All Articles Tagged "unavailable men"
It seems like we can’t go a month without hearing about some well-known man cheating on his slightly lesser-known wife. As I wrote about before, I don’t think all men cheat. I don’t even think most men cheat, but I can’t ignore the overwhelming evidence that shows that some men cheat. Often times, we focus on trying to figure out why men cheat and how to keep men faithful – two points I won’t be addressing today just so you know. Instead, I want to figure out what type of women are these men cheating with or as someone blatantly asked me recently, are women attracted to unavailable men?
Yes, sort of.
We hear in detail about the lowly, unsuspecting wife suffering at the hands of her adulterous husband, but it’s rare anyone talks about the mistress(es). While the wife is usually ignorant of the cheating, the not so secret secret is the fact that most mistresses know all about the wife. Stated another way, the “side woman” usually knows there is a “main woman” in the man’s life (I only use these terms because all too many people are settling for a pseudo-“it’s complicated”-relationship over no relationship at all in the year of our Lord 2013). It’s sad, but if the ever imploding relationships of celebrities – and their distant cousins, reality stars – have taught us anything, it’s the fact that most unfaithful men don’t have to lie to the woman they’re unfaithful with. It’s really no wonder why women find it difficult to even trust “good men.” After all, men aren’t doing themselves any favors.
As a man, you can generally comfort any relationship insecurities you might have by knowing that if your woman is going to be unfaithful, it’ll likely be with a man who is better looking, more famous, or richer than you. He will have some tangible quality that you can comfort your ego with later as you stalk her Facebook and Instragram photos of them jet setting and riding in his Lambroghini Mercy. To the degree that you can find comfort in cheating, at least there’s that. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for unfaithful men’s not so discerning taste in women.
It’s bad enough that men are unfaithful, but when men are unfaithful, it just seems like they’re unfaithful with any woman they can manage to get their hands on. Tiger Woods, a billionaire mind you, cheated with about a baker’s dozen worth of women. That’s bad and I’ma let him finish, but what’s worse is the fact that most of those women weren’t attractive enough to inspire a drink purchase at a crowded club from the average man. And yet, for whatever reason, Tiger Woods went out of his way to destroy his marriage and career to sleep with them. In another egregious example, The Dream, who is built only moderately better than a life-size ewok, cheated on Christina Milian. If a woman who looks like Christina Milian can’t keep a man who looks like The Dream faithful, then what help is there for anyone? I could go on listing examples, but to drive this point home for you, I’ll paint this troubling picture for you: If you ask a random group of women to choose a husband between Barack Obama and Wiz Khalifa, an overwhelming majority of women will choose Barack Obama. Your poll results wouldn’t even be close enough to warrant a recount. Conversely, if you ask a group of men to choose a wife between Michelle Obama and Amber Rose, you’d practically have to involve the Supreme Court for a final ruling on the popular vote count.
Further, when it comes to dating, most women think they have less good men to choose from than men have good women to choose from. I don’t know if these women are right or wrong but if perception is reality, it’s no wonder why women are attracted to unavailable man. Although it might be more accurate to say women are attracted to what a committed man (usually) represents more than they are (usually) attracted to the man himself. If you’re single long enough – and not by choice – you notice that the single market isn’t exactly filled with husband and wife material. On the other hand, most committed men – as indicated by their relationship status – have some desirable quality or a number of desirable qualities that made the woman he’s with decide he was worthy of commitment. Additionally, side-women aren’t always interested in stealing your man from the relationship, but they aren’t going to let a little inconvenience like his current relationship status keep them from chasing him either. To be clear, most men know the type of women that’ll disrespect his relationship given the chance, so ultimately, it’s up to him to cut ties with those women before it’s too late; however, for some women, desiring a committed man isn’t much more complicated than a kid who isn’t interested in a toy until someone else starts playing with it.
Why do some women prefer unavailable men? Ladies, have you ever had a friend or foe that wasn’t interested in a man until they found out your official relationship status with him? Fellas, have you had experience with women not showing you any love until you started talking to their friend or got into a serious relationship?
WisdomIsMisery aka WIM uses his background as an internal auditor to provide objective, yet opinionated, qualitative and quantitative analysis on life, love, and everything in between. As a Scorpio, many women wish death on WIM and some have attempted to hasten its arrival. WIM is not a model, a model citizen, or a role model. See more of WIM on his weekly write-ups for SBM, on Twitter @WisdomIsMisery, and Instagram: WisdomIsMisery.
Staceyann Chin, spoken word artist and LGBT political activist, has penned a very provocative piece in the UK Guardian called, ‘Why Chasing Straight Women Still Thrills Me.” It lays out the many reasons why lesbian women, like Chin here, love the thrill of chasing and eventually bedding straight girls.
Chin writes: “Maybe it is the thrill of conversion – and that is only if any such crossover can be deemed a conversion. Who is to say such conquests were not sleeper-lesbians, just waiting for the right moment to awaken? I suppose, though, through the right lens, the process could be described as evangelical, this business of meeting, and courting and having a woman decide to jump the heterosexual ship to be with you (even if it is temporary). More often than not, the crossover is accompanied by confessions of, “I’ve never done this with anyone before.” Or, “I’m not into women, there’s just something about you that makes me want to try this.” Either way, you are the chosen one, the messiah, the mandate that pulls her, magnetic, toward her most hidden desires.”
After getting all Neo on us and declaring herself the “chosen one,” Chin then proceeds to run down the list of a sure fire way to have all the lesbian sex with straight woman as humanly possible. The trick, she writes, is to not take yourself, or the interaction, too seriously and to “be platonic first” like the caring buddy, who will listen and be the shoulder to cry on about all the messed up stuff like how disrespectful or inconsiderate her boyfriend is being. And then when she is at her most vulnerable, swoop in for the kill.
Needless to say, this editorial has stoked all sorts of flames online. Some of the comments accuse Chin of being predatory, especially for viewing her potential straight love interest as conquest. Some of the reaction questioned whether a narrative such as this would be acceptable if written by a man. And then there are others, who wonder if Chin’s candor is a bit irresponsible in that it perpetuates stereotypes about the aggressive lesbian preying on innocent women.
Personally, I don’t have anything against gay women sleeping with straight, or I like to think of them as bi-curious, women if both parties like the idea. That’s not to say that I necessarily like or agree with her methods, but I do believe that there is something here that we all could learn from – regardless of sexual orientation of the speaker.