All Articles Tagged "weight gain"
Is it all those cheeseburgers a boyfriend brings around that makes us gain weight? Or perhaps it’s the singles who are at risk, because of the lonely nights spent with a tub of ice cream? Actually, both are correct. Nobody is totally safe from the ways dating, love and relationships can make us pack on the pounds.
Women wonder if changes to their physical appearance over the course of a relationship affect men and if it’s something men take into consideration. I believe that most men do care, to an extent, about the physical appearance of the women they’re dating and I think every man at some point has tried to envision what their woman would look like in hypothetical scenarios like increased age and weight gain. The question derives from Boris Kodjoe’s recent comments during his press tour regarding women gaining weight in a marriage and the importance of keeping it “sexay.”
As far as my own personal preferences, the topic of weight gain is a nuanced one. For example, if a woman gains weight due to sickness, I’m inclined to ignore it. What that means is I don’t necessarily look at it as her gaining weight, so much as I view it as a byproduct of her sickness. However, if we’re talking about a woman who got into a relationship and simply let herself go, I’m a little less understanding on that point. For me, the difference in perception of a woman’s weight gain is based on the amount of control she has in the situation. I’m far more likely to be sympathetic to my woman if she gains weight in an uncontrollable situation, as opposed to a woman who simply just didn’t give a damn about how she looked.
Men are in interested in what their women will look like in the future, but I tend to believe that’s mostly in the beginning. When we first meet women, things like their personality, wants, hopes, and dreams aren’t what we’re interested in. We, as men, are interested in how she looks because that’s all the information we have at the moment. The more we get to know a woman the more her inner beauty shines, which, in most cases, makes her outer beauty less important. I won’t say men aren’t sneaking looks at the other women in their girlfriends’ family to make sure she has good genes (because every man has at some point been told to look at a woman’s mother for a clue as to how she’ll look in the future) but generally, the more we get to know a woman the less we “see” her and the more we see the real her.
I know it seems shallow to talk about women in this manner. And it can come off a bit sexist and maybe even a tad chauvinistic, but I would be cautious with the amount of judgment shown. Both men and women are shallow — even if they’re not shallow about the same things. Women are attracted to physical (and other) features of a man just like men are attracted to physical features of women. I saw a comment that said a woman gaining a large amount of weight in a short period of time is indicative of a larger problem at hand. It was also said if the man is not willing to help the woman with that problem, he shouldn’t have been married in the first place. I counter that with, if a woman has a major issue and she’s eating to solve her problem instead of working with her husband at the beginning of the issue, maybe she shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place. Doesn’t sound that enticing when put in reverse, does it?
Yes, men do pay attention to weight gain and wonder what women will look like in the future. I do believe, however, that once a man has made the decision to commit to a woman and gets to know her inner beauty, the outer beauty becomes less important. Notice I didn’t say “no longer” important, just less important. I don’t know anybody who doesn’t want to be physically attracted to the person they’re dating but, at the very least, one should focus on finding someone who values the inner beauty just as much as the outer beauty.
For more on RealGoesRight’s opinions on men and women, be sure to check him out with the all-star collective of black men writers over on SingleBlackMale.Org. If you prefer something a bit more direct, feel free to follow him on Twitter at @RealGoesRight and subscribe to his blog at RealGoesRight.Com.
Boris Kodjoe Says Gaining Weight In A Marriage Is Unacceptable: “Part Of The Deal Is You Gotta Keep It Sexay”
We all know Boris Kodjoe has no tolerance for the plus-size lifestyle so it should come as no surprise that when asked about relationship dealbreakers, weight was a major one. During the press junket for “Baggage Claim,” Cocoa Fab’s Cherise Nicole talked to Boris and Derek Luke to ask them what they could and couldn’t tolerate when it comes to women, and when it came to the topic of weight gain, Boris said that was a no go.
“Ok part of the deal is, you got to keep it sexay. Got to keep it Hot. Because it’s easy getting married, but it’s not as easy to stay married. And part of that is, like, I make my wife, my girlfriend. She’s my girlfriend. So, we got to keep it sexay. If we keep it sexay, we keep it right, everything else falls into place.
