Credit: Shutterstock

From Your Tango

This simple tip may end his “texting games” forever and will get you the respect you deserve.

A reader of mine asked:

“Alex,

I recently met this guy and everything seemed to be going ok until he started taking over 3 hours to reply to my text messages. I thought guys were into texting but apparently not this guy. Why is it taking him so long to answer my messages? We can be texting back an forth for a while then suddenly NOTHING for hours. I told him this bothers me but he keeps doing it!

What’s the problem? I’m really frustrated especially because we don’t talk on the phone or on the internet…just texting.

Lisa”

Read what Alex had to say at YourTango.com.

Source: Shutterstock

One of the biggest concerns that many people have about sharing sensual photos and videos with their significant other is what will become of the private content if ever the relationship goes awry. The trend of sharing sexually explicit photos and videos featuring ex-boyfriends and girlfriends has become extremely popular since the advancement of smart phones and other technological devices. Unfortunately, there aren’t many laws that assist in regulating these distasteful revenge tactics, but Florida lawmakers are seeking to change that.

According to Salon, the Florida bill came as a result of activists pushing for both state and federal laws to criminalize the publishing of online content, which they refer to as “non-consensual p*rn” and is also popularly known as “revenge p*rn.”

“There are lots of laws that we can use on the civil side, from invasion of privacy to emotional distress to harassment and stalking,” says Erica Johnstone, co-founded of nonprofit organization Without My Consent.

The issue with these laws, however, is that websites that publish this type of content are protected by The Communications Decency Act, which prohibits site owners from being held liable for content submitted by “outside parties,” which is generally how most of those websites operate. Mary Ann Franks, a law professor at the University of Miami suggests that the newly introduced bill is a step in the right direction, but there’s still so much more to be done, describing the law as “too broad and too narrow.”

“It’s very good that it recognizes what I call ‘contextual consent’ — the fact that a person might consent to be photographed or filmed in one context but not in another,” said Franks.

For example, the bill is said to be applicable to “any photograph or video of an individual which depicts nudity,” but doesn’t delve specifically into exactly what will be considered nudity.

“[It is] an extremely broad formulation that could potentially include a photograph of someone standing next to a picture of Botticelli’s Venus,” Franks continued.

She also went on to question the fact that the law will not necessarily include videos or photos taken in public.

“If a woman’s skirt blows up in the wind and she is not wearing anything underneath, can an image of her be posted to an upskirt p*rn site? What about mothers breast-feeding in public? Is a public bathroom public? What about a changing room in a department store?” Franks questions.

Clearly, there’s still a lot to be considered, but lawmakers had to begin somewhere, right?

Source: Shutterstock

From HelloBeautiful

A new public service announcement has just hit the web, urging young girls to steer away from sending Hot pictures to their significant others.

“There’s no such thing as ‘just one photo.’” a message on the video reads. “Protect yourself from sexual exploitation. Be safe.”

The PSA is targeted toward young girls but the message can be applied to women of all ages. Although it seems like everyone is doing it, before we arch our backs and snap away in our bathroom mirrors, maybe we should really weigh the pros and cons of this decision.

For starters, with the Internet and use of social media nothing is private these days. When it comes to texting nude or partially nude photographs, you run the risk of having your most intimate parts emailed, posted or retexted anywhere. Look at the countless celebrity victims — Chris Brown, Kanye West, Adrienne Bailon, Trina, Cassie, Amber Rose, Ron Artest, Rihanna…the list just goes on and on.

When you text a playful or naughty photo, essentially you are saying, “I trust you with this content.” While you are exposed and in your most vulnerable state, you run the risk of possible shame or embarrassment. Just think if you ever wanted to run for public office; a racy photo can come back to haunt you and too bad there’s no real-life Olivia Pope to help you out.

To the contrary, according to reports, some experts say sexting can be a powerful medium for building intimacy in a relationship.

