All Articles Tagged "stalking"
My last relationship was so hard to let go because we were always off and on. And even when we were off, we somehow ended up being friends…which would eventually turn in to us being on again. It was a cyclical mess. But either way, when I was playing the friend role, before I came to the realization that our communication was rather inappropriate, I heard plenty of stories about his current girlfriend.
Mostly bad stories about how he wanted to be out but could never find the strength to do it. Read: Homegirl put it on him and he couldn’t make it out. Anyway, with all this knowledge about her, I had to see what she looked like. Had to. Who was this sex goddess? These days, all it takes is a name and a mutual friend on any social media channel, this one just so happened to be Facebook, and you can learn someone’s whole life story. More than what I already knew about her. So of course when I found her profile, there were questions I hope the pictures would answer. I wanted to see if he had a type. He didn’t. All of his girlfriends looked drastically different. I wanted to see if she was cute. She was aight. And I wanted to see if there was any signs of crazy. She looked pleasant enough.
A part of me felt a tad bad about stalking. But hmmm not that bad.
Plus, I know I’m not the only one. There’s even a meme for it.
So many of my friends and associates have talked about wanting to see what the ex looks like, wanting to know what type of person she is. Clicking through her Facebook or scrolling through her Instagram, analyzing her fashion choices, trying to figure out what it was he once saw in her. As long as you don’t slip up and accidentally like an Instagram picture, I really see no down side in all of this, just a collection of information.
I guess things can get a little sticky if you’re feeling a little insecure and his ex happens to be a banger. But at the end of the day, you can always tell yourself that he chose you. There was something that didn’t make them a good fit for one another. Then all of those worries have to flee.
Have you ever done research on your man’s ex? Is there anything wrong with traveling down this rabbit hole?
Who knows when you are sleeping or really out creeping? Anyone who knows how to use these new apps, that’s who. From tracking your moves at night to recording your conversations, these new ways to keep tabs on a phone do it all. It’s actually pretty creepy. Better keep those passwords locked up tight!
Social Media brings us closer every day. Unfortunately, that closeness includes exes and haters. On Facebook, these moves are fair game. But if this were real life we’d call the cops
The Passive-Aggressive Poster
Post a selfie, this person writes a status about being self-absorbed. Complain about work, they post a prayer about being grateful to have a job. It’s like having an obnoxious shadow that throws salt on everything you say.
Let’s be honest: when it comes to stalking your ex, your detective level is on expert. From creeping his latest pictures with his new girlfriend to going through his statuses just because they’re readily available, you hardly notice when your digital stalking becomes a full-blown habit. Why is that? Even though you swear that you’ve moved on, there’s a small part of you that can’t help but wonder how he’s coping without you.
Is it possible that there’s more to this than curiosity or jealousy?
Intrigued by human behavior, University of Missouri School of Journalism’s Kevin Wise set forth to crack this code through the use of facial EMG sensors which, when connected to the eye muscles, detect the levels of positive reaction stemming from visual stimuli. In his study, the assisstant professor of strategic communication closely documented the facebook activity of over 30 subjects.
In the results of his social experiment, he found that most of the participants used facebook to search through the pages of both friends and former partners; he believes that his findings show that people often experience an instant “emotional gratification” from connecting to fellow users through their personal pages. While Wise sees facebook “social searching” as a form of emotional bonding, other critics aren’t as ready to accept this conclusion.
Read more about stalking at YourTango.com
Sings in best Michael Jackson voice, “I always feel like somebody’s watching meeee.” I really shouldn’t jest because for a 25 year old Kansas City woman that was a reality. Most of us, in our own self absorbed minds have felt like someone was spying on us at one point or another. Likely, it was just our own egos talking, no one is really that concerned with our daily lives.
But in Kansas City, Missouri a woman, who would like to remain anonymous, discovered that not one but eleven cameras were following her every move in her apartment.
According to the The Kansas City Star, a friend was visiting this woman’s apartment when he noticed that her smoke detector looked fake, resembling cameras disguised to look like smoke detectors. He had seen these cameras in the basement of the tattoo shop where both he and his friend worked: Freaks Tattoo. The woman’s apartment was located directly above Freaks Tattoo.
