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From Essence

If you keep winding up on dates with the same type of men, over and over again, this post is for you. There are things we should know about our character and personality that make us susceptible to attracting and staying with unbalanced partners. It is important to pay attention to this because doing so can help bring healthier people into your life. The following are eight types of men and what dating them could say about you.

Mr. Narcissist

I think I’m allergic to good men. Okay, a doctor has not and may not be able to diagnose me with this condition, but its how I feel. Even though I am on a self-imposed break from all things men, it doesn’t help that men are still coming around as if I have an “Open For Business” sign plastered on my head. And it is not just any kind of men who are knocking on my proverbial glass door — it’s the good guys.

Before I continue with my assessment, it’s best that I define just exactly what constitutes a good guy for me. He is the kind who tends to be shy, quiet, and a bit reserved. He would walk to the ends of the Earth for you, asking nothing in return for his sojourn. Even if you would not be able to reciprocate his sentiments, he would not verbally push you on it  — he’d just try harder to win you over. He’s the kind of guy who’s nature doesn’t lend itself to the abandonment of passion and spontaneity. In other words, he’s the guy your mother would love for you to bring home; the kind of fellow whose actions you can predict miles before he even thinks of them himself.

So yes, I suppose the way Picasso went through his Blue phase I am now going through my good guy phase. If it sounds as if I am lamenting this, it’s because I am. No, I am not the kind of girl who looks for “bad boys,” the Stevie-J type who needs intense rehabilitation. But, there are traits that I need in my men such as lightheartedness and an unconstrained, natural easiness about themselves that most good guys I have met do not embody.

Since they are the ones who are paying me mind these days, I have tried to give them a chance — to no avail. Their sweetness is endearing. The fact that they seem genuinely interested in my work is enough to make me seek a second date out of curiosity. But, as much as I may try, I just can’t bring myself to liking them. I get bored easily, and they usually have a monotony that leaves me drowsy. We’ve heard the cliche saying, “Like those who like you”….yeah, it ain’t that easy when spending time with them makes you feel like a toddler in church.

There is a great part of me that wishes the storied good guy was my type, and I am guessing that it is coming from guilt more than anything else. It’s hard not to kick yourself in the shins when a great guy is doing everything to please you, and you’re just wishing they’d move on to the next woman. I suppose that it is true that just because a man is good, doesn’t mean he is good for you. And no, I do not generally believe that good guys finish last — but around these parts, that just may be the sign I need to put up to leave the phase I am currently in.

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by Danielle Belton aka The Black Snob

When women are complaining about men, they’re actually not talking about “all men.” They’re talking about very specific “gentlemen” who make life hell for everyone. And the complaints are not only coming from the ladies. The men that women complain about are often the same men other men complain about (yet sometimes irrationally defend out of some misplaced solidarity). The fact is a guy incapable of telling the truth and being reliable might not just be a plague on the women he dates but society as a whole.

Here are the seven men who make not just dating, but society, a much more treacherous place.

1) The Escape Artist: A common plague upon all of society, the Escape Artist is the epitome of passive aggressive; by disengaging from dealing with his responsibility he leaves behind nothing but the aggression you feel towards him.

Example? Think every verse of The Temptations’ “Papa Was A Rolling Stone.”

Who is he? Your father who bailed on you and your mother rather than taking on the responsibility of child-rearing and honoring his familial obligations.

Who does he affect? Everyone. It’s one thing for one’s parents to break up, but still maintain a healthy relationship with her father as an important part of her life. It’s a whole other when he just disappears, as if you or your mother never mattered at all. Women talk about the Escape Artist a lot because he breaks our hearts with his absence and leaves our children constantly wondering why they weren’t enough for him to stick around. But men are equally affected by his wrath – if you’re the son of the Escape Artist you have the same abandonment issues your sisters have. While many are able to cope and move on to healthy productive lives, there’s always the tragedy of those who don’t cope and find themselves repeating the same cycle of broken homes and abandonment because it is all they know.

Anyone with good sense will tell you that you should date around before you decide to give up your freedom…singleness and settle down with Prince Charming. While it’s good to learn what you do and don’t want in a relationship, we know from experience, that the process isn’t always nice and smooth. Here are the men that we’ve all run into a time or two during the course of our dating lives. If you see yourself in this list, feel free to share your story in the comments section.

The School Girl Crush

Aww young love! Don’t you remember how you felt the first time a little prepubescent boy showed you some attention? Your life became consumed with  honeyed thoughts of your shared affection, declaring to anyone within earshot that you had a boyfriend and the awkward first conversations and kisses. It was grand, absolutely lovely. Nobody could tell you that it wasn‘t love. You just knew that you would be with this manchild forever. And then, you realized he was just…boring. Your conversations consisted of nothing more than the school day’s happenings. Dang. “We can still be friends, right?”

Lesson Learned: Infatuation is not, I repeat, is not love.