your income requirement for a prospective mate – and you are free to have one – the less people will meet it.

Potential mate populations aside, I’m willing to admit that the way people traditionally date – with the expectation that men approach women – might make it easier for a man to initially meet a woman. The real question is how much impact does one to one ratios matter if women don’t proactively choose from available men anyway?

The dating odds are in men’s favor: False.

For this to be true, we have to assume that men 1) like approaching women and 2) are good at it when they do. I’m fairly certain the claims about huge numbers of men that like approaching strange women and risk getting turned down every time they do is greatly exaggerated. However, for the sake of today’s argument, we can assume men like approaching strange women and vying for their attention.

Regardless if this is true or false, the difference for men and women is that if there is a certain type of men women want to approach them, women can at least go to an establishment where those types of men are more likely to reside and place herself in the “line of fire.” On the other hand, if a man isn’t good at approaching women, there is no way to overcome it (unless he’s a baller?). A man who doesn’t have “game” will be equally unsuccessful in a room full of attractive women as he will be in a room full of unattractive women. Independent of the environment he is in, it is the embodiment of the woman that he will always struggle to approach. Even if the availability of women is in his favor, it doesn’t improve his success rates in the slightest.

To be fair, let’s assume the man we’re discussing is decent at approaching women, has money, is educated, and hasn’t been to jail. Are we still assigning blame to the wrong part of the dating problem?

About This Episode

She’s a marketing wiz and a monitor of her children’s social networking activity. Monique Jackson stresses how important the role of mothering really is when comes to regulating your child’s activity on Facebook,  Twitter, Instagram, and any social network. Her advice to parents: You must always be aware and present of what’s going on!

About Monique Jackson

Publicist Monique Jackson is one half of TEAM Image, a public relations company she founded with partner Kita Williams. Monique got her start in marketing and promotions at Universal Pictures. She then moved on to a similar role at Island Def Jam records before branching out and forming TEAM Image in 2002. Known as “Momma Mo” for her ability to nurture and encourage clients to be their best, Mo attributes her career vector to her childhood dreams of becoming “a minister, a nurse and an entertainer.”

About Karyn Parsons

Karyn Parsons is best known as the character “Hilary Banks” on the long-running television show, “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.” Today she is a wife and mother of two. Parsons is also the Founder and President of the Sweet Blackberry foundation, which is inspired by the true tale of a determined slave and the remarkable lengths he traveled to find his freedom.  While growing up, Parsons’ mother, a librarian in the Black Resource Center of a library in South Central Los Angeles, would share stories of African-American accomplishment with her daughter.  A mother and activist, Karyn created Sweet Blackberry to use the power of stories to inspire youth. Follow her on Twitter @Karyn_Parsons.

Want More Mommy In Chief? Watch these episodes:

Season 2

• Episode 1: Are You A Good Enough Mother?
• Episode 2: New Motherhood and Balancing A Busy Work Life
• Episode 3: How to Decorate an Eco-Friendly Baby Nursery
• Episode 4: Foodie, Nicole Friday on Kids and Career
• Episode 5: From Hollywood to Stay At Home Mom
• Episode 6: Single Mom in The City
• Episode 7: Mommy Mogul and Marketing Wiz Monique Jackson at Home With Her Boys 
• Episode 8: Beauty Maven Jodie Patterson Talks Four-Day Work Week for Moms 
• Episode 9: Tonya Lewis Lee on Motherhood and the Importance of Women’s Health

Season 1

• Episode 1: Back 2 School
• Episode 2: Happy Halloween
• Episode 3: Socially Responsible Kids
• Episode 4: Money Talks
• Episode 5: Keeping Families Healthy
• Episode 6: Thanksgiving Madness
• Episode 7: Highlights and Best Moments
• Episode 8: Stylish Moms
• Episode 9: Best Apps for Moms
• Episode 10: Socialite Kids
• Episode 11: Hair Talk with AfroBella
• Episode 12: Happy New Year!

About This Episode

Music industry consultant, marketing wiz, wife and mom of 5 boys, Monique Jackson invites us into her world and LA home to talk career and being a mommy!

