As I made my way down the street today,with a lot on my mind as I headed to a doctor’s appointment, I found myself stopped at one of the many lights that separate me from my train station. While waiting, thinking that I should have checked the weather before I hit the streets in tight black jeans, I heard a mother say the following to one of the two children she was trying to give orders to. I guess he might have been calling himself having an attitude:

“Unfold your damn arms! I don’t know why the f**k you be actin’ like yo a** don’t know how to listen.”

…When I was young, most parents didn’t embarrass their children like that when at home, let alone curse them out like they stole something on the streets. They might put a finger in your face or put some bass in their voice in public, but you got yourself together just in time before they let you know you were going to get tore up when you both got home. In fact, my mother could make me feel just as guilty and bad by simply giving me the “Girl, you had better stop unless you want to see my belt when we get home” face or letting me know that she was truly disappointed in my behavior. But these days, people are talking uglier to their kids, referring to them as even uglier names and just can’t discipline them without calling them something you can find in Urban rather than Webster’s Dictionary.

Not only was this woman’s statement to the little boy embarrassing as people watched him get berated on the street, but it was unnecessarily harsh. I know that children can often be a hardheaded pain, but it always makes me cringe when I hear an adult curse like a sailor at a child who will most likely soak in that language and use it on someone else; Whether that be a classmate or a teacher who gets called everything but a child of God because they tried to keep them in check. People underestimate how much their outbursts or explicit conversations with other adults around their children can influence the language kids use with others. And sadly, using strong and unacceptable language to address children has become all too common.

Need another example? Well, just a few days ago, as I walked with a friend back to her place post-church, I heard a young mother talking to her friend while pushing around her son in a stroller. Out of nowhere, instead of calling him by the name she gave him, she chose to say, “Yeah, that little n***a tryna walk already.” As I watched my friend’s face turn up, I asked her, “Did she just call that little boy a “n***a”? She had, and after the fact, she laughed about it and went on with her day with her friend. I’m sure as the day went on she probably called him a lot more than that.

I don’t know about you, but it seems as though if folks aren’t cursing out their kids like Mo’Nique in Precious, they’re referring to them as everything from little “n***as” to “muthaf****s” and more. And they’re clearly doing it everywhere too: on the streets, in the stores (grocery AND retail), at the parks and at restaurants. A few are older parents, but many I find cursing up a storm are young parents, ones barely out of high school, maybe a few years into college who don’t seem enthusiastic about the responsibility that’s become a constant in their lives. I often wonder if these parents are the same ones who we hear about holding their babies under scalding water because they cried too much and too long, and starving them because they resent them. These stories get people’s blood boiling and remind folks of why not EVERY woman is fit to have children. I guess it’s a testament to the fact that if people aren’t ready to handle their responsibilities, and only find themselves yelling rather than talking to their kids, they might want to rethink their sexual activities and doing what’s putting them in these positions in the first place.

Maybe I’m being too judgmental, but I can’t see how cursing a child does them any kind of real good. All I know is that patience is wearing thin and the results are hurt and confused faces like the little boy I watched on the street today. And if you were wondering, after his mother’s rant, he looked like someone told him that he wasn’t and was never going to be anything. I’m not saying she was is a bad parent, but that behavior would probably rip her out of the running for “Mother of the Year.” Nowadays, both parents and kids are having the tantrums, and it seems as though it’s the parent who could use a time out…

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Source: madamenoire.com

I was having an interesting conversation with some friends on whether women truly put their close male friends in the “friend zone.” For anyone who doesn’t know what the “friend zone” is, according to the always hilarious Urban Dictionary, it’s the following:

“What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you’re attracted to. Usually initiated by the woman saying, “You’re such a good friend”. Usually associated with long days of suffering and watching your love interest hop from one bad relationship to another. Verb tense is “Friend-ed”.”

Ironically, most of the other definitions on Urban Dictionary paint this similar picture:  that men are the sole victims to being looked at as just friends by the women they care for, but who don’t happen to feel the same way back. Or what I would call victims of unrequited love.

The way some people perceive the “friend zone” bothers me because it’s usually only implied to men. Most movies and TV shows present men who feel they are victimized in some way because they didn’t get to that next level with their romantic interest and because she didn’t share his feelings.  Just because you buy a woman dinner, or take her out on a date, or spend time with her doesn’t mean she’s automatically required to either sleep with you or become your significant other and immediately feel the way you do.

I’m not saying that there aren’t people out there who take advantage of men’s kindness, because that would be a lie. We can all probably find a time where we’ve accidentally or purposefully played with someone’s emotions, but to think that it’s only women who do this to men? That’s my problem with the perception of it all.

I’ve been friend zoned plenty of times. I’m either too cute or too sweet to the guys I’ve found myself interest in, and I’m always someone’s “kid sister” or “one of the guys.” Guys have given me some indication that they were interested in me, but then after they get what they wanted,  be it physical, emotional–whatever–they have pulled the “You’re great and all, but we just don’t have that spark. We should just be friends.” There have been guys who I’ve liked, but their only interest in me was to be friends and they never tried to lead me on and “play” like me in a romantic sense. As much as it might happen to men, it definitely is something that women go through just as much, and it might even be worse. Whether the man in the picture gets what he wants from you (be it companionship, someone to vent to, etc) but says he “doesn’t look at you that way” or not, being thrown in the friend zone isn’t something exclusive to one sex, despite popular opinion that paints women as heartless maneaters.

What am I supposed to do if someone doesn’t like me? Make them like me? Uh, no thanks. And it’s funny, because if a woman does it she’s a crazy psycho, but if a man does it, he’s a hopeless romantic. Thank you romantic comedies such as, 500 Days of Summer and Just Friends, for proving this point.

Rejection isn’t easy for anyone, but at the end of the day if someone genuinely doesn’t like you and was honest about it, what can you do? If people had more open and honest surroundings, it would create for stronger relationships and friendships. So while Urban Dictionary and others might like to play like women always rarely know what they want, use men and then play them because they’re “too nice” and would be better used as friends, men get down the same way…

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If you’ve been on our site for a week or more, you know that we love to use the word “ratchet.” Being that it’s a relatively new slang term, some of you have had questions about the meaning. Instead of giving you a simple Urban Dictionary definition of the word, I thought I’d share this video that so adequately and completely defines what the word means and the type of women who embody it.

Check the video.

Not only is the video so accurate, the lyrics of this song are infinitely better than some of the stuff on the radio today. Talk about storytelling.

What do you think of the video and the word ratchet?

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