All Articles Tagged "swirling"
Pass Or Play? K. Michelle Debuts Her Video For “I Just Wanna” And Gets Both Her Freak And Swirl On In It
If you didn’t know, K. Michelle just wants to f**k, and not fall in love. Not to be crass, but hey, those are the lyrics.
The Love and Hip Hop Atlanta star who is rebuilding her music career one step at a time with her new record deal with Warner Bros., released the music video for her song “I Just Wanna.” It’s about getting some good loving from a man (because a woman has needs) after feeling worn out from bad relationships, but not actually looking for love.
“I just want you to drop your pants to the floor…”
“Tonight I just want sex that don’t mean a thing…that don’t make me no sl*t, a woman has her needs.”
In the video, she pines for a neighbor (well, a guy who lives in a building across the street actually), a particularly handsome white guy who likes to do everything in the window as she sits on, lays on and plays on a piano throughout the video singing about getting hers.
I’m definitely glad to see the singer and reality TV personality getting her second chance at musical success, but I will say that this song isn’t really my cup of tea. It might be the lyrics, which can at times come off silly. But hey, she looks good in the video (aside from a few facial expressions she made for dramatic effect that had me laughing out loud) and she seems to be having a good time, so kudos to K. Check out the new video and song and let us know what you think!
Why are black folks so infatuated with interracial dating?
It sounds like a blanket statement. Of course, all black folks aren’t obsessed with interracial dating. However, it seems like almost daily I come across a news post, and columns in magazines and blogs dedicated to black folks, speaking about the glory of dating outside of the black community. They ask stupid questions like Are Black Women Better off with White Men? and write guidebooks about snagging a white man (including the helpful tip of how to order wine the “white” way). And if they are not expounding on your personal choice on whom you date, than they are highlighting all the wonderful interracial couples in Hollywood. There are swirling sites run by black men and women and even a forthcoming coming film, which hopes to appeal to the “Rainbeau” dater in all of us.
So yeah, excuse me if I generalize by saying that nobody talks more about interracial dating than black folks. I mean, you just don’t see the topic broached in mainstream magazines like GQ or Vogue. You don’t see white therapists or white relationship experts or other white folks with alphabets behind their names and a platform, spouting the virtues of dating black men and women. Let’s face it: when it comes to reporting about “Jungle Fever,” this virus is only at epidemic proportions in the African American press.
But while the topic has no doubt been beaten to death by the black media there are still no shortages of articles directed towards interracial relationships. So obviously these stories are very popular, which is why these publications continue to put them out. After all, stories mean page clicks, and page clicks equates to dollars. And if there are folks willing to read it, than you can place the blame solely on black media for continuing to cater to their audience.
Which leads me to ask: If the color of the person we choose to date doesn’t matter, why do we talk about it so much?
Here is the standard disclaimer: I don’t have a problem with two folks of different races – or same gender for that matter – hooking up. Some people really do date outside of their race out of love and not some underlying motive. Okay, now that that’s out of the way; it’s the other would-be Rainbeau daters, who bother the hell out of me. These folks are the ones that go around touting anything but black as proof positive of equality, social advancement and worse, the magic solution to cure all problems within the black community. Unemployment rate is high? Get a white girl. Violence plaguing the community? You know what could solve that? Dating a white man. Can’t find your car keys? Girl, get yourself a white boy. They never lose their keys!
Let’s face it, no matter how far we think we have come in this society, as a race, too many of us are still looking, waiting and idolizing the white savior.
Yet science says that some of the same problems we find within the community can also be found interracially: In fact, the rate of divorce and domestic violence is much higher within interracial relationships and the incidence of spousal homicide is 7.7 higher in interracial relationships than in monoracial relationships. So much for thinking that the milk is less spoiled on the other side.
Truth is, championing dating interracially to empower the black community, particularly black women, is no more logical or rational than the colorblind racists, who believe that breeding ourselves into one in-between race will fix the world (yeah, like that worked for the Chinese and the Japanese). How we empower our people is by teaching self-love and by erasing those mental chains that tell us that “we” are inherently bad. We heal the world by recognizing cultural differences, and yes skin tone, and by ensuring that our differences do not lead to inequality. That is how we live interracially.
