All Articles Tagged "single"
Being single brings a variety of emotions; from frustration due to the barrage of inquiries surrounding your relationship status to worrying if you’ll ever find ‘the one’.
Fortunately, relationship experts say that the single life should be a time of enjoyment and for self-discovery. In fact, sex and relationship expert Dr. Gabrielle Morrissey said, “Being single is when you live for yourself, not just by yourself. Being single should not mean being solely on a quest for love.”
Below are tips that can help you experience a healthy single life.
Try traveling alone. You’ll be able to set the tone on where you decide to stay, eat, and places to visit while in that specific location, without having to compromise. Kristen Newman, author of the travel memoir What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding, thinks that people are afraid of looking like a loser while traveling alone. “It’s the same how people don’t want to eat dinner alone,” she said. “I think people are afraid of being lonely, of being scared, of looking like they didn’t have anybody.” Step out of your comfort zone and see the things you’ve always wanted to.
Treat yourself well
Like traveling, you don’t need to be in a relationship to have fun! Cook a nice brunch for yourself and grab a huge wine glass (like the one you use while watching Scandal), make a mimosa and enjoy yourself. Get massages and manicures and pedicures regularly, just for kicks. Go see a movie, by yourself, and actually indulge in popcorn, chocolate candy and a huge drink when you do. Whatever you decide to do, show yourself love. As Iyanla Vanzant put it, “Learn to appreciate quiet times alone with you. When you are alone, you can pamper yourself and be extravagant with yourself.”
Become financially literate
Making money is great and spending it freely while single is even better. However, becoming financially responsible and taking this time to truly figure out your financial goals can really be an asset in your future relationship. Jay Hurt, relationship coach and author of The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship, said that finances are often stressful in marriages and being prepared can help minimize tension. “Actually putting your expenses and income on paper forces you to think about where all of your money is going.” Hurt said. “It’s a great habit to start while single, which will help to build wealth (together) down the road. Make it a point to check your credit score and find ways to continually maximize your score.”
Sleep in the middle of the bed and spread out. In fact, fill the whole house with candles and flowers. Appreciate the space that you have and use it, while you have the chance. Also, explore career opportunities that might call for you to relocate. This is the time of no compromise or sharing so enjoy it. Bob Rosen, author of Grounded: How Leaders Stay Rooted in an Uncertain World, believes it’s a necessity. “To be a healthy, grounded person, you need to be selfish,” Rosen said. “If you’re looking to a partner to fill your emotional needs, your relationship is vulnerable. The best relationships happen when two adults show up and enjoy each other.”
Figure out what you want
Relationship expert Susan Winter said that being single should be a beautiful and rich experience. We should get to figure out what we do and don’t want, and in the meantime, do what we want. “Our time is our own. We can go out with our friends or luxuriate in a movie (we like) at home. We have the rare opportunity to explore what we want, when we want and without constraint.”
This is the time for true self-reflection and self-development. After all, the more you learn about yourself and appreciate yourself, the more enriching your future relationship will be.
“I am much too content being single,” one of my closest friends said through the other end of the phone. She paused for a few seconds before saying, “Something is wrong with me.”
We both laughed. Then fell quiet. Similar in our outlooks on relationships and dating, I knew we were both thinking the same thing. Why does something have to be wrong with you when you are over the age of 30, single and surprisingly content? Who is to blame for this conditioning that says women can’t be complete unless they are happily married with the intention of raising children by a certain age?
As if she’d read my mind, she began explaining her sense of satisfaction.
“I get to focus on me, my life, my career, travel, date and figure out what I really want.” She was on a roll. I let her talk. “I have all of my life to be married if I finally get married, but I won’t have all of my life to be single.”
While she was spewing out her single-and-satisfied list, I had a revelation. I too, a single woman in my 30s, was indeed content being single. And while I one day want to get married, that day is certainly not right now.