The woman called the police shortly after and they found her apartment housed eleven cameras, including four in her bathroom, recording her every move.
Officers noticed that the smoke detector in the kitchen did not have a compartment to replace the battery like a normal detector would. When they removed it from the ceiling, they found it was connected to three wires. They found a similar bundle of wires in the living room, hallway and in the woman’s bedroom.
The victim’s roommate had a normal smoke detector in her bedroom.
In the woman’s closet, officers found more wires that led into a gray pipe and extended down into the basement of the tattoo parlor. Once officers had moved boxes and shelves they located a computer that showed seven video screens, all revealing the interior of the woman’s apartment.
Three of the screens led police to cameras located in the woman’s bedroom, there were two cameras in the sink’s vanity, directed towards the toilet, and two cameras concealed in the wall of the shower.
The woman told police that she had lived in the apartment since last summer. She also said that her 47 year old landlord is also her boss at the tattoo parlor. She told police that he had propositioned her several times but she declined.
The landlord/boss had remodeled her bathroom in October while she was out of town.
Yesterday, the woman told police that she’s since moved from the apartment and was staying with a friend until she could find a new place to live.
Police confiscated the cameras and computer and are reviewing them for evidence but have yet to make an arrest.
This incident marked the fourth time in four months that police have discovered hidden cameras in the home or work place in the Kansas City metropolitan area.
I can only imagine how scarred this woman must feel right now and how long it will take her to feel comfortable in her own home. There are some sick people out there ladies and gentlemen. Some situations cannot be avoided but if you feel like someone is a creep, don’t underestimate their level of sickness.
A new lawsuit filed by Bishop T.D. Jakes has apparently slowed down an alleged stalker.
The woman, whose name is Karleisha Tarver, is on the receiving end of a new lawsuit filed by the religious leader last month. In addition, a judge extended a restraining order against Tarver’s actions last Friday because the former Potter’s House Of Dallas member’s actions “may ultimately lead to the death of one of the plaintiffs, their family, their friends, church attendees and/or staff,” The Star-Telegram reports.
The new restraining order, according to NewsOne, is the latest development to come out of the situation involving Jakes and Tarver, who has reportedly stalked Jakes since 2011. Last month, she allegedly tried to break into Jakes’ home in Fort Worth on numerous occasions. Court documents show that Tarver was reportedly committed to a mental health facility in 2012. That same year, she was convicted of criminal trespassing and sentenced to 15 days in jail.
In January, Tarver came to Potter’s House with a sling on her left arm. As she tried approaching Jakes at the altar, the Potter’s House security team apprehended and spoke to about her erratic behavior. The incident comes 2 years after Tarver was expelled from Potter’s House in 2011.
Read more about T.D. Jakes’s case at EurWeb.com
You can love your partner to the point of insanity sometimes. Too many of us are in unhealthy relationships for love (or the kids) and it’s causing us to lose our minds.
Here are 15 behaviors that may be a sign you are losing it for love…
Your thought this article might apply to you. Keep reading. Your intuition perked up for a reason. Before someone tells us our relationship is unhealthy, chances are we already think so too.
It was a breezy summer morning— the day of my cousin’s wedding. My house was filled with women, mostly aunts and cousins who slept over the night before. I was of course selected to make a supermarket run for everyone, considering that I was the youngest woman in the house. Aunt Barbara was preparing to make one of her famous breakfast spreads for everyone and I certainly wasn’t about to miss out on that.
It’s like he was there waiting for me to pull into that supermarket parking lot. Before I could even get out of my vehicle he was smiling and asking how I was doing. “I’m fine and you?” I responded, barely offering a glance, as I gathered my things and prepared to head into the supermarket. “You don’t remember me, do you?” he questioned with a smile as wide as the Cheshire Cat’s. I finally looked up at him. He was right. There was something eerily familiar about him, but I couldn’t place my finger on where I knew him from. Ironically, he informed me that his name was Sincere. You’ll find out why it’s so ironic later.
“How old are you?” I finally blurted out, hoping that it would serve as some sort of clue as to where I knew him from. “I’m 24,” he said without blinking, maintaining that same grin. “You’re 24?” I repeated. “Yes, I’m 24,” he replied.