Relationship expert Esther Perel said she’s found sexting to be a great tool for couples in long-distance relationships and those having trouble in bed. “I have found sexting to be a very creative intervention for couples trying to rekindle their relationships,” she said.

So, if you are a grown adult that fully understands all of the possible negative aspects and you still want to send your boo thang a sexually-explicit pic, here are 5 tips to keep in mind.

Check out the tips on HelloBeautiful.com.

Source: Shutterstock

Nothing sets up an article more perfectly than participating in a panel on dating in the digital age and coming home to a d**k pic in your Facebook inbox.

Yesterday evening, I was a part of a panel in DC with four other bloggers and we talked about how social media and even what now seems to be a basic tech tool – texting – has affected dating and the lost art of courtship. The conclusion was that Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and every other social internet app has essentially become yet another distraction on the road to true companionship, although the bottom line is if you suck at communicating verbally, you’re probably gonna screw up when it comes to social media as well, and vice versa.

Fast forward a few hours later when I return to my hotel room and check Facebook on my phone and see I have a message. It was from my ex, and without clicking into it, I saw that it said “Someone said Hi.” Now I’ll be honest, three drinks in, I was inclined to entertain him, so I clicked on the message intending to respond, “who would that be?” But I didn’t get a chance to, because when the message opened in its entirety, there was a picture of his p*n*s starring back at me.

I don’t know how I captured shock, disappointment, and laughter all in one sound, but I think it went something like ughahahahahahsigh.

See this was the third attempt at communication my ex had made since I last spoke to him in June. The fallout at the time was massive, although not particularly unique as we’d had several big blowouts before. And I imagine the fact that after those other arguments, breakups, and separations we’d always starting talking again, he assumed this time would be no different. And I guess that’s why in December he decided to reach out six months later with a seven paragraph synopsis of our relationship.

You don’t know the fear your heart experiences – or maybe you do – when you get a random message that starts with “Whenever I think about so and so” and then details every “milestone” of your relationship when you already know it didn’t end well. My cynical mind was just waiting for the part where he would tell me some deep dark secret that was going to turn my whole world around but the only twist here was that he called himself writing a book and said I’m in it so “It’s only right to let you know.” I guess.

I had nothing to say about the overly dramatized romantic moments we shared or his explanations for why he was scared to love me so I chose not to respond. And with no other way to contact me since I’d changed my number since our breakup, I suppose this is why he sent me another message about five days ago; a simple “yo.”

To tell the truth, I probably wouldn’t even respond to a friend sending me “yo” because those two letters aren’t even a message. That’s a sorry excuse for an in-person greeting to which I’d only unenthusiastically reply “hey.” And it for sure wasn’t the type of outreach I’d expect from someone I hadn’t spoken to in so long and who owed me so much more than the title of a Chris Brown song. Unfortunately, things got worse from there because I’m almost embarrassed to share that my lack of response didn’t prompt him to come better. Instead, this fool thought, “I know what will get her attention, a picture of my d**k.” Über sigh.

So that’s where I am on this afternoon wondering why in the hayell he still doesn’t know how to do better. And what’s even slightly more hilarious, though lowkey sad, is he didn’t even send the pic on some late-night, I had too much to drink and I’m feeling emo stuff. It was sent at 5:44 pm!

I realize in airing out his dirty laundry I’ve just exposed some of my own shortfalls, like my taste in men. But I must admit there was something equally ego-boosting about his level of thirst and validating about my choice to move on to the next so many months ago. As of now, I refuse to dignify his last message with a response, but at some point I feel it may be my duty to let him know that despite all the soul searching he claimed to have done in his “book,” and all the things he supposedly realizes he should’ve said and done differently, this still ain’t it.

Above all, his message honestly is disappointing – somewhat hilariously so – because it reeked of immaturity and the pervasive thought among men that a little d**k can go such a long way. (I think that pun was intended.) I know we all use different love languages but I don’t speak d**k pic. These are the times when you remember life would be so much better if men were still sending letters through carrier pigeons.

