Source: soulbrotherv2.blogspot.com

The large number of black men missing from the home have taken the blame for the disconnect in the black community for years now. It seems as though black women, for whatever reason, were left with the burden of trying to formulate a structural foundation. They were left to bear the burden of trying to play mom and dad while still making sure that there was food on the table . Whether it is because black men are in jail or have willingly left the household, statistically speaking, there is a disparity with the number of fathers in the home. I am not here to bash black men and I don’t think that that the black man is to blame for all of the issues within our community, it is just one avenue to explore. I am more concerned with the effect  that the lack of role models and structure in the black community will have on generations to follow.

I have recently spent more time analyzing this issue because my schools is located in a predominately black community. Every day I see the struggle of black woman and children in the community. Whether they are rushing to gather their children to get to work and school or they are walking their child to school, there is something to be said for the strength and gusto of the black woman. I even see the black women in my department leave work during their lunch break to go and pick up their children to bring them back to work with them after school. After 5pm my school hallways are filled with the children of these hard working mothers. It is no surprise that whenever musicians are asked to credit their success to something, it is always to the strong presence of their mothers.

We often forget that these hard working black mothers are also women. For all of the stability and love that these mothers provide for their children, they need the same support and care in return. Who is there to do that for them? Even looking at my own mother, I see that she has her moments where she sits and stares off into space. I always wonder what’s on her mind, then a sense of loneliness fills the room. I often feel sad because I know she wants a companion. Every woman longs for a companion to share her life with and to help them support her family. All of the women in my family are single mothers and I often marvel at the fact that they do everything on their own, sometimes with absolutely no help from the fathers of their children. The plight of the black mother is nothing to take lightly. The fact that the single- mother household is increasingly becoming the norm, is a problem.

This struggle trickles down to the younger generations.  What message are little girls and boys getting by watching their mothers and fathers struggle? The little girls learn either to carry the same strength as their mothers or they have such a great desire not to end up alone like their mothers that they end up in less than satisfactory relationships. The boys grow up to be men that really have no guidance or direction as to who they should be and what their responsibilities as men are. Even looking at my own family, I can’t say that any of the young males in my family know what it means to be a real man. I would want my own brother to be a strong black man with a foundation and morals but advice coming from the mouth of his sister doesn’t leave the same impression on him if it were to come from my father.

That being said, who is to be the examples of strength and solidarity for our younger generations? Nobody wants to see this cycle continue, sowho is going to teach our young men and women? In a world where any of our black sons, cousins and brothers could have been Trayvon Martin, the need for role models and teachers to the younger generations is imperative. I believe that to have a strong community there needs to be balance and support. In one of my many college electives classes we explored the concept of family and the role it played in different racial societies.  For example, in Asian communities family is the root and the core of everything. The children are raised in a supportive environment because the structure is there before they are even born. The children are molded by a family unit so that when they enter into the real world they have a sense of who they are and what goals they should reach for. I would want similar objectives for my own community. I don’t presume to know all the answers to solve all the problems with one article, for I myself fall into the category of a statistic (coming from a single parent home). I am tired of looking at other races flourish while I am watching my own people repeat the same cycle. I am not sure what can bring the much needed change, or what role I can play in it, I just know that it is imperative that something is done.

Rachel Louissaint is a graduate student and a blogger. Check out her own blog Ebonymaiden.com or follow her on twitter at @Ebony_Maiden.

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Our children know us better than we know ourselves. Unless we are psychotic or capricious, they know what makes us mad, happy, satisfied and downright disgusted.  They also know how to push our buttons, and have memories like elephants for stuff we would rather they’d forget. Ironically, they can’t seem to remember to take out the trash, change their underwear, bring all their books to school, so they call you in the middle of the day to just drop everything and deliver them.

Years back, I remember asking my mother a very inappropriate question, “Did you and Daddy have sex before you got married?”  She paused and said something that burned a hole in my memory: “I needed to try what I was buying.”  With that mental picture emblazoned in my mind like a thousand not-so-splendid suns, in retrospect, I wish I’d never asked.

Now with four kids of my own, I know my daughter might feel, at some point, comfortable enough to ask the same question.  Saying I was a virgin won’t fly; she was born before I met my husband.  It won’t work on the others, either.

Since I’ll be faced with the same dilemmas, I’ve prepared a quick-and-dirty list of possible questions and good answers to shut things down before they know too much.

For all those daddy’s girls out there, you know how special the bond is between a man and his baby girl. Well, think about the opposite situation. Imagine the gaping hole that would be in your heart if your father just couldn’t be bothered to care for you, see you or even just keep tabs on you.

That is the situation that a new documentary called Dear Daddy explores. The premise is that young women pen letters to their absentee fathers and read those letters on camera. But then…then??? The filmmaker tracks down those dads and that’s where things get unpredictable. We’re talking tearful reunions, dads explaining (or trying to explain) their absences, shock, anger and everything in between.

Check out the trailer below, but make sure you have a tissue at the ready.

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Like Father, Like Son
What is a father?
Any man can make a baby
But it takes a real man to father a child
To nurture, protect and teach that child the way

Requires not only a man
But a father

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Some of these celeb men are guys you wouldn’t necessarily take home to your mama, but they sure do love their own mamas! Check out Hello Beautiful’s list of celeb men who adore their mommies!

Have you ever had an issue with a mama’s boy?

When I heard about Lashanda Armstrong, the 25-year-old single mother of four (!) driving herself and her children into a watery grave, I couldn’t help but feel pity for her.  First, because this woman was obviously suffering from untreated mental illness.  As a woman who has had my own struggles with General Anxiety Disorder, I know how pain, stress, no help and four needy children can cause a mother to go to the brink.

“It’s hard for women to seek the mental health they need.  And when you have four kids, when do you get the time to seek help?  It’s hard for a lot of people who have to work and take time off to see a doctor.  And if you’re poor, you don’t have that option.  Access and availability to quality healthcare is key.” says Danielle Belton, founder of the popular blog, Black Snob, and managing editor at TheLoop21. Belton has spoken openly about her bipolar disorder in an effort to de-stigmatize mental illness in the black community.

That said, let’s not act brand-new about the struggles black women go through raising children with no protection, support, or commitment.  This woman had four kids by age 25, the oldest she bore presumably at 15, with three others by a man whom she forever fought with because he kept cheating, cheating, and cheating.

The one silver lining in this cluster-cuss was that her oldest son, ten-years-old, was able to escape, but not without Armstrong, in her last minutes of life, trying to grab at his pants to ensure he stayed down in that abyss with her.

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