All Articles Tagged "the sex talk"
I’m 33-years-old and a mother now, and a few years ago I asked my friends if their mothers ever had the ‘sex talk’ with them. To my surprise they all said ‘no.’ I was in that same boat because my mother never had the ‘talk’ with me either. We all just learned on our own, and in hindsight, I wish someone would have talked to me.
I guess the conversation was a little taboo for my mother’s generation, but sexuality is such an important part of a person’s identity. Sexuality should be embraced as something beautiful that is to be respected. It’s so important to talk to kids about sex because they’re receiving messages about sexuality from TV, music, and their peers–and the messages they get aren’t always positive.
A study from the National Survey of Family Growth held from 2006 to 2008 showed that more than 40 percent of U.S. teenagers have had sex at least once.
If you have a preteen or teenager and you haven’t had the sex talk with them yet, here are some things to consider:
Assess Your Beliefs First
It’s important to first assess your own thoughts and feelings surrounding sexuality before talking to your child. Your tone in the conversation is very important, so if, for example, you have negative feelings surrounding sexuality you should deal with those first.
Keep The Goal In Mind
The goal of sex education with your child shouldn’t only be to scare them to death. It should be for them to gain a positive view of sexuality, understand their bodies better, know some of the cons of having sex too early, and to learn about safe sex practices. You want them to be able to make healthy decisions on their own based off of what you tell them.
This can be an awkward conversation for some parents and teens, so you could use an example from a movie that you saw together as a family and ask their opinion about a certain scene. To kick things off, could also make up a scenario question and ask them which answer they think is the best.
You may want to consider explaining why you feel the way you do about sex. This is the time to use any examples that support your values. Sharing a tidbit from a personal experience allows you to connect and may help them feel more comfortable opening up with you in the conversation or in the future.
The Birds And The Bees
You can use an online program for sex education to help guide you or you can use diagrams with images and explain both the male and female bodies. Then you can ask them what they already know and then explain what happens during sexual intercourse.
After you have explained how sex works, talk to them about why it’s important to wait until it’s with the right person and the right time. You can give them suggestions and brainstorm together about ways they can talk with their romantic partners about delaying sex.
Regardless of whether they are sexually active or not, talking about safe sex is important. Based on the statistic above, if you want them to avoid an unplanned pregnancy or getting an STD then their knowledge about contraception is important. Make sure he or she knows where to get safe sex supplies and birth control. Let them know that you are more than willing to take them to a sexual and reproductive health center if they want to go.
If by any chance your child is so uncomfortable that they refuse or are totally tuned out when talking with you, then tell them their other option is to talk with a professional at a local reproductive health center. Even though you may want to be the one to have the talk, it’s better that they have it with someone versus no one at all.
‘If He Don’t Have To Work So Hard, Why Should I?’ T.I. Discusses Daughters’ Dating Standards And Having The Sex Talk
T.I. is a big family man, so it’s not surprising that people would seek him out for parenting advice. And during his recent appearance on the “Arsenio Hall Show,” that’s exactly what happened. Parents were given an opportunity to ask the father of six some of their burning parenting questions and of course, questions regarding the right time to discuss sex with children came up.
“I think it’s a case-by-case basis,” T.I. explained before revealing that he had to have the talk with his kids at varying ages. “I had to have that talk with King, probably the earliest that I have had to have that talk with any of my children. You have to see how socially advanced they are. You pay attention to conversations. You pay attention to the material that they observe. I mean, children are gonna give you some tell-tale signs.”
He then went on to offer examples of when his two youngest sons, King and Major, made it clear that it was time to have “the talk.”
“I remember one time Major at a grocery store line when we was at a checkout counter and the lady said, ‘Oh, he’s so cute,’ and she walked off. And he said, ‘She got a big ole’ butt.’ And King, he might’ve been about seven or eight, and he asked me and his mom if it was okay for him to sleepover a friend’s house. And then we found out that friend was an 18-year-old girl.”
The rapper also discussed his daughters and the standard he has set for them when it comes to dating.
“I’m just really trying to effectively communicate and make sure that they know that there are guys like me. But you know, they gotta get there. I know that we raised some upstanding, respectful and respectable young ladies. So I’m not worried as much for them as I am worried for the young man.”
“That’s another rule of mine. If you give a guy as much attention as you give me and he doesn’t work as hard as I do and he doesn’t provide the same type of security as I do, you are cheating me.”
Watch a clip from T.I.’s interview below. Catch another clip on the next page.
As close and in love as you may be with your current partner, I think it’s safe to say there’s something your partner doesn’t know about you. While I believe that most couples should have little to no secrets between them, revealing too much or digging up the past that has no bearing on who you are today may be irrelevant, and cause unnecessary drama in your relationship. All couples are different, and if you feel your union is so strong that it can sustain anything that you divulge about yourself, then great! But if you don’t feel obligated to reveal everything there is to know about your life, here are a few things we feel you might be able to keep close to the vest…with a few caveats of course.
The secret lives for most of the teenagers I meet every day is actually a lot more intense than any show in ABC Family’s spring line up. Today’s teens are growing up faster, and the truth is, as liberal and open- minded as I think I am, in all my years of teaching sex-ed I still find myself holding up a dropped jaw at the stories I hear about teenage sex lives.
Yes, get over it. Your teenager has a sex life, and honestly it’s probably a lot freakier than yours. And can you really blame them? Beginning with the onset of puberty, your teen is in a daily battle with hormones that are working full-time to convince them to do everything you’ve forbidden them to do. Combine that with a culture obsessed with “Gym, Tan, Laundry”, teen moms and a plethora of pretty and perky teenagers who engage in some very adult (and sometimes illegal) behavior and you’ve got enough pressure to make President Obama nervous. But in their defense, in the conversations I have with my students, as much as I hear about their experiences with oral sex and ice cubes, how Trojan “Fire and Ice” really does tingle and detailed descriptions of how semen tastes, I hear just as many stories about responsibility like practicing safe sex, leaving an unhealthy relationship or all of the reasons they’re choosing NOT to have sex. Parents have a tendency to think the worst, and honestly some assumptions are spot on, but more often the condoms you found in lil’ Deandre’s schoolbag are because he wanted his friends to think he’s getting more play than a Wii nunchuck, when he actually has never gone farther than a French kiss. Give your kids some credit. I’m a witness to how your advice and guidance make a difference when it’s needed the most.
The worst thing you can do is assume that all hope is lost after your child posts an incriminating Facebook status. It’s not the end of the world. But every now and then, your child may find themselves in rough waters that they truly believe they can navigate; although, you can clearly see the tide is about to take them under.