All Articles Tagged "stalking"
You can love your partner to the point of insanity sometimes. Too many of us are in unhealthy relationships for love (or the kids) and it’s causing us to lose our minds.
Here are 15 behaviors that may be a sign you are losing it for love…
Your thought this article might apply to you. Keep reading. Your intuition perked up for a reason. Before someone tells us our relationship is unhealthy, chances are we already think so too.
It was a breezy summer morning— the day of my cousin’s wedding. My house was filled with women, mostly aunts and cousins who slept over the night before. I was of course selected to make a supermarket run for everyone, considering that I was the youngest woman in the house. Aunt Barbara was preparing to make one of her famous breakfast spreads for everyone and I certainly wasn’t about to miss out on that.
It’s like he was there waiting for me to pull into that supermarket parking lot. Before I could even get out of my vehicle he was smiling and asking how I was doing. “I’m fine and you?” I responded, barely offering a glance, as I gathered my things and prepared to head into the supermarket. ”You don’t remember me, do you?” he questioned with a smile as wide as the Cheshire Cat’s. I finally looked up at him. He was right. There was something eerily familiar about him, but I couldn’t place my finger on where I knew him from. Ironically, he informed me that his name was Sincere. You’ll find out why it’s so ironic later.
“How old are you?” I finally blurted out, hoping that it would serve as some sort of clue as to where I knew him from. ”I’m 24,” he said without blinking, maintaining that same grin. ”You’re 24?” I repeated. “Yes, I’m 24,” he replied.
Something wasn’t right. I felt it deep down in the pit of my stomach. He asked for my number. Call it a woman’s intuition. Against my better judgment, I gave it to him. To this day, I can’t really explain why I handed my number over, but I did. I walked away with no intentions of ever calling him and even less intention to pick up his call. Yet somehow, between naps, as I recouped from my cousin’s wedding the following day, I did. He captured me from his first sentence. He was very charismatic. He was funny. I love to laugh. Before I knew it, hours had passed and we were still on the phone.
The days to follow were pretty similar. We laughed and talked about any and everything, but still, I felt uneasy about something. “Are you sure you’re 24?” I asked him several times. “Yeah, I just had a really rough childhood, so I seem more mature than I really am,” he’d always respond. I honestly wanted to believe him, but something inside wouldn’t allow me to rest on his explanation. One day, he told me his last name and in no time, I was glued to my computer, combing the Internet for clues that could confirm what my gut was already telling me.
My search revealed one very disturbing fact. He’d lied about his age. It turns out that he was 27, not 24. While there isn’t a huge difference between 24 and 27, the fact he repeatedly lied about his age really creeped me out. Something inside told me that if he’d lie to me, at 22 years old, there was nothing stopping him from doing the same to underage girls. My search continued. I also found two of his social media pages, which he claimed he didn’t have. As you’ve probably guessed at this point, they revealed things that were even more disturbing than finding out he’d lied about his age. He was nothing like the person he presented himself to be and the epitome of the men you try your best to avoid.
And then, there was the gun. Fate would have it that the very same day I made these discoveries, just before I confronted him, he was attempting to show me that his phone wouldn’t send photos. He selected a random image from his cell phone’s photo gallery and attempted to send it to me. Somehow, the cell phone glitch stopped long enough to allow the photo go through. A photo that he never meant for me to see. A photo of him wearing a latex glove while holding a black handgun. I didn’t need to see anything else. I was convinced. I severed ties. But that’s when the harassment began.
For weeks he called my cell phone nonstop and filled my text message inbox with lengthy notes about why I was the only one for him and why he wouldn’t give up on me. Once weeks of his unanswered calls turned into months, the hate messages began. One night he even sent a message implicating that I was the devil. Then, one day, they just stopped. I considered calling the police several times. I was apprehensive about returning to the supermarket where I met him. It was a very frightening experience—one that could have been avoided had I simply taken heed to that little gift called intuition. I never did figure out where I knew him from or why he seemed so familiar, and maybe, just maybe, I never knew him at all. Maybe it was just my intuition.
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @jazminedenise.
What’s the difference between being thirsty and casual flirtation?
