Source: Shutterstock

I’ll admit, I’m one of the worst offenders of text etiquette. I’ve long thought that the person who pays the phone bill is the only person who has the power to decide when and how to respond to text messages. I’m a constant offender of the “ok” text, even when I’ve received a great deal of text prior. I don’t read into things that deeply, so a text that’s quick is seemingly the most appropriate. I encourage all to remember that SMS stands for short messaging service. It’s not a place where a dissertation should be written. In all of this, it continues to confuse women wildly when men don’t respond to text messages, take too long to respond, or respond curtly.

A few weeks ago, it was brought to my attention that the way you communicate with someone is very indicative of how you prioritize them in your life. If you’re really interested or into someone, you’ll move mountains to make them a priority. Therefore, when I get a text from a woman that I’m really into, I try my best to respond immediately. At the embryonic stage of our interaction, relationship, or courtship that will happen within minutes. (Save, for some of us who don’t have our phones with us when we’re at work. I would adjust this statement to say, “at our earliest convenience.”)

In return, when I’m texting someone and they tend to take a long time to respond, I think the same thing. I think that our suspicions are always deeply rooted in what we would do under similar circumstances. I’ll give you some quick hits about how I approach texting:

1)      If I text a woman and do not hear back for hours, I’m suspicious that she’s taken a “I’ll get to it, when I get to it” approach to our communication. When she responds, if it is not accompanied by an explanation, I turn this suspicion into a fact.

2)      If I text a woman and do not hear back for days, I never text her again.

3)      I refuse to be a repeat text offender. Unless the message needed to be spread over multiple text messages, I never text twice without a response.

As I always say, fair exchange is no robbery. Meaning that I cannot expect anything more or less from the people I’m texting with and they should be able to expect the same out of me.

There are certain circumstances that I am aware make women uncomfortable as it pertains to texting. They have texted a man with a question and he hasn’t responded for a while. What’s he thinking? What’s got his attention? You know previously you texted him and he gave a response almost immediately, why the change? These are all valid questions but I think the key is to examine why he may be taking so long. Ask another set of questions. Is he busy? Is he at work? Do you really want a quick answer to your question? Often times, we think we want a quick response but we’d be much happier with a well thought out reply.

I’ll give you an example of a text conversation where I made a snap judgment and the woman didn’t get what she wanted out of the conversation.

I was dating a woman for a few weeks and we’d been on maybe three or four dates. We were at the point that I was ready to make seeing her a weekly thing, but not really ready for a relationship. She texts me, “Hey, just so I’m clear I just want to know where this is going?” I was at work at the time and I didn’t really have time to answer that question in depth. I text back, “Got your text, will text you later.” (I’ve learned over time that you need to acknowledge receipt, or die!) She replies, “I think it’s a simple question to answer, doesn’t require much thought.” I read her text, waited a few minutes; I really didn’t want to reply right away because the answer was deep. I didn’t want to lead her to believe I was ready for a relationship, but didn’t want to completely dead her either. After I didn’t reply she texts, “Obviously, this is too difficult of a question for you to answer, so let’s just be friends.” I still didn’t reply. She was angry or upset at this point. I don’t text or communicate with angry people, I let them simmer down before I will start to communicate. She texts again, “You have nothing to say?… I guess I made the right decision.”

I’m looking at my phone like, “this woman is crazy … she’s literally having a conversation with herself.”

I am a busy guy and I was at work at the time, so I knew that if I didn’t reply this would take a turn for the worst. I replied, “You know what you’re right, let’s just be friends.” I didn’t really want that, but I realized that this situation has spiraled out of control because of her impatience. I wanted to keep going with our relationship, but the fact that we had that point of contention turned me off to the possibility of having more. I look back at that situation and think that I could have just replied to her text message initially and that wouldn’t have happened. I also think back and realize that she could have done things differently too.

Last, I will admit that we are placing too much importance on textual communications. I think society has shifted. I’m not of the school of thought that texting is bad. It’s another avenue of communication that we should embrace, not fear. There are tons of women who are saying, “I hate texting, pick up the phone and call me.” I think phone conversations are important, but I wouldn’t shun texting. I think the overarching issue is that people want clear and quick communication. The clearer the message the easier it is to make decisions on how to react and avoid guessing games. The clearer the message the easier it is for us to protect our feelings. Unfortunately, that’s just not how it works. In any relationship we have to put our feelings at risk, in order to ever really connect. That’s going to mean awkward text messages and waiting for replies much longer than we ever expected. It’s all in the hope that we will somehow find love.

Credit: Shutterstock

From Your Tango

This simple tip may end his “texting games” forever and will get you the respect you deserve.

A reader of mine asked:

“Alex,

I recently met this guy and everything seemed to be going ok until he started taking over 3 hours to reply to my text messages. I thought guys were into texting but apparently not this guy. Why is it taking him so long to answer my messages? We can be texting back an forth for a while then suddenly NOTHING for hours. I told him this bothers me but he keeps doing it!

What’s the problem? I’m really frustrated especially because we don’t talk on the phone or on the internet…just texting.

Lisa”

Read what Alex had to say at YourTango.com.

Source: Hudsonequipment.ca

It’s 2:00 in the afternoon and since I woke up this morning I’ve managed to text two people, e-mail six, read over thirty tweets and Facebook statuses, visit four blogs but actually interact with not a single living, breathing being but my Pitbull Boxer mix.

If you’re like me your iPhone may as well be an extension of one of your limbs. (Well actually I’m still Team Blackberry, but you get my drift.) There’s very little many of us do without consulting our cell phone first.  They keep us company and from looking like a complete social outcast when we are in an unfamiliar situation; you can only be so awkward when you are too busy being updated by @Uberfacts, right? (I don’t know about you but I feel a little bit cooler since learning that you are more likely to be killed by a vending machine than you are to hit the Mega Millions jackpot.)  Because of cell phones instead of actually doing paperwork at my job, I can first text my bestie and repeatedly tell her how much I am not looking forward to all of the paperwork I have to do.  And let’s not forget the greatest gift that Apple technology has offered mankind: I can share every thought that goes through my head with millions of strangers as well as post pictures of the incredibly “savory” meal I am about to eat while thinking it, only to realize the next day what I thought sounded so profound was actually kind of dumb and I actually meant nauseating when I take a look at the savory meal I posted.

I’m being sarcastic obviously, but the truth is technology has “conveniently” given us more time and opportunities to ruin perfectly good relationships, as if we weren’t doing a great enough job before the world was blessed with Apple products.  We’re far past butt dials and accidentally texting the person you’re talking smack about.  People are single handedly ruining their relationships (and careers) thanks to screen grabs, sub-tweeting and “leaked” pics.  I confess there are times when I can’t imagine what I did before the people closest to me were a mere ten digits away at any given time.  What did people do when they caught flat tires in the middle of the interstate late at night before cell phone towers?  And beyond safety, I appreciate that social networking sites give me the perfect amount of connection I want to have to people in high school that weren’t in my circle, but I still care enough about to congratulate them on their first born.  But I’d be lying if I didn’t say social in-the-flesh interaction hasn’t taken a severe hit from the digital world.  At their worst, cell phones have made the otherwise shy into complete hermits who confuse stalking with flirting.

If any of the following apply to you, your cell phone could be ruining your relationship, one text at a time:

shutterstock.com

Technology isn’t all bad. Plenty of happy couples met thanks to it! Long distance relationships survive because of it. And if it weren’t for technology, we wouldn’t know any better when the person at the American Airlines desk told us the extremely pricey flight price. But, once you have used technology to your advantage to meet and/or become closer to somebody, you may want to keep your texts to “Let’s meet a x place at y time” and your emails to funny article shares. Beyond that, technology can end up driving you and your guy further apart, instead of making you closer.

Texting is the most utilized form of communication between couples, friends and friends with benefits today. It’s efficient. It can be flirty with all those emoticons. It allows for communication at any time, like in a meeting or on the toilet, but it also allows you to avoid real conversation. So, it can be hard to read how a guy feels about you, beyond those little letters on the screen.

Source: hellobeautiful

From HelloBeautiful

Last weekend I was a guest on the R&B podcast hosted by my good friend Lincoln Anthony Blades. He asked me to discuss men jumping ship during the dating process.

Before You take a listen, let me paint the picture: So guy chases down girl, guy gets girl’s number, girl is like, “ok I guess so you aite, we’ll talk”, then guy and girl go out a few times, have a few great conversations, maybe talk about future dates, then……………………………………………his calling pattern changes, contact less frequent, dates? What date? A call or text may come up a few weeks later and he sincerely replies with, “been busy”…………………………………………………………………… sir?!

How do you process a situation like this? I mean from bird’s eye view it’s simple, but when you’re actually the one who was wined, dined and denied it’s a whole other ball game.
The answer is quite simple. The lovely man you gave your number to was probably on the prowl, has an existing relationship or some messy unfinished business on the side. When we date ideally it’s more than one prospect in the running at any one time. Men tend to understand this and adopt this principle with ease sometimes slipping up with words, promising things they have no business promising.

Read more at HelloBeautiful

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Source: Your Tango.com

From Your Tango.com

Ever wonder why your initial dates rarely lead to a great dating relationship? Find out if you’re unknowingly doing or saying 10 things to turn off a potential love match and discover what to do instead if you want to find great love and create a great relationship. Below are ten warning signs that you are a rude date and a few suggestions on what to do instead!

1. You’re late! You arrive late for a date or change plans last minute instead of honoring your date’s feelings and your commitment to be together as planned.
2. You’re distracted! You stare at attractive people who pass by or allow distractions of cell phones, text messages and/or silent vibes to interrupt your dating conversation instead of devoting your full attention to your date. Remember, where your attention goes your affection grows!
3. You lie! You exaggerate your accomplishments and dating goals in hopes of getting laid instead of being honest about your life resume or your desire for a casual fling, so that your date can decide if your life experiences and dating goals are a good match.

