Madame Noire | Black Women's Lifestyle Guide | Black Hair | Black Love

Another relationship lost. It’s something that I’ve become quite familiar with ever since my first day as a freshman in high school. On that day, my first love called me up after dodging me in the hallways all day to tell me that our summer loving was coming to an end and that he wanted to break up (and by the way, he wanted his jewelry back as well). To be honest, those next few years of high school hurt a lot until I did some honest soul-searching.

With other relationships came more breakups, but more than simply slaying my exes with the insults that I never said directly (“Your breath stank anyway!  You should be happy you had me! THIS is your new girlfriend?  I’m just saying you can do better…”), what really helped me was taking a good hard look at all of my relationships and understanding what I could learn from them about myself (along with my “I Hate Men” mixtape complete with the sounds of Tamia, Kelly Price and a pissed off Foxy Brown).

One of the biggest things that can sink a new relation-ship (get it?) is the heavy burden of past issues.  Some may say the best way to get over an old relationship is to start a new one.  But what they leave out is that this out of the blue new relationship should be the one you revisit with yourself.  When you serial date and jump from relationship to relationship, you lose the ability to look at each relationship on its own because you’re too busy comparing it to the last one.  Before you decide you’re ready to move on, check your baggage by asking yourself the following:

We’ve all said we’re sick of it, we don’t want to hear about it anymore, and we’re not going to talk about it—-it being “The Tragic, Scientifically Less Attractive, Unmarriable, Single Black Woman Narrative.” Now, media personality Ariana Proehl of KnowThisTV1 has declared an official death of the tired story.

The proclamation is right on point for the new year. What better time to let go of the things that hold you back like stories and statistics that tell you you don’t have a chance in this world? Much like the Black Woman’s Manifesto for 2012, Proehl says in the coming year we shouldn’t even give these ridiculous notions “the dignity of our side-eye!”

Yes mam.

Check out the video and tell us what you think. Will you say RIP to the “Death of the Tragic, Scientifically Less Attractive, Unmarriable, Single Black Woman Narrative,” in the new year?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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This photo says yes, but it’s actually just a shot from the pair’s new movie, “The Words.” Still, that hasn’t stopped rumors from flying—as they typically do–that Zoe Saldana and Bradley Cooper are more than just cast mates.

A source told E! news that Saldana, fresh off of her 11-year relationship with Keith Britton, and Cooper, who parted ways with Renee Zelwegger in March, are “totally dating.” The source even said that the “new couple” is talking about making a ski trip to the Rockies together.

Cooper recently told People magazine when they named him the “sexiest man alive” that he doesn’t see himself as a ladies man, saying “If you’re a single man and you happen to be in this business, you’re deemed a player.” But this single man has been linked to quite a few women in a short amount of time—namely J Lo, although we now know she’s busy buying Bentleys for her young tenderoni—and French actress Melanie Laurent.

Tons of celebrity couples get their start on-set so this rumor may not be one to dismiss too quickly, but we also know you can’t even grab a cup of coffee with a co-star without being accused of sleeping with him.

What do you think? Would Bradley and Zoe make a hot couple?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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It may be a tossup between Valentine’s Day and New Year’s Eve in terms of which holiday makes singles feel the loneliest—better yet, the most desperate.

Much like the way shoppers went online at the last minute to find Christmas gifts they could have shipped overnight, single desperados are logging online to make their dream of having someone to kiss at midnight Dec. 31 a reality.

Plentyoffish.com says it sees a 15% jump in signups for its free dating site this time of year, plus a 20% spike in activity from current users, “many of whom are looking for a date for New Year’s Eve,” rep Shannon Smith told NY Daily News.

Relationship expert Whitney Casey of Match.com says the time between Dec. 26 and Feb. 14 is hardcore mating season for the site’s users.

“New Year’s Eve is such a big deal because it’s a new beginning. If you’ve had a bad time dating last year, there’s just so much optimism in the air for the new one.”

That I completely understand, but its women like Heather Paul who make me a little nervous about this trend. She told the NY Daily News she found someone on ILoveYourAccent.com, a social network for American and British singles but says,“I do not care if we click, because I will keep him around until Jan. 1 so I will have someone to ring in the new year with.”

Is it that serious? I know a kiss at midnight is supposed to signify luck in love for the next 365 days, but what kind of precedent does starting off the year in desperation set? Besides, at this point, you’ve only got about five days to really feel someone out (basically see if they’re crazy or not) and that’s not a lot of time to be out with a stranger on one of the wildest nights of the year, all for the sake of not being alone. Guess what? On Jan. 2, you’ll most likely be single. Is the charade really worth it for one night?

I figure if you can make it through Christmas solo with the family asking you ever other second why you’re not married and don’t have any kids, New Year’s Eve ought to be a breeze. It’s a time to party and hang out with your closest friends, and an excuse to be flirty with someone you had a crush on but didn’t have the guts to tell in the past year. I’d much rather be kissing that guy at midnight (or no one at all) then someone I randomly picked out online to save face. But we know how holidays have a knack for making single girls feel bad about themselves for 24 hours when they otherwise wouldn’t really care.

Are you stressing over snagging a kiss at midnight for New Year’s Eve? Have you given online dating a try to bag an end-of-the-year date?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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With so much stigma placed on single ladies–and men–it’s hard to believe only 51% of Americans over the age of 18 are married today, according to an analysis of census data by the Pew Research Center.

