All Articles Tagged "single mother"
The Original Boss Lady: What My Mother Taught Me About Business
yeahshesaidit.com
My mother is not an entrepreneur. She is not a self-made millionaire with her own company. She does not own a home with a vacation property on the side. She is not rich or has any inheritance to her name.
She did not discover a new product for consumers, invest in any stocks or networked her way to the top. My mother is a normal African-American woman born and raised by a single mother in one of the country’s most dangerous cities. She has been your average blue collar worker for as long as I can remember, and now because of the economy and job market, she is in between careers. And yet, she is the wisest, wealthiest person I know.
I know this because I have always had high standards for my mother. As an only child of a single mother, I knew her worth, I felt her struggle firsthand, and through her struggle came wisdom, something I knew to cherish.
I am appreciative to reflect on this Mother’s Day from a new angle: in my early twenties with a college degree, no children and a successful, growing career in the media industry in New York City. These are all manifestations of my mother’s hopes for me, since she did not have the same. She became a mother at my age and knows the importance of youth, especially when it comes to achieving your professional goals.
As the wisest, most business-savvy person I know, my mother has imparted many lessons that I still remember in my everyday life, especially in the corporate workplace. Although I still remain like a deer in headlights sometimes when it comes to being an African-American female professional in the workplace, I revert back to her teachings and never stray far. Some of my favorite quotes remind me of her lessons and past experiences…
Are Some Forms of Single Motherhood More Acceptable?
A headline questioning whether single women should have babies to become more attractive to men seems like a joke. Unless I missed the memo, I was unaware that single motherhood was in style.
But in a Huffington Post article, a woman discusses her experience at a panel when the topic of women and their fertility lifespan was brought up. Star Jones happened to be one of the panelists and she expressed regret never having children, while another woman said she chose to put her career first, then baby. The third panelist, a man, offered his advice for older women still hoping to get married and have children. He told them not to wait any longer: “Have a baby on your own. Trust me, men will find you even more attractive if you do.”
As I read more of the article, the attractiveness of having a baby on your own seemed to be rooted in the idea of attaining something you want and having the strength to go at it alone. There was also an undercurrent theme of “rich white people problems.” In a culture where single motherhood isn’t rare and not having children is a desirable dating quality, the strong, independent, go-getter light that single motherhood was shown under was a bit odd. I know there are still some evolutionary remnants of a woman’s attractiveness tied to perceptions of fertility, but I don’t think actually having a child ups the ante. At least it never has in my experience. Do you have kids is one of the top five questions a man ever seems to ask, and the expression of pleasant surprise when I answer with a “no” is palpable. For single motherhood to be attractive in some forms and not others, there has to be more at play than evolution.
If it’s OK to be a single mother by in vitro fertilization, what is it then that’s so undesirable about a woman who has had children with a man she is no longer with? Is it the assumption of responsibility for the former and the perception of irresponsibility for the latter? Is it the perceived complication of having to deal with the child’s father? Is it the expectation of a single mother by choice not needing the same financial assistance that a “baby mama” would? Regardless of how the child was conceived, both women made a choice to have their children and both women essentially deal with the same issues of motherhood. The absence or presence of a father in either situation can be seen as positive or negative.
The discussion doesn’t even have to be limited to opposite sex relationships. Women make assumptions every day about women they see touting children around without a wedding band on their finger. If she were to tell you that she chose to have her baby alone via in vitro fertilization, would that make a difference? Age may be the true separating factor in the discussion, as it is typically older women who choose to use artificial insemination as a means of achieving their dreams of becoming a mother, but age and money don’t equal a fit parent.
While I somewhat understand women’s desire to make use of a medical intervention to become a mother, I personally feel two parent households are the ideal setting for raising a child, therefore no form of single motherhood is particularly appealing to me. But what seems to be evident from discussions about single motherhood is that there are unfair stereotypes associated with some forms and not others, and that is unattractive in itself.
What are your thoughts on women who choose to have babies on their own via artificial insemination? Do you view that as an acceptable form of single motherhood? Do you experience stereotyping as a single mother regardless of your circumstances?
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
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Occupy The Hood: National Effort Coordinated By Detroit Mom
Did you know that in addition to Occupy Wall Street, there is a movement working along side it called Occupy the Hood? Meant to address the lack of diversity in the better known movement, Occupy the Hood seeks to focus on the economic devastation taking place in black communities. Learn more about the dynamic black mother who is leading this movement in her local community while organizing the national effort online in this piece from HuffPost Black Voices:
On Monday, Ife Johari Uhuru lifted the hood of one of her shop’s high-intensity hair dryers and asked her client to take a seat. As soon as the woman was comfortable, Uhuru grabbed the laptop computer sitting nearby. Uhuru, a Detroit hairstylist and burgeoning activist, had other work to do.
Uhuru, 35, is one of two core coordinators behindOccupy the Hood, a group that aims to bring the concerns of people of color to the global Occupy Wall Street movement. On Monday, she needed to add a few palliative posts to a debate raging on Occupy the Hood’s Facebook page about which issues the group should rally around. She needed to design and print a new flyer for Occupy the Hood’s ongoing food and clothing drive for Detroit’s poor. She needed to convince a few more businesses around town to serve as collection points for the goods. And, in about 20 minutes, Uhuru’s client’s hair would require her full attention. The woman was there to have her dreadlocks washed, deep conditioned and re-twisted.
“I’m a single mom, a small business owner, a daughter, a neighbor. I have a lot of obligations,” said Uhuru, who is black and lives in Novi, a community about 30 minutes northwest of downtown Detroit. “But trying to foster something where people who look like me, who have the same concerns as me are seen and heard? Doing that, I’ve discovered a whole new kind of busy.”
I’m selfish because I don’t want children?!
Ladies! I have a few questions I’d like to ask:
“How many of you ladies have a child or children?” and…
“Do you think it’s selfish for a woman not to want children?”
The Baby Mama Issue – Revisited
Anslem “NWSO” Samuel’s Naked With Socks On is an award-winning relationship blog. Each week, NWSO will share his candid thoughts on women, love, life and all the fun stuff in between with MadameNoire.
A few weeks back, I received flak in the comments section of Madame Noire for my now infamous post, “How Black Men View Baby Mamas.”
Taraji P. Henson’s Most Challenging Role
Taraji and Marcel had fun at a basketball game in 2009.
Taraji P. Henson has had many demanding roles playing “mom” in the past few years. She earned an Oscar nomination for her role as Brad Pitt’s mother in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and currently stars as Jaden Smith’s mom in the number-one movie The Karate Kid. But it seems her most challenging role is being mom to her real-life son Marcel, 16.
How Black Men View Baby Mamas
Anslem “NWSO” Samuel’s Naked With Socks On is an award-winning relationship blog. Each week, NWSO will share his candid thoughts on women, love, life and all the fun stuff in between with MadameNoire.
I’ve spent a good majority of my adult life trying not to have a baby mama. Not because I don’t want children, I just don’t want children with a woman that’s not my wife. See, when you do the wife and kids thing, that’s generally something planned and thought out. Even if it’s not, you’re married so having kids isn’t really that big of a deal because it’s expected at some point.