Texting is the most utilized form of communication between couples, friends and friends with benefits today. It’s efficient. It can be flirty with all those emoticons. It allows for communication at any time, like in a meeting or on the toilet, but it also allows you to avoid real conversation. So, it can be hard to read how a guy feels about you, beyond those little letters on the screen.

Since the advent of the Struggleberry, sexting has become prevalent in male/female communications. We have evolved from the “beep me 911” era, to emoticons and MMS messages filled with pictures, voice recordings, and other filthy treasures. Usually men will engage in such behaviour when they know a common interest exists, but some guys go the extra mile. They think outside of the box so that they can get inside of yours, ladies. So what will they do to change the game? They will send you pictures of their junk of course! Women have asked me for some time to explain why a man, who isn’t their boyfriend, husband, or even sleeping with them, would send them cock shots? Why would they choose to defile their iPhone screen with such temerity? I can think of three reasons men want to show women what they’re working with early and often:

It’s Part Of His Courting Process

I’ve never been accused of having “game”, but there are dudes who calculate their movements with women to the most minute details. There are also men who just don’t give a fcuk. Where these two mentalities converge is when we discuss package pics. When men get your number, and holla at you, they are trying to impress you, make you laugh, and ultimately unlock the gate to your box everlasting. According to their logic, one of the fastest and most impressive ways to get in a womans pants, is to show women what’s in theirs!  They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. Why would men send a text that says “You tryna chill tonight?!”, when a picture of their meat can say all of that and more, right? Right?!

He’s Impressed And He Feels You Should Be Impressed #AsWell

Men can act like the most confident of the sexes at any given time. We think we are Big Meech, Larry Hoover, Obama, and Jesus at the same (damn) time! When it comes to sexual prowess, it’s even worse. It’s not just the “handsome” dudes either, because if you don’t think ugly dudes don’t win, then you are delusional. Speaking of delusional, some of these men that send women pictures of their strombone personify that term perfectly! They aren’t ashamed of themselves, and they will sext you with the biggest, pedophile-like smile on their faces. They figure that since they are carrying a small person in their pants, one glance at this specimen on a woman’s smart phone will make their panties rain from the Heavens! Unfortunately, this small person might be mini-me! Most men don’t measure up to their own illusions of grandeur, and they end up looking foolish!

He Doesn’t Understand The Unwritten Female “Show And Tell” Law

Fellas, I’m about to drop the most precious of jewels, so pay attention. When you text, write, or email anything to a woman, you are subject to the Female Show And Tell law. This law dictates that any incriminating pictures or text messages that you send to a woman, whether solicited or not, can and will be shown to the recipients 5-500 closest female friends for review and ridicule purposes.

Those pictures of your Love Below that you sent her with the “toungue sticking out” emoji, have now been viewed over 1000 times in the last half hour by her inner circle.  You have a legendary email chain titled, “Look at what this negro sent me :-O” being distributed all over the Internet now! At this very moment, that woman and some of her friends are in a GroupMe or GChat conversation now discussing your idiotic actions.

If you didn’t know by now, understand that women discuss men with their friends. Your girlfriend’s best friends know your intimate details, or enough of them to make you side-eye the entire clique. If women are that candid about their mates, how much more candid do you think they will be with a dude they haven’t been intimate with yet? Hey, maybe you are half man, half horse, and you don’t care, but know that you are the personal Instagram model for dozens of women that you don’t even know. For free.

Ladies, I hope this gives you proper insight to what men are thinking when they hit send with a racy picture attached. This audacity by men is high risk, high reward. Remember that if they do it without reserve, it must have worked before!

Women: What do you do when you receive an unsolicited D-Pic? Why do you think this occurs? How do the men react?