“What if I gained 200 pounds? And then she’ll look at me like, really? And I couldn’t even blame her if she started looking around. Because I took her off the market, so I have to deliver what the market could possibly deliver for her. So, I gotta take that place. Right? So, I gotta fulfill those things that the market could’ve given her. I’m the market now, so I got to keep it Hot and she has to do the same for me.”
While Boris was on a role with his marriage market talk, Derek Luke was quick to jump in with a more tempered response to weight gain in a relationship, saying:
“That’s part of my character. Part of my character is about commitment. You know what I’m saying? So, even if you doing the humpty dumpty, it’s commitment, cause you know what? The dude could go humpty dumpty! He could go from six pack to one pack, you know what I’m saying? Because in marriage, your body changes.
“I think [Boris] is right, you should put in effort to keep it sexay. But I think if you have missed the effort to keep it sexay, I think that there should be something stronger than your effort to keep it sexay. It should be commitment. That’s why marriages are failing in America and across the world, because there’s no commitment. Because commitment is the key to success. You can go up and down. It’s about where you land. It’s about your commitment. Cause sickness, weight, that’s in your confessions when you get married.”
Now in Boris’s defense, he did say if his wife were to fall ill, his intolerance of her weight would be a different story — and granted the interviewer did propose an egregious amount of weight gain (100 pounds) — but whenever we get into these discussions about something as minor as weight, I always find myself annoyed. I understand going from right and tight to obese is an extreme change, but are there not many more extreme changes one could go through in marriage that aren’t nearly as reversible as weight gain?
What if your spouse was to develop a degenerative disease or be physically scarred in a car accident, would you leave then to find something better in the market? Most times when a person gains serious weight, there are serious reasons behind it and if a man isn’t willing to stick by his woman and help her work through those issues, he probably didn’t need to get married in the first place.
Check out the full dealbreaker discussion in the interview below. What do you think about Boris and Derek’s responses?
Emotional eating can be one of the most disruptive habits to a person’s life. The guilt over losing control, not to mention the worry over the added pounds, drives a lot of emotional eaters to hole up in their homes, cancelling plans and even sometimes missing work. The results can be devastating. But while it only takes a few minutes to make the decision to consume those ten cookies, it also only takes a few minutes to overcome the urge. You just need actions you can take right now to do so.
By Christie Mims
You are sitting at your desk, buried under work, and you are exhausted. So you reach for a can of soda, or a leftover cupcake from the company lunch, and eat it mindlessly as you click through your email.
As you get dressed the next day, you zip up your pants and think to yourself “Oh nooooo…my job is making me fat!”
Sure, you can argue about long work hours, loads of stress, no time to finish your New Year’s Resolution to lose weight (remember that?). You can easily just blame your job.
We’ve all been there, trying to finish up a project before the next meeting and eating whatever is leftover in the break room for lunch. Or coming home exhausted and surviving on a diet of caffeine instead of sleep. You aren’t alone in feeling like your job is (literally!) a weight around your neck.
But the truth is that your job has nothing to do with it.
Your job isn’t grabbing a cupcake and shoving it in your mouth (for a long time, I was convinced my job was purposely buying cake…you know, just to mess with me!), it isn’t skipping workouts and making you chose a burger over a salad at lunch.
Read more on YourTango.com.
When I was in high school, there was no way you could have told me that those relationships I fostered within those halls weren’t going to last. When people would say: ”You’re going to forget the friendships you had in high school, but the ones you make in college are going to last,” I was determined to prove them wrong. Well, those people were partially right. I did keep a few of those friendships, I had no problem ending a few, especially one particular friendship over what I felt were unnecessary words.
In high school I was very thin though I never really exercised. However, I was very active. Besides being extremely hyper and constantly bouncing off the walls, I was also in marching band where we would have 2 to 6 hour practices that had us moving and marching for hours. So, I could continue to eat very unhealthily (I’m a burger girl) but still stay thin.