Something wasn’t right. I felt it deep down in the pit of my stomach. He asked for my number. Call it a woman’s intuition. Against my better judgment, I gave it to him. To this day, I can’t really explain why I handed my number over, but I did. I walked away with no intentions of ever calling him and even less intention to pick up his call. Yet somehow, between naps, as I recouped from my cousin’s wedding the following day, I did. He captured me from his first sentence. He was very charismatic. He was funny. I love to laugh. Before I knew it, hours had passed and we were still on the phone.
The days to follow were pretty similar. We laughed and talked about any and everything, but still, I felt uneasy about something. “Are you sure you’re 24?” I asked him several times. “Yeah, I just had a really rough childhood, so I seem more mature than I really am,” he’d always respond. I honestly wanted to believe him, but something inside wouldn’t allow me to rest on his explanation. One day, he told me his last name and in no time, I was glued to my computer, combing the Internet for clues that could confirm what my gut was already telling me.
My search revealed one very disturbing fact. He’d lied about his age. It turns out that he was 27, not 24. While there isn’t a huge difference between 24 and 27, the fact he repeatedly lied about his age really creeped me out. Something inside told me that if he’d lie to me, at 22 years old, there was nothing stopping him from doing the same to underage girls. My search continued. I also found two of his social media pages, which he claimed he didn’t have. As you’ve probably guessed at this point, they revealed things that were even more disturbing than finding out he’d lied about his age. He was nothing like the person he presented himself to be and the epitome of the men you try your best to avoid.
And then, there was the gun. Fate would have it that the very same day I made these discoveries, just before I confronted him, he was attempting to show me that his phone wouldn’t send photos. He selected a random image from his cell phone’s photo gallery and attempted to send it to me. Somehow, the cell phone glitch stopped long enough to allow the photo go through. A photo that he never meant for me to see. A photo of him wearing a latex glove while holding a black handgun. I didn’t need to see anything else. I was convinced. I severed ties. But that’s when the harassment began.
For weeks he called my cell phone nonstop and filled my text message inbox with lengthy notes about why I was the only one for him and why he wouldn’t give up on me. Once weeks of his unanswered calls turned into months, the hate messages began. One night he even sent a message implicating that I was the devil. Then, one day, they just stopped. I considered calling the police several times. I was apprehensive about returning to the supermarket where I met him. It was a very frightening experience—one that could have been avoided had I simply taken heed to that little gift called intuition. I never did figure out where I knew him from or why he seemed so familiar, and maybe, just maybe, I never knew him at all. Maybe it was just my intuition.
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @jazminedenise.
What’s the difference between being thirsty and casual flirtation?
That question crossed my mind the other day while virtually hanging out in a closed Facebook group. I won’t say which one it was, but it has to do with hair. Anyway, the other day a guy comes into the group and introduces himself. It’s a hair group so it’s mostly dominated by women, but no biggie because men have hair too, right? Well, he starts off well, posting hair pictures, talking about hair regimens and engaging in the normal non-hair related gossip we are so fond of from time to time. And then, without warning or provocation, the guy decided to jump straight out the window and ask the room of a few thousand strange women (and men and probably intersex too), if there was anyone interested in being his lady?
Maybe I just haven’t caught up with all the other uses of this new technology, but this approach to dating just seems, for a lack of a better word, desperate. If not thirsty, definitely his open air pitch was cover for some extreme drought-like conditions in the sex and romance department. Perhaps I have been subjected to the advances of too many aggressive and hyper dudes over the years, but I see boldly posting in a chat room of mostly women, “who wants to be my woman?” as the equivalent of standing on a street corner and hollering at each and every girl you see, “Hey baby, what’s your name? Hey girl, come here and let me talk to you for a second. Girl, don’t walk past me without giving me your number.”
Basically, that’s something that only the thirsty would do.
However, not everyone sees it that way. In fact, when I posed the scenario on my own personal Facebook page, I received varied responses: from those who thought that dude was so thirsty, he was on the verge of seeing desert mirages, to a couple of Facebook friends, who thought that the chat room guy was just seizing the moment. Said one friend:
“I don’t like that term. There’s nothing wrong with desiring or trying to get your needs met and that is what thirst is…..a need. It maybe how you get them met that makes it a problem but if the guy is putting his need out there. Nothing wrong with it.”