That question crossed my mind the other day while virtually hanging out in a closed Facebook group. I won’t say which one it was, but it has to do with hair. Anyway, the other day a guy comes into the group and introduces himself. It’s a hair group so it’s mostly dominated by women, but no biggie because men have hair too, right? Well, he starts off well, posting hair pictures, talking about hair regimens and engaging in the normal non-hair related gossip we are so fond of from time to time. And then, without warning or provocation, the guy decided to jump straight out the window and ask the room of a few thousand strange women (and men and probably intersex too), if there was anyone interested in being his lady?
Maybe I just haven’t caught up with all the other uses of this new technology, but this approach to dating just seems, for a lack of a better word, desperate. If not thirsty, definitely his open air pitch was cover for some extreme drought-like conditions in the sex and romance department. Perhaps I have been subjected to the advances of too many aggressive and hyper dudes over the years, but I see boldly posting in a chat room of mostly women, “who wants to be my woman?” as the equivalent of standing on a street corner and hollering at each and every girl you see, “Hey baby, what’s your name? Hey girl, come here and let me talk to you for a second. Girl, don’t walk past me without giving me your number.”
Basically, that’s something that only the thirsty would do.
However, not everyone sees it that way. In fact, when I posed the scenario on my own personal Facebook page, I received varied responses: from those who thought that dude was so thirsty, he was on the verge of seeing desert mirages, to a couple of Facebook friends, who thought that the chat room guy was just seizing the moment. Said one friend:
“I don’t like that term. There’s nothing wrong with desiring or trying to get your needs met and that is what thirst is…..a need. It maybe how you get them met that makes it a problem but if the guy is putting his need out there. Nothing wrong with it.”
I actually don’t disagree with this. I mean, conventional wisdom tells us all the time that those who ask, shall receive. I’m sure his inbox got a few hits from some ladies, who too might be on their carpe diem vibe. And it is not like there isn’t precedence. Remember in the film Love Jones when Darius Lovehall showed up to Nina Mosley’s apartment unannounced because he was uninvited? If you’ll recall the plot points, he got her address from a check she left behind at a record store. And remember on the television show Family Matters when Urkel committed to a whole bunch of antics, which could be classified as high-level thirst, to gain the affection of beloved next door neighbor Laura? Being thirsty, and then acting on it, certainly played out well in the romantic best interests of both men in both situations.
But that’s in film and television. In real life, there are all sorts of awkward and downright dangerous things that could befall someone who falls prey to the unquenched desires of the thirsty. At the least, you could end up having to cyber cuss out some annoyingly desperate dude, who persistently pursues you via text message or your Facebook wall. Worst case scenario, you could end up like Georgina Bloomberg, daughter of New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who had to get the police involved with her love-crazed cyberstalker, who sent her numerous and at times crazy emails, text messages and Facebook postings. And according to the University of Houston Women’s Resource Center website, approximately eight percent of women and two percent of men have been stalked at some point in their lives. Generally speaking, “stalking behavior may be seen by the stalker as romantic rather than intimidating, but the fear experienced by the victim is a more reliable indicator of stalking than the intention of the perpetrator.”
However, even with the potential for danger, the lines between the flirt and the thirst are pretty blurred. Just look at some of the varied responses to this article in Gawker about Brody the barista, who sent a video “selfie” to LA model Piper Kennedy a day after meeting and “reluctantly” ciphering a phone number from her lips. According to the Gawker article, “Brody can be seen “sensually” touching his face with his hand while Drake’s ‘Hold On, We’re Going Home’ plays in the background.” It is probably the most pitifully hilarious 16 seconds you will see on film today. Or maybe not. As one of the commentators pointed out in the comment section, “So she gives her phone number to the guy, and he rightfully assumes that it would be acceptable to text her a flirtatious message. He does so in a creepy but still PG-rated way, she shames him in front of millions.”
There does appear to be an effort as of late to reclaim – or completely abolish – the term, “thirsty.” I don’t know if I agree fully with the rationale, however, I can somewhat empathize. Perhaps the fellas are sick and tired of having their legitimate interest in the opposite (or even same) sex be dismissed or diminished as desperate. It is possible that the acceptance of some flirty behavior might depend upon the attractiveness of the pursuer. With that said, I have also been in positions where a very attractive guy did something so desperate that it became an instant turnoff. So perhaps folks are trying to normalize some pretty abhorrent behavior all in the interest of not appearing desperate. Since technology, particularly social networking, is still in its infancy stages, the rules that govern the appropriateness of flirtatious behavior are still being defined. Until those parameters are set, I think it is best to leave those boundaries up to the recipient(s) of the attention.
If there is one thing I am an expert on it’s holding back emotional text messages. I use the drop, stop and roll out method with my phone when I know I’m about to explode via text, maybe I’ll share it with you one day. Emotional text messages, calling a phone 5 times in a row with the last attempt going straight to voice mail and snooping are all a man’s worst nightmare. This is the ammo they use to deem a chick crazy, needy, clingy and one worth avoiding. I’ll never forget the time one of my exes called me a stalker. That’s a horrible title to give anyone, especially me since I’ve been stalked before to the point where I feared for my safety, one just does not throw that word around lightly.
Something obviously brought him to this point. I had been asking when we would next meet up (it had been awhile) and he was giving me the run around, “I’m busy.”
It came to the point where I had strategically planned when and how we could meet to work around his schedule. I wanted to have breakfast with him after he finished his night-shift and offered to meet at the entrance of his workplace, that’s when he texted back:“stalking is not cute.”
It was a powerful blow to my ego, gut and it hurt badly. I wanted to text back a paragraph of hate, or just call until he picked up because I had to curse him out! It was at that moment I knew I had been moving from a low and desperate place. He wasn’t busy; he just did not want to make time for me.
Read the rest at HelloBeautiful
Most men and women long to have partners who love and care for them, help them out from time to time and inspire them to be better people. But sometimes, gently nudging your significant other out of love in an attempt to “help” can suddenly turn into something else. One minute you think you have a loving boyfriend, the next minute he’s trying to control your every move. I’m not talking about violent or abusive men who use force to try to dominate you. I’m talking about emotionally or mentally manipulative men who try to convince you that he’s only looking out for your best interest and who are simply overly protective of you. If you’re not paying attention, you may miss his subtle attempts to try to control you. If you can’t tell the difference between a truly genuine person who only wants the best for you and the relationship and someone who is deceptively trying to control you, look out for these warning signs.
Searching for people on Facebook. Making “surprise” visits to special someone. Repeatedly messaging people over and again despite no response. If you think any of these behaviors are normal, guess again, you might be one step away from being a stalker. Yes, we normally think of a stalker as some creepy person who tries to murder you in your sleep, but believe it or not, it doesn’t take much to display stalker characteristics. In fact, many people do little things, without realizing they’re being a bit of a stalker themselves. Here are some things you might be guilty of doing that show the stalker in you after all.
Creating a fake profile on Facebook
There is is reason why Facebook is called facebook, and not Facebooks. Why? Because you’re supposed to only have one account! Somehow, people seem to think creating multiple Facebook accounts is okay. It’s understandable if you want to keep work professionals away from personal content, but when you’re using this account to add friends you wouldn’t normally add from your usual account(an ex maybe?), or to look at profiles you wouldn’t usually look at, you are being a stalker…
Today was “Girl’s Day” at work. As you already know, when a group of women get together, and there are no men around, the conversation is bound to turn toward shady dudes. Shady dudes we’ve known personally, shade dudes our friends have been involved with, all the shady dudes we’ve ever heard about. The conversation about these unscrupulous men was compounded by the fact that there was a 20 year old man on Maury lying to a woman, saying he was 27. That’s not so bad but the two had been dating for three years. So, needless to say when she first met him, he was 17 and she was probably, unknowingly breaking the law. This crazy story had a couple of my coworkers sharing even crazier stories about men who ended up being complete con artists. When you start dating, you never know who you’re dealing with initially. So, what precautions should you take to make sure you don’t end up bitter and bamboozled? We also discussed a couple of protective measures in the office. Some of them are a bit much for my taste but to each her own. Check out these techniques and let us know what’s acceptable, what you’ve done and what is taking it too far.
The Thirst Is Real.” Is it? Isn’t it? These days, “the thirst” has become a ubiquious term showing up everywhere from Frank Ocean’s tweets to ratchet reality shows. But what is the thirst? In our series “The Thirst Files,” we decide to share stories and essays that communicate one angle of the thirst whether it involves a woman who develops a sexual addiction or a married man who stalks for affection via the internet. Just so you know, we’re not taking ourselves too seriously here but wanted to take a more focused approach to understanding this thing called “The Thirst” lol. Enjoy this third installment and let us know what other angles of the thirst you’d like to see explored.
There was a time when what is totally acceptable in this day and age would have gotten you 20 to life in a maximum security prison surrounded by water on all four sides. It’s shocking to me how these thirst-sponsored activities have become normalized. I say this with the sincerest of hearts: Facebook, and the Internet in general, has made us all crazy.
I’m not proud of this but I was born in a time many of you may not recall. Scientist refer to this period as “the 80′s.” The nonscientific community classifies me as an “80′s baby.” The 90s, right around when the Internet was coming of age, dominated my impressionable years. Yes, I am old enough to remember a time when the Internet did not exist. In Internet years, this makes me practically Jurassic, which means in the minds of many young people, the fact that I lived before the Internet is equitable to me walking the Earth at the same time as dinosaurs. Regardless, this impressively expansive coverage of chronological periods has given me some perspective.
Back in my day, if you spent 26 hours of a 24-hour day following your X around, this activity would be widely frowned upon. Actually, you would be labeled a “crazy person” by most observers and might even be arrested. This is no longer the case. Today, it is widely accepted – and in some cases even encouraged – for people to follow the every micro-movement of their current or past girlfriends/boyfriends. As best I can tell, Facebook’s entire platform is based on the premise that most people are inherently narcissistic, self-centered, and yes, crazy. These neurotic symptoms are matched only by their penchant to want to monitor the narcissistic, self-centered, and crazy habits of their peers.
Many social media sites survive on magnifying the worst of us. For example, before the Internet realized the horrors of this activity, many social media sites had a little thing called “visitors.” Visitor counters monitored who visited your site and how often. This allowed you to at least see that your X visited your page 39 times in the last 15 minutes. You’ll notice this feature has largely been removed. Thirst-like activities exploded exponentially, easily by 1,000%.
Now men and women are free to monitor whomever they choose for however long they choose. People can spend an entire workday angrily monitoring their X or stalking their favorite video vixen on Twitter, Instagram, or World Star Hip Hop. You know who you are, bro.
While scientists believe the fastest thing in the universe is the speed of light, they have obviously never witnessed the speed one moves when they are tagged in a photo that their current significant other would not approve. I’ve seen people leave office meetings to remove themselves from a less than flattering photo on Facebook. That should be the true measurement of speed. I assure you it is far more accurate and relatable. How far is the nearest galaxy?
“The nearest galaxy is 7 Tyrone’s tagged in his x-girlfiend’s birthday photos that he wasn’t supposed to be at in the first place because his new girl don’t trust that [female dog].”
I know it has to be hard for men. They’re always expected to make the first move and be the pursuers, yet they run into many women who rebuff their advances with the quickness, ignore them flat out, or yell at them for being a bother. Yeah, I get that it can’t be easy. However, there are just some ways of “hollering” that need to be banished. First on the list? How about trying to spit game at a girl when she’s walking home alone after 12 a.m.?
In my neighborhood in the city, sometimes you’ll find me walking the streets late in the evening (or early in the morning) after kicking it with girlfriends or hitting up festivals and events. Because of that, I’ve learned three important things when it comes to navigating my way home after dark, and they include the following: Walk fast, ditch the headphones, and always have my keys ready to open my door…or in case I need to jab a creeper in the eye. As a woman, you always have to be on guard for someone waiting to abduct you, assault you, rob you or follow you home, and because I live about three long blocks from my train stop (about a seven minute walk if I move fast, three if I run), I’ve gotten used to being paranoid. On the way to the train very late one evening, I had a man in a rapist-looking van drive slowly next to me and ask if he could give me a ride. According to him, I was too pretty to be walking the streets by myself. What he didn’t know was, I was also too smart, even in the slight downpour that had begun, to get in his car and go anywhere with him. I said “No thanks!” picked up the pace with these long legs and took extra long strides until he finally drove away. As uncomfortable as all of that was, it wasn’t as alarming as the time a young man actually followed me as I walked home to try and “holler.”
