All Articles Tagged "underwear"
How bad are granny panties really?
If you ask me, with all the forms of underwear out there that have one butt cheek out, a string in the middle, a bow in the front and some lace on them, they’re not bad at all. I usually save the granny panties for that time of the month and the monthly panty shortage (aka, laundry time!), but when I’m not around my boyfriend, I’m wearing those joints more often these days.
Back in the day, things were MAD easy when my mother (and probably your mother too) was buying my underwear for me. Somehow, my mother knew my size perfectly, would pick up a colorful pack of Hanes briefs from the store (I would get bikinis on my own later) and throw them my way before school started, when the season’s changed, or after she peeped some holey draws in the dryer. They always fit, they were always comfortable, and they always did what they were supposed to do. But it wasn’t until junior high that I started noticing that briefs just weren’t good enough anymore. Or so it seemed. Getting dressed for gym, friends were rocking thongs and making my “Wednesday” printed panties (I know you had the underwear for every day of the week too) look like something for a third grader. From then on, even though I knew no one was going to see my underwear but me at the time, I felt that I needed to step my game up. That’s when it all started.
When I look in my panty drawer today, clearly many years after the horror I faced rocking saggy granny panties in the ladies locker room in the sixth grade, I see an array of colors and fabrics strewn about from the past few years. Boy shorts, cheeky panties, glittery thongs, those tight a** hipsters. They have all kinds of snarky comments printed on them, and when I bought them I was excited. However, the fact that they’re now sitting in the cut in the back of my drawer is a tell-tale sign that they were given a try and failed. That is, they failed the test of keeping me covered, cute and comfortable at the same time, therefore, they were banished to the back, where they’ll only be used in absolute emergencies (once again, laundry time!). Through these panties I learned a lesson: panties aren’t made how they used to be, and in turn, they’re actually doing way too much these days.
Ever tried the cheeky? They’re the joints that come with lace trim and wild colors, and they leave a whole lot of booty out just in case you want to reveal a little somethin’ somethin’. Seriously, you know baby T’s and midriff baring cropped tops? Cheekies are like that for underwear. They’re the miniskirt of panties, and while they’re cute, they give you wedgies.
And don’t forget about boyfriend shorts. Weren’t they all the rage a few years back? They looked like shorts, but fit like those tight volleyball shorts that used to constrict your breathing in high school. They were supposed to look like a comfortable pair of your boyfriend’s briefs, but of course, not fit like your man’s actual briefs. In fact, as my friend would say, those jokers were a no-go because they could give you the terrible two: a front and back wedgie. In case you were wondering, no, that’s not cute at all.
And don’t get me started on the underwear that push the concept of “less is more.” Yes, I’m talking about thongs. They were once meant to help prevent you from having panty lines with skirts, tight pants, dresses and light-colored bottoms, but women these days wear them with just about everything and to everything: the gym, under sweats, with shorts and more. Maybe that’s why they’re always playing peek-a-boo over people’s bottoms. They can be cute, and they can be helpful, but per the usual, they just aren’t as comfortable as my bikinis or my granny style briefs. I’m sorry, they’re just not.
Aside from wearing some swexy and sassy pieces to impress a boo thang, I think, like most people, that my hope when I pull up and put on underwear is that I’ll be comfortable, and that my lady bits will remain cool (or at least have space) and covered. But these days, underwear are meant to expose every damn near every inch of you, and if they’re not riding up, they’re shrinking with the quickness in the dryer, or causing you to have to mentally prepare just to put them on. Why is the material and the fit for underwear getting smaller and smaller? Why when I go for a run do my hipsters cause so much trouble? (I’ve alleviated the issue by buying running shorts that have underwear in them already!) I understand that a part of the problem is fit, but if I go up in size, why do wedgies still have to put a damper in my jeans? Why when I search through drawers at stores is the selection full of a bunch of strings glitter, bows, and writing that says “Enjoy the view”? Where am I? Justice!?
While I don’t yearn for the days of my mother buying my draws for me, back when they always fit and did the least and the most at the same time, I do miss the days when underwear (NOT LINGERIE) was simple, and not low-rise to match jeans I don’t wear. Until panties and the people who make them get their act together, I’m going to stop paying $8 for a pair of draws, and stick to the big booty granny briefs that have kept me (and been a parachute just in case) for all these years. Well, on the week days at least.
More on Madame Noire!
- People Telling You Not To Wear Heels And 6 Other Tall Girl Problems
- True Life: This is How He Got Me to Go Out With Him
- Where Are They Now? The Cast Of Baldwin Hills!
- Is Venus Williams Really a Sex Addict?
- When Keeping It Swirl Goes Wrong: Why Are Black People Obsessed With Interracial Dating?
- Bet You Didn’t Know: Secrets Behind the Making of “Baby Boy”
- Did You Know!? 9 Our Favorite Celebs of Cuban Descent (And Some Surprises!)
Russell Simmons, shareholder to the site Global Grind (so THAT’S why they always have pictures of Angela Simmons!) took to the website today to talk about all the fuss over ex-3LW and Cheetah Girl Adrienne Bailon’s wardrobe malfunction at last night’s Caesars event in NYC. If you haven’t looked through our fashion gallery today (shame on you), then you probably haven’t seen the dress. But as you can see now, it was a pretty suspect one that had a see-through bottom.
I’m talking see-through back (but with beading covering the scandalous-ness) AND see-through front. However, the front had a big piece of fabric that was covering her up…or so we thought. Reality was, Bailon didn’t have any panties on underneath her dress, and when the wind blew that bad boy sideways, everybody caught a glimpse of her…vajay-jay (for some reason, we can’t say the regular V-word…). While she was smiling as she showed the world her business, according to Russell, who spoke to her this morning, she was actually mortified by it all. This is what HE claims she told him today. In tears:
The wind blew and despite what other girls may do, this is really a terrible accident to me. I’m really upset, but I’m even more upset about what my parents might think. I want to be known for my talent. I love the idea of being Hot, but I’ve never been in this business to sell sex, I’ve been in this business to sell my talent. The truth is, when you look at the pictures, you don’t realize that the wind really did blow my dress, and I don’t really know what else to say about it.
While Simmons wrote about the fact that he wouldn’t fault one of his daughters if it happened, the best response he gave was this: “Adrienne will be fine, as she is incredibly talented. This moment will blow over quicker than the wind that blew up her dress. Hold ya’ head up and your dress down. Keep smiling.”
More on Madame Noire!
- Canada Eh? 8 Celebrities We Didn’t Know Were Canadian
- Let Me Have My Shine!: How Jealousy Ruins Relationships
- Black Don’t Crack: Men Who Look Darn Good For Their Age
- “Mommy, Are We Born This Way Until We Get A Weave?”
- 10 Bad Habits That Get In the Way of Good Relationships
- Lil Kim Needs Some Friends
- When It’s Not Worth Fixing
- Why Your Clothing, Your Man, Your Hair and Reality TV Don’t Define Black Women
I’ve always had a love affair with underwear…actually just panties. (Bras I could completely live without…) My panty affair began when I was transitioning into toddler-hood. My mother used these pretty, frilly ruffle-backed panties as an incentive for potty training. I was not trying to soil such a beautiful creation. The relationship continued as I grew and soon I found I wasn’t alone. Me and my daycare buddies made a daily ritual of showing each other the color of our panties everyday. It may sound a little strange, but we were grown-acting little girls who thought we were on the cusp of womanhood. And in my eyes panties were a staple of womanhood. After all nothing makes you feel as feminine and down-right delectable as a pair of perfectly fitted, visually appealing, comfortable panties. Love them!
As you may have figured out, selecting the right pair of underwear can literally make or break your day. Here a list of panties to cure life’s ills.
While there were some really bright spots in last night’s BET Awards, unless I was looking at the wrong channel, the show as a whole was underwhelming. Some of the performances were dope (we see you Kelly!), others, a tad bit too dry for my liking. There was less opportunities it seemed to give out awards, and when they did, they were saying the wrong winners. But you can only grow from your missteps. So BET, here’s a list of things we’d like you to keep in mind for next year’s show, because seeing them once was enough…
There’s nothing cute about them. They’re unflattering. They always peep out the top of your jeans. And you’d be too embarrassed if your boo ever stumbled upon them in the back of your underwear drawer. Yet, taking all of that into consideration, you can’t part with your big girl drawers, your ugly underwear your granny panties. Here’s why…
Your momma taught you to keep your draws on… at all times. There’s even a negative term — “loose booty” — to describe women who don’t. But let’s be honest, sometimes those straps get annoying and who wants panty lines with a cute outfit?
We’ve got a couple of options for you to cover up the goodies while not looking like a big panty-wearing grandma.