However, if you are using love and sex as some sort of political statement, position for advancement or weapon of revenge and conquest, than you are no better, and odds are, you’re more part of the problem than you think.
More on Madame Noire!
- Did You Know!? 9 Our Favorite Celebs of Cuban Descent (And Some Surprises!)
- That Is Not Normal! The Glorification Of Dysfunctional Relationships
- The Thirst Files: Nothing’s Wrong With A Little E-Flirting Between Two Married People, Right?
- Just Another Sad Love Song: The Soundtrack to My Love Life
- You Don’t Have To Be Wonder Woman: The Importance of Vulnerability In Relationships
- Signs He Will NEVER Be Into You
- Single Black Male: The 5 Steps to Approaching A Woman
Madame Noire caught up with author Christelyn Karazin as she explains the concept behind her book “Swirling” and the importance of judging a man for his character rather than his color.
More on Madame Noire!
- I’m Gonna Call It Like I See It: Celebs With No Filter
- Beauty On A Budget: 8 Delicious Drugstore Products You Can’t Live Without
- Secret Lover: Signs He May Be Hiding Something From You
- All The Single Ladies! Grown and Gorgeous Celebs Who Are Single and Satisfied!
- Why I Wish We Would Stop Advising Black Women To Date Outside The Race
- Why I Love Working With Black Women
- Because a Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste: Celebs Who Attended Ivy League Universities
Today is my 10-year wedding anniversary. It’s been a wild ride, but I can’t help but poke my tongue out and thumb my nose at some of the folks at my wedding who thought we wouldn’t last 10 months. I remember walking down the aisle; to the left of me was my family, mostly brown faces. To my right was my soon-to-be husband’s parents and extended family, white as rice.
The walk between the crowd was like parting the sea on a black sandy beach bubbling over with sea foam. Amidst all the butterflies in my belly, I thought about the chance online encounter that connected us, the family drama, and leaps of faith it took to get me to this place, looking ahead at my future husband, a wonderful, handsome man that I almost didn’t marry because he happened to be white.
There were dozens of times our marriage might not have happened. Like the time my well-meaning cousin told me that no family of my husband’s class would accept him having a black women raised by country Texas folks with an out-of-wedlock daughter. Ten years my senior, she recalled vividly (as evidence) her long-term relationship with a Jewish man that crashed and burned when his parents outright told her boyfriend that he’d be disowned if the thought of matrimony crossed his mind.
The second time our union could have vanished into vapor involved my own personal “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” moment when I visited his parents in a swanky Connecticut town and felt so uncomfortable and out of place that I hid in the guestroom and cried for an hour.
We broke up three times, and got back together three times. The third time my husband realized that he didn’t give a damn what anyone thought and put a ring on it on the evening of September 11, 2001–the day the Twin Towers were obliterated by terrorists hell-bent on indiscriminately killing all Americans, regardless of race, color, or creed. I of course said yes, because after two years of dating, I couldn’t have cared two figs about what people thought about us. It was gonna be me and him–the hell with what the world might think. Nothing like a catastrophic event to put things into perspective.
My experience in the only serious interracial relationship I’d ever had was so full of ups and downs, hilarity and absurdity, with the source of all the stress boiling down to something simultaneously small and huge, trivial and profound as a difference in the level of melanin. I wondered out loud, “How many other black women worry about this sh&$!?”
So many times I wished I’d had a confidant to prepare me for the challenges I might face, going in–sort of like a “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” for interracial couples. I didn’t see it on the bookshelves–nothing even close. That’s how “Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race, Culture and Creed” was born.
I was determined not to write another naval-gazing compilation about why 70% of black women are single, or how black women should lower their standards, be better, do better, act better, or be forced kicking and screaming into doing something they didn’t want to do. “Swirling” isn’t a book about convincing black women to do anything. It’s about what black women should know after they’ve decided to date a rainbeau.
Some people think the whole “interracial thing” should be given a rest, or that these stories and books are unnecessary. I’d have to disagree. Census data, released just yesterday, indicate that interracial marriage is up 28% since 2000–an all time high in the United States. But statistics don’t always tell the whole story, do they?
