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I consider myself a pretty secure person in relationships–I’m sure that’s how all crazy, non-secure lunatics start off a conversation on jealousy–I hide my insecurities well. I’ve always been very proud of the fact that I’ve never rifled through a partner’s pockets, phone, mail and/or other property. But the other day, I became one of those chicks who does. As I played Angry Birds on my boyfriend’s out-of-commission cell phone, I couldn’t help but wonder, what’s stored in here?

I wasn’t snooping in my mind, because he’d been very aware that I had his phone. I was just curious. Curious about what you ask? I’m still not too sure, but as I closed out of Angry Birds and scrolled over to the messages icon. The sane, non-jealous, secure, composed girl lost the battle and a green-eyed monster slithered out and took over. There I sat in his company, about to go there, unsure of what I was looking for.

So when the first thing I saw was an adoring text message from a girl or woman with a silly name, I couldn’t contain myself. There they were in black and white; a slew of text messages from the same woman!  Another woman, addressing my boyfriend with the same terms of endearment I do. My heart sank as I read the messages. I don’t know how to react in these situations, as I’ve heard the stories a couple of times from different girlfriends about the moment you find some ish and the immediate reaction after. But everything I had heard before just didn’t compare to this in my twisted mind, because to me, this was worse since it was happening to me. I wanted to throw the cellphone at his smiling, unaware face, but I couldn’t and I had no grounds to. The messages were two years old!

Yes, you read that right. After the third scan over the messages and remaining completely calm or what I thought was calm in front of my boyfriend, the monster composed herself long enough to read the whole message; including the send and receive dates. However, this isn’t about the relief this revelation gave me, instead it’s about the pangs of jealousy that I, the supposed non-jealous, supposedly sane girl, still felt after finding out there was no reason to be mad.

Who was/is this girl? Did he really care about someone else besides myself ever in his life?! Believe me, I know how absurd and irrational this all sounds, but it’s all true. Once I opened Pandora’s Box, in my mind, all hell started to break loose. Surely I’d been in relationships before, I felt strongly once about another and thought I was in love  before we were together, and that was fine because it’s in the past. Then why was it hard to deal with what I was reading? I wasn’t on the brink of tears, but I must admit it stung a bit. Then it dawned on me: THIS is why I don’t do this! By snooping, I’m only looking to smack myself really hard and create insecurities that aren’t necessary. That’s always been my belief and my step over to the dark side was confirmation of that. So a word of caution to you, ladies: I’m not saying don’t look for things that you don’t want to find, but then again, that’s exactly what I’m saying.

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Have you ever spied on your man?  Have you ever snooped through his emails, checked his text messages, scrolled through his cell phone call history, scrolled through his laptop’s browser history, or rummaged through his laundry? Maybe you’ve followed him in your car- or even sat outside his house to see who’s coming in and out? Yes, this list may seem familiar to the “average snooper.” But it’s just the tip of iceberg. We haven’t even gotten into the more “elite” snooper’s arsenal of computer spyware or voice activated bugging devices.

It seems that playing Sherlock Homegirl is now becoming a very common practice among today’s women in dating and married relationships. In fact, in a recent, study more than a third of women surveyed (33%) admitted to checking a boyfriend’s email or call history on the sly. And if you guessed the desire to snoop would be less among spouses, you’d be wrong. It was also found that slightly more married couples snoop on their spouses- 37% to be exact. Furthermore, the number of women that reported snooping on their partner’s has actually risen.

But why is this so? Is it because snooping is just in a woman’s DNA- or is it because men give us a reason to spy on them? The reasons vary from case to case. But from personal observation I’ve found that the top five reasons why women snoop on their men are:

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(Chicago Sun Times) — Mayor-elect Rahm Emanuel was urged Tuesday to rein in police spying after the city agreed to pay and publicly absolve an international peace and justice organization investigated in the run-up to a 2002 business conference in Chicago.  The Quaker-based American Friends Service Committee was one of several groups investigated by the Chicago Police Department prior to the Trans-Atlantic Business Dialogue.  The major business meeting had triggered violent protests across the country. The Daley administration was determined to avoid similar unrest in Chicago.

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(Washington Post) — The federal government has repeatedly violated legal limits governing the surveillance of U.S. citizens, according to previously secret internal documents obtained through a court battle by the American Civil Liberties Union.  In releasing 900 pages of documents, U.S. government agencies refused to say how many Americans’ telephone, e-mail or other communications have been intercepted under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act – or FISA – Amendments Act of 2008, or to discuss any specific abuses, the ACLU said. Most of the documents were heavily redacted.

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(New York Times) — Huang Kexue, federal authorities say, is a new kind of spy.  For five years, Mr. Huang was a scientist at a Dow Chemical lab in Indiana, studying ways to improve insecticides. But before he was fired in 2008, Mr. Huang began sharing Dow’s secrets with Chinese researchers, authorities say, then obtained grants from a state-run foundation in Chinawith the goal of starting a rival business there.  Now, Mr. Huang, who was born in China and is a legal United States resident, faces a rare criminal charge — that he engaged in economic espionage on China’s behalf.

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