All Articles Tagged "shade"

The Frenemy: How I Realized That One Of My Best Friends Was Actually My Biggest Hater

January 22nd, 2015 - By Alyssa Johnson
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Is she your friend or is she your frenemy? Sometimes you truly can’t tell. She can be your biggest cheerleader at times, and other times, she can feel like your worst enemy.

According to, the formal definition of a “frenemy” is “a person who pretends to be a friend but is actually an enemy; a rival with which one maintains friendly relations.” If I could add to this definition, I would take it a step further and include that they can actually be a friend at times, because frenemies are often there for you at your worst times and can provide that shoulder for you to lean on. You might even feel like you couldn’t have made it without them.

And then everything changes suddenly. The other shoe drops and they do or say something drastically out of character, leaving you stunned and wondering what happened.

I had a frenemy in college, but didn’t recognize it until I was knee-deep into our “friendship.” Her name was “Rena.” When I first met Rena, I was sitting in our school’s dining hall, and all I saw were these pearly white teeth heading to my table. Her huge smile introduced her before she could, and it was clear that she was looking to make friends. Since I was sitting alone, I didn’t see the harm in allowing her to sit with me, though I did think it was a bit presumptuous of her to assume that I wanted the company. But as soon as she sat down, I could feel her warmth, and her wit was a breath of fresh air. We hit it off quickly, and because our families were from the same region, we ended up liking a lot of the same things. We went everywhere together and she stood by my side through some of the most painful situations. If you saw Rena on campus, you probably saw me too. I counted her as my “ride or die” and someone I always knew that I could count on.

But Rena had a jealous streak. This character flaw would rear its ugly head at the most inopportune times. I tried to think nothing of it, but it really started to get in the way of how I felt about her. If I showed her a picture of a new guy I was dating, she would pick him apart from head-to-toe. It was the craziest thing because nothing would really be wrong with the guy, she just needed me to feel that there was. In retrospect, it was her way of “bursting my bubble.”

As our friendship progressed, I began to see that it wasn’t just the guys I dated that would garner a negative response from her. Rena was an equal opportunity “Debbie Downer” when she felt like my life was moving in a positive direction, one that hers wasn’t moving towards. She competed with me in everything, from getting good internships, to grades and even clothes. After about two straight years of low-key and then obvious shade throwing, I had to let Rena go. Our relationship was too toxic to grow or be saved.

I learned quite a few things from that situation, specifically how to spot and stay away from frenemies in the future. They never start off bad, but they slowly get worse and worse.

For one, a frenemy is never really able to enjoy any positive developments in your life. If something good happens to you, they are usually the first person to sneer and have something negative to say about the situation in the hopes of undermining you.

A frenemy is the “friend” that can point out the negative in the most pristine and seemingly perfect situations.

They’re the queen of shade but can mask it with compliments. On the surface, these compliments sound decent enough, but can actually be taken to mean something else if you’re really paying attention.

Because frenemies really don’t have your best interest at heart, it’s a given that they throw you under the bus to other people too. Don’t be shocked if people you don’t talk to know things about you that you haven’t shared with them.

And frenemies will compete with you in the hopes that they can “one-up” you. If I went to a particular upscale restaurant on a date, Rena wouldn’t rest until she went to the same restaurant. She would come back and report her outing to me as if she had made some major accomplishment in her life. So if your “friend” has to have whatever you have, she’s probably a frenemy.

But true sisterhood is not about any of the things you just read. Instead, it’s about loyalty, support and unconditional love. A real friend is happy when something good happens to you because they love you, and because they know your past struggles, they happily cheer for you. Your real friends don’t have to tear you down to make themselves shine. They should be able to shine on their own and enjoy seeing you glow just as bright as well.

My Bad… Celebrities Who Feel Bad About Falling Out With Their Fans

November 11th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Celebrities and fans fall out from time to time. And when that happens, celebrities know. From Chris Brown to Anne Hathaway, these are the celebrities who feel bad about falling out with their fans.

Image Source:

Image Source:

Jennifer Lopez

When dishing to E! News about her new memoir True Love, JLo revealed that the most ironic part about that title is that she’s felt the opposite of true love from a lot of her fans and spent most of her career assuming that no one liked her:

“We have a tendency to focus on the negative and I let that work on my self-esteem. I was always thinking that people didn’t like me, they just hated me…It’s such a ridiculous notion, we tend to do this to ourselves.”

And after reading that, now we’re confused. Are the JLo haters really out there real or is it all in her head?

Do You Really Mean “No Shade”? Qualifiers People Should Stop Abusing

May 7th, 2014 - By Brande Victorian
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I won’t speak for you, but I personally am tired of the overabundance of disingenuous qualifiers like “no shade” that people are using these days to justify all sorts of nasty remarks that are in fact shady as hell. Although shade may be the new kid on the block in this genre, the truth is we’ve been using phrases like this for years to try to justify coming at people in all sorts of crazy ways and making it seem like they’re the ones who are wrong, when, in actually, we might want to practice the exercise of thinking before we speak more often than we do.

You Mad? The Shadiest Things Celebs Have Said About Their Exes

October 3rd, 2013 - By Meg Butler
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Rihanna Chris "exes"

In at least one moment in everyone’s lives, there’s no one you hate more than your ex. The relationship is over, they hurt your feelings, ruined your day and they’re going to hear what you have to say. These celebrities took to the media to tell the world how much they hated their ex, and of course we ate the shade all the way up.

‘All Dem #1s But J.Lo Phone Ringing?’ Nicki Minaj Blasts Mariah Carey On Twitter

May 3rd, 2013 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Source: WENN

Source: WENN

Although things seemed to calm down for a bit, it looks like Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj are back to their catty antics. A couple of nights ago on American Idol, Nicki pulled a Q-Tip out of her purse and offered it to Mariah, telling her that she needed to clean out her ears. A little later on, Mariah seemed to subtly shade Nicki for never hitting No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 charts. Nicki has actually never made it pass No.3 on the charts. Of course, Mariah has a medium-sized handbag full of No.1 hits. This clearly didn’t sit well with the “High School” rapper and when celebrity blogger Perez Hilton insisted that Mariah “burned” her with the comments, Nicki quickly responded, tossing a bit of shade Mariah’s way in the process.

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And of course, Nicki’s “Barbz” joined in on the phone, hurling insults Mariah’s way. The mama Barb ended the Mariah slam session by laughing at how “shady” her fans are.

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Here’s my question: Why does being famous mean tossing all forms of maturity and professionalism out of the window? I mean really, these women are both at least thirty years old. They’re ultimately at Idol because they have a job to do. There are plenty of regular folk who have to work with people they don’t like everyday, but because they’re mature adults, they suck it up and deal with it. Unfortunately, Nicki and Mariah seem like they have yet to receive the memo.

What do you think of Mariah and Nicki still going at it?

Make Up Already! Rihanna Continues To Be The Biggest Critic Of Ciara And Her PR Team (“Why Am I STILL The Main Topic Of Her Interviews!!”)

April 25th, 2013 - By Clarke Gail Baines
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According to, the issues between Rihanna and Ciara are still going, but things are starting to seem a bit one-sided. While Ciara does address their problems in almost every interview she has been doing for her new album, Ciara, and new video, “Body Party,” she’s kept it pretty tame and civil. She basically doesn’t know why Rihanna doesn’t like her, but she’s focused on staying positive no matter what. But as I’ve said before, it would probably be better if Ci Ci just didn’t waste time answering questions about her, because not only is it a distraction from the great things she has going on, but Rihanna is just out in these streets waiting to pop off about it.

Miss Jia says that an Instagram follower tagged Rihanna in a screenshot from a recent interview Ciara did where the ATL singer was asked about the Bajan singer and seemed to handle it calm and cool without throwing shade. But the interview was enough to get homegirl to vent, AGAIN, at Ciara and her publicist. Whoever that person may be.

“Why am I still the main topic of her interviews!! She don’t be shame tho? How she let em play her like that everytime?? It’s like,  “yea I know you’re here to talk about (insert album title) but we wanna talk about a more relevant topic…Rihanna!!!” Like she sits there and falls for it everytime!!!!”


*Sigh* I don’t really have much of an opinion about this anymore because it’s starting to be sad at this point. It’s like a mean girl coming after the new girl on the block or something. But really, we know how folks like to pop off when others are walking around with their names in their mouth, especially bringing them up in the media. But seriously though, let’s just grow up already ladies. There’s enough room in the game for both of you.

What do you think of her comments?

“How U Gon Hate From Outside???” Rihanna Exchanges Words With Ciara AGAIN…Over Social Media Of Course

April 16th, 2013 - By Clarke Gail Baines
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Shade ri ci

And the drama continues.

It was 2011 when Ciara was a guest on Fashion Police, and while chatting it up with Joan Rivers about an ensemble Rihanna wore to the Grammys, Ciara went on to tell a story about how Ri Ri basically comes off as a mean girl in person. Why? We don’t know:

“I ran into her recently at a party. She wasn’t the nicest. It’s crazy, because I’ve always loved and respected what she’s done in fashion. It wasn’t the most pleasant run-in.”

Of course, we know the two ladies exchanged some equally not-so-nice words on Twitter after Ri heard word of what the “Ride” singer said about her. There was a moment where Ciara said Rihanna didn’t want to see her on the stage (performance wise), and Rihanna replied with a biting, “Good luck with bookin that stage you speak of.” While the two ladies seemed to make up at the end of their back and forth, things remained pretty tense after the fact, especially in March of this year when it was speculated that Rihanna’s best friend and assistant, Melissa, came for Ciara and her new song “Body Party” through Instagram.