Fellas: Why do you send these pics to women? What do you fear when you send them, and how often does this tactic work? Do you think it’s easier to get pics from women or men? Are these chicks pictures cute? Forward to the email address “tityandadream@gmail.com” Please and Thank You!

StreetZ is a writer for the men’s blog Single Black Male. Streetz enjoys the enigma that is his life, and let’s his opinions excel in textual form. His passion for storytelling and diverse interests are driven by both his life experiences, and his desire to motivate and be inspired. Follow him on twitter @StreetzTalk

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Source: poptower.com

Royce is turning out to be the “Basektball Wives” cast member with the most sense. That’s evident from the story lines we see of her building her acting career and participating in charity events. It’s also clear from the company she doesn’t keep, although it’s quite amusing that the two women who have been involved in every instance of drama this season—Evelyn and Shaunie—refused to film with her while Royce has been doing her thing professionally on her own. It’s also funny Evelyn doesn’t mind taping with the woman she supposedly hates more than anyone else in the world, Jen, but that’s for another discussion.

During an interview with TT Torrez at iPower 92.1, Royce talked about being sort of the outcast of the group—outcast meaning the only one not involved in drama—and she told the host:

“When I first started the show my primary purpose was to clear up the image that had been given to me. It was kind of hindering me from pursuing my career because of what people thought of me and when that image stared changing, I thought its time for me to focus on my real life outside of arguing with people.”

Royce has been able to distance herself from the negativity all of the other girls have received after fighting for a better story line, she says, but she’s picked up another label along the way: a needy woman who can’t be without a man. During the interview, TT put Royce on blast a little bit by pointing out that she’s been coupled with a different man on every season of “Basketball Wives.” Her statement was a tad inaccurate because Royce was single during season 1 but after that she was coupled with Dwayne, then Bryan, and now Dezmond, whose public approval rating has completely tanked since his very public social media sexting fiasco. When the host asked Royce if she thinks she might really be needy like her father said she is on a previous episode, she responded, “I don’t have to have a man but I don’t like being alone either.” And she’s not alone now because when it comes to Dezmond and the breakup everyone thought would happen, she said:

“We’re good. As far as the whole thing that went on online, that situation is crazy. I understand why he did it, yes it was wrong, but the fact is Dezmond never cheated on me.

“I’m not going to leave Dezmond because of what the world thinks that I should do. I love him, he loves me, and I’m not going to leave him for the one thing that he did wrong when there were so many other things that he did right.”

That would be cool if Dezmond shut down that drama before it hit the web but Royce seems to be missing the fact that there’s a reason the baby mama of her boyfriend or fiance or whatever he is still has some attachment to Dez, because he was sending her more than suggestive messages. And let’s just be real about it, if he denied he was even sending the sexts in the first place, until the evidence slapped him in the face, he could just as easily be lying about not acting on them. For some reason Royce doesn’t see it that way, or else she’s willing to wait until he grows up. She told the radio host.

“[Dez] knows it was wrong and he knows it was humiliating and embarrassing to me but I’m also not oblivious to the fact that Dez is young.”

Old enough to know better but still young enough to do it? That sounds about right. The age difference between Royce and her boyfriend wouldn’t be a big deal under different circumstances but with her being 31 and clearly ready to walk down the aisle, and him being 22 and just a couple of years into the league, eight months into their relationship, and a couple months post-nasty picture sending, the odds of this panning out just aren’t in her favor. Royce fully intends to participate in the next season of “Basketball Wives”—if there is one—and when the radio host told her she better not appear on season 5 with a new man, Royce promised she wouldn’t. That may be the case, but I’d be surprised if she showed up with Dezmond, unless she just refuses to see the writing on the wall.

Check out the audio of Royce’s interview below. Do you think she should make smarter choices when it comes to men and relationships like she did with her career?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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Source: Theybf.com

Royce is in for a long, sad ride because she is now in the domino-effect period of the breakdown in her relationship with Dezmond Briscoe. Another woman has come forward with sexts from Dez and since they don’t have a child together, he wasn’t just sending her half-naked pics to get on her good side. He was trying to get on her insides.