That number is the lowest in recorded history—down 7% from 2000 and 21% from 1960 when 72% of Americans were married. It’s expected that within just a few years, the societal norm will flip and married people will become the minority.

When you look at the economy, which is the biggest factor behind the decline, the trend makes sense. When the country was in a recession, wedded rates dropped 5% from 2009-2010, with the biggest decline—13%—seen among adults 18-24 years old. Between outsourcing, the overall increase in unemployment, and the decline of government and health benefits, it’s not surprising people are more cautious to jump the broom.

“This trend reflects the changing labor market that young adults face,” says Andrew Cherlin, a sociology professor at Johns Hopkins University. Single people “think that you shouldn’t get married until you’re positive that you can make a go of it financially.”

People still desire to have life partners, though, as the study found more couples are living together and having children without getting married. Cohabitation, living alone, and single parenthood have all grown more prevalent.

But what sounds a bit sour now to us now could be sweet in the long run, according to Clair Brown, an economics and public policy professor at the University of California at Berkeley. She says sociological trends are often beneficial for the economy and people who stay in school longer and wait to have children get better jobs and have more mature relationships. That is definitely good news.

Has your desire to get married declined with the United States’ economy? Have you put off plans to get married until things get better financially? Do you think married people will eventually become the minority in the U.S.?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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The Pennsylvania Liquor Board’s new ad campaign was intended as a warning about the increased risk for rape when women drink heavily, but accusations that the ad blames rape victims for their attack has caused the Board to pull the ads.

Between the wording and the imagery, it’s easy to see how the perception of blame comes into play when the focus of the ad should really be responsible drinking to protect yourself from the threat of rape. In addition to the ad seen here, another version reads, “Date Rape. See what could happen when your friends drink too much.”

Shock tactics are extremely common in advertising, but are they effective at capturing people’s attention, and in this instance, inciting a change of behavior? Adam Duhachek, an associate professor of marketing at the Indiana University Kelley School of Business, says not necessarily. He told The Wall Street Journal that two things can limit the efficacy of ads portraying negative outcomes: “The first is that people just shut down and don’t process the message at all,” because people might see the disturbing images and think, “I was having a perfectly nice day until I saw this, and now I’m not going to look at it.” The second issue is that negative ads trigger a “defensive processing mechanism” in which viewers actively distance themselves from the presented outcome, thinking it can never happen to them.

With the ad pulled, these factors may not be an issue when it comes to alcohol-fused sexual assaults, which a spokeswoman for the Liquor Board says happen to more than 97,000 people on an annual basis. But wording on the board’s website, controltonight.com, which is visible on the ads still tells women to “Call the Shots” and presents hypothetical situations of what could happen if young women drink too much with friends. For many, the undertone of blame may still be present.

What’s your take on the ad campaign? Does it promote blame when it comes to women who are victims of rape after a night of drinking? Or do you think it encourages personality responsibility?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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During the holidays, the lack of a partner often becomes more conspicuous. Single ladies must face the fact that they don’t have a hubby to drag to the office Christmas soiree and no one special to kiss when the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve (but if you get down like that, kiss any ‘ol body). Truthfully, if you’re unattached and WOULD LIKE to be the opposite, the holidays can be a little hard. Your Facebook feed is flooded with your married friends’ cute holiday pictures and since you’ll be spending time with your family, you have to contend with annoying questions about your love life. It can be enough to drive a person to drink! However, it doesn’t have to be this way. Even if you wish you were coupled up, you can still have a fun and fab holiday season. Here are my suggestions to survive being single and sassy during the holidays.

It’s a jungle out here. If you’re not careful out here these days, being a single, sexy lady in the city could get you attacked. In an area in Brooklyn called Park Slope, there have been a spree of sexual assaults on young women walking home after dark, with the assailants being different men of different backgrounds (aka, hard to catch). Things like this have young women out here on edge. While you never necessarily think getting attacked, raped, or robbed can’t happen to you, know that folks out here are CRAZY, and it never hurts to be prepared for anything. Get too comfortable and you could get caught up. So here are some tips to help you stay safe while being social and single in the city.

It was just Monday that we found out Zoe Saldana and her long-time ex-boyfriend/fiancé broke up. Three days later, the actress already appears to be nice and cozy with a new man.

According to Rumorfix.com, the two were first seen leaving a Michael Kors event in LA, and later had dinner at Ivy restaurant in Beverly Hills. The snapshots of the pair walking arm-in-arm and holding hands will do nothing to quiet speculation that this could in fact be the reason for her split from Keith Britton. I’m anxious to find out just who this mystery man is.

What do you think about Zoe Saldana being out and about with a new man already? Too soon?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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Relationships are cool. Marriage is great. Love is beautiful. But, being single is actually not so bad either. In fact, the freedom to slide through the front door at 5 a.m. feels pret-ty awesome. And, though some of us coupled-up women refuse to admit it, there are moments when we miss the single life.

Grass has a way of looking greener on the other side; and, human nature has a way of coveting the best of both worlds. We see our single friends delighting in the joys of freedom—flirting at happy hour, mid-week GNOs and, oh, the sweet sound of silence.

Many of us spend so much of our single lives looking for ways to get into relationships that we miss how fun it is to be a part of the Single Ladies Club. And, it’s not until those days are gone that we yearn for one more round of happy hour singles meet-and-greets disguised as networking events; or one more impromptu Tuesday night trip to the movie theater with the bestie.

Think you may be secretly thirsting for the single life, again? Here are signs you’re (a little or a lot) jealous of your single girlfriends: