Image: Dmitrijs Dmitrijevs

The New York Times has a new trend alert: Parents and kids (teens in particular) are waiting until school is actually in session before doing a big chunk of their back-to-school shopping.

As television viewers and newspaper subscribers, we’ve been seeing ads and circulars crowing about the back-to-school season since July. But this shopping season may be shifting to a later date on the calendar. Teens want to see what the latest styles are before committing. And parents are waiting for better deals. Add later school start dates and the forces of nature — a warm summer means people aren’t really thinking about down vests and other winter gear — and you have a lot of retailers who are scrambling to scrounge up sales where they were once forthcoming.

The economy is very likely playing a big role in this, as it is in everything else. The article makes the point that shoppers are trying to assess what they really need before they start shopping. Moreover, if shoppers know they can wait a little longer and get a discount, they’re going to wait.

But the nature of back-to-school shopping could be changing also. Research from American Express shows that the number of Americans that will include electronic devices in the back-to-school shopping mix is up nine percent. The NYT article makes reference to the slowing of school supply sales; old-school items like notebooks and pens. The research says that 86 percent plan on spending more on clothing and accessories, but it doesn’t say when they plan on doing that shopping. Or where. CBS News reports that more people are doing their back-to-school shopping online.

Source: Me with the silkies...

Just a week ago, folks were talking about the locs Rihanna wore for her performance on “American Idol.” Always one to change up her style, no one was shocked by the transformation, but it was definitely an interesting look, even for her. But Rihanna made it known that she’s not jumping on a bandwagon. In fact, she said that she’s wanted locs since she was a wee gyal:

“Their HOT! [I wanted them] since I was 14, but mama Fent’z wasn’t havin it!”

And while most people thought she looked great with them (aside from the awkward straight bang), I couldn’t help but notice that a few people weren’t feeling the look. Not because she looked a mess of some sorts in their opinion, but because they felt that rocking fake locs was an attempt to make a fad out of dreadlocks. And they weren’t having that.

“Not to[sic] fond of it. As a person who wears locs, I don’t consider it a style but a natural way to treat hair. When we wear it for “show” it makes it a fad. My locs are not a fad.”

I knew at least one person was going to have something to say against the look on her, but this individual’s comment struck me because I could see where she was coming from, but also could see how harmless wearing fake locs could be as well. You could say that I’ve been on both sides of the fence.

I remember when I posted a picture of myself with locs last summer on Facebook. People loved them! People were giving them all kinds of nice compliments, but boy oh boy were they shocked when I revealed that they were fake. Folks who had rocked dreadlocks for years thought they were real until I told them to touch ‘em (most were men with short attention spans of course). People would tell me they loved my hair until I quickly let them know that they weren’t real. Even though I wasn’t REALLY trying to fool anybody since that wasn’t my reason for getting them, I was fooling a few folks indeed.

The deal was, I had just recently gone natural a few months before, and as part of an old summer ritual, I was looking to protect my hair, and of course, looking for a break from doing it. After doing some research into different options, I ran across silky dreads and thought they looked amazing. I had always wondered what I would look like if and when I decided to lock my real hair, so spending $300+ on this temporary option sounded like an expensive option, but one I definitely wanted to try. When I did, though I got off to a rough start, I was able to style them in funky ways, able to guard and protect my hair, and when I took them out three months later to prepare for a wedding (though they could have stayed for 6 months or been worn until I grew my own locs to a good length), my hair had grown immensely. The greatest thing about them was that they pushed me to quit faking it and start making it by transitioning to real locs.

Our usual work banter grew silent. There was the pivotal moment of awkward silence, where every woman either had to choose her bohemian or standardized self. Your take on sex in the workplace was everything; anything you said might slight you forever.

I spoke first, neutrally of course, “He said…that…he’s what?”

The topic of the conversation, Diane, mouthed the words “Polyamorous.”

Some girls in the room wore their “WTF” faces, others raised an eyebrow in intrigue and I smiled. I’d heard this once before: It was circa 2005, in the warmth of a fireplace and the aura of good women. Someone was eager to learn why another’s baby’s father had been absent. The girl told us all that he practiced polyamory; the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved (via Wikipedia).

She replied with no hint of agitation, “He’s been with his other woman.”

Most of us at that time were convinced she’d lost her mind. The room was set ablaze with conversation that day, debates pummeling back and forth between vigorous and strong-minded women.

In present day, the room just fell quiet. The girls nodded their heads in understanding and through listening, I discovered that every one of them had been involved with a polyamorous brother…or sister.

1)      Alicia said she was cool with it, while it was happening. She beamed at the recollection, “He told me on the third date that he had another girl. He said sometimes it might even be two, but he never went past three. At first I was mad, but then I realized that we were just having fun, right?” The last word of her sentence seemed to tremble, another notion lingering behind her faux confidence.

2)      Kai said she was blown away by it. She said she’d never had a woman in all her bisexual life be upfront about “cheating” the way this man was. “…When I confronted him about the texts, he was calm! He told me that he was polyamorous and proud and that if I couldn’t accept his lifestyle, then we couldn’t be together. He said he was going to tell me when the time was right. Tuh!”

3)      Diane seemed perplexed by it all. We’d been following her excursions with her new boo since inception. The two met in her neighborhood and went on one date. On the second outing, after a few bouts of wine and tango, they settled into good conversation. It was only then he’d bring up a girlfriend who was in the Peace Corps, who also had a girlfriend, and his diehard polyamory.

She asked us what we thought and I was quite confused myself. I had so many questions. Does polyamory lead to polygamy? Or will he just choose “the one” when it’s time for marriage or when the time is right? If there is a “the one” in the polyamorous world, why all the experimentation? What happens if one person doesn’t know about it? Is it cheating then? Isn’t polyamory just an open relationship? The expert Googler that I am (my ONE boyfriend calls me that) scoured the net for some answers, and here’s what I came up with.

a)      Polyamorous relationships vary on boundaries, set rules, agreements, possessiveness and gender equality. They are all individualistic. Hmmmm.

b)      Apparently, if only one side of the relationship becomes/is polyamorous and there is a child/property involved, it is usually hidden. Such a lifestyle can hinder custody/divorce cases.

c)       I got this via Wikipedia: Children treat parents’ partners as a form of stepparent or are told to think of them as aunts and uncles. (Hmmmm. I know plenty of people who’ve experienced this in their childhood homes and it wasn’t polyamory. That was something different entirely.)

d)      The difference between polyamory and polygamy is that polygamy involves multiple marriages with one man and polyamory is just intimacy/romance shared between multiple people, typically those who are unmarried.

e)      Polyamory is unlike an open relationship, because most open relationships are based on sexual relations. In polyamory, you can have a full-fledged loving relationship with your significant other…one or all of the others.

I don’t think I need to elaborate, if you’d like to investigate further, by all means. However, my concern right now is the frequency of the mention of polyamory within my circle and many others. Is he really polyamorous or is this just a really exquisite way of cheating? Is this phenomenon the new “I-didn’t-know-we-were-claiming-one-another?” Because if it’s going to be, I need to know all the rules so I can give my girls the appropriate arsenal to call you out, if you’re BS’ing.

If this is what floats your boat, enjoy yourself. Personally, I don’t agree nor will I ever practice this. I’m all about monogamy: This everlasting bond between another soul and my own is filler enough. That and well…my writing.

How do you feel about polyamory?

“RivaFlowz” is a teacher and professional writer living in New York City. You can follow her on Twitter: @rivaflowz.

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talkingwithtami.com

Guess Who’s Back?! The Jumpsuit. This Fall 2008 Rec Carpet Trend Might as well go down in history as a timeless fashion statement. From the uniforms of our hometown heroes to the costumes of our hometown sweethearts, jumpsuits have always been that one fashion ensemble that just about everybody can manage to turn heads in. Check out these ladies that prove you can look great in a jumpsuit at any shape and size, and laugh and take note from the others.

Usually, we’d never want to duplicate one of Nicki Minaj’s looks. But when she tones it down, her ensembles aren’t that bad. Hence this color block dress she was recently seen wearing.

Color blocking is in! So if you’re looking to get this look for less, head over to StyleBlazer to see the best color-blocked dresses for under $100.

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