Credit: Shutterstock

Dear Carolyn Moos:

Hey, girl. How are you? I hope you’re keeping yourself together in the wake of your ex-fiancé Jason Collins’ coming out of the closet. That had to have been a tough thing for you to endure, especially since you reportedly only found out that Collins is gay days before he went public. I’m sure this hasn’t been tougher on anyone than it has been on you.  …Except maybe for Jason.

That being said, I feel some kind of way about the media blitz you’ve been engaging in. Talk shows, magazine articles, modeling the dress you would have worn down the aisle with Collins, and now plans for a book. Let’s be clear, I don’t want to belittle your experience at all; I’ve never been in your shoes, but I’m certain it has to suck. But… you kind of look a wee bit like an opportunist.

Since you did essentially find out about all this with the rest of us, it would seem that you’d need some time to let it all sink in before seeking out the camera and writing on an experience that you’re kind of still experiencing. Maybe you feel like you’re owed something for the time you spent heading down a dead end path with Collins. Maybe you’re translating the emotional currency you doled out into American dollars now. I’m not judging; maybe I’d do the same thing! But if I did, I’d hope that there would be someone near and dear enough to me who cares for me enough to tell me to have a seat and not behave so thirstily. Take all the time you need to heal, but stop chasing the spotlight to do it.

At the very least, honey, keep the wedding dress in the closet and quietly freeze those eggs. When the book drops, enough people will remember you and your experience to read it if they have an interest. Then you’ll heal, get your palms greased a little, and still keep a modicum of your dignity.

It’s a very pretty dress though. May you get to rock it one day!

Sincerely,

Tracy

Source: Shutterstock

For a lot of people social media can make or break someone’s confidence. If no one agrees with your Facebook status, do you feel less witty? If no one retweets that profound quote you just posted, does that mean your taste is off? At the end of the day we all want to be liked and appreciated; but increasingly, I’m finding that people are looking to social media for that validation. I remember having a conversation, years ago, with a group of people when someone said, “Yeah, if people don’t like my Facebook status within 10 minutes, I delete it.” I happen to know that this person was joking; but Humor 101 dictates that jokes, in order to be funny, have to have truth behind them. And since Facebook is slowly becoming less and less popular, the place where I’ve noticed this insecurity resurfacing has been on Instagram. Don’t believe me? Just watch! I have examples.

WENN

“No man is an island,” they say.  And I agree.  The need for contact and companionship is as pronounced as the need for food and water in countless species on earth, and humans are no exceptions.  Personal relationships are integral to our overall well-being; from them, we get validation, affirmation, and a sense of security.  Wanting to belong is common, natural urge.

But when that urge turns into thirst, you’re officially doing too much.

Such is the case of two young ladies, Laurin Compton and Lauren Cofield, who are suing Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated for human rights violations after they were not accepted into the organization. Human rights violations.

Now, listen.  I’m all for suing people.  I’ve been looking for someone to sue since I was roughly 14 years old.  I’m also all for fair treatment and doing whatever you need to do to get the fair treatment you deserve.  But suing because someone won’t let you into their club is far too much.  And to do so on the basis of a violation of human rights is insulting, in my humble opinion, to people who have suffered actual human rights abuses.  You know, things like genocide, racial segregation, human trafficking, things like that.  Not being kept out of a club.

I mean, do you really want to be the sister of someone who doesn’t want you around in the first place?  If you know that someone is smiling at you because they’re forced to, doesn’t that cheapen things a little bit?  Let’s say, for a second, that these ladies win their case and are then admitted.  They’re going to be forever known as “those girls (or worse) who sued us.”    No one is going to be saving you a seat in the lunchroom, madams.  When you show up to parties, now held in the courtyard because your chapter can’t afford to rent out a club thanks to you suing them, nobody is going to be happy to see you.  No “hey, girl, come get in this line and make loud, unifying noises with us!”  None of that.  You’re really going to spend countless time, dimes, stress, and energy to make some people who didn’t like you enough to let you in the first time let you in now?  Kindly have a Sprite and a seat and enjoy both until that judgment-clouding thirst is gone.

This is nothing but a tantrum.  A big ol’, grown up, ‘give me what I want or I’ll hold my face til I turn blue” tantrum.  And speaking of tantrums… Kanye, for some reason, still insists on throwing his own every time he is mentioned on a list that he is not at the top of.  Most recently, he called in to HOT97 to whine after he was listed number 7 on MTV’s Hottest MCs in the Game list.  At this point, no one can possibly be surprised.  But with the tremendous success he’s had throughout his career, you’d think he wouldn’t take each less-than-glowing thing said about him as a mortal offense.  There’s plenty of validation just laying around at Kanye’s feet, tons of proof of his abilities as a rapper and entertainer–it’s okay if someone doesn’t like you as much as you do, Kanye.  It’s okay.  You’re still awesome.  You didn’t have to call the radio station and announce that you gave Sway his first television.  It really didn’t have to get personal.  But, at least he didn’t sue.  Yet.

