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I know I’m not the only person who felt enormously stressed by simply being asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding. The whole opportunity to support my loved one was nice, but I saw a side of folks, including other bridesmaids and the bride, that I wasn’t too crazy about. If you are the one planning a wedding or just trying to take part in one to make somebody else happy, please don’t be the person to do the following:

Don’t Assume People Are Balling Out Of Control

You might be rolling in dough while preparing for your big day, or as the maid of honor, you might want the bridesmaids to put in big dollars for getaways, spa sessions, and unique ways to celebrate bridal showers and bachelorette parties, but always remember that times are hard. With people having to buy dresses, gifts, pay for travel expenses and more, folks need to be reasonable in what they expect from wedding parties and family, unless you just want to keep things very small. But trust, if people can’t afford certain expenses, I’m sure they’ll let you know reeeeeeeeal quick.

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From big things like a color scheme to little things like alcohol labels, there are so many unexpected things that can make or break a wedding—or at the very least, leave you regretting how you handled that aspect instead of enjoying your big day, like you should be! Be sure to have these things (both tangible and theoretical) at your wedding.

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When two people get engaged, they want to scream it from the rooftop! And that’s okay, because from the rooftop may be only your next-door neighbors will hear you. But when it comes to weddings, when does sharing become over sharing? With social media having an increased presence in our most intimate and monumental of events, when does it enhance “the big day”, and when does it just cheapen it?

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“So, after you’ve been married for a year, you’re going to have a wedding?”

When my friend suggested that she and her fiancé were going to exchange vows in her pastor’s office then have a “big wedding” the following year, I had to make sure I heard that correctly.

Apparently, she didn’t see anything ridiculous about the prospect of getting legally married now, then planning the ceremony where they would get fake married later.

Yes, “fake married”.

A wedding is a ceremony in which two people are united in marriage. If those two people unite in a courthouse, an office, a church, a backyard, Times Square, mid-air, Taco Bell, or the TJ Maxx where they met, then they just had their wedding. Whether they exchanged vows in front of a judge, and an Elvis impersonator or three thousand of their closest friends, that was their wedding. Anything after that is a vow renewal ceremony, a blessing, or an elaborate costume party.

I liken the idea that you can get married now and have a wedding later to the idea that you can turn 21 now but have a 21st birthday again next year. At that point, it’s not your 21st birthday it’s your 22nd. Why would anyone wish you a happy 21st birthday when you’re 22?

Apparently, this “get married now, wedding later” happens more than I think. I recently read about Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa’s decision to get married now before their baby comes, but have a “traditional wedding ceremony” later. What’s traditional about not actually getting married at your wedding? And considering they’re already living together and have a child on the way, is tradition really that important to them anyway?

Of course, there are all sorts of reasons why couples say they want to get married now and have a wedding later: finances, military deployment, undesirable seasons for a wedding, a family member on his or her deathbed, etc. Still, if a couple gets married now then they won’t be getting married at their “big wedding later” because, unless you get divorced, you can only get married once. A wedding is a joining together of two people. How can you join what is already joined? How can the father of the “bride” give her away if she is already someone’s wife? How can you commit your life to someone you’ve already committed your life to? It’s not possible.

This isn’t to say I’m against the idea of having a wedding now and a reception later. In those instances, the couple isn’t trying to hide the fact that they’re already married. And they’re certainly not pretending to get married again. A reception is an optional post-wedding party and many couples elope or have a small, private ceremony then throw a big bash to celebrate their union. For these receptions, couples can still register for gifts, send out fancy invitations and even wear a wedding dress and tux. That still sounds like a thinly-veiled gift grab, but it definitely makes more sense than having two ceremonies, one legal and one for show.

And speaking of “show”, maybe that’s the problem. The prevalence of wedding planning shows and televised reality-show-special weddings have a legion of women thinking that they’re not a bride unless they’ve got a ball gown, fifteen bridesmaids, three-tiered cake, ice sculpture, six-thousand dollar Christian Louboutin Daffodile Strass shoes and enough flowers to fill the White House lawn. That, to them, is a “real wedding” and only the whole nine yards will make them feel that they’re a “real bride”. However, it truly doesn’t take all that. If you’re getting married, you’re a bride. If you’re already married, no matter how lavish the ceremony, you’re a wife in a wedding dress. I’m all about the dream wedding, but I don’t think getting fake married is the way to live out that childhood fantasy.

Not surprisingly, plenty of couples that say get married now and say they’ll have a wedding later end up never going through with it. That’s likely because, once they get into the throes of planning, they realize it’s a lot of money and hassle to do something they’ve essentially already done. Wedding planning is taxing – especially when trying to plan your dream wedding – and I imagine that if a couple is already married then that takes away a lot of their motivation to plan an expensive spectacle.