A woman named Jordann blasted text messages from Dez over the past three months asking her for naked pictures and even telling her that he and Royce “talk” but they’re not together. I’m curious how he planned to explain being on “Basketball Wives” to his side pieces after Monday’s episode if he and Royce really weren’t together. Perhaps he thought he could get away with loving another woman on reality TV like fellow NFLer Adrian Wilson.

I hate to stereotype but since Dez is living up to it, I’ll go ahead and say how I feel about this situation. He is 22 and in the league; his behavior is disappointing but not surprising. Royce should be glad this came out now and not after the wedding because Christina and Jordann are probably not the last of the women who Dez has been sexting and maybe more.

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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If there’s one thing I have zero tolerance for, it’s sexting. Asking me to send you a picture when I just met you two hours ago is a surefire way to get your number deleted. I have no interest in sending my lady parts to a stranger for the viewing pleasure of him or his friends so that one day when I try to make something of my life that picture comes back to haunt me and my career is over (dramatic I know). But there’s an even bigger issue that has traumatized me from the world of sexting: the dreaded, unsolicited penis pic.

There is nothing, and I mean nothing, worse than seeing a text pop up from a guy you like only to randomly be greeted by his mini-me.  It’s not so much the lack of aesthetic appeal that bothers me, although that does play into it some, it always seems to be the weirdos you shouldn’t have given your number to in the first place that think sending a pic of their little man is going to woo you. Um, no thanks. And even when it comes to men you do like, sharing pics is all good if you’re into it, but at the very least, give me a heads up (pun intended). From the moment you send a man any type of suggestive photo he thinks it’s open season to flood your inbox with penis pics and that’s why I’m not going there in the first place.

Because I’ve virtually weaved all d*ick pic-ing out of my life, my entertainment now comes from friends. Literally in the past week I’ve received at least two picture messages with the text DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS THREAD and I already knew what it was. Sure enough when the pic downloaded I was looking at a forwarded photo of some man who had never met me a day in his life, yet here I was staring at his member while my friend and I scrutinized length, width, pigmentation, and any other characteristic we could squeeze out of a low-res jpg on a smart phone. SMH. Any wonder why I don’t sext? If women are sharing pictures of men’s privates there’s no way a photo I send some man is really “just for me, baby.”

But the worst pics have come from another friend of mine who seems to have a knack for men who like to make repeated below the belt picture violations. I’ll never forget the day she sprung a penis photo of a man who appeared to have vitiligo on me. In everyday life no one cares if you have a skin condition that causes you to lose pigmentation. In the sexting world, you need to preface a picture of a two-tone penis with an explanation. Then there was the photo of the man she literally labeled “toddler penis” that essentially made me say, if you’re working with something that small you need to keep that to yourself and pray that when it comes down to do the deed you won’t get turned away. I mean the last thing you want to do is photo yourself out of sex. Then there was another “gentleman” who trumped everyone else when he sent much more than a photo. Trust me, there’s nothing like an unsolicited video of a man pleasing himself to ruin your entire morning. And just to clarify, none of these men were her boyfriend, and she couldn’t have known them for more than a couple of months, if that. And unfortunately, the ages ranged from 20s to early thirties. Gag me.

So, with unsolicited package pic-ing being nearly unanimously deemed undesirable by women, why do men still do it?! It must have something to do with the fact that most men want women to send them photos so they think, well of course she wants one from me too. Trust me, women will let you know if they want it. The other problem is they’re not reading Askmen.com because if they were they would know to think before they send, because what this writer says will happen if a man sends an unrequested pic is absolutely, 100% the truth:

• Initially, sexting pictures of your penis will frighten and upset her.
• Her anger will turn into her mocking you and your penis.
• Be prepared to have your sext forwarded to her girlfriends for judgment.

In other words, just don’t do it.