Both Kanye and the jilted AKA pledges seem to think that someone–be it Sway or the AKA organization–owes them something, and that is what stokes the fire of their seemingly unquenchable thirst.  As long as they feel so entitled, their mouths will stay absolutely arid and not a fire hose on this planet will be able to help them out.

Source: ATL Night Spots.com

Umm… yeah, this happened. Over the weekend, Jermaine Dupri and crew hosted a 20th anniversary So-So Def concert. It would only be right that his former protegee, Bow Wow take the stage and do a little something.

But Bow Wow, never one to keep it chill or low key, made his performance one to remember…and not in such a good way.

While he was performing “Outta My System” with T- Pain, Bow Wow brought somebody’s thirsty Auntie on stage to act as his love interest. He rubbed up on her in a chair for a few minutes before getting down on his knees, singing “Let Me Hold You” and “Like You.”

Bow Wow took a huge risk getting low on a stranger. You never know how seriously people take their hygiene. But it must have worked out because the woman walked off the stage toting Bow Wow’s Louis Vuitton belt.

Sooo… now we’re asking you, what was Bow Wow thinking as he was all up in it? And while you’re at it go ahead and tell us what this “lucky” woman was thinking as well.

Source: madamenoire.com

As a recent college graduate, throughout this year that I’ve been out in the real world, I have had to deal with the normal transitions that any college student faces post-graduation. What do you do with your life? What are your options? Can you afford it? I always used to say that college is a perfect little bubble where nothing is real and you are untouchable. Everyone has their ups and downs but for the most part college is a great experience. When you walk across that stage and realize that the real world is waiting for you everything changes, from bills, to lifestyle to even dating. Dating out of college can be difficult because you are to approaching the game with a college mindset. It may take a minute to wrap your head around the new dating rules of the real world, and for some it can be hard to adjust. Here are a few differences between dating in college and dating in the real world that I’ve found so far:

Source: asuperwomansguide.wordpress.com

The Thirst is Gone

In college, especially freshman year, it seems like it’s quantity over quality. Everyone talks to everyone because you are in a brand new environment so you are just trying to test out the waters. You may be talking to three guys at a time, and it is nothing serious. Both guys and girls are very open to talking to new people, so everyone gets a chance. In the real world though, it is not that easy. People in the real world don’t have the same drive to want get to know everyone that they meet. They already have their group of friends and associates and are cool with that. In college you can walk in a bar and make four new friends and end up dating them all, while in the real world, unless you came with your girls, you might be spending the night sipping on your drink alone in the corner.

Opportunity Doesn’t Always Come Knocking

College is the land of endless opportunity when it comes to dating. Even if you are not looking, there is always a friend of a friend who you think is fly or is interested in you. There are enough cute dudes who you  can meet while in the dining hall, or while pretending to pay attention in calculus. In the adult dating world I find that opportunities are not as readily available. It is not as easy as they make it seem on sitcoms sorry to say. Trying to balance work alone takes hours out of your day, so it is easy to fall into a routine (the sitting in front of your TV eating ice cream routine for instance). You can go months without meeting a potential mate.

Numbers Are Not Always Exchanged

In college everyone exchanges numbers. Because everyone is on the same page of trying to get to know one another, it is damn near customary to exchange numbers after having a conversation. Even if it doesn’t work out, you always can say you made a new acquaintance. I have realized that in the real world, just because you talk to someone for more than 10-30 minutes and have pleasant conversation does not mean that at the end of it, he will ask you for your number. It could just be a situation where you simply had a nice exchange, or where he found someone to talk to while his friend macked on another young lady and that was it. And sometimes, even when numbers are exchanged, that doesn’t mean you will get a call.

Source:singleblackmale.org

Signs Can Lie…

In college you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out if someone is interested in you. The signs are pretty obvious. You can get used to feeding off signs from another person and use that to gauge your own reaction and interest level. This is not so in the real world. You can be at a bar and exchange flirtatious pleasantries and at the end of it he might simply say, “All right, well, have a good night.” You might have felt that all the signs were there, but in the real world, just because someone is being social doesn’t mean they’re trying to take things further than throwing about a few niceties while sipping martinis.

Indeed, dating post-graduation can take some getting used to. College romances just seem easier to manage, but nothing lasts forever. The whole point of college is to one day prepare you for the real world and all the experiences that it has to offer, and that doesn’t just mean career and educational experiences. It’s a bit awkward at first, but eventually, everything gets easier–including dating.

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