All Articles Tagged "sex"
Have you ever noticed that on talk shows and in a lot of advice columns, people often say women should be team players when it comes to having sex when they’re really not in the mood? I was just listening to a recent video from the ladies of The Real as they talked about a woman who decided to have sex with her husband every day for a year. The hosts’ responses to the challenge, aside from Loni Love saying it sounded like entirely too much, was that it was a great idea. The married and soon-to-be married hosts said that sometimes you just have to push yourself to be in the mood, even when you know you’re really not. According to them, you will get there soon enough. But I wonder if people give the same advice to men?
I recently read an advice column about a woman who was wondering what she should do about her boyfriend. The way their sex life is set up, he usually makes the first move when it comes to initiating sex. She got pretty comfortable with that order of bedroom ceremonies and rarely tried to put the moves on him. To her surprise, he called her out for expecting him to do all of the work. Feeling a little guilty in response, she decided that she would make a real effort to try something different. But sadly, she found that her attempts to make the first move were being rebuffed. He had all of the excuses in the world as to why he couldn’t get in the mood, with “I’m just pretty tired” being the go-to statement. But one rejection turned into two, and then into three, and soon enough, the woman decided she was going to take a break from trying to take the lead in the bedroom — for months. Despite the fact that he still wanted to have sex with her (but only when he felt like it) and that the pair were having pretty good sex, she found that her self-esteem started taking a hit. This was especially the case when he started complaining again about feeling like he was doing all of the work.
“If he didnt complain that I never initiate sex, I would think he just prefers to be the one who starts it,” she wrote. “I’ve also thought that maybe he enjoys turning me down. What I don’t understand is, if he wants me to start it, why turn me down when I do, insuring I won’t have the courage to try again for months? He just says I have bad timing and i should try more so I catch him at the right time (by right time, he means the right time for him). It’s so frustrating.”
While it’s sad to know that this woman’s self-esteem was impacted by her partner moods, it does make sense that she would feel some type of way. The stereotype out there is that men love sex and think about it all of the time. So if one rebuffs your advances on more than one occasion to the point that your feelings get hurt, it can be hard not to take it to as a sign that he’s just not that into you. However, in this particular instance, this guy does enjoy engaging in sex with his girlfriend, but mostly when he’s the one taking the wheel, so that can’t be the problem.
The simple answer is to ask this guy outright what it is that turns him on. Could it be lingerie? The spontaneity of making a move when he least expects it? Doing something a bit risque? Hearing him out and then attempting to step out of your comfort zone to try a reasonable request could yield the kind of results you’re looking for. And sometimes being the dominant one, climbing on him or trying something sure to leave him surprised (but also ready to get it in) could create the ideal sexual scenario.
But at the same time, it does sound like this guy might be a control freak (no pun intended). If you’re dating someone who does similar things, I would again recommend that you try doing what he says gets him going. If he still claims to not be in the mood and it’s the same tired of excuse of being beat, then slow down on initiating things. The next time he wants you to get in the mood when you’re not really feeling it, you can always feign a yawn and use his go-to excuse. If he gets upset, be sure to encourage him to try and “catch you at the right time” later…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What do you think? Is this a petty issue or of he rejects advances, is it a sign that there are major issues?
Weight Watchers Lands In Hot Water After Suggesting Plus-Size Women Aren’t Comfortable In The Bedroom
After launching their Black campaign in Australia, Weight Watchers found themselves in hot water.
Following research done by the Australian ad agency BMF, Weight Watchers claimed that over half of Australian women feel self-conscious when they have sex because of body issues. Because of this research (that has failed to produce any receipts), Weight Watchers decided to send “mood lights” to female journalists to promote the campaign by suggesting the light will help increase their confidence in the bedroom.
In this photo, Weight Watchers explains the mood light’s job:
How many people thought this was an okay idea before it arrived on my desk as a piece of PR pic.twitter.com/7tH37yyqsS
— Bridie Jabour (@bkjabour) October 14, 2016
“If you’ve ever felt self-conscious in the sack you’re not alone—we’ve heard that more than half of women have avoided sex because they were worried about how they look,” an excerpt of the mood light’s box reads.
After they faced more criticism on Twitter, Weight Watchers’ senior marketing manager Rebecca Melville admitted that because the full context of the campaign wasn’t revealed along with the mood light many were offended. “As we launched, we launched in stages and that has fueled the conversation without context,” Melville told the Mumbrella.
Set to debut tomorrow, October 19, the Weight Watchers Black campaign will focus on sex and the relationship women have with their bodies.
Learn more about the campaign in the short film, featured below. Thoughts?
When I get that feeling, I want some sexual healing.
Come on – I can’t be the only one who sometimes (not all the time) wanted to get it on while carrying a little one. Hey, mama has her needs too, right? While pregnant with my first child, I instantly thought there was an unspoken rule of no sex during pregnancy because it would cause early labor and all sorts of craziness. However, after talking to my doctor, I was assured that things in the bedroom department could continue as normal, provided my husband and I are not indulging in any crazy 50 Shades of Grey stuff. My OB/GYN even reassured me that there are natural barriers protecting our growing little that include amniotic fluid and my trusty uterus.
Though my libido was not sky high like I thought it would be (sorry, no humping sofas for me), we have been able to keep up a somewhat regular sex life–even as the belly continues to grow. However, when I was in the final trimester, I started to wonder if we should stop as the baby only continues to get bigger and bigger. Not that I thought he would get his eye poked out or something silly, but God forbid something happens that could have been prevented if we just kept our hands off each other. This got me to thinking about signs one shouldn’t have sex during pregnancy. Do you know what they are? Here are some general warning signs you might want to back off a bit.
- Heavy cramping or pain. If you are experiencing some crazy cramps during and even after the act, push the pause button on your sexual escapades as that is a common warning sign you need to easy off.
- Vaginal bleeding. This is another warning sign that should give you some concern. Should you notice unexplained vaginal bleeding or spotting, you could be putting too much pressure and stress on your special area which could lead to problems down the road.
- Leaking amniotic fluid. Should this happen you need to contact your practitioner immediately!
- Don’t feel comfortable. There’s no need to force something that doesn’t make you feel comfy. If you are having hesitations about having sex during your pregnancy, let your partner know. The best thing you can do for your body is to follow your instincts and listen to your gut.
I found that keeping an open line of communication with my doctor was key. As she was quite familiar with both my pregnancy and business down there (y’all know), her professional expertise on what to do and what not to do has made all of the difference. Do speak with your doctor or practitioner about having sex, as all pregnancies will differ. If for example you have a high-risk pregnancy or are susceptible to preterm labor, they may recommend against it. It’s always best to play it safe than be sorry so find out what works best for you.
Click here to learn more tips on sex during pregnancy
By Tanvier Peart
New moms, we can all relate to the anxiousness and hesitancy that comes with getting your groove back after you’ve had a baby. I remember it well…It was way too long since I could get my swerve on since becoming a mom and after one more week of waiting, and I was about to finally hit the six week mark. While I understand the standard “no sex” hiatus we have to take after having a baby, six weeks feels like…six weeks. Forget the frustrations my husband had been experiencing–I too had not been able to dip my toe into the pleasure department. He was counting his stars that I had been taking care of him, but dang it, what about my needs? Well, when the time finally came (no pun intended!) and boy was I ready to roll down the blinds and turn things up. But rather than jump into it, I thought it would be more memorable to change things up and add some spice to the usual routine.
Here are some postpartum ideas you can use to rekindle the romance after baby.
Playing games – Our kids might have Toys R’ Us but grown folks need their board games and toys to keep things spicy, too. If you are unable to leave your house but can steal some alone time consider playing a game with your partner. This Fifty Days of Play, for example, will take you on an adventure with a happy ending.
Escape to a hotel – Drop the kids off with a grandparent or trusted family member/friend so you can get away to a nearby hotel. Even if it’s for a night just being in a space outside of your home will have you more relaxed and hopefully, sexual.
Schedule a daytime touch and tickle – So you might be feeling overwhelmed and like you just don’t have time to rekindle your romance, which is exactly why you need to think outside the box. If both you and your love have day jobs, then schedule to meet up during lunch. Hopefully you have an hour or are able to work extra for more time so you can meet at a nearby hotel (sounds seedy, but is really fun) for loving, or go out to eat somewhere nice. It doesn’t matter what you do so long as you do it together.
Happy hour role play – Once you have clocked out of work, connect with your guy at a nearby happy hour. Rather than approach him like normal, pretend you are meeting for the first time with a little role play. The more into it you are the more fun you will have – and feel free to use props like wigs.
Learn new tricks – I am all for expanding my knowledge-base when it comes to keeping things hot in my marriage. Try learning new tricks like pole dancing, sultry movement classes or whatever else you can think of to turn things up at home. Sure your guy will appreciate the final result, but you will have a ball picking up a new skill.
Black love is a thick phrase that comes loaded with imagery. You can envision brown people curled in embrace, limbs locked in unity. You can see a couple, heads bowed in prayer with shared hope. You can see wholehearted laughs and agile hips dancing during family reunions and weddings. You can see comfort and head wraps, line-ups, and loyalty — commitment baked into soul food.
Black love is “fight the power.” Black love is proud and gifted. Black love is music and a strong bass beat. Black love is a community covering.
Black love, in all its elegance and beauty, is defiant. A visual testimony of what it looks like to thrive when many pivotal moments in history were positioned against our prosperity. From the barbaric years of slavery to the modern-day incarceration pipeline, Black love is a protest against systematic separation.
Read more about these couple at HelloBeautiful.com
This past weekend, the hashtag #ForeverDuncan went viral. It brought many of us joy and had us crafting our own #relationshipgoals in our minds. As we previously reported, “on October 1, 2016, Alfred decided to do something special for Sherrell. Alfred, a Grammy and Emmy nominated artist, proposed to Sherrell, a fitness trainer and speaker, at noon and married her at 5 p.m. in National Harbor, Maryland.”
Because of Alfred’s lavish and grand gesture, we started thinking about all of the other couples whose love we love and who make us continuously believe in the power of it. Two is definitely better than one! Take a look at our favorite pictures of couples who’ve shared their story via social media. They are getting engaged, expecting a baby, tying the knot or just enjoying each other’s company and giving us serious #relationshipgoals. Love is a beautiful thing, ladies and gents.
By Dr. Kat Van Kirk
Parents have to learn to become opportunists when it comes for their sex life. I see too many couples wait for the stars to align for the perfect tryst and then it never happens. Decide to prioritize sex by getting it in whenever you can, be it in the shower or under the sheet before your kids raid your bed in the morning. Sometimes focusing on a little quantity will improve the quality of your sex.
Removing the expectation of orgasm for each time you have sex can be freeing for parents
Learning to focus on sensation and enjoying the multitude of benefits from sex can help you build arousal and not be focused on “getting it done.”
Do something, anything different
Research by the Gottman Institute suggests that those sexual relationships that maintain spontaneity in their relationships last longer with higher levels of satisfaction. Therapeutically, I have found that learning to be spontaneous can involve small changes that have a big pay off. Anything from having sex on the other side of the bed, to a quick hand job in the car while you are in the driveway accomplishes this.
Screens and technology tend to take up an inordinate amount of time
It can make us less present in our relationships and therefore less likely to have sex. Learn to put your phone down by dinnertime each night and never bring it into bed with you.
