All Articles Tagged "single mother"
Why The Media Needs To Lay Off The Obama’s Marriage
Source: WENN
For several months in 2011, the world of hopeful romantics was tilted on its axis. Rumors swirled and swelled and were splashed across gossip sites and magazines “reporting” the end of Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith’s then-15 year marriage. Pinkett-Smith finally addressed the hearsay head on with French magazine Gala: “Every year, one celebrity couple is under the microscope. This year, unluckily, it’s us!”
Well, it’s a new year, and an unlikely couple has taken The Smith’s unfortunate spot. A pair of gaffes by President Obama and first lady Michelle Obama has drawn new scrutiny upon their 20-year marriage and folks have been steadily weighing in.
The president’s “big” gaffe
During a recent speech at a Democratic National Committee luncheon in California, President Obama gave a “shot out” to California Attorney General Kamala Harris. “She’s brilliant and she’s dedicated, she’s tough,” Obama said. “She also happens to be, by far, the best-looking attorney general … It’s true! C’mon,” he added.
The remark was swiftly derided in many circles. Writing for New York magazine, Jonathan Chait called Obama’s comments “disgraceful.” ”Women have a hard time being judged purely on their merits,” he wrote. “Discussing their appearance in the context of evaluating their job performance makes it worse.”
Yet for others, it was nothing worth noting. At The Washington Post, Jonathan Capehart scoffed at criticism of the president’s remarks, suggesting that detractors “lighten up.”
The president apologized to Harris anyway, the same night.
The first lady calls herself “single,” the press runs with it
However, it was a misstep by the first lady on the same day that turned up the attention on the state of the first marriage. Mrs. Obama described herself as a “busy single mother” during a recent television interview, but quickly corrected her mistake. “You know, when you’ve got the husband who’s president, it can feel a little single — but he’s there,” Obama told a CBS local station. She then described herself as a “busy working mom” instead.
New York’s Daily News referred to these twin slips of tongue as “double trouble for the First Family,” stirring up an air of negative innuendo around the Obama’s relationship. Some commenters on the highly-covered story even wondered how Mrs. Obama felt about his public compliments of another woman — especially in the context of misstating herself as being a “single mom.”
As much as I love to generate a juicy story on an otherwise slow news day, there’s not much to see here, folks. These slip ups don’t reveal anything about the Obama marriage other than that the participants in it, despite their fame, are regular folks who make ill-timed comments and may struggle to find a work-home balance just like the rest of us.
Read more on TheGrio.com.
Say You’re Sorry: Gabrielle Douglas Wants An Apology From Dad
Getty
From ESSENCE
The road to success for Gabby Douglas hasn’t been easy. Thankfully, the young gymnast relied on her mother, Natalie Hawkins and three siblings, Arielle, John and Joyelle. But one person’s been noticeably absent from her life, Gabby’s father Timothy Douglas, an Air National guardsman.
According to an interview with People, the Olympic gold medalist says she didn’t see him much growing up—especially after her parents divorced in 2007. And things haven’t changed much since then. “I haven’t heard from him,” said Gabby. “He’s doing his own thing. What can you do? Everyone has hiccups in their families.”
She hopes to receive an apology from him “at some point.”
Read what else Gabrielle has to say about her family over at ESSENCE.
Nia Long Explains Why Marriage Is Not a Priority: ‘It’s Just Not Where We Are As a Family’
Source: olivecocomag.com
After seeing Nia Long’s Essence magazine cover last week, we were all a bit confused about the whole “Single, Satisfied and Raising Her Boys”, headline considering as far as we knew she was in a relationship with her youngest child’s father, Ime Udoka. Now that a few more details from her feature article in the August issue have been revealed, we see Nia is definitely not single in the sense of not having a man, but if the only options are single or married, she’s most definitely on the single side of things and not making any sudden moves to get to the other.
“Marriage is not a priority for me,” she told Essence. “I’m not saying I’ll never do it; It’s just not where we are as a family.”
Nia admitted that she has “never seen a marriage work,” and since she only recently established a good relationship with her oldest son, Massai’s, father and her own, she said her focus has been on “emotional maturity” rather than becoming a wife.