Also, it’s understandably difficult to get others onboard for Wedding 2.0. Few would shell out beaucoup money for a bridesmaid’s dress, plan a bridal shower, throw a bachelor party or fly across country for a friend’s wedding who is already married. Of course, oftentimes the couple doesn’t tell their friends and family that they’re ceremony isn’t real. In those cases, I wonder why the couple would even want their friends and family there if they were okay with lying to them about being married already.

Maybe I’m old school and “getting married now and having a wedding later” is the new thing to do. To each his own. As for the friend I told you about earlier, I got a Facebook message from her several months after she tied the knot in her pastor’s office: “We decided not to have a wedding next year. Maybe the year after.” I didn’t even respond.

What do you think about you (or one of your friends) getting married now and having a wedding later? For those who have successfully gone through with the get married now and have a wedding later, when is the anniversary? Do you celebrate the day you were legally married or the day you had the big ceremony? Would you be ticked if your friend lied to you about already being married while she was planning her wedding?

 Follow Alissa on Twitter @AlissaInPink or check out her blog This Cannot Be My Life

 Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock.com

When my friend Lauren was planning her wedding, her mom was doing the most.

She lived three hours away in Lauren’s hometown but you would have thought she was right next door considering how much input she had into Lauren’s wedding. From insisting they invite her entire 400-person church congregation to the wedding (and feed them) to shutting down the option of having a bridal shower in the city where Lauren and her fiancé live, I fully understood why Lauren didn’t move back to her hometown after college.

When she went wedding dress shopping with her mom and bridesmaids, her mom made the bridesmaids leave the room so as not to see Lauren in her wedding dress. Clearly, her mom took that silly groom-cant-see-the-bride-before-the-wedding superstition a little too far. But it was Lauren’s mom and she was excited, so I didn’t think much of it – until I heard her refer to the wedding as “Lauren’s Big Day” and told her future-son-in-law that all he had to do was show up at the ceremony. Did I mention he and Lauren were paying for their own wedding?

I couldn’t believe her mom took it there and I wondered, are we still doing that?

Are we still expecting the groom to not be involved in wedding planning at all? I sincerely hope not. It’s not just the “Bride’s Big Day”, it’s his day too. There are two people exchanging vows, so there should be two people determining how the day goes. When the groom is making suggestions the response from the bride (nor her mom) shouldn’t be: “We got this. Goodbye.”

On the flip side, the guy should want to be involved with the wedding planning. Just yesterday on this site, we posted a promo of “Marrying The Game” which is a new reality show special showcasing rapper Jayceon Taylor’s aka “The Game’s” wedding to his fiancé Tiffney Cambridge. In the promo, Tiffney is visibly upset because The Game isn’t really helping her plan their wedding and in fact he scheduled a trip to France while she is in the middle of preparing. Some women might prefer the groom to be nothing but a blank check writer while she’s planning, but it’s a red flag if the guy doesn’t want to be involved at all.

Why? Because it’s not even about the wedding planning really. Most of those details people freak out about during the planning, they don’t even remember 15 minutes into the honeymoon anyway. It’s more than about knowing you both gave equal input and came to an agreement on the color scheme. Planning nuptials together is a sort of last-ditch opportunity for couples to observe the level of respect, ease of communication, and willingness to compromise that will definitely be necessary for a solid marriage. If a couple can’t get along when planning their wedding, then that’s probably a wedding that should not happen.

Stephen Fabick, a psychologist who specializes in conflict resolution told CNN:

A wedding is a healthy way of making a public commitment to each other and acknowledging that you’re part of a web of family and friends that helps to nourish the relationship… sometimes, the extensive planning of a costly wedding can expose a couple’s differences in compatibility, values or beliefs. Surviving the task of planning a wedding together and ultimately living together for years and years means being able to support each other during basic decisions.

Of course, there are going to be some things that the groom just flat out isn’t interested in. Or things that the bride wants to keep a surprise from the groom. But overall, the planning should be a joint effort.

The best way to facilitate this from the outset is for the couple to sit down together and the bride can make a short list of 5 things that are important to her and five things that aren’t and the groom can do the same things with things that are important to him and things that aren’t. That way, the bride isn’t running around planning her “fairytale wedding” without a clue what her future husband wants or is interested in helping with.

The truth is, planning a wedding together that both individuals will enjoy will probably make at least the first year of married life much easier.  I’m not saying my friend Lauren or Tiffney and The Gamecan’t have a happy marriage. Plenty of successful marriages have begun with a groom whose sole responsibility was to fit into his tuxedo on the day of the wedding. I am suggesting however, that we do away with this whole “this is the Bride’s Big Day” silliness and embrace the fact that at its core, a wedding is the beginning of a marriage and therefore a Big Day for both of the people involved. Right?

Do you think weddings are too often viewed as the Bride’s Day?

Follow Alissa on Twitter @AlissaInPink or check out her blog This Cannot Be My Life

*Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

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With so many big things to pay attention to on your wedding day, any bride is prone to letting a few details slip through the cracks, or just saying, “Whatever you think is best” when the planner asks about the 500^th decision that day. But sometimes, the seemingly little things can throw a big wrench in your big day.

