All Articles Tagged "single mom"
It’s finally here, Mother’s Day 2015. A day dedicated to all of the beautiful, one of a kind mothers in the world. Today, they will open gifts from their children and be treated like the true queens that they are. Hugs will be shared and an abundance of love will be provided.
Today, is a day that most mothers look forward to.
However, for some, it’s a reminder that they are doing this alone. There’s no one to share the weight of raising a child with. Or even someone to help when things get a little rough financially. So, today, I’d like to dedicate the following letter to all of the single moms, in particular, my mother, Cynthia. You are not alone.
As you face the day to day struggles of being a single mother, I would like to remind you of a few things. You are a beautiful testament of what motherhood should be and you should never forget that. You are strong, beautiful, intelligent and extremely hard working. There is no one on this Earth like you.
Although, it may seem like your children, are too busy and consumed with their own lives. You are still the center of it. You taught us how to love, how to thrive and how to be exceptional. Without you, we would not exist.
I know, at times it may seem like you will never find someone to love you again. But, you should always remember, the right person will come when you stop looking. However, when that person finally comes, you should know, that you will have someone in your corner, ready to read him his rights and give him the third degree.
When things get tough financially, know that your children are here. If possible, we will provide for you and give you the world. It’s the number #1 reason why we work as hard as we do. One day, you will get your dream house and your dream car. For me, Cynthia will get a red two door Mercedes with only enough room for her purse and our dog Pebbles.
Today, I just want you to know how loved and appreciated you are. You are our rocks. We love you more than you will ever know. Thank you for the love, the inspiration, the life lessons and for being the woman who you are.
I love you Mom. Happy Mother’s Day.
When many people get to know a prospective partner, they make their standards understood and expectations clear. Others play things by ear and let the chips fall where they may. And while there’s nothing wrong with doing that, for some, letting a guy you’re interested in know what they should expect is imperative. This is especially true for single mothers.
Dating a woman who has a child or children can be an adventure like no other, both good and bad depending on how well her life is managed. It’s best for a mother to let a man know up front what to expect from her, and what she can do. But sometimes, even after divulging all that information, there are still some unexpected twists and turns. All in all, here are the three most important things for a man to be aware of and expect if they plan to date a woman with a child. Fellas, make sure you’re okay with it all before trying to take the next step. As they say, get with it or get lost.
When out on a date with a single mom, a man should expect her to call the babysitter and check in on her child/children as a responsible parent should. This is one of the basic expectations a man should have because it shows that she is a loving and caring mother. Cancelations and rescheduling dates are a common thing for everyone, but it can happen more often when you’re a parent. So many unpredictable things can happen with kids, but as a responsible caregiver, it’s a mother’s job to rearrange her schedule if she needs to for the child’s well-being. And if you’re a man who’s serious about moving forward with her you’ll be patient, understand her situation as much as you can, and anticipate the next date. But if she has to reschedule or cancel plans with you because of the little ones more often than not, she may not be that interested in you.
If a woman is single and has a child (or several children), then somewhere in the picture there’s a father that she may or may not be involved with. He comes with the package, and he could come with some drama. In some cases, he could even come with the intention of getting her back. It’s best to be aware that the two parents may reunite for the sake of their child, or have feelings for each other that may not have subsided. And if the relationship with the dad isn’t so pleasant or didn’t end on good terms, then one should expect some skepticism from her, because she may be in her healing process and may not be 100 percent ready to move on. So anticipate some standoffish behavior because you don’t know where she stands mentally and emotionally just yet.
And finally, one of the greatest expectations among the many out there when dating a mom is always to expect her to put her child’s needs before her own, and definitely before the needs of the man she’s dating. A mother’s primary job is to ensure that her child’s needs are met at all times. And for many, this means no spur of the moment dates, no frequent pop-ups, lengthy phone calls, or nonstop text messages. It’s not that she isn’t interested in those things, but she’s merely taking care of her responsibilities.
As an unmarried mother of one, I make all of my expectations clear when dating someone because I owe it to them to be truthful about how active I am in my child’s life and to let them know that he is and will always be my priority. No matter what the standards and expectations are when dating someone, they should be made crystal clear so no one will be left in the dark, and the relationship can move forward without any unnecessary drama. After all, it’s not too much to ask to let someone know what you expect of them and let them know what they should expect from you.
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For?, a speaker and an advocate for single women. Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
Being a single mom is hard, but you don’t have to tell these celebrity mothers. Read on to hear them dish on the things every single mother knows.
There Are Some Benefits To Being A Single Parent
For Kelis, those perks are all about deciding that mommy knows best now that Nas is no longer in the picture. Kelis says that now, “I’m raising Knight how I think he should be raised. “He’s a great baby.”