Over the past few months, I’ve had a few “aha” moments. I realized that I was chasing after a life I assumed would make me happy. I wasn’t thinking about the things that really brought me satisfaction: traveling at the drop of a dime, hanging out with friends on my own terms, enjoying time with my family, curling up with a good book in the quietness of my own home, developing new ideas, writing, etc. Instead, I was thinking of the things society said I should have attained by now: a husband and at least one child.
When I migrated down South from Washington, D.C., I definitely began feeling the brunt of the expectation. When I would tell people that I wasn’t married or in a committed relationship, I’d get either one of two looks: sympathy or confusion, sometimes a combination of both. Initially, it bothered me. I felt like I had to explain my single status. “I’m just waiting on the right man at the right time,” I’d offer as if this grown woman had to explain anything.
“You’d better hurry up,” many of the older women would say to me as if there is a law prohibiting marriage after a certain age. And yes, it is harder to conceive a child as you get older, but at this point, we all know it’s not impossible.
This sense of urgency coupled with the expectation from people I barely knew had me thinking that I should be married. It took a while for me to realize that I actually didn’t want to be, at least not right now. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
I’ve seen the results of rushing into situations too fast or making decisions because they appear like good ones to others. During my “aha” moments, I declined a job opportunity that looked good on paper but I knew would make me unhappy. I got out of a relationship that I realized I entertained simply to say I was in a relationship. And with that, I realized that I needed to be done making decisions because of society’s expectations. I am single, in my 30s, and honestly, probably the happiest I’ve been in a long time.
If the right man comes along, I’m definitely open to the idea of being in a relationship; but in the meantime, I will be busy living my life, satisfied.
Your mother may always ask you when you’re going to start spending time with someone new. However, being single shouldn’t be all about waiting for your next relationship to roll around. it’s a time where you should enjoy your own company, and most importantly, learn more about who you are and what you want. Life has lots of lessons to teach you about every aspect of it — and being single can help you better understand those lessons.
From how to be the one you’re looking for, to how to find out what you really want in life, we can find out the most about ourselves when we’re not involved with anyone else. So, until Mr. Right comes around (or if you even decide that you don’t care if he ever does), the following pages will show you the important lessons being single teaches you.
What important lessons have you learned while taking a break from dating?
Your mother may be on your case about finding that “special someone,” but are you really alone? It’s 2016, and most of us know that we don’t need a man to make us happy. But do we know what relationship we’re in and that we have that does make us happy?
Whether you’re married to your job, in a serious relationship with your best friend, or going the distance with the idea of Mr. Right while loving on and getting to know yourself the right way, these might be the relationships in your life that bring you the happiness you’ve been looking for.
Being in love with being a mom to your child is not only a relationship, but it’s also one of the best ones.
When you feel some room open up for you to be able to add something or someone extra to the picture, that’s exactly who a prospective partner will be: “extra.” They will add on to the happiness you already have.
You’ve been getting it from all sides lately. You’ve heard it from family members, well-meaning co-workers, and even that one nosy hairstylist: “Are you still single?” For as long as any of us can remember, single women have been cause for concern for some reason. And as time goes by, people want to hook you up with just about anybody just to see you with someone. But as it turns out, people only think that single women are unhappier.
Times are changing. The pool of singles in the United States just climbed over 50 percent, and it’s growing all the time. And as more people see single and happy people all around them, a lot of the single stereotypes are falling by the wayside. So the next time someone tries to give you “concerned” shade about being single, just politely point them to the new facts on singlehood that are knocking down all of the stereotypes.
On last Thursday’s episode of The Real, singer and actress Brandy Norwood served as a guest co-host and used it as an opportunity to promote her new BET series Zoe Ever After. And because the actress and singer has been vocal about her love life in the past, it was no surprise that she talked about it some more on the show. But what did shock those watching was her declaration that she never wants to get married. Like ever.