Have you had any unsolicited package pic-ing drama? Do you prefer to send or receive sexts or are you against it altogether?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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Photo courtesy of westorlandonews.com

Sexting is a craze that has swept the nation. In the last 10 years it has increasingly gained mention in popular culture, so at this point, it doesn’t even surprise me anymore when yet another celebrity has been caught with leaked pictures on the Internet or when I end up knowing what my favorite male singer’s private parts look like. Even political figures have been caught sexting. Conceptually, it’s not a new thing. I’m pretty sure the second cell phones acquired the ability to send photo messages, a new avenue was created for expressing sexual desires and to give us the chance to be a bit too straightforward. Sexting is just phone sex through your fingers. However, it may be my prudish ways that don’t allow me to fully understand why sexting has become all the rage.

I am a firm believer that the media plays a big role in what becomes acceptable behavior in popular culture. I remember there was an episode of the popular teen-angst drama Degrassi, where one of the characters sent her boyfriend a picture of her topless, or something of that nature. Of course in classic teenage-drama fashion, somehow the next day everyone in school got the same picture. She was embarrassed and humiliated because everyone had a picture of her lady bits on their cell phones. Even then, watching this episode, I had no sympathy for the troubled character. I thought to myself, if you didn’t want anyone to see it, why would you even text the picture?

People should know that once something leaves your phone, the possibility of it getting into the wrong hands is very high.  Expect anything you say or send through a message to be viewed by at least one more person. I have seen dozens of semi-nude photos on my friend’s phones. I know some men who have collections on their mobile devices that rival adult films.  So know that picture you sent to your boyfriend could somehow get seen by all of his friends, people on the block, and his co-workers. What was meant to be private and intimate is now public and humiliating.

Celebrities are chronic sexters. The Internet is bombarded with naked pictures of celebrities taken from their phone or laptop.  It was after Jennifer from Basketball Wives nudes leaked that I was no longer fazed by naked celebrities. Being a celebrity, you have more eyes on you than the average person, which to me would give more reason not to not send your c***hie through the mail. But you know what they say, common sense isn’t always common.

With all that possible embarrassment, you would think folks would be more shy with their mobile devices. But I guess not.

A friend and I had a conversation about sexting one night and I realized that I was in the minority. Apparently, everyone does it. Women do it to excite and entice men. Men do it to give women an image of their package. I remember receiving a sext from a man who I met less than five hours before. He had no qualms about sending me, a complete stranger, a picture of himself in all his glory. The caption even read: “Just to give you something to look at.” Uh…thirsty much?

I also understand that sexting can be used to spice up a relationship. When things get dry I guess it’s nice to surprise your significant other with some eye candy when they’re out in the most random of places, or when they’re at home alone. But the guy you have been talking to for one week does not need to see your goodies. Almost all of the guys that I have met always ask me to send them a picture within the first five messages sent back and forth. Sexting is damn near now customary.

I don’t know about you, but I’m too much of a chicken to send any revealing photos of myself through the phone. If I want to do or say something I would much rather do it in person. Call me old-fashioned, but I would rather keep my sexual escapades in closed quarters. I do understand that since sexting has become so prevalent it may be difficult to avoid those kind of situations though. For example, whenever I decline on sending a picture, the follow-up text always asks why. To even ask me why just shows two things: this guy clearly isn’t worth my time since he’s badgering me about why I would want to keep my goods to myself so early on; but also, it shows that most people have no problem with exchanging flirtatious pictures back and forth. Maybe I need to stop being an old maid and open up my mind to the idea of sexting. Maybe I am missing  some key element that everyone else seems to get. Or maybe, just maybe, I’m the sane one and people should take a lesson from popular culture and be careful what they send through the phone.

What do you think, is sexting your thing?

Rachel Louissaint is a blogger and a graduate student. Check out her blog at Ebonymaiden.com. Follow her at @Ebony_Maiden.

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