Defying The Odds: Meet Deanna Jordan, A Single Mom Of Three Who Just Graduated With Three Degrees At Once
Deanna Jordan is a hard-working mother of three who had to make some sacrifices when she got pregnant at the age of 18. But instead of putting her aspirations aside for the long-term, Jordan went above and beyond to set a good example for her three sons. This month she graduated from UCLA with two bachelor’s degrees and a Master’s in African American Studies. The 28-year-old acquired these three degrees after having her third son at the age of 22, and deciding that same day that she wanted to make a better life for herself and her family.
“I had him and in the hospital I remember thinking, I’m 22, there is no future unless I can create one.”
Jordan spent two years at West Los Angeles College before spending 3 1/2 years at UCLA. She was recognized by the chancellor at the university during the commencement ceremony this month for overcoming adversity, and she hopes that her hard work in college will set a precedent for her family:
“I needed for my sons to see that there was a legacy that preceeded them with college. I am the first in my family to go to college.”
And she’s already doing great things. Jordan works at the mayor’s office in Compton, where she was raised, and helped to start the Compton Pipeline Task Force. The initiative is this:
Compton Pipeline Task-Force initiative at UCLA intends to serve the city of Compton California through after school care, mentoring, parental guidance, resource referrals, community outreach, and academic outreach and mentoring on/ off UCLA campus.
The Task Force uses existing services at schools in Compton to help start educational programs, internships and more that will help encourage academic excellence and help students at less supported schools succeed.
Jordan is definitely an inspiring woman, and she shares this message with single mothers and women in general looking to live up to their potential.
“You can’t really succeed unless you’ve failed. And I’ve failed a lot of times. But it was my persistence and my willingness never to give up.”
37 weeks is a long time. In a perfect world couples would pro-create and go on to co-parent effectively for 18 years and beyond even if they don’t remain in a romantic relationship. But in the real world, sadly most women end up single parents before then can even clearly read the positive sign on a pregnancy test.
I’ve witnessed how complicated nine months can be for even the most planned pregnancies. Most of the young women I teach are balancing preparing for the unexpected with taking time for themselves. In the worst scenarios, they’re navigating the hormonal ups and downs with very little support. It was easy for me in the beginning to adopt a stance of, “You have enough to worry about. How are you worried about starting a new relationship while you’re busy creating life?” But the honest truth is that before a woman is a mother, she’s a woman and although motherhood becomes a primary part of her life once she becomes pregnant, it’s not the only part. It’s not fair to assume that her only concern should be her child and she should completely ignore all the other great things about her life and personality that make her who she is. Every parent, expecting or pro needs balance and for many women a new partner may be the most support they get during a pregnancy.
But admittedly, starting a new relationship while pregnant seems like a burden. Between doctor’s appointments, being paranoid over every tingle or twinge, morning sickness and all the other symptoms that a woman’s body and brain goes through when she’s preparing to give birth, I can’t imagine the added stress of getting to know someone new. I am not saying that single, pregnant women should ward off every interaction with males while expecting like the plague, but the truth is pregnancy changes everything. Pregnancy can be hard for a man (especially one who doesn’t have kids of his own) to deal with. First dating stages are often filled with infatuation and undivided attention for each other under normal circumstances. The good morning texts and all the nice things a woman does for a new man when everyone’s on their best behavior go by the wayside when a woman is pre-occupied with Braxton Hicks and breast feeding options. On a simply superficial level, you may not feel the sexiest when you can’t see your feet past your baby bump you and talking dirty can seem plain awkward when it feels like a baby is getting his Harlem Shake on in your uterus. For some women, sex may go completely off the table if their libido is affected.
Many men may even feel like they’re suddenly dating a complete stranger when the cute mommy-to-be they first met turns into the mother that answers the door with in infant strapped to her chest rocking dark circles from a night of feeding a colicky baby. It’s not to say every mother has to choose between mini-skirts and mini vans, but there are some very real, un-glamorous things about motherhood that don’t flow seamlessly with most people’s views of the early bliss of a relationship.
You can’t always choose when love comes calling, and for some it just may happen to be during the second trimester. But like anything in life, successful relationships that can endure the added stress of a pregnancy usually require a whole lot of patience and maturity. Even the most seasoned couple can find themselves tested when bringing a baby in the world, so starting a relationship in the middle of a pregnancy is nothing for the weak willed.
I won’t say women shouldn’t date while pregnant, but you have to be honest with yourself about exactly how much you can or should handle during such a demanding time.You won’t be just getting accustomed to your new man’s life, but also the one you just created. It’s not all up to the women either. A man basically has to own up to the fact that it’s not all about him from the beginning and honestly confront that although he may not have contributed DNA, that baby may very well come in the world with him being the only father figure he’s ever known. Like dating a woman who already has children, a man has to know he’s not just signing up for a girlfriend, but possibly a whole family. In the long run, starting a new relationship during a pregnancy isn’t ideal, but it isn’t impossible either.
Is it better for women to postpone dating until after pregnancy?
Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.
Vanessa Simmons was worried about telling Rev Run about her unplanned surprise, but all he did when he heard the news was get excited.
With 14 million single parents in the US, the stigma surrounding solo parenthood is officially old school. Besides, their are some great things that come out of single-parent households. Read on to find out 15 reasons why being a single parent can be pretty great — or at least not the end of the world should you find yourself in this situation.
Taraji P. Henson may be one of the hardest working Black actresses in the movie biz, and now she’s revealing exactly where she got her work ethic from.
In the latest JET magazine, Henson says that her father showed her early on that anything worth having was worth working hard for.
“My daddy was blue-collar as you get,” said Henson. “At one point he was homeless, but he was always a man. He never made excuses. He got it done.”
Gotta love Taraji! She is definitely a black girl who rocks! Check out the rest over on ESSENCE.
About This Episode
Madeline Nelson, Senior Vice President of A&R at Sony, gives her take of the joys and challenges of being a single mom in New York City with a hectic career. Plus we chat with Madeline about her tips on raising an athletic pre-teen son.
About Madeline Nelson
Madeline Nelson is a single mom to a fantastic 12 year old son named, TJ. She is also a busy mom balancing motherhood and career as she is currently the VP of A&R, Artist and Label Relations at Sony Music. Her responsibilities at work include developing and nurturing new talent in coordination with the A&R teams across three labels: RCA, Columbia, and Epic.
Prior to Sony, she worked at Urban Zen, Donna Karan’s non-profit where she served as VP of Foundation Operations. Prior to that she also was a Project Manager at Steve Stoute’s marketing, Translation, LLC. She has served as a VP of Music Operations for New Jack Swing Productions/Interscope Records, where she managed hit-makers BlackStreet and worked with other talents such as Gwen Stefani, Snoop Dogg and Pharrell Williams.
Madeline is a Harlem native and continues to support philanthropic efforts aimed at helping women and children through her own non-profit organization, The Good-Well Giving Group. She is truly a superwoman and Mommy in Chief!
About Karyn Parsons
Karyn Parsons is best known as the character “Hilary Banks” on the long-running television show, “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.” Today she is a wife and mother of two. Parsons is also the Founder and President of the Sweet Blackberry foundation after being inspired by the true tale of a determined slave and the remarkable lengths he travelled to find his freedom. While growing up, Parsons' mother, a librarian in the Black Resource Center of a library in South Central Los Angeles, would share stories of African-American accomplishment with her daughter. A mother and activist, Karyn created Sweet Blackberry to use the power of stories to inspire youth. Follow her on Twitter @Karyn_Parsons.
Want More Mommy In Chief? Watch these episodes:
- Episode 1: Mommy-To-Be: Pregnancy In 3 Stages
- Episode 2: The Truth About Breastfeeding
- Episode 3: Delivery Debate: Natural Birth Vs. C-Section
- Episode 4: The Perfect Mother's Day Gift
- Episode 5: Actress Kym Whitley Talks New Baby & Food Allergies for Kids
- Episode 6: Keeping Your Child Entertained This Summer Without TV
- Episode 7: Ask a Black Father | Mommy in Chief Father's Day Special
- Episode 8: Building Your Child's Self Esteem
- Episode 1: Are You A Good Enough Mother?
- Episode 2: New Motherhood and Balancing A Busy Work Life
- Episode 3: How to Decorate an Eco-Friendly Baby Nursery
- Episode 4: Foodie, Nicole Friday on Kids and Career
- Episode 5: Melissa Beck, From Hollywood to Stay At Home Mom
- Episode 6: Single Mom in The City
- Episode 7: Mommy Mogul and Marketing Wiz Monique Jackson at Home With Her Boys
- Episode 8: Beauty Maven Jodie Patterson Talks Four-Day Work Week for Moms
- Episode 9: Tonya Lewis Lee on Motherhood and the Importance of Women's Health
- Episode 1: Back 2 School
- Episode 2: Happy Halloween
- Episode 3: Socially Responsible Kids
- Episode 4: Money Talks
- Episode 5: Keeping Families Healthy
- Episode 6: Thanksgiving Madness
- Episode 7: Highlights and Best Moments
- Episode 8: Stylish Moms
- Episode 9: Best Apps for Moms
- Episode 10: Socialite Kids
- Episode 11: Hair Talk with AfroBella
- Episode 12: Happy New Year!
As a single mom you probably know the ins and outs of parenting and you’re also more than likely a master of play-dates. However, at some point in time you’ll want to go on a real date; a date for you. When you decide to start dating, you’ll probably feel nervous, excited, and anxious all at once! Here are 14 tips to get you back into the swing of dating.
It was a beautiful Autumn Saturday evening. The ground was covered with rainbow colored leaves, the wind was blowing just enough to give the perfect breeze while inhaling the fresh scent of a fall evening, and the sky was the perfect shade of royal blue. I was headed out for a wonderful dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, after I spent the day shopping and pampering myself. It seemed as though this was the perfect day and I was going to culminate it with the perfect evening, so I had every reason to be happy, right? Wrong.
When I arrived at dinner, I was seated quickly at a table for two. The waitress came and went through her routine, then asked if everyone in my party had arrived. Before I opened my mouth to answer her I smiled slightly, swallowed my tears with squinted eyes and said yes. She said okay and walked away to give me a moment to look over the menu. As I browsed through the menu, my stomach felt a little squeamish. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was starving, upset about the fact that I would be dining alone, or if it was my unborn child moving about.
To be honest, I think it was a combination of all three. So luckily for us the waitress returned quickly and took our order immediately. Shortly thereafter, my phone began to ring. It was my child’s father. He was calling to see what my plans were for the evening because he wanted to get together to talk. I told him I was at dinner and invited him to join me. He declined, and then began asking me a number of questions about the status of our relationship; you know those questions that let you know that he’s trying to subtly break up with you, but he wants you to get fed up and end it first so it’ll look like you wanted the relationship to end. You know the questions, where do you see us going? Do you really think we’re compatible? With each question he asked, my heart sunk in with every answer I gave him because I knew where he was going with this conversation. After about ten to fifteen minutes of engaging in the final exam of what would be the beginning of the end of my relationship with the father of my child, he finally said to me, I think you should find somebody you are compatible with because it’s not me. With tears coming down my face, yet hiding the fact that I was crying I said okay, I’ll keep you posted on the progress of the baby. He said okay, and we both said goodbye. When the conversation ended I was absolutely devastated. As tears continued to stream down my face, so many thoughts and questions raced through my mind. How was I going to raise a child as a single mother? Will he be involved in our child’s life as he should? Am I now another statistic? That’s okay, we don’t need him anyway... So after the random thoughts and questions stopped racing through my mind, I finished my dinner, went home, cried some more and started my process of accepting the fact that I would be a single mother.
The next few days, weeks and months were extremely difficult for me because the relationship with the father of my child ended abruptly without logical explanation. As I tried to move past the relationship ending and move forward to facing my new reality I did some soul searching and reflecting. During my process of soul searching and reflecting I asked myself a number of questions in regard to my relationship with my son’s father and why I was so devastated when it ended.
My first question was, why did I want to be in a relationship with a man that did not want to be with me? Answer, because I had love for him (or at least what I thought was love), I was carrying his child, and I wanted us to be a family. My next question, if I wasn’t pregnant, would he even want to be with me at this point in our relationship? Answer, probably not. My last question, why would I want to be in a relationship with someone who brought drama to my life, and was not concerned about me or our unborn child? Answer, because at that time in my life my self esteem was at an all time low, I wanted us to be a family, and I couldn’t see the drama because all I wanted to see was what I wanted. After my soul searching process, and the birth of my child I came to grips with the reality that I was a single mother, and I had to learn how to be okay with every aspect of it.
So as I moved forward with my life without the father of my child, I learned a number of valuable lessons. I learned about the joys and struggles of being a single mother by being there whole heartedly for my child, finding the joy in everything we do and watching my child grow. I’ve learned how to be a better, stronger and more confident woman internally because I know I am the primary example of what a woman should be in the sight of my child. I’ve learned how to balance my career and motherhood by managing my time better. And last, I’ve learned how to be single and extremely happy. How did I do that? By trusting in my Creator for guidance and finding the joy in being a single woman. This was indeed a difficult journey, but it was worth every lesson learned. Now that I look back on that night my relationship ended with the father of my child, I smile. I smile because I realize that if he had not ended our relationship I would probably have tried to continue on with a relationship with him that probably would have been detrimental to my health, his health and the health of our child. Letting go of the feelings I had for my child’s father was not easy, but I’m glad the door was closed on that relationship because it opened the door to so much more!
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
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