The term, “interracial” is wide-sweeping, and could refer to a motley of racial combinations. But the global rise doesn’t mean America is colorblind, or that there isn’t some sort of minority hierarchy when it comes to intermixing. For a variety of reasons, black women are dead last when it comes to mixed-race pairing. My research and numerous interviews revealed that the reasons have less to do with black women’s desirability across color lines (yes ladies, white guys think you’re HOT!!), and more to do with a lack of exposure and access. There’s a ridiculous amount of black women who believe that other races simply aren’t interested or just want some “jungle booty.” There’s a lot of stereotypes happening on both ends of the melanin spectrum, so perhaps more than ever, people of all races need to know what to expect before and after they walk down the aisle, if they so choose.
Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of “Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race, Culture and Creed” (Simon & Schuster/Atria Books) now available for pre-order. She is also the publisher of Beyond Black & White, a blog dedicated to African American women who are interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.
More on Madame Noire!
- Bad Never Looked So Good: Fine Fictional Characters That Scared Us For Real
- Does Your Life Revolve Around Men?
- Transgender Woman On Trial For Second-Degree Murder After Homophobic Attack
- Beyond Boycotting: Star Jones Calling High-Profile Women To Take A Stand Against ‘BBW’
- Kimora Lee Simmons Launches New Skin Care Line
- Skincare Q&A: Photo Sensitivity, Combination Skin and Dark Circles
- Hit or Ms.: Do We Really Need to Have Respect for Adults?
Here at Madame Noire we talk a lot about interracial dating. In one of our most popular (and most controversial) articles of all time, our writer listed reasons why black women should look to our fairer skinned brothers when it comes to dating options. We’ve done very popular slideshows about the white men in Hollywood who have a sista on their arm. We’re about keeping our options open when it comes to dating and marriage. That being said, please don’t look to the white man to save you from your brothas.
Yeah, I said it…because it had to be said.
As an editor on this site, it’s so frustrating to see black woman after black woman claim that she’s “done” with black men; that she’ll just go out and get herself a white man, as if they sell them at your local corner store. If you want to date a white man, by all means go right ahead but make sure you’re “swirling” for the right reasons.
It seems that some black women have forgotten that sickening, rejected feeling we get when we hear a wayward brotha talk about how he’s “upgraded” to white women because black women have too much attitude, are nothing but gold diggers and welfare queens. How are these hurtful stereotypes any different from black women saying black men are all cheaters, incarcerated or don’t take care of their children? It isn’t. Just like those stereotypes [hopefully] don’t apply to you, neither do these stereotypes apply to all black men.
I realize, some of us have been so scarred, so emotionally (and sometimes physically) battered by a black man or two, that we can’t recognize and appreciate the good brothas there still are in this world. If you want to cross the color spectrum, more power to you; but assuming that all of your male problems will disappear right along with the melanin, is just ridiculous. Any sane person, whether they’ve dated interracially or not, will tell you that people are people, men are men. Some are shady and some are sweet.
Furthermore, resolving to be with a white man by any means necessary might not be as easy as you think. Just like there are some black women who are not physically attracted to white men, there are some white men who are not physically attracted to black women. You heard John Mayer. Please believe, he’s not the only one who shares such sentiments.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to discourage or dissuade you from dating interracially; but stepping into the game believing that every white man is going to want you because you’re black, is simply unrealistic.
If and when you do find a white man to love you, how do you think he’ll feel knowing that you chose him and his color as a last resort? Just like we don’t want to be someone’s chocolate fantasy, I’m sure white men don’t want to be the milk in your coffee. There’s so much more to people than skin tone and there’s so much more to a successful relationship than the union of two different races. Whatever man you find, whether he’s black, white or leopard print, you better make sure the two of you have more in common than your obsession with each other’s hue.
More on Madame Noire!
- Canada Eh? 8 Celebrities We Didn’t Know Were Canadian
- Let Me Have My Shine!: How Jealousy Ruins Relationships
- Black Don’t Crack: Men Who Look Darn Good For Their Age
- “Mommy, Are We Born This Way Until We Get A Weave?”
- 10 Bad Habits That Get In the Way of Good Relationships
- Lil Kim Needs Some Friends
- When It’s Not Worth Fixing
- Why Your Clothing, Your Man, Your Hair and Reality TV Don’t Define Black Women