All Articles Tagged "sex"

Cunnilingus: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

June 24th, 2015 - By Deja Jones
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There’s always the debate of who has it worse when it comes to pleasuring their partner with oral sex. Women sometimes complain about men’s hygiene, the taste and the expectation that she should swallow, whereas, men often complain about female hygiene, landing strip versus shaven hair and the taste. But I’m sure we can all agree that there’s nothing like a little foreplay to get things heated up in the bedroom–or wherever you like to play. According to the experts, 70-80 percent of women require direct clitoral stimulation to reach an orgasm. This can be very daunting for the conservative fella who thinks that getting in and off is just enough to keep her satisfied. But why not show her a little love below? Ladies, if you find yourself unsatisfied with your partner’s reluctance to give you oral sex, consider schooling him on the good, the bad and the ugly of cunnilingus while taking the proper steps to make it more enjoyable and safe for him.

You Are What You Eat

The vagina is an acidic organ that requires a healthy pH balance to remain in tip-top shape. If your partner doesn’t like the taste, consider adding and subtracting some things from your diet. Because the vagina is acidic, consider adding acidic foods such as pineapples, oranges and grapefruit to balance your pH levels. These foods will also add a bit of sweetness to the taste. Adding celery to your diet helps to reduce any bitter taste your partner might come across when he’s down there. Celery is also high in water and Vitamin C. If a smell is an issue, consider adding healthy probiotics to your diet such as yogurt to help maintain a natural body odor. Cranberries and 100 percent cranberry juice also aid in reducing odor as well as preventing urinary tract infections.

Avoiding foods such as fried and sugary foods, dairy, red meats and fish can also help keep your yoni in good shape. I know you may be thinking, “But I love __.” Well, I say everything in moderation. It is important for your partner to understand that you most likely won’t smell like a bed of roses down there, so he shouldn’t expect you to. But you should smell healthy and clean. Now tell him to man up and get to work.

The Prep

Let’s be honest. There’s nothing more annoying than going down on your partner and getting a whiff of the rough day they had, or even worse, a mouth full of hair. Consider paying extra attention to personal hygiene. Poor hygiene leads to bad odors and a buildup of unpleasant residue. If 1970s bush floats your boat, by all means, do you, sista. But consider trimming loose hairs and giving your vagina hair a good deep condition. Some women prefer to leave a landing strip, and some are more comfortable with a fresh baldy. It is important to note that hair traps odor and other bacteria and dirt, so it’s okay if you have to spend a little more time in the shower to make the experience more pleasurable for you and your partner.

Playing It Safe

Too much of anything can be bad if you aren’t safe. While some may perceive oral sex as one of the safest forms of sex out there, you should also know that there are plenty of risk factors involved. The mouth can contain several microscopic cuts and bruises that can make you susceptible to STIs/STDs such as herpes, hepatitis, HPV as well as chlamydia. These infections can be passed orally. Just as encouraged with vaginal and anal sex, consider getting tested every six months or before you enter into a sexual relationship with a new partner that involves oral sex. If you find yourself uncertain of yourself or your partner, get tested first and consider using dental dams, which are a protective film placed over the vagina during oral sex.

It Takes Two To Tango

If both you and your partner find the foreplay of oral sex to be boring, try changing it up by experimenting with your moves. Positions such as doggy style, face-sitting, and spread eagle make for a better view and a pleasurable experience. Ask him to use a finger or two to add a little penetration to the fun. And if you’re feeling really adventurous, using toys and allowing him to explore what makes you squirm will make him more interested in what he’s doing. No one wants to sit and lick until their tongue is stiff, ladies, so help him help you.

The act of sex alone is a partnership. It’s give and take. So if he expects to receive and wants to hear no complaints from you about it, school him on giving.

Surprising Health Benefits Of The Big-O

June 19th, 2015 - By Julia Austin
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Are you guilty of not reaching orgasm during sex? You know, you don’t want to be too demanding, so you let your partner do his thing and you just pretend to get off…Stop doing that! You’re not just missing out on a few minutes of physical bliss; you could be missing out on years of physical health! Here are surprising health benefits of orgasms.

15 Foods That Will Get You In The Mood

June 18th, 2015 - By Desiree Bowie
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15 Foods to get you in the mood

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It’s summertime. The weather is good, and everyone is showing more skin and getting booed up. Whether you’re at home making dinner or going out for a bite to eat, you should try these 15 foods that will get you in the mood and make this summer even hotter.

“I Demand An Orgasm Every Time”: Don’t Let Nicki Minaj’s Advice Mess Up Your Sex Life

June 11th, 2015 - By TaMara Griffin
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Nicki Minaj has caused yet another Internet frenzy with her most recent statements about how a man must please her in bed. In the July issue of Cosmopolitan, Minaj said, “I demand that I climax. I think women should demand that.”

I find it very interesting — and amusing — when people who do not have a conceptual framework of healthy sexuality, nor formal education and/or credentials in the field of human sexuality, try to educate and/or give advice on how someone can better their sex life.  Now do not get me wrong, I am not saying that someone has to have a degree in sexuality to give suggestions. I am, however, unapologetically saying that they should at the very least have a thorough understanding of all dimensions of sexuality before haphazardly giving out information and recommendations.

While Minaj’s comments regarding demanding your orgasms from your mate may be well-intended, those comments also set people up for disappointment. Furthermore, it contributes to the misunderstanding of women’s sexuality and empowerment. Our sexuality is complex. Given the historical context, the societal construction of sexuality, negative intergenerational patterns, stigmas, taboos, the female anatomy, variations in sexual response, misunderstandings about sexual empowerment and more, it’s obvious that experiencing an orgasm is much more than a simple demand from one’s partner.

Finally, why should someone assume or demand that someone else give them sexual pleasure? I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but that is not how it works. That belief system is one of the very reasons why many women are left feeling unfulfilled sexually. That mindset gives someone else way too much power, control and accountability over our own sexuality. It is not fair to hold someone else responsible for our sexual pleasure. We should be an active participant in our sexual experiences and make sure that we are getting our own pleasure.

At the end of the day, we are responsible for navigating our sexual health and experiences, not anyone else. When we give others that power, we only hurt ourselves because we fail to value our sexuality. And besides, do you really want to take advice from someone who made a song boasting about “Truffle Butter“? I think not.

 

IMG_0827 (1)Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a certified clinical sexologist, sex therapist, best-selling author and powerful motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara- Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or www.drtamaragriffin.com. Join Dr. TaMara’s movement of Healthy Sexuality #HowDareINot #ISaveLives www.howdareinot.com

15 Ways You Didn’t Know You Could Get Pregnant

June 10th, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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Image Source: Tumblr

Does anyone else watch I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant? We’ve found out enough fear-inducing facts about pregnancy from research and recent news stories to make you want to do any and everything possible to stay protected.

Are Your Masturbation Habits Normal? Self-Love By The Numbers

June 10th, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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Image Source: Shutterstock

Self-love is a very private thing for some people. So it’s no wonder that it’s rarely ever a topic of group conversation. But that leaves many women in the dark when it comes to healthy masturbation habits. Want to know where you fit on the curve? Check out what these studies found.

How I Turn Antidepressant Side Effects Into Positives For My Sex Life

June 10th, 2015 - By Tracey Lloyd
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Antidepressant Side Effects

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Pharmaceutical companies publicize the side effects of antidepressants that may affect a patient’s sex life. Most of their information focuses on how a loss of libido from certain antidepressants impacts sex and sexuality. But we all know that sex occurs in the brain and other body parts as much as it does our genitals. So before beginning a regimen it’s important to consider all the sex side effects of these drugs.

Some Antidepressant Side Effects Can Be Good For Your Sex Life

The classes of antidepressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) are known to cause the greatest loss of libido for users. Serotonin is the “feel good” chemical in the brain that makes us happy, and it can be crucial for people suffering from depression or even for people in a general bad mood. The bad news is that those antidepressant side effects range from lower sex drive to complete loss of interest for many people. For women, this sexual side effect can translate into decreased feelings of arousal and decreased natural lubrication. Men experience low libido as lack of arousal and erectile dysfunction.

The good news, however, is that while SSRIs and SNRIs don’t play nice with our genitals, our brains may still be down for sex.  After all, the best antidepressant side effect is boosted mood, and your mood is a part of sex. For both men and women, this can present itself as wanting to give a partner oral stimulation and engaging in other sex acts that require a mental, if not a physical, willingness. While my particular antidepressants have never had an impact on my sex drive — other than making me want to have sex because I was happy — I have been with a man whose drugs prevented him from getting an erection. He also didn’t care for oral sex. Let’s just say that I left that encounter feeling rather unsatisfied.

Antidepressants Left A Bad Taste In My Mouth, Literally

Dry mouth is a known side effect of SSRIs, SNRIs and other newer classes of antidepressants, and dry mouth can cause bad breath. I’ve always drunk a lot of water with my pills, and I walk around with a bottle of water at all times.  I chew gum, and I carry mints. I never want to be faced with a potential sexual partner if I know I have dragon breath. My voluminous water intake means that I pretty much have to go to the bathroom all the time, including during sex, which can be something of a buzz kill, but I’ve never had any complaints. The positive side effects of drinking tons of water are clear skin, properly functioning organs, and healthy, lubricated vaginal tissue.

Lack of saliva can have an impact on kissing and other oral activities as well. A completely dry kiss is the opposite of a turn-on, and concerning oral sex, the only word I can think of is “drag,” both figuratively and literally. You may not associate sexual accessories and antidepressants, but several well-known bedroom enhancements, like ice cubes, mints, and flavored lubricants can add excitement to foreplay while stimulating saliva production. Personally, I like a sweet flavored lubricant. My flavor of choice is cinnamon. You can thank me later.

Shakes, Tremors, And Antidepressants

Some antidepressants and other classes of psychotropic drugs cause tremors, tics, and other muscular maladies. It actually sounds worse than it is. Most of these side effects are temporary, so they should disappear within weeks or months of use. But until that happens, a facial tic or hand tremor might make for an awkward interaction with a suitor.

Right now, I take a medication that causes muscle spasms that started in my face and moved to my hands and arms. The good news is that the facial spasm felt bigger than it looked, so I could get away with it. The hand and arm movements are a little bit harder to conceal. I’m single now, but I can just picture caressing a partner–and then my arm starts flailing around. Or I’m performing manual stimulation, and I can’t control my movements, so my partner loses interest. Those thoughts are unnecessarily negative though because there’s always a solution to every problem. I could use the tremors to my advantage and create a signature move when giving a hand job. Or the tremors could go away before any of this becomes an issue. Most likely, I’ll just focus on the positive aspects of my antidepressants and deal with the rest as it comes.

Tracey Lloyd lives in Harlem, where she fights her cat for access to the keyboard. You can find more of her experiences living with bipolar disorder on her personal blog, My Polar Opposite.

Fans Share What It’s Like To Sleep With A Celebrity

June 3rd, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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Image Source: Shutterstock

Ever wonder what it’s like to sleep with your favorite celebrity? These “super fans” (that’s what we’ll call them for now) have got you covered. These stories are brought straight to you by the ladies from this intriguing Reddit thread (aka, excuse the grammar).

He Said, She Said: Does Size Really Matter?

June 2nd, 2015 - By Deja Jones
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I’m sure many of us have found ourselves standing in Duane Reade, Walgreens, Rite Aid or CVS for several minutes while trying to figure out the “right” brand of condom to buy. Companies like Trojan have made millions as they have marketed their Magnum brand as the go-to condom for the well-endowed male. And while some men honestly need the extra space, it is assumed that other guys go for the larger gold wrapper because they want to seem like “the man.” Why? Because there is a popular opinion that the larger a male is down there, the better sex will be. However, some have disputed this assumption by saying it’s not the size of the equipment, but how you use it.

As I assembled a think tank of both men and women, I was very amused by the feedback that I received, and the explanations given for why both men and women place so much emphasis on penis size. So with that being said, does size really matter?

He Said.

“No man ever feels his penis is small. We tend to feel like the man until she tells us it’s small.” That was an opinion expressed during an interview with one of the men about the assumed penis size obsession. I was surprised to learn that most men don’t put as much thought into their penis as women do. When I asked why does size matter to men, many responded with “Do you mean women?” I was amused to learn that most of the guys I talked to think that the simple fact that they have a penis is enough for them to feel good about themselves. And unless you’re one of those guys who just likes to sit around and talk about his penis all the time, some of the guys I spoke to claimed that most men aren’t that insecure. A few who admitted to being insecure agreed that they didn’t second-guess themselves until a woman criticized their penis size and made them feel small.

It got a little rowdy when some got passionate about how ruthless some women can be about penis size. Regardless of girth, if a guy feels he can make you orgasm, and he has done so, his penis size shouldn’t matter. Some had the idea that sex is sex. If a guy has a big heart and he expresses his love even bigger, a woman should be more accepting and less shallow. Coming into the conversation with my own judgments, I didn’t expect the type of feedback I received. I was waiting for the men to talk about how big their penises were and go on their ego trips. However, most were quiet and very honest about the fact that size doesn’t matter to them.

She Said.

Most of the women I spoke to said they believe size does matter. In fact, the men they entertain should be well within average size. When asked what the average size in inches they preferred is, some of the women I spoke to did agree on nine to 10 inches, which the men found to be completely insane. Only a few women felt their partner’s penis size doesn’t matter, and they said it isn’t a factor as long as the sex is still pleasurable. “What’s the point in having a huge penis if you don’t know what to do with it?” one woman said. Another woman believed that sex itself is a constant work in progress when you first meet someone. Therefore, learning how to explore each other’s bodies is more important. But when asked flat out, none of the women said they would settle for a man with a small penis.

Science Says.

The average male penis size is five to six inches when erect. For women, the length of the vagina is approximately five inches deep, so it sounds like a perfect fit, right? However, according to preliminary research conducted by the Sexual Psycho-physiology and Affective Neuroscience Laboratory, women prefer slightly larger than average penises for both casual sex and long-term relationships. As a result of this, their partners are prone to “small penis syndrome,” which is a condition where men, despite having average penis sizes, may feel inferior. Sexologist Ian Kerner observed that the average woman who believes that size matters has also never experienced an orgasm, which could be the reason for her views on size. And according to sex therapist Debby Herbenick, it isn’t unusual for most women to not have experienced an orgasm due to a lack of direct clitoral stimulation. Herbenick suggests trying different positions to increase that stimulation.

The Consensus.

Seven out of eight women (84%) claim they are satisfied with their partner sexually regardless of size. The remaining 16% hold to their views on size being imperative. At the end of the day, the men argued that it’s not about the size, but how well you can handle your equipment. But what about you? Would you say that size matters?

Ask A Black Man Season 2 Celebrity Edition: The Sex Episode

June 1st, 2015 - By Brande Victorian
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For Season 2 of Ask a Black Man, we decided to switch things up a bit and add some familiar faces to the mix. So, in this special edition episode, we invited comedian DeRay Davis and singers Case, Lyfe Jennings, and Elijah Blake to weigh in on good and bad sex in a relationship, the dreaded head scarf debate, and the one thing all men want in bed. Watch and weigh in below.

For all footage from Season 2 of Ask a Black Man, click here.