After a sham marriage and a few failed engagements, Brandy shared that in the present day, she hasn’t dated in over a year, and she loves the single life because it’s the first time where her focus has been just on herself, her career, and her daughter. Although I am not a mother, I can certainly identify with Brandy’s need to give up on dating to just focus on the more important things in her life. Hell, I’ve met all types of strange men and have had failures that make me question why I even try anymore. Still, I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I never want to get married and that I would be okay with simply being in one relationship after another or single for the rest of my life. Life is a long journey depending on how you live it, and I wouldn’t want to go through it alone without a committed partner, intimacy or romance.
Before Brandy’s statement, powerhouse women such as Oprah Winfrey and Shonda Rhimes also went on the record to say they’re okay without marriage and commitment. Most women see this as a testament to embracing themselves and knowing what they want. And while I have embraced singlehood for the last two years, I won’t lie and say that it’s for me.
I’d like to have children and build a family at some point in my life, and I can’t do that alone. Kudos to all the single parents and women who want children without the man, but that’s not how I want my life set up. I’d like to build with someone and create a legacy and set an example of a strong family dynamic for my kids.
I’d also like to share my success with someone. Sure, it’s fun when you can share in those things with your friends and crack open a bottle of bubbly or wine and toast to good fortune. But having a life partner walking through the journey with you through the highs and lows, being there when the curtain closes and the tears fall, and then celebrating with you, is different.
The way my life is currently set up, on one end of the spectrum, I can identify with Brandy and say that I am content with being single right now and focusing on my career. Somewhere in the middle of that spectrum, I’m actually afraid to not be single and to give up my freedom, not due to commitment issues, but because of said career focus. But then there’s the lonely girl on the other end of that spectrum yearning for companionship, and someone to come home to after work. On any given day, I am at a different place on the spectrum, but I know for sure that when that time comes and I meet someone worth giving up the single life for, I am not looking back.
When your parents ask why you’re coming home for the holidays as a single woman or man yet again, direct them to WalletHub’s new study, which pinpointed the best and worst cities to date as a single this year. So if mom and dad aren’t going to help you pay your rent in a city that’s friendly for singles, they need to pipe down already.
A team of scientists from the University of Louisville, the University of Michigan and the University of California at Santa Barbara “compared the 150 most populated U.S. cities based on 25 key metrics.” Their data ranged from the percentages of singles in a city, the online dating opportunities, to the average costs for dining, going out for drinks, going to the movies, rent, the highest and lowest gender balance and more.
“In order to identify the best cities for singles, WalletHub’s analysts compared the 150 most populated U.S. cities across two equally weighted dimensions, ‘Dating Economics’ and ‘Romance & Fun.'”
So what did they find? Well, the best city to be a single dating is Salt Lake City, Utah. Interesting, right? Other top-finishing cities include Atlanta, Georgia at No. 4 (which ranked No. 1 for “Romance & Fun” interestingly), Austin, Texas at No. 6, Cincinnati, Ohio at No. 9, Denver, Colorado at No. 12, and Minneapolis, Minnesota at No. 14.
The struggle cities for dating include Yonkers, New York, the worst at No. 150. There’s also Detroit, Michigan at No. 146, Jersey City, New Jersey at No. 142, New York, New York at No. 139, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania at No. 137, Chicago, Illinois at No. 133 and Los Angeles, California at No. 126.
You can find the lowest-costing restaurant meals in Aurora, Colorado and the highest-costing meals in San Francisco, California.
The lowest average beer and wine costs? Indianapolis, Indiana. The highest? Atlanta, Georgia.
The cheapest movie tickets? Corpus Christi, Texas. The most expensive tickets? It’s a tie between five cities in California: Los Angeles, Long Beach, Huntington Beach, Glendale and Santa Clarita.
Highest percentage of single people? Detroit, Michigan. The lowest number of single folks can be found in Chesapeake, Virginia. Guess they’re all booed up.
And if you were wondering where you would have success with online dating, folks in Gilbert, Arizona have the highest online dating opportunities while those in Cleveland, Ohio have the lowest.