“Massai’s dad and I have had the most challenging times, and I wasn’t always sure we wouldn’t end like my mother and father,” she said. “But we’ve arrived at a place where I can truly say he’s not a baby daddy, he’s my friend, finally. He is an amazing father.”
Having a better relationship with these two important men has also helped Nia be a better mother, she said.
“I’m a lot calmer. Less clingy and demanding. When Ime has to be gone for long stretches at a time, as he had to the first few months after Kez was born, I took it as an opportunity to nest.
“It had been a minute since I had an infant and I had to get back into the rhythm of being a new mom. I really enjoyed having the space to do that at my own pace.”
As far as critics go, Nia said she’s not immune to the negative commentary on her family structure but she’s happy doing what works for her.
“I’ll be at home with my man, having a perfectly loving time, and I’ll see all these comments on some site about how wrong I am for not being married,” she said. “I don’t feel less loved or less loving because I’m not married.
“Motherhood is not easy, but it’s natural,” she added. “I worked hard to have the career I wanted, but I’ve also been deliberate about my personal life. None of this is a mistake.”
As long as she knows what she’s doing, more power to her. The only thing I’ll say about Nia’s explanation is that people need to realize the same emotional maturity that’s needed to be someone’s wife is also necessary before you become someone’s mother, but it looks like she’s working it all out. What do you think?
Brande Victorian is the news and operations editor for madamenoire.com. Follow her on twitter @Be_Vic.
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The Original Boss Lady: What My Mother Taught Me About Business
yeahshesaidit.com
My mother is not an entrepreneur. She is not a self-made millionaire with her own company. She does not own a home with a vacation property on the side. She is not rich or has any inheritance to her name.
She did not discover a new product for consumers, invest in any stocks or networked her way to the top. My mother is a normal African-American woman born and raised by a single mother in one of the country’s most dangerous cities. She has been your average blue collar worker for as long as I can remember, and now because of the economy and job market, she is in between careers. And yet, she is the wisest, wealthiest person I know.
I know this because I have always had high standards for my mother. As an only child of a single mother, I knew her worth, I felt her struggle firsthand, and through her struggle came wisdom, something I knew to cherish.
I am appreciative to reflect on this Mother’s Day from a new angle: in my early twenties with a college degree, no children and a successful, growing career in the media industry in New York City. These are all manifestations of my mother’s hopes for me, since she did not have the same. She became a mother at my age and knows the importance of youth, especially when it comes to achieving your professional goals.
As the wisest, most business-savvy person I know, my mother has imparted many lessons that I still remember in my everyday life, especially in the corporate workplace. Although I still remain like a deer in headlights sometimes when it comes to being an African-American female professional in the workplace, I revert back to her teachings and never stray far. Some of my favorite quotes remind me of her lessons and past experiences…
Are Some Forms of Single Motherhood More Acceptable?
A headline questioning whether single women should have babies to become more attractive to men seems like a joke. Unless I missed the memo, I was unaware that single motherhood was in style.
But in a Huffington Post article, a woman discusses her experience at a panel when the topic of women and their fertility lifespan was brought up. Star Jones happened to be one of the panelists and she expressed regret never having children, while another woman said she chose to put her career first, then baby. The third panelist, a man, offered his advice for older women still hoping to get married and have children. He told them not to wait any longer: “Have a baby on your own. Trust me, men will find you even more attractive if you do.”
As I read more of the article, the attractiveness of having a baby on your own seemed to be rooted in the idea of attaining something you want and having the strength to go at it alone. There was also an undercurrent theme of “rich white people problems.” In a culture where single motherhood isn’t rare and not having children is a desirable dating quality, the strong, independent, go-getter light that single motherhood was shown under was a bit odd. I know there are still some evolutionary remnants of a woman’s attractiveness tied to perceptions of fertility, but I don’t think actually having a child ups the ante. At least it never has in my experience. Do you have kids is one of the top five questions a man ever seems to ask, and the expression of pleasant surprise when I answer with a “no” is palpable. For single motherhood to be attractive in some forms and not others, there has to be more at play than evolution.
If it’s OK to be a single mother by in vitro fertilization, what is it then that’s so undesirable about a woman who has had children with a man she is no longer with? Is it the assumption of responsibility for the former and the perception of irresponsibility for the latter? Is it the perceived complication of having to deal with the child’s father? Is it the expectation of a single mother by choice not needing the same financial assistance that a “baby mama” would? Regardless of how the child was conceived, both women made a choice to have their children and both women essentially deal with the same issues of motherhood. The absence or presence of a father in either situation can be seen as positive or negative.
