All Articles Tagged "Very Smart Brothas"
Earlier this year, we told you about the Very Smart Brothas series that was coming to a screen, whether big or small, sometime soon. And it looks like that day has arrived ladies and gentlemen. Though the pilot has been screened at different venues in New York, Los Angeles and Washington D.C., the creators, Damon Young, Andrea Thornton, Derek Bellard and Panama Jackson wanted to bring the pilot to the people who made it all possible. Those of us who reside on the internet.
The pilot is 22 minutes long but VSB is posting it in three different parts. The series is supposed to be loosely based on Panama and Damon, so if you read the site, see if you find Champ and P traits in these characters.
Check out part 1 and let us know what you think of this first bit.
About a year ago, we hipped you to the fact that the Very Smart Brothas were expanding their very popular blog, Very Smart Brothas.com and turning it into a webseries. Well, love muffins things change and now the once web series hopefully finds a home on your living room television set. You may be wondering why the switch up. Damon Young, aka “The Champ,” aka the man who answers your relationship questions every Wednesday explains:
“When done with the first draft of the webseries, we decided it would be a better idea to shift focus and create a 22 minute long pilot instead. Why? Well, one of the bi products of the success of Issa Rae and Awkward Black Girl is that everyone and their step-momma has a webseries now. Since we ain’t like everyone else, we did something different.”
No word on when the full pilot will be released but keep your eyes peeled for several screening dates, including one on Saturday, September 21st in Burbank, California, public screenings in D.C., Pittsburgh and one at the New York Television Festival on October 21-26. (The pilot was one of 47 selected to be shown to fans and industry executives.)
Take a look at the series which is loosely based on Damon and Panama (though someone did say they write as if they were more attractive…crazy) in the video below and tell us what you think.
If you want more information about the series, head over here.
Eva: Should u get back with an ex that has grown out of whatever issue that caused him to be your ex?
DY: Depends on the issue. My theory though, is that re-exing is like re-gifting. Sounds like a good idea, but you gave it away for a reason
Nolundi: Is there hope for a man in his 50s with a Peter Pan Syndrome?
DY: Probably not. But, look on the bright side. With the advances in medicine today, he has a good change of making it to 100. That gives him a good 40-50 more years to figure things out.
Debra: Children’s father will only deal with his kids if he can be with the mother. Mother is unhappy but does not want kids to lose father’s presence. Stay or go?
Elexis: What does a man mean when he says he wants to be friends or he’s not ready for a relationship right now??? and what does the term “friends” mean
DY: Usually, this means “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you, but I would like to have one with your vagina.”
Tia: I am in love with someone who is extremely driven in his career and doesn’t want to marry unless he has completed a huge career goal. It is realistic for me to wait?
DY: Depends on how long, really. If it’ll take 12 months, fine. 12 years, probably not. Also, why exactly does he need to accomplish this goal before marrying you? Has he expressed that?
Tia: Thanks for replying Damon. He wants to complete his PHD which will take two years. It seems like women can multitask and do many things at one time, but he wants to do that first then eventually marriage.
DY: It’s not necessarily that men can’t multi-task. But, (generally speaking) men and women prioritize different things when it comes to relationships and marriage, and I can understand why I man would want to wait until after achieving a professional goal before he got married. Often, men aren’t “ready” for marriage until they’re “settled” professionally and financially, and that seems to be the case here
Joanne: Friend is in a new relationship with a guy who has left his wife 7 years ago but never got round to a divorce as kids were growing up. At what stage is it appropriate for her to ask him when he is going to get divorced?
DY: The “right now” stage.
Sarah: Husband seems to only want to do the fun, non- controversial things with kids, yet leaves me, the step mom, to be the disciplinarian. Despite pleas to be “on the same team”, he just doesn’t get it. Is it a matter of choice or lack of vision. Sidenote- the children’s mother is not find at all of me, saying it nicely, so has pretty much told them they do not need to respect me furthering the complications.
DY: You need to have a frank talk with him about the precedent he’s setting, and how uncomfortable it’s making you to always be the “bad cop”—especially when you’re a step parent. He’s putting you in a no-win situation.
Sonya: If a person tells you you have a beautiful heart and smile….you have integrity and you’re good person as a whole. Is it safe to say you are in the friend zone ?
DY: Unfortunately so
Vanessa: Do you believe in 50/50 relationships? I feel that this type of relationship demands giving something to get something in return and doesn’t come from the sincerity of your heart. Also a man supposed to be a provider.
DY: Please expound. Not clear what you mean by 50/50.
Vanessa: I mean do you believe in 50/50 in terms of financial aspect in a relationship? My friends think my standard to high b/c I don’t believing in paying my way 50/50 in a relationship. I think a guy that likes you shouldn’t mind spending cash and it should be natural.
DY: That’s a tough one. Lemme put it this way: There are men who are fine with being the sole provider and paying for everything, and women who prefer those types of relationships should do want they can to date/marry those men. Thing is, while being taken care of financially is a plus, I think some women fail to realize that men who want to control all of the finances usually also want to control everything else—including your body. Again, if this works for you, fine. But just realize that for every person (man or woman), every “plus” has a corresponding “minus.”
Erica: I just got into a discussion about what marriage is suppose to mean and I want a guy’s take on it. I say: Love is not unconditional and that everyone has dealbreakers in which they will leave a relationship or marriage. Including weight gain. Others say: If you’re married, then the only dealbreaker should be don’t cheat and don’t abuse me.
What say you?
DY: I say the best relationships/marriages are when you find someone whose dealbreakers match yours.
Denise: At what age do men grow up ?
DY: The age we realize “continuing not to grow up” means “dammit, the pool of women available to me will continue to shrink until I grow up.” Some of us make that transition, and some don’t because their pool never shrinks. There’s no incentive to make the change.
Kenyetta: How you tell your husband he is not pleasing you sexually?
Damon: State what you like/need, and suggest that he makes a greater effort in trying to do that. The key is to express that idea without trying to shame and/or embarrass him in the process. If you do this in an honest and reasonable way—and if he genuinely cares about you and the relationship—he should listen. (The bigger question is how does a couple get all the way to a marriage without being able to clearly communicate their sexual needs to each other?)
Ebb: How can a female go about asking a guy for just a sexual relationship without sounding like a hoe?
Damon: Easy. Just tell the guy that you want a no-strings attached relationship, and if he thinks you’re a “ho” for that, he’s obviously not the type of guy you need to be dealing with, anyway.
(Now, do no-strings attached type relationships actually work in the long run? Hmmm. That’s another question for another day)
Lechia: How can you handle your boyfriend of 5 years and the father of your child and one on the way having a baby by someone else?
Damon: Get tested for every STD known to man, leave immediately, wait six months, and get tested again.
Carol: Is it a good idea for an unmarried couple with no kids and not living together to be business partners?
Damon: No. What happens to the business if you break up? Also, even if you don’t break up, you run the risk of letting your business dynamic interfere with your relationship (and vice versa). If you were married, maybe my advice would be different, but from all angles “unmarried couple staring a business together” = “bad idea.”
Lydia: How can u tell your husband you’re not into sex like that(Adult Videos star type) lmao serious question?
Damon: What is “adult video star sex?”
Also, I don’t mean to be a package, but how did you be with someone long enough to marry them without knowing each others’ sexual likes and dislikes? I get these types of questions frequently, and I’m curious to know how that happens.
Lydia: I been with him for a while just didn’t mess around I’m a women of God and believed on waiting! That I did…
Damon: Ok. I definitely understand that. Well, I guess my next question would be what exactly do you mean by “Adult Videos star sex?”
Lydia: Adult Videos sex is everyday all day long hit it from the back and all that… I love sex but not every day I am a mother and I go to 2 schools. I don’t be feeling like having sex every day.
Damon: Moms can’t take it from the back? Learn something new everyday. Anyway, just tell him what you’re telling me. Not so much about the kids and school and all that, but that you really enjoy sex with him, but you may not be in the mood to do it every single day. Plus, when the, um, lovin’ is intense enough, you might need a day or two to heal, anyway. Remind him that consistent and persistent rabbit-banging has the potential of leaving you too raw/sore down there to enjoy it.
Blessings: I have a bed buddy that’s been acting like a boyfriend lately. Inquiring of my whereabouts and wanting to spend more time together. But he still hasn’t come out and asked to be exclusive. I may be open to it, if we discussed. I don’t want to initiate the conversation for sake of losing the benefits. Any advice?
Damon: This is a sticky situation (pun intended). There’s a chance that his change in behavior has nothing to do with him wanting someone more serious. Sometimes, we (men and women) just get a bit more possessive when sleeping with someone. Doesn’t always mean that person wants the relationship to go to another level, though. And, to be honest, I think if he wanted that bad enough, he’d just say it.