After all that, you would have thought these women would all move on, but Ciara has been making her media rounds to promote her new disc, Ciara, and of course, most of the questions are either about her new beau Future, or her issues with Rihanna. Sick and tired of it we guess, Rihanna took to her Instagram to vent:

Image from ComplainNShade/MissJia

Image from ComplainNShade/MissJia

And catching word of the direct shade, Ciara responded back, but kept it short and sweet on her Twitter:

“I am baffled. The obsession really makes no sense. This is getting out of hand…”

“Somebody please point her in the right direction, cuz she clearly needs love and affection..:)”

And you know it’s getting out of hand when Jackée Harry (the one and only of 227 fame) of all people jumps in on her Twitter to give her two cents, asking the ladies to chill out and be better examples for their fans:

@ciara @rihanna You’re BOTH Beautiful & Immensely Talented. PLEASE Squash The Beef & Increase The Peace, Ladies. #BeTheExample ..

You would think these women would have way too much going on (and a lot of money to spend) to waste time and energy trying to publicly embarrass one another. You’re on tour! You have a new album coming out! Do yourself a favor and stop talking about one another, because clearly they’re not adding anything positive to your life. But alas, as I said earlier, the drama continues.

What do you think about their comments?

“Who You Calling Sweetie?”: 8 Subtle But Disrespectful Things Some Women Do And Say To Other Women

April 11th, 2013 - By Erica R. Williams
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Female empowerment and encouragement are things that I adamantly support. I have friends that I consider sisters and enjoy meeting like-minded women. Unfortunately, all women aren’t the same. And instead of support you’re met with a whole lot of shade. Instead of building a friendship, you’re introduced to an enemy.

In some cases, it’s easy to spot a woman who is being blatantly disrespectful. In other cases, the disrespect is snuck in so subtly that you feel inappropriate for even addressing it, although you sense the shade being thrown. Yes, there are times when our beloved sisters, including ourselves, can be subtly disrespectful. Maybe you’ve experienced some of this disrespectful behavior or possibly dished it out. In either case, here are a few of the most common disrespectful things that women can do to each other.

Keyshia Cole’s Grammy Night PSA: ‘It’s Still F@%& Ol Girl’

February 11th, 2013 - By Brande Victorian
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Last night I desperately wanted to tweet, “has anybody seen Keyshia Cole tonight,” but I didn’t. Because I thought that would be rude. And I think before I tweet (mostly). But after seeing the foolery that was going on on Keysh’s timeline, I feel like I would have been justified saying whatever the heck I wanted. See for yourself:

Keyshia Cole


Confused what the heck Keyshia Cole was on — again? So is just about every other person on Twitter who went in on her for the second Sunday in a row. I would have thought last week’s Twitter lashing would have been enough for the singer, who is soon about to fade into social media oblivion and become more popular for her tweets than her tracks, to get her act together, but she essentially invited the backlash this week.

See before that “hello” everyone was chilling, including Keyshia. Then for whatever reason — like a child who throws a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store because they aren’t being paid enough attention — she decided to rile up the masses and bring up last week’s business. And then have the nerve to ask “ya’ll still mad?” I think a better question would be “You’re still thirsty?”

And as far as her staying on people’s minds, it’s more like Michelle stays on hers. I’ve never seen someone go so far out of their way to repeatedly shade someone a week after the fact. I think @quietbut_DEADLY summed up Keyshia’s motive perfectly: “You’re tending now. Happy?” Keyshia should remember tweets don’t equal dollars. If she wants to keep eating and not go back to buying Steve Madden’s to wear on the red carpet she might wanna chill. One hundred thousand doesn’t go that far

“She Always FawkN The Groove Up” Keyshia Cole Goes In On Michelle Williams

February 4th, 2013 - By Veronica Wells
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keyshia michelle feat

Keyshia Cole is quickly becoming the woman who’s known for putting her foot in her mouth. First there was the biracial/Black Girls Rock controversy and last night she had a few choice words for Michelle Williams during the SuperBowl halftime performance. Of course she expressed her grievances on Twitter. This is what she said…

Source: Twitter

Source: Twitter

Hmm… Now, we’ve all known since 2003, that performing is not Michelle’s forte. It’s clear that she’s not very comfortable on stage. But her voice has always been different, she’s always been maybe a half step off. But was Twitter really the venue to express this opinion, and so rudely especially when Keyshia Cole will probably never find herself on anybody’s Super Bowl stage. For better or worse, people on Twitter were too happy to tell Keyshia about herself. Check out some of the mentions she received after her reckless comment.

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keyshia cole 5

That illiterate hood possum comment pretty much put the nail in the coffin. Now maybe the people who had something to say about Keyshia took things a bit too far; but if you put yourself out there, especially among the dozen-playing, shade throwing community that is Black Twitter, you must prepare yourself for the worst.

It’s very clear that Keyshia wrote that in an attempt to be funny. But as a fellow singer and performer, that was something you should have turned and said to your homegirl or husband. Not something you put on Twitter, when the whole nation is watching Michelle from their couch…just like you were. Some are speculating that Keyshia made the comment to get people talking about her again. Well, if that was her intention, then mission accomplished but perhaps not in the way she was expecting.

What do you think of Keyshia Cole’s comment? Why