The discussion doesn’t even have to be limited to opposite sex relationships. Women make assumptions every day about women they see touting children around without a wedding band on their finger. If she were to tell you that she chose to have her baby alone via in vitro fertilization, would that make a difference? Age may be the true separating factor in the discussion, as it is typically older women who choose to use artificial insemination as a means of achieving their dreams of becoming a mother, but age and money don’t equal a fit parent.
While I somewhat understand women’s desire to make use of a medical intervention to become a mother, I personally feel two parent households are the ideal setting for raising a child, therefore no form of single motherhood is particularly appealing to me. But what seems to be evident from discussions about single motherhood is that there are unfair stereotypes associated with some forms and not others, and that is unattractive in itself.
What are your thoughts on women who choose to have babies on their own via artificial insemination? Do you view that as an acceptable form of single motherhood? Do you experience stereotyping as a single mother regardless of your circumstances?
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
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Occupy The Hood: National Effort Coordinated By Detroit Mom
Did you know that in addition to Occupy Wall Street, there is a movement working along side it called Occupy the Hood? Meant to address the lack of diversity in the better known movement, Occupy the Hood seeks to focus on the economic devastation taking place in black communities. Learn more about the dynamic black mother who is leading this movement in her local community while organizing the national effort online in this piece from HuffPost Black Voices:
On Monday, Ife Johari Uhuru lifted the hood of one of her shop’s high-intensity hair dryers and asked her client to take a seat. As soon as the woman was comfortable, Uhuru grabbed the laptop computer sitting nearby. Uhuru, a Detroit hairstylist and burgeoning activist, had other work to do.
Uhuru, 35, is one of two core coordinators behindOccupy the Hood, a group that aims to bring the concerns of people of color to the global Occupy Wall Street movement. On Monday, she needed to add a few palliative posts to a debate raging on Occupy the Hood’s Facebook page about which issues the group should rally around. She needed to design and print a new flyer for Occupy the Hood’s ongoing food and clothing drive for Detroit’s poor. She needed to convince a few more businesses around town to serve as collection points for the goods. And, in about 20 minutes, Uhuru’s client’s hair would require her full attention. The woman was there to have her dreadlocks washed, deep conditioned and re-twisted.
“I’m a single mom, a small business owner, a daughter, a neighbor. I have a lot of obligations,” said Uhuru, who is black and lives in Novi, a community about 30 minutes northwest of downtown Detroit. “But trying to foster something where people who look like me, who have the same concerns as me are seen and heard? Doing that, I’ve discovered a whole new kind of busy.”
I’m selfish because I don’t want children?!
Ladies! I have a few questions I’d like to ask:
“How many of you ladies have a child or children?” and…
“Do you think it’s selfish for a woman not to want children?”
The Baby Mama Issue – Revisited
Anslem “NWSO” Samuel’s Naked With Socks On is an award-winning relationship blog. Each week, NWSO will share his candid thoughts on women, love, life and all the fun stuff in between with MadameNoire.
A few weeks back, I received flak in the comments section of Madame Noire for my now infamous post, “How Black Men View Baby Mamas.”
Taraji P. Henson’s Most Challenging Role
Taraji and Marcel had fun at a basketball game in 2009.
Taraji P. Henson has had many demanding roles playing “mom” in the past few years. She earned an Oscar nomination for her role as Brad Pitt’s mother in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and currently stars as Jaden Smith’s mom in the number-one movie The Karate Kid. But it seems her most challenging role is being mom to her real-life son Marcel, 16.
How Black Men View Baby Mamas
Anslem “NWSO” Samuel’s Naked With Socks On is an award-winning relationship blog. Each week, NWSO will share his candid thoughts on women, love, life and all the fun stuff in between with MadameNoire.
I’ve spent a good majority of my adult life trying not to have a baby mama. Not because I don’t want children, I just don’t want children with a woman that’s not my wife. See, when you do the wife and kids thing, that’s generally something planned and thought out. Even if it’s not, you’re married so having kids isn’t really that big of a deal because it’s expected at some point.