I still think you should have the conversation, though. Don’t come at it from a “So, do you want to be Facebook official now?” angle—since you’re not even sure that’s what you want. Instead, a “So, I noticed you’ve been kinda stalking me lately. What’s up with that?” angle gives you both the opportunity to clarify things without asking a leading question.
Michaela: What’s the best way to handle conflicts w/ a guy who is ‘no-confrontational’, or hates to argue?
Damon: Remind him that passive-aggressive behavior doesn’t actually get anything done. If anything, it makes things worse because minor issues continue to fester until they become major issues.
Also, you do have to ask yourself if some of the stuff you think is argue-worthy isn’t argue-worthy at all.
Sistar: When should kids be introduced? What’s an appropriate amount of dating time?
Damon: I don’t believe in arbitrary set times. In situations like this, the best thing to do is wait until you’re actually convinced that this person will be in your life for an extended period of time.
Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com.
Kat: Is it smart to put a thriving career and making money over finding a man?
DY: I don’t know which one is “smarter,” but I do know that it’s dumb to think that you can;t have both. I mean, how are you going to have any luck finding a man if you can’t see because you need glasses and you don’t have glasses because you don’t have any money?
This might be a little TMI; but I’m very curious to know how other men feel about this, so I thought I’d ask. Recently, I was cuddling/making out with my boyfriend in bed when he tried to initiate sex. Normally, that would have been fine but I was on my period, which he knew, and I told him I didn’t exactly feel comfortable. He went into this persuasive speech about fluids being a natural part of sex, how we could make sure it was clean as possible etc. He was making a lot of sense and hormonally, I’d definitely be down; but a part of me still feels like it’s just…dirty. So needless to say, it didn’t happen that night; but I guess my question is, do most men want to have sex with women when they’re on their period? Should I work on being more open-minded and try to see things differently?
Jolene: Does size really matter?
DY: Yes, the size of the skillet I used to fry eggs this morning definitely does matter. A smaller skillet wouldn’t have allowed the eggs to scramble the same way.
Felicia: Do you think it’s ok to put women in binders?
DY: Of course! That’s the title of my next book: “How To Put B*ches in Binders.” Paul Ryan actually wrote the foreword
Tonisha: Why do men take longer than women to commit to an exclusive relationship?
DY: Actually, you got it wrong. Men who are really into the women they’re with are usually ready to lock it down before she even is. The guys who are ambivalent are usually the guys who just are all that into you.
Dominique: Does the lack of a mother figure in a man’s life dictate how he interacts with women? If they had a bad relationship how do you develop a strong relationship with him?
DY: I can’t lie to you and say that it doesn’t matter, but, at the same time, a man can overcome that and have positive relationships with women. I mean, if we were going to start weeding people out because of the relationships they had with their parents, like 70% of Black America would be un-dateable.
Jamilah: I hope this is not an awkward question to ask. Should a man tell a woman he loves her first even though she knows she is in love with him but is afraid to say it to him first because of possible rejection that he might not feel the same way? Secondly if you are dating a man when do u think the talk about where is our relationship is going should begin, 3 months, 6 months after the relationship has kindly taken off in a good note. I would like to start dating again but I don’t want to spend to much time with a man if the relationship is not going to be long term.
DY: Hmm, I see what you mean about a man saying “I love you” first, but I’m also not a fan of playing a game of “I love you” chicken. I mean, if you feel like you love someone, just tell them. If this scares them away or if it’s unreciprocated then, well, that lets you know it wasn’t meant to be. As far as when to have the “talk” goes, I’m not going to give you an arbitrary date for when to do it. Bring it up when you feel like you might be ready to make that step
Crystal: I’m trying to come to terms with divorce and finally getting rid of a man with no motivation, no goals, and no job. Everyone is to blame for all his short comings. I kept holding on for over 16 yrs hoping my love was enough and eventually he would see he needs to get on track and support his wife and family. Unfortunately, a week after getting rid of him he moved in with another woman and her children. I can no longer save him. How do I come to the terms that I made the right decision to move on with the three children we have?? I still feel bad for the children, I never wanted it to come to this…
DY: After everything you said about him, just be happy and thankful that you divorced him after 16 years instead of 17.
Kat: Is it possible to help an insecure man that has low self esteem if he’s a really good person? Is he datable or should he stay in the friend zone?
DY: It is possible. It’ll take some work — and, you run the risk of building his self-esteem, and him bouncing on you, confident that he can do “better” — but if you feel like he’s worth it, then go ahead. Not all men are born full of swagger and assertiveness. Some need a little more help to get there than others.
Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com