You can check out the full results, as well as advice from the scientists behind the study on how to date on a budget, and what singles should look for when choosing a city to reside in, here.
But what city do you live in? How would you say things are for dating and singles?
Being single when it’s not by choice is never fun, but it’s especially trying on the soul when everyone is going on about how winter’s coming and all these men are hitting them up trying to find someone to hibernate with during the cold months and you’re like, #WhereDeyAtDoe?
I’ve always found humor is the key to sanity, so if you’ve played “Hotline Bling” so many times you can’t think straight and are still wondering if it’s too late to get in the game during cuffing season, let these memes comfort you. The very fact that some other woman sitting at home solo created them let’s you know you’re not alone.
In your thirties, single, no kids, but all your friends are getting married and having babies. It’s happening so much that your wedding and baby shower invitations are starting to pile up. But don’t feel too bad about your off-the-beaten-path life choices. Here are ways to help you deal with all the exchanging of vows and popping out of babies going on around you.
Sometimes we can tell when our relationship is coming to an end.
If you’re in a long-term relationship, the things you once found endearing quickly become annoying. You start to see qualities and traits in your partner that you don’t like. And eventually, you realize that you have no idea how to deal with everything. The endless arguments without a resolution. The feelings of being trapped. You want out.
But what happens when you don’t see a breakup coming?
You had convinced yourself that you were so deep in love that you didn’t realize what you thought was a relationship was just one-sided infatuation. You thought you were growing and going places, but the only person who seemed to be moving was you. So how do you cope with a breakup when you thought things were going good, and you have no idea as to why they fell apart? Most will tell you that in time, things will get better. That’s true! But right now you’re left trying to pick up the pieces and hoping to figure out what went wrong. And that’s normal.
Sometimes you have to let your emotions consume you, even if that means hitting rock bottom. It’s common for people to try to make sense of what happened and it’s okay to want answers. But sometimes you have to be okay with not getting closure. Allow yourself to run through and replay your entire relationship in your mind, talk to friends, and if you must, binge on Ben & Jerry’s for a day. That’s okay too. It’s all a part of the coping process. But it’s also important to know that once you’ve allowed yourself to get it all out and hit rock bottom, you shouldn’t plan on staying there. Coping is a healthy form of recovery, but once it turns obsessive, it’s no longer healthy and it’s time to pick yourself back up and start finding those simple joys in your life again.
Make A Connection
The first thing most of us do when grieving is to isolate ourselves. We shut down from everything and everyone partially because pride won’t allow us to let people see us that vulnerable, but also because taking flight is one of our basic instincts and defense mechanisms to protect ourselves. While it might help to have a crying session by yourself, it’s even more helpful to have someone close by to help you cope. I’ve learned to surround myself with love whenever I’m hurting because I can always count on my friends for a good laugh, a good conversation, and a good story to ease my mind. If you neglected friends during your relationship, it’s time to reconnect. Trust me, they won’t shut you out.
Pick A Hobby
There is life after a breakup, and it’s your job to rediscover it. Do something you’ve never done before or pick something you used to love and want to try again. Take a cooking class, become a gym rat, sign up for a free photography class–anything. Exploring new things, setting new goals and allowing yourself new experiences is a healthy distraction, but it’s also an opportunity for personal development. It’s a win-win situation.
I remember experiencing my first unexpected breakup. It took me a while to get over it, and I honestly didn’t think I would. Things were going so well between us and out of nowhere it all just fell apart. No amount of excuses, apologies and reasoning could give me the closure I wanted until I had to learn just to accept everything for what it was. It was over, and I needed to move on. I had to be okay. And once I started accepting that and rediscovering life as a single woman, it took less time to heal.
I’ve learned that the best way to deal with any breakup is to keep on living through it. You’ll continue to love and want love, and you’ll find it soon enough. As for your defunct relationship, you may never know why it ended the way that it did. Be okay with that. It just means better is on the horizon.