It was about 12:30 a.m. and I had just got off the train and was headed back to my place. I had my headphones in but planned to take them off once I got outside of the train station. So when a guy in the station tried to get my attention I really couldn’t hear him. I looked back very fast to see if someone had said something, as I didn’t want to slow play in the grimy station (which reminded me of that one scene from The Wiz) and saw no one right behind me. But as I walked up the steps, I felt like there was someone following me. I looked back and saw a man trying to rush up the steps behind me, and he tripped on the second step. Something about his clumsy behavior reminded me of a drunkard, and at that time of the evening, unless my a** was exposed or I dropped my wallet, there wasn’t anybody on those streets who had a reason to stop me to chat. So I put even more pep in my step, snatched out my headphones and did a speed walk that would make those Olympic power walkers proud. But lo and behold, as I came up the stairs, this man was running up the stairs, and as I got down the street, he was jogging in my direction. There were no police cars around to flag down, so I tried to cross the street to be sure that I wasn’t losing my mind (“Is this guy really about to try follow me home???”) and as I crossed, he crossed and cut me off near the middle of the street. Getting tired, and frankly, a bit pissed, I put my house key in between my middle and ring fingers, and decided that if he was going to abduct me, he was going to have to be ready for a fight first. As I turned around, ready for something out of a movie to happen, this is what he said:
“Heeeey, how you doing? What’s your name with your pretty self?”
Before I knew it, I was in the middle of the street screaming at him: “WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME!?” The man who had just tried to play smooth Casanova in the street was now a bumbling, somewhat scared fool: “FOLLOWING YOU!!? Ain’t nobody following you! I was just trying to talk to you for a second! I live down the street, what you mean “following” you!?” As he walked away from me in a huff, talking ish on the way, for a second there, I thought I might have overreacted. But then, I remembered that this was the same fool running down the street after me 20 seconds earlier. While he might not have been following me with the intent to harm me, he was indeed FOLLOWING me, and doing so while I was alone on an empty street at 12:30 a.m. By the time I got home, I was still shaking from the worry I had felt at one point, and the sheer tomfoolery of the whole situation. To be frank, I was grateful to be safe, yet enraged at his behavior. Is that how you approach a woman???
Look here men: I don’t care if Halle Berry is walking down the street in her birthday suit at 1 a.m., you don’t pull a stunt like this. Late at night when a woman is walking home or anywhere alone, you need to leave her be, because while you might think that you look like Rico Suave, chances are, you probably look like a murderer to her. Your advances most likely won’t get the response you’re looking for (except maybe from the thirsty chicks), and instead of getting us excited, these attempts to come on to folks can be very frightening. I don’t know when people started assuming that this was acceptable behavior, but it can get a guy just trying to innocently woo a gal a face full of pepper spray, or in the case of my fool, a bruised ego. In a society where roommates are killing roommates, husbands are offing wives, and women are being kidnapped in broad daylight from Target stores, it’s hard to trust anybody and assume their intentions are harmless. At 2 a.m., you might just want my number, but I might think you want my life. Therefore, brothers of all backgrounds, please refrain from thinking with your junk and think with your heads next time you believe that the nighttime is the right time to get your mack on.
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Some of us are flawless at flirting: suggestive winks, courteous nods and charming smiles are mastered in order to rouse the intricate interpersonal footwork that is flirtation. But, for most women, it’s difficult to know what’s right and what’s wrong when it comes to doing such a dance. We get so caught up in trying to impress someone that all of our cool points go out of the window. Fortunately for you, we’ve made a list of mistakes that women have been known to make when giving someone the eye, so you can try avoiding making them yourself–again.
Being Too Sexually Suggestive
While it’s alright to show a bit of flesh and tease a bit, you never want to lure a man with pure sexual innuendo because, to put it nicely, he might think that you’re a h*e, and that you would be down for taking things back to his place (and hitting the bedroom). Erotically licking your lips, talking up your sexual experiences, performing the breathy and deep ‘Adult Video star’ voice and visible undergarments are all quick ways for him to get the wrong idea and think that you’re easy.