I actually don’t disagree with this. I mean, conventional wisdom tells us all the time that those who ask, shall receive. I’m sure his inbox got a few hits from some ladies, who too might be on their carpe diem vibe. And it is not like there isn’t precedence. Remember in the film Love Jones when Darius Lovehall showed up to Nina Mosley’s apartment unannounced because he was uninvited? If you’ll recall the plot points, he got her address from a check she left behind at a record store. And remember on the television show Family Matters when Urkel committed to a whole bunch of antics, which could be classified as high-level thirst, to gain the affection of beloved next door neighbor Laura? Being thirsty, and then acting on it, certainly played out well in the romantic best interests of both men in both situations.
But that’s in film and television. In real life, there are all sorts of awkward and downright dangerous things that could befall someone who falls prey to the unquenched desires of the thirsty. At the least, you could end up having to cyber cuss out some annoyingly desperate dude, who persistently pursues you via text message or your Facebook wall. Worst case scenario, you could end up like Georgina Bloomberg, daughter of New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who had to get the police involved with her love-crazed cyberstalker, who sent her numerous and at times crazy emails, text messages and Facebook postings. And according to the University of Houston Women’s Resource Center website, approximately eight percent of women and two percent of men have been stalked at some point in their lives. Generally speaking, “stalking behavior may be seen by the stalker as romantic rather than intimidating, but the fear experienced by the victim is a more reliable indicator of stalking than the intention of the perpetrator.”
However, even with the potential for danger, the lines between the flirt and the thirst are pretty blurred. Just look at some of the varied responses to this article in Gawker about Brody the barista, who sent a video “selfie” to LA model Piper Kennedy a day after meeting and “reluctantly” ciphering a phone number from her lips. According to the Gawker article, “Brody can be seen “sensually” touching his face with his hand while Drake’s ‘Hold On, We’re Going Home’ plays in the background.” It is probably the most pitifully hilarious 16 seconds you will see on film today. Or maybe not. As one of the commentators pointed out in the comment section, “So she gives her phone number to the guy, and he rightfully assumes that it would be acceptable to text her a flirtatious message. He does so in a creepy but still PG-rated way, she shames him in front of millions.”
There does appear to be an effort as of late to reclaim – or completely abolish – the term, “thirsty.” I don’t know if I agree fully with the rationale, however, I can somewhat empathize. Perhaps the fellas are sick and tired of having their legitimate interest in the opposite (or even same) sex be dismissed or diminished as desperate. It is possible that the acceptance of some flirty behavior might depend upon the attractiveness of the pursuer. With that said, I have also been in positions where a very attractive guy did something so desperate that it became an instant turnoff. So perhaps folks are trying to normalize some pretty abhorrent behavior all in the interest of not appearing desperate. Since technology, particularly social networking, is still in its infancy stages, the rules that govern the appropriateness of flirtatious behavior are still being defined. Until those parameters are set, I think it is best to leave those boundaries up to the recipient(s) of the attention.
If there is one thing I am an expert on it’s holding back emotional text messages. I use the drop, stop and roll out method with my phone when I know I’m about to explode via text, maybe I’ll share it with you one day. Emotional text messages, calling a phone 5 times in a row with the last attempt going straight to voice mail and snooping are all a man’s worst nightmare. This is the ammo they use to deem a chick crazy, needy, clingy and one worth avoiding. I’ll never forget the time one of my exes called me a stalker. That’s a horrible title to give anyone, especially me since I’ve been stalked before to the point where I feared for my safety, one just does not throw that word around lightly.
Something obviously brought him to this point. I had been asking when we would next meet up (it had been awhile) and he was giving me the run around, “I’m busy.”
It came to the point where I had strategically planned when and how we could meet to work around his schedule. I wanted to have breakfast with him after he finished his night-shift and offered to meet at the entrance of his workplace, that’s when he texted back:“stalking is not cute.”
It was a powerful blow to my ego, gut and it hurt badly. I wanted to text back a paragraph of hate, or just call until he picked up because I had to curse him out! It was at that moment I knew I had been moving from a low and desperate place. He wasn’t busy; he just did not want to make time for me.
Read the rest at HelloBeautiful