Image: AbleStock.com

According to bridal business research company The Wedding Report, the average U.S. wedding in 2011 cost $25,630. And that was during a recession!

So weddings are big business and Marta Segal Block, writing for The Huffington Post, wonders if wedding blogs are making couples (read: brides) think they need to put themselves into hock to make their wedding day great. Block is a wedding blogger and she wonders whether the image of wedding perfection that she and other writers put forward is actually what you should be striving for.

“That gorgeous tablescape you’re looking at and wondering how to copy for your own wedding? It’s not real,” she says. “It’s part of a styled ‘inspirational’ photo shoot. Those bouquets are real, but they cost $500 each and were created in a totally different climate from the one in which you’re getting married.”

Having been to a number of wedding, I’ve found that whether large or small, people want to tell the bride how beautiful she is, bask in the happiness of the couple and their families, eat, drink (too much) and dance. Most everything else is a cherry on top. Which doesn’t mean you can’t splurge on your big day. I went to one wedding where there was a milk chocolate, a dark chocolate and a white chocolate fountain in addition to wedding cake. My cup literally ranneth over. But it’s not necessary.

“I worry that somewhere there’s a couple who spent so much time on wedding blogs that they have a wedding album filled with pictures of things, not people,” Block continues.

The trend watchers at The New York Times Style section say more couples are choosing to “downsize” their weddings. Among the reasons they cite: people have realized the “insanity that is the wedding market;” couples are older and busier; and people want to put their own spin on the tradition.

We’ll also add that with all of the wedding stuff one can find at their fingertips, trying to keep up with the latest wedding innovations seems excessive given the state of the economy. People really do have other things to do with their money. And, when you try that hard, your wedding begins to look more like a circus than a celebration of love.

All that said, I’ve also been to a wedding that was so DIY, I made the (non-alcoholic!) punch in the moments before the bride walked down the aisle. That’s fine, but you know, we don’t have to go there either.

madamenoire.com

Let’s face it, marriage isn’t for everyone. As a matter of fact, Nia Long made headlines recently for declaring that marriage wasn’t a “priority” for her, despite having a baby with her long time boyfriend – her second child out-of-wedlock. While we know that you can be in a loving relationship without having a piece of paper to legitimize your commitment, that piece of paper can reap greater benefits to couples who make it “official” as opposed to those who are simply shacking up. Society, communities, congregations and even the IRS tend to make things a little easier for those who decide to say “I do” – so while marriage may not be YOUR cup of tea, for those who ARE considering it, here are a few reasons why uttering a few vows in front of friends, family or the courthouse officer may be worth your while.

Read the rest of this entry »

By Taylor Lea Thomas

Source: society6.com

Question:

We are getting married on 12/12/12 at the courthouse. I am thinking of taking pics and sending photos with a message saying we got married. Should we still register for gifts?

Answer:

Dear Bride-to-be,

Love the 12/12/12 wedding date! It’s a very popular wedding date, and a great one at that. Now, on to your question…

Getting married privately in a courthouse setting without the big hoopla of a traditional wedding is one thing. Sending photographs along with a note announcing your marriage to friends and family is another thing. But requesting gifts, which is essentially what you’re suggesting, is looked at as bad wedding etiquette.

Traditionally, a gift registry is intended to aid wedding guests in purchasing a gift that the couple has taken the time to select to ensure that the items received are the items they would want to have and can be brought to the ceremony. In essence, the gift registry is simply a suggestive tool. However, by using the gift registry after the fact, it appears as if you’re asking for gifts. That’s a big no no in terms of proper wedding etiquette. I would, therefore, advise against registering for gifts since there will be no guests attending your courthouse wedding. If, however, those receiving your wedding announcements decide to purchase a wedding gift for you, then that’s fine, but asking for gifts by registering is, again, not the best idea.

Alternative:

Perhaps you can have a small gathering at your home, friend or family’s home, at your church, etc. whereby guests come to celebrate your married life together. In this case, guests can bring a gift if they so desire. Again, do not request gifts! That’s just as bad as requesting cash. You may, however, offer suggestions to those who ask if you’d prefer something specifically. In the end, be a gracious bride and those genuinely interested won’t need a gift registry announcement to buy you a wedding present.

Best wishes.

From HelloBeautiful.com

Amber Rose is so excited about her upcoming nuptials with marijuana-smoking rapper, Wiz Khalifa. Insert “hoe into a housewife” joke here. In an interview with PEOPLE, Rose said, “I think about it constantly. Like all day. No matter what I’m doing I always have my wedding on my mind. So I’m really excited.”

Aww, well isn’t that cute. The 28-year-old stripper turned, uhm…model? is picking up various bridal and food magazines so that she can get some inspiration for what she wants to look like on her big day and what food’s going to be served.

For details on Amber’s big day, visit HelloBeautiful.com.

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