When I got to college, I didn’t engage in physical activity but continued to eat extremely crazy, resulting in massive weight gain (30 pounds in a semester). I rarely came home on breaks, so I didn’t see one of my high school friends for about two or three years. I finally come home and she comes to my door and picks me up to go out to eat. The moment I opened the door, her eyes immediately zoomed in on my stomach. Honestly, I was in partial denial about my weight gain, and was still attempting to pour myself in clothes that I couldn’t fit; therefore looking like an overstuffed burrito. (God, sometimes I’m too honest in these stories. All right, let’s continue with my shame…)
The entire time we’re at the restaurant she’s looking me over and kept uttering comments like: ”I mean, but what happened to you?… You used to be so pretty. I mean… you gained so much weight!” I tried to ignore it but when I was absentmindedly flipping through the menu and reached the desert section and she quickly reached over and turned the menu to the salad section, I got offended. We ate, went to a movie, she dropped me off, and I immediately erased her number from my phone. At that moment, I was too done. Though I was still trying to fit (unsuccessfully) into my old clothes, I knew deep down that I had turned into a “big’um.” I wasn’t ignorant to the fact that the only comfortable item I had to wear was my oversized college hoodie, I was just HOPEFUL that I was being too hard on myself and I didn’t look as bad as I did.
For a very long time I held that grudge. It wasn’t until someone asked me about a year ago why the friendship ended and I began to tell them. The other person I talked to started going in on my ex-friend. That’s when I surprised myself by defending her: ”You know what, yeah, she was bogus for how she went at it, but honestly, I had gained some weight then. Even though she was rude by how she said it, it did make me more conscious about what I ate and it did encourage me to work out more.”
Now, whether we want to admit it or not, humans are very sensitive beings. No matter how much people want to argue with: ”It’s unprofessional to get angry at negative criticism,” we all know that the moment someone goes in you, your natural reaction is to get defensive. But what I’m addressing now is that even during those very rude moments that you can’t avoid, try to find something positive from it to better yourself. People can always use more tact with the way they criticize you, and they’ll never put themselves in your shoes and think: ”Is this a way that I would like to be talked to?” But once you get past the ridiculousness, there might be something in that nugget of insults that you can use to make yourself a better person.
Now, I’m not as thin as I was in high school, but I’m definitely not as fat as I was when I saw my former friend. But whenever I feel very sluggish and don’t want to work out, that conversation encourages me to make healthier decisions in my life. Whether she was trying to help me, I don’t know, but without that conversation I honestly couldn’t start helping myself.
Kendra Koger is on twitter @kkoger.
“I Couldn’t Fit Into Anything. I Was 224 Pounds.” Laura Govan Explains Why She’s Launching An After-Baby Clothing Line
When you think about children’s book authors Laura Govan’s name is certainly not at the top of the list. But you never know what these Basketball Wives will do next. Watch above as Laura explains the inspiration behind her new clothing line, why she’s writing a children’s book and her upcoming wedding.
Why Jessica Simpson? Because God forbid a new mother’s first order of business be to bond with her baby. She has weight to lose and fast!
It’s terrible the amount of pressure placed on celebrity mothers and, by extension, non-celebrity mothers to lose baby weight as quickly as possible as soon as they leave the hospital.
Worse, are the celebrities that face the pressure themselves and then turn around and cover magazines promoting their weight loss as an even prouder moment than birthing a healthy baby.
Even “Queen Bey” has completely fed into this nonsense. She made headlines after telling her fans at a concert that she lost 60 pounds in five months by running on a treadmill and eating lettuce. I hope she was only kidding because that is ridiculous, especially since she is (or was?) breastfeeding.
New mom, actress and author Tia Mowry says that she was encouraged to seek surgery to help her lose her baby weight. At a book signing in DC, she told BellyItchBlog.
“Money was being thrown at me to do surgeries and I said no, ‘I want to do it the right way’ because I know there are moms out there who can relate.
“I lost 5 lbs a month which is what your OB/GYN suggest you to do, I would work out 3 times out of the week because moms, who are working moms, who want to spend time with their baby, don’t have time to be in the gym 2 hours a day.”
And why should they? It’s one thing if a person had a baby a decade ago and is still calling the extra poundage “post-baby weight”, but we really need to give these brand new moms a break.
Studies have shown that most mothers return to their pre-pregnancy weight just a year after giving birth. So why glorify someone who has dropped the weight in five weeks as though that is something to be proud of and aspire toward? It’s unrealistic at best and dangerous at worst.
