All Articles Tagged "unfinished business"
The devil is always in the details. It’s especially true if you’re technically married but dating. You can get labeled a homewrecking sinner because those papers just haven’t been processed. Too many are in such a rush to move on to the next one when they don’t need to be.
Couples stand before God and pledge their love until death do them part. Or until they can no longer stand the sight of the other which is becoming the norm. However, it’s not just a covenant with God which has been broken. You might give your spouse the pink slip but in the eyes of the law, you’re still married until a judge decrees otherwise. So should you hit the clubs and mix and mingle for a new mate before then?
Divorces are often a lengthy process and many people begin dating before officially putting their previous relationships to rest. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are the latest high profile example of this practice. She is still legally wed to NBA player Kris Humphries, but that hasn’t stopped her from flaunting her romance du jour for the paps. Jennifer Lopez is also reveling in her status as a cougar with Casper Smart despite her marital status with Marc Anthony. And how many folks have given women like Alicia Keys and Gabrielle Union crap for getting involved with men who were separated or getting divorced (without placing blame on the man)? Hollywood is glamorizing moving on to the next one at breakneck speed, but starting something new while the “something old” hangs over one’s head is asking for more drama than a Tyler Perry movie.
The only constant in life is change. All too often, feelings change. When they do, many yield to the temptation to act on impulse. Some think that they have more breathing room if so and so is legally separated. Granted, there is a marked difference between stepping out with a significant other who is still wearing a ring and one who has taken it off. But at the end of the day, married is still married. It’s not over until the ink is dry.
For those who insist there are infinite shades of gray in a sensitive matter such as this, that argument cuts both ways. No relationship is strictly black and white. Love and hate can co-exist between two people. You can read someone to filth in the morning and enjoy the best make-up sex in the p.m. hours. There are so many couples who have filed for divorce only to change their minds and reconcile soon after. Everybody plays the fool but one can avoid being one by avoiding placing yourself in a dynamic that hasn’t been settled.
There is nothing wrong with being single and dating. The trouble exists when you’re dating and the one who still has the title is still in the picture. A relationship is hard enough with two people. Unless of course everyone involved co-signs on threesomes, but that is a discussion for another time.
Ultimately, dating should be like the ideal shopping experience. Layaway has its uses but it’s always been better to buy what you want outright. If it’s not on the market, there’s always another item that is.
Stephanie Guerilus is a journalist and author. Follow her @qsteph
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