About Monique Jackson

Publicist Monique Jackson is one half of TEAM Image, a public relations company she founded with partner Kita Williams. Monique got her start in marketing and promotions at Universal Pictures. She then moved on to a similar role at Island Def Jam records before branching out and forming TEAM Image in 2002. Known as “Momma Mo” for her ability to nurture and encourage clients to be their best, Mo attributes her career vector to her childhood dreams of becoming “a minister, a nurse and an entertainer.”

About Karyn Parsons

Karyn Parsons is best known as the character “Hilary Banks” on the long-running television show, “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.” Today she is a wife and mother of two. Parsons is also the Founder and President of the Sweet Blackberry foundation after being inspired by the true tale of a determined slave and the remarkable lengths he travelled to find his freedom.  While growing up, Parsons’ mother, a librarian in the Black Resource Center of a library in South Central Los Angeles, would share stories of African-American accomplishment with her daughter.  A mother and activist, Karyn created Sweet Blackberry to use the power of stories to inspire youth. Follow her on Twitter @Karyn_Parsons.

Want More Mommy In Chief? Watch these episodes:

Season 2

• Episode 1: Are You A Good Enough Mother?
• Episode 2: New Motherhood and Balancing A Busy Work Life
• Episode 3: How to Decorate an Eco-Friendly Baby Nursery
• Episode 4: Foodie, Nicole Friday on Kids and Career
• Episode 5: From Hollywood to Stay At Home Mom
• Episode 6: Single Mom in The City
• Episode 7: Mommy Mogul and Marketing Wiz Monique Jackson at Home With Her Boys 
• Episode 9: Tonya Lewis Lee on Motherhood and the Importance of Women’s Health

Season 1

• Episode 1: Back 2 School
• Episode 2: Happy Halloween
• Episode 3: Socially Responsible Kids
• Episode 4: Money Talks
• Episode 5: Keeping Families Healthy
• Episode 6: Thanksgiving Madness
• Episode 7: Highlights and Best Moments
• Episode 8: Stylish Moms
• Episode 9: Best Apps for Moms
• Episode 10: Socialite Kids
• Episode 11: Hair Talk with AfroBella
• Episode 12: Happy New Year!

AP-P

Sometimes you never really see it coming – the “Friends with Benefits” situation. After all, he’s cool, a lot of fun to hang out with and there’s an attraction there that could go either way, depending on what day of the week it is. You think he’s cute, he’s not seeing anyone and neither are you and then BAM! – after maybe one too many, you have sex.  And the sex is good. Really good. So you decide to do it again, and again…and maybe one more time. Next thing you know, you’re friends with benefits (FWB)…and everything is groovy.

Until…one of you catches feelings. Most of us know someone who has found herself in this situation wondering how she got there – and how she can either get out of it, or how she can take it to the next level. If she’s fallen for the guy, yet he’s stated over and over again that they’re “just kickin’ it” or that he’s not ready for a relationship, chances are you will never go from the FWB situation to full girlfriend status. But it IS possible. Sure, this may happen in RARE cases, especially if he has intimacy issues or commitment phobia – in which case I advise you to let it go and heal your broken heart. But if you feel that the chemistry between you suggests that there might be a chance at real love, here are some things you can do to test the waters to see if you can go from FWB to wifey.

Read the rest of this entry »

From YourTango

By Amber Doty

Less than one month after my husband and I were married—before I even had a chance to mail thank you notes for our wedding gifts—I found myself holding what appeared to be, to my surprise, a positive pregnancy test. Weeks later, in a room lit only by the glow of an ultrasound screen, we learned that our baby’s due date was exactly nine months from our wedding. As it turned out, our new life together wasn’t the only one that began on that spring day.

Eight and a half months into our marriage, while we were still getting comfortable in our roles as husband and wife, we became mom and dad. We were newlyweds and parents. I won’t say that our son was poorly planned—we were both anxious to start our family—but I will say that in hindsight becoming a mother in the same year that you become a wife is not for the weak. The first year of our son’s life was the most difficult of our marriage to date and it is also the year I learned a very important lesson: My husband must always come before our children and, according to a survey of counseling professionals from Your Tango, the lesson is a good one. Half of the experts polled believe that wives should prioritize their husband over their kids. Who Should Be The Priority: Your Husband Or Your Child?

It is an admission often met with outrage when shared with my mom friends, and as novelist Ayelet Waldman knows all too well, with the general public. The wife of Pulitzer Prize-winning author Michael Chabon published a 2005 New York Times essay avowing her love for her husband first before her children, making clear the distinction that while she loves her kids she is not in love with them as she is her with husband. A media firestorm followed, with condemnations from mommy bloggers across the country and an invitation to the Oprah show in order to “explain herself.”

After all, this goes against the golden rule of motherhood, the one that tells us being a good parent means sacrificing all for the happiness and well-being of our children. Putting aside our own needs for theirs is practically a requirement, but, I’m sorry, I’m just not buying it.

Read more about how Amber “baby-proofs” her marriage on YourTango.com.

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theglobenewspaper.blogspot.com

Some women have dreamed of being married since the age of baby dolls and pigtails, so once they begin dating, every guy becomes a potential Prince Charming. As romantic as the notion of marriage may be, most people don’t stop to think if they are actually “marriage material.” Many think that simply because you fall in love and date for a year or two, marriage is the natural next step – but it’s not for everyone. If you DO decide that marriage is in your future, make sure you’re honest with yourself about what you bring to the table. After all, you can’t attract a man who possesses the traits of a good husband if you don’t display those traits yourself (and of course the same applies to men). If you’re unsure, these signs may indicate that you may not make a good wife – and have some work to do on yourself before you walk the aisle.

Read the rest of this entry »

Source: thegrio.com

Alexis Welch is winning.

After ten years and three kids with New York Knicks power forward and center Amar’e Stoudemire, he proposed to her last week…in Paris…with an 8.5 carat stunner for all of his Twitter followers to see:

Source: https://twitter.com/Amareisreal

A couple of days later, he referred to his new fiance as his “lioness” on Twitter while they took in the Miami-Celtics game courtside. Well, anyone who can stay with an NBA player for ten years and three kids without a ring is certainly a lioness.

Outside of these reality shows, we rarely hear from NBA wives and girlfriends, especially while things are good, but Alexis talked to the New York Post today about how they met, the proposal and moving to NYC.

About the proposal she said:

“I’m usually on top of everything, but he got me. We were going to France to visit Cognac [area],” says Welch, who describes a whirlwind trip of cognac tasting, plus a jaunt to Paris, where they stayed in the royal suite at Le Meurice Hotel Belle Etoile, went to the Louvre and took in a Kanye West and Jay-Z concert.

On their last night in the French capital, she says, “We went back [to the room], and there were rose petals leading to a balcony with a 365-degree view of Paris. We walked out to the twinkling lights of the Eiffel Tower.

“He had an acoustic-guitar player. He had a saxophonist. This is another side of Amar’e that people don’t get to see. I’m just getting teary-eyed talking about it.”

Stoudemire hired a photographer to capture their trip, including the magical moment.

The duo flew home the next morning to tell their children, who are equally excited.

The pair met when they were just nineteen. Welch says the conversation clicked, and because she is 5-foot-10, she liked that he was 6-foot-11: “I’ve always liked guys who were taller than me when I wear heels.”

About moving to NYC from Miami, she told the NY Post that she isn’t expecting her life to change too much. “She does plan on working with the Amar’e Stoudemire Foundation, which focuses on outreach to at-risk youth, adding, ‘I’ll take my time and only do things that make sense for our family.’”

Welch says most of her friends are in Phoenix but she likes the Knicks players wives and girlfriends and she feels closest to Tyson Chandler’s wife.

She said: “It’s been a whirlwind. I’m so overjoyed. Everyone is calling, wanting to know all of the details. I’m marrying my best friend.”

A wedding date hasn’t been set, but the couple plans to marry in 2013.

Alissa Henry is a freelance writer living in Columbus, OH. Follow her on Twitter @AlissaInPink or check out her blog: This Cannot Be My Life

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