Granted, there are some things that newly pregnant women try to do while expecting to prevent a colossal amount of weight gain and that definitely helps them bounce back quickly. This is how Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr was able to walk in that famous fashion show last year just months after giving birth. However, if a pregnant woman piled on 75 pounds in ten months then it will (and should) take longer than ten weeks to strip it off.
Women have enough body image issues and pressures as it is. It’s not fair that a new mom should be subject to intense scrutiny and cruel insults (like the comments directed toward The Help‘s Bryce Dallas Howard and former Miss World Aishwarya Rai Bachchan) simply because they aren’t working overtime at the gym immediately after pushing a human being out of their uterus.
The expectation to make the weight evaporate seems standard because there aren’t enough celebrities, like Tia Mowry, who say publicly that taking care of their baby and their body is much more important than wriggling into a bikini in record time.
Instead, Jessica Simpson accepting the Weight Watcher’s advertising gig and Beyonce announcing her lettuce diet are prime examples of celebrity moms that insist on being part of the ever-growing problem that is expecting women to be walking around in ever-shrinking bodies and, quite frankly, it’s sad.
Do you think new Hollywood mothers are taking their post-baby weight loss too far?
Alissa Henry is a freelance writer living in Columbus, OH. Follow her on Twitter @AlissaInPink or check out her blog: This Cannot Be My Life
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I’m not saying this is Bey’s fault, but I knew all the attention on her dropping her baby weight so quickly was going to spiral out of control with that type of rapid weight loss becoming expected for new mothers. She was hardly the first to do it but she’s been praised for it more than most, while on the other side of the globe, Bollywood star and former Miss World Aishwarya Rai Bachchan is being blasted for not losing her post-baby weight soon enough.
Indian tabloids have heavily criticized the 38-year-old blue-grey-eyed beauty with headlines like “SHOCKING! Fat Aishwarya Rai!” and “Aishwarya’s Baby Fat Woes!” in the seven months since the actress gave birth to her daughter and the general public hasn’t done much to calm the discussion. Most recently, a report by “Bollywood CIA” posted on YouTube put together before and after pictures of the star against the sound of an elephant trumpeting in the background. Comments from the 500,000 viewers have included:
“Instead of losing some of her flab after her delivery the Bachchan Bahu has gained 5 or 6 kilos…we think it is time she hire a good trainer to help her sweat it out in the gym.”
“She is a Bollywood actress and it is her duty to look good and fit”
“She needs to learn from people like Victoria Beckham who are back to size zero weeks after their delivery.”
“The woman is in the PUBLIC eye! Her baby is 7 months old and she looks like she gave birth yesterday! Not to mention she has a double chin! Sorry, many of us have had kids and WORKED hard to lose it. Motherhood doesn’t give you license to be overweight.”
“Wouldn’t have recognized her…is that really her in the taxi…too many kebabs.’
I can only imagine the emotional toil this has taken on the actress who Julia Roberts once said was “the most beautiful woman in the world” and who has always been revered for her looks. ABC points out though, that Aishwarya is not shying away from the spotlight just because of public opinion. She fully intends to walk the red carpet during the Cannes Film Festival, which just began yesterday, with her daughter. But of course, this news has sparked even more discussion about what she could possibly wear given her post-pregnancy weight.
Stardom often comes with a heavy price but this shouldn’t be one of them. Putting this type of pressure on a new mother is unnecessary, especially when we know if she did snap back to a size 2 too soon, people would say she spent too much time in the gym with a personal trainer rather than being with her new baby. You really can’t win as a woman in Bolly- or Hollywood. Meanwhile Jessica Simpson is reportedly “excited” that she’s signed a $4 million deal here in the US to drop her baby weight ASAP using Weight Watchers. It never ends.
What do you think about all this pressure for new mothers to lose their baby weight immediately?
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
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Weight loss and weight gain seems to be a consistent problem in the USA. With so much focus on diet fads and weight loss programs, it can be tough to know what’s right for you and your body. These celebrities have done it all with their weight: kept it off, then put it back on.
Who can forget our favorite lady from “Cheers” during the early ’90′s? Kirstie Alley became a spokeswoman for Jenny Craig from 2005 to 2008, when she was almost 228 pounds. Before that, she would constantly go up and down with her weight. Her stint on “Dancing With The Stars ” in 2011 has kept her in shape and even starting a weight loss campaign. ”Cheers” to that!!