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From YourTango.com

thinkstock.com

So, you’ve found a guy online who has potential and you’ve agreed to go out with him. Great! Pressure’s off until you meet in person, right? Wrong! Follow these rules to make sure you don’t do or say the wrong thing before your first date.

1. DO be yourself. Communicating authentically is the only way you’ll get to know each other. Letting your guard down helps him open up and feel comfortable talking, e-mailing and texting with you. Being yourself is attractive and shows that you’re comfortable in your own skin.

Want more? Visit YourTango.com.

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Photo courtesy of westorlandonews.com

Sexting is a craze that has swept the nation. In the last 10 years it has increasingly gained mention in popular culture, so at this point, it doesn’t even surprise me anymore when yet another celebrity has been caught with leaked pictures on the Internet or when I end up knowing what my favorite male singer’s private parts look like. Even political figures have been caught sexting. Conceptually, it’s not a new thing. I’m pretty sure the second cell phones acquired the ability to send photo messages, a new avenue was created for expressing sexual desires and to give us the chance to be a bit too straightforward. Sexting is just phone sex through your fingers. However, it may be my prudish ways that don’t allow me to fully understand why sexting has become all the rage.

I am a firm believer that the media plays a big role in what becomes acceptable behavior in popular culture. I remember there was an episode of the popular teen-angst drama Degrassi, where one of the characters sent her boyfriend a picture of her topless, or something of that nature. Of course in classic teenage-drama fashion, somehow the next day everyone in school got the same picture. She was embarrassed and humiliated because everyone had a picture of her lady bits on their cell phones. Even then, watching this episode, I had no sympathy for the troubled character. I thought to myself, if you didn’t want anyone to see it, why would you even text the picture?

People should know that once something leaves your phone, the possibility of it getting into the wrong hands is very high.  Expect anything you say or send through a message to be viewed by at least one more person. I have seen dozens of semi-nude photos on my friend’s phones. I know some men who have collections on their mobile devices that rival adult films.  So know that picture you sent to your boyfriend could somehow get seen by all of his friends, people on the block, and his co-workers. What was meant to be private and intimate is now public and humiliating.

Celebrities are chronic sexters. The Internet is bombarded with naked pictures of celebrities taken from their phone or laptop.  It was after Jennifer from Basketball Wives nudes leaked that I was no longer fazed by naked celebrities. Being a celebrity, you have more eyes on you than the average person, which to me would give more reason not to not send your c***hie through the mail. But you know what they say, common sense isn’t always common.

With all that possible embarrassment, you would think folks would be more shy with their mobile devices. But I guess not.

A friend and I had a conversation about sexting one night and I realized that I was in the minority. Apparently, everyone does it. Women do it to excite and entice men. Men do it to give women an image of their package. I remember receiving a sext from a man who I met less than five hours before. He had no qualms about sending me, a complete stranger, a picture of himself in all his glory. The caption even read: “Just to give you something to look at.” Uh…thirsty much?

I also understand that sexting can be used to spice up a relationship. When things get dry I guess it’s nice to surprise your significant other with some eye candy when they’re out in the most random of places, or when they’re at home alone. But the guy you have been talking to for one week does not need to see your goodies. Almost all of the guys that I have met always ask me to send them a picture within the first five messages sent back and forth. Sexting is damn near now customary.

I don’t know about you, but I’m too much of a chicken to send any revealing photos of myself through the phone. If I want to do or say something I would much rather do it in person. Call me old-fashioned, but I would rather keep my sexual escapades in closed quarters. I do understand that since sexting has become so prevalent it may be difficult to avoid those kind of situations though. For example, whenever I decline on sending a picture, the follow-up text always asks why. To even ask me why just shows two things: this guy clearly isn’t worth my time since he’s badgering me about why I would want to keep my goods to myself so early on; but also, it shows that most people have no problem with exchanging flirtatious pictures back and forth. Maybe I need to stop being an old maid and open up my mind to the idea of sexting. Maybe I am missing  some key element that everyone else seems to get. Or maybe, just maybe, I’m the sane one and people should take a lesson from popular culture and be careful what they send through the phone.

What do you think, is sexting your thing?

Rachel Louissaint is a blogger and a graduate student. Check out her blog at Ebonymaiden.com. Follow her at @Ebony_Maiden.

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Oh, the beauty of the text message.  Suddenly those really awkward moments are made much less uncomfortable because not only do you not have to have tense talks in person with people, you now don’t even have to actually “say” what’s on your mind.  The convenience of text messaging has finally given an emoticon to those with poor body language and a dose of confidence to the socially awkward.  Now, instead of looking like an absolute loner in social situations you can look busy texting or surfing the net because you really are too cool to carry on conversations in person.  But seriously, whether you have the fastest moving thumbs you know or not, communicating the following things via text message just won’t do: