All Articles Tagged "successful dating"

Does Dating Multiple Men At One Time To “Find” The One Apply To Christian Women?

September 3rd, 2013 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Me and some of the other single young women from my congregation often joke that being raised in the church made us socially awkward— especially when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex. Since we were 13 and introduced to concepts like abstinence, sexuality purity, and books like Every Young Woman’s Battle, we’ve been drilled with teachings that we should pattern our romantic relationships after Mary and Joseph (minus the immaculate conception, of course) and in some extreme situations, Adam and Eve. Of course, Adam and Eve had it a lot easier considering that they were the only two humans on the planet.

Pursuit. Courtship. Marriage.

We’re taught that good Christian women wait to be pursued by good Christian men. We’re taught not to date for recreation, but with marriage in mind. Unfortunately, we’re rarely offered a realistic glance at what this actually looks like. I’ve always been a relationship kind of girl, which is in part due to the way that I was raised. But I always found it interesting that while I was being taught about being a potential wife, my younger brother was being coached by our father about why he shouldn’t put all of his eggs in one basket.  As a result, dating became somewhat of a stressful process for me. It would start off normal, but I’d eventually find myself subconsciously wondering if the guy I was seeing was my God-sent husband or praying ridiculously (and in an embarrassing manner) hard for things to work out. Or, even worse, being taken advantage of by a noncommittal church boy with vague intentions. The pressures, disappointments and unrealistic expectations that come along with dating as a 20-something-year-old Christian woman in the millennial generation eventually led to emotional exhaustion and my decision to go on a sabbatical when it came to men.

I was in my final weeks of graduate school when it dawned on me— my approach to dating was completely wrong and I was pretty much setting myself up for failure. Fate would have it that within a three-week timespan, I met three handsome young men— all of whom I found interest in. As I lamented over which of three I’d cut off and which one would remain, a very simple question emerged: “Why?” Why would I limit myself and my chances of of meeting the right person by only dating one man at a time? What sense does it make to commit to a person during the pre-commitment phase? We’re not advised to apply to one job at time. We’re advised to explore our options in every other aspect of our lives. Why should dating be any different?

Carson Griffith of Cosmopolitan points out that dating more than one guy during the pre-commitment stages is an emotionally safe way to get to know a man without prematurely investing your heart, energy and time.

“[It's] about weighting your options instead of driving yourself nuts and obsessing over just one man. Not investing all your time, energy, and emotions into any single man, no matter how much he’s convinced you he’s Mr. Fabulous can have its benefits. You simply don’t have time to fret about how much time he’s fretting about you if you’re simultaneously dating Mr. Semi-Fabulous and Mr. Just-Okay, too.”

Just this once, I decided to bend “the rules.” I decided that I would try something other than the rigid courtship structure being dictated by youth groups. I decided to slightly venture away from the “blueprint” being offered by Christian relationship experts. I decided that with God’s guidance, I’d establish my own personal truths. I chose to give all three guys an opportunity to get to know me in a non-sexual way. I allowed myself to get to know them in a pressure-free, emotionally-safe way. And can I be honest? I’m having a blast. The pressure is off. I’m enjoying getting to know people. I’m fun. I’m relaxed. I’m not sabotaging myself by prematurely setting expectations or becoming emotionally attached to any one guy.

I don’t have any grand success stories to give you as of yet, but what I can say is that I’m successfully getting to know a few really great guys. My emotions aren’t scrambled. My judgement isn’t fogged or clouded with intense feelings, and I can make sound decisions with a clear head. I’ll hold on to my recommendations until I’ve explored this all a little bit more, but from the looks of it, date three (or more) to “find” the one may prove to be a success.

What do you think? Should Christian women consider seeing more than one man at a time before choosing to make a commitment?

Follow Jazmine on Twitter @jazminedenise.

The Dos And Don’ts Of Dating Someone Who’s Insecure

March 26th, 2013 - By Ashley Page
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No matter if it’s damage from a past relationship or past failures, it’s not uncommon for someone’s self-confidence to take a hit after a negative experience. Most people recover, but there are some men and women who carry those setbacks with them and in term end up lacking just a bit in the self-esteem department. If you’re dating someone who is insecure, you know just how challenging the relationship can be, but, don’t give up just yet! Here are 14 dos and don’ts to keep in mind while dating this type of person.

Breathe, Stretch, Date: How To Manage The Stress Of Dating

March 21st, 2013 - By Ashley Page
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When you’re looking for Mr. Right and seemingly juggling several different men, it can be stressful, to say the least. To add even more stress into the equation, dating typically also involves break-ups, bad first dates, and awkward dating moments. While dating is bound to add a little bit of stress into your life, it doesn’t have to be overly troublesome. Here are some ways to manage the stress of dating.

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Shutterstock

Don’t bite off more than you can chew

If you already have a busy schedule, don’t try to have three dates during one week. Be sure that you plan each of your dates and meetings with men carefully. With an already jam-packed schedule combined with the stress of ensuring you’re on time for each date, you’re bound to go a little bit crazy! Pick and choose your dates and schedule them accordingly. If you’re really feeling a certain guy, make sure to set up a date with him before anyone else.

One Of The Boys Or THE Boy? How To Decide If He’s Really Boyfriend Material

January 28th, 2013 - By Ashley Page
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While we all have girlfriends, it’s always nice to have a few guy friends in the loop who you can talk to and chill with. In many cases when you have guy friends, it’s likely that you’re bound to experience some sort of chemistry — it just happens! If you’re on the fence and completely unsure as to whether this guy is best as a friend or if he’d make a good boyfriend, here are some tips and advice to keep in mind. Don’t let the indecision ruin your relationship!

If You’re Going To Take The Chance, Do It Right: 15 Tips For Successful Dating In The Workplace

January 25th, 2013 - By Ashley Page
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A lot of people frown upon dating in the workplace as it can easily get in the way of things and cause a lot of problems if the relationship goes sour. However, we can’t always stop liking or loving the people we’re meant to be with. If you want to date someone in your workplace, here are 15 tips to keep in mind and pull it off as easily as possible.

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iStockphoto

Don’t let your relationship interfere with your work

When dating in the workplace, your job has to come first. You don’t want your boss or his boss noticing that your relationship is causing you to work at an unsatisfactory level. Make sure you continue to meet all of your deadlines and put your best effort forward.

Don’t Be Scared, We Promise He Won’t Bite: Dating Tips For The Shy Gals

January 17th, 2013 - By Ashley Page
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If you’re quiet, reserved, and shy, you know how hard it can be to make it successfully in the dating world. Though there is nothing wrong with being shy, it definitely makes finding a guy and keeping his interest harder than usual. Here are 14 tips for shy females who want to take the dating world by storm.

You Gotta Keep It Movin': 15 Ways to Recover From A Failed Relationship

September 28th, 2012 - By Ashley Page
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We all experience failed relationships until we find that one special person, and while some of us only have to deal with the hardship of a breakup a few times, others have it much harder. If you’ve had bad relationship after bad relationship, or if a recent breakup has just been awful, here are 15 tips to help you recover and keep a positive outlook towards dating.

Give yourself time.

When a relationship ends, it’s likely that you’ll be sad, angry, upset, and confused. Always give yourself time to grieve and to adjust.