Here are some fun products from Adam & Eve ways to change things up a bit so you stay out of a rut in the bedroom. Adam & Eve has perfect products for every type of couple, including those that:
· Prefer couple-friendly toys – Try: Eve’s Remote Control Vibrating Egg – Take kinky couples’ fun to a whole new level! With Eve’s Remote Control Egg, you can feel and control the buzz wirelessly. Tease your hot spots with the egg’s vibrations and silky-smooth coated surface. The handheld remote lets you switch modes easily for maximum fun. Also try the Scarlet Submission Kit, which includes all you’ll need to tie your lover to the bed for a kinky flogging or blindfold them and tickle their hot spots with a feather.
· Are adventurous in bed – Try: Scarlet Couture Glass Duo Balls – These balls can stimulate your nerves for hours on end with gentle, low-key pleasure that will slowly but surely drive you wild! Ben Wa Balls also build up your Kegel muscles for better control and stronger orgasms.
· Want discreet items – Try: A&E Love Bud Play Set – Whether it’s your first time experimenting with vibration, or you’re just looking for a new set of thrills, Adam & Eve’s Love Bud Play Set is ready, willing, and able to excite you in so many ways.
· Prefer luxury – Try: Inflatable Position Pillow – Achieve positions you never thought possible! Adam & Eve’s angled 24” x 16” pillow inflates quickly & easily to support you in all sorts of bedroom positions.
There are also hundreds of different Adam & Eve products if you prefer luxury, are budget-conscious, enjoy travel-friendly toys, want something ergonomically friendly or just enjoy gadgets. Shop around! Adam & Eve is America’s most trusted source for adult products.
This past summer, the 2016 Olympics had us glued to our television sets as we saw Olympians from across the globe set ground-breaking records and win multiple medals for themselves and their countries.
And, of course, it wouldn’t have been the Olympics if we didn’t bear witness to Jamaica’s Usain Bolt retaining the title of the world’s fastest man, again. Only, this time around fans and spectators alike were able to take a peek inside the track medalist’s personal life as well, thanks to his mother and girlfriend.
In an interview with CNN, Usain Bolt’s mother told reporters that once her son is done competing, she hopes he’ll “settle down and get married. Adding fuel to his mother’s fiery wishes was Usain’s girlfriend Kasi Bennett who was making it known how proud she was of her man; that is until he was caught kissing and partying with other women after the Olympics. Cosmopolitan reports Kasi found out about Usain’s alleged cheating via social media and would retweet people calling out Usain for his behavior. Bennett only tweeted: “#SelfControl,” but never fully vocalized how she felt about their relationship, after photos of Usain philandering shenanigans went viral.
Usain, however, decided to open up about his indiscretions and relationship to PEOPLE and revealed, he and Bennet “just got really serious.”
“She’s happy, I’m happy,” he told the media outlet. “We are taking it one step at a time.” He also shared that he’s not in a rush to get married but “in time it will come.”
But in taking the “slow and steady wins the race” approach, especially after a partner has been publicly disrespectful, are you really trying to build a relationship or just saving face out of embarrassment? In me and my friends’ own personal experiences, usually, when you are trying to paint a fairy tale, you are really just skating over whatever shame or hurt was inflicted in the relationship rather than actually addressing it. And not to say Kasi and Usain didn’t work out their relationship issues, but more effort was put into their social media retaliation against those who don’t think Kasi should be with the track star than the interview with People in which Usain simply said, “She’s happy. I’m happy.” Sounds like the two might just be trying not to prove naysayers right rather than admit they might be wrong for one another. What do you think?
Have you ever found yourself, saving face to protect the integrity of your relationship?
The World Health Organization (WHO) recently reviewed their suggested guidelines on the sexual activity for those who travel to or from areas where the Zika virus is prevalent and came up with a new recommendation. WHO now advises travelers to be abstinent or have protected sex for at least six months after they return to the United States.
This advisement was updated after WHO learned the virus can live in sperm for up to the same about of time. Initially, the organization suggested people abstain from sex for eight weeks, prior to learning that the virus can remain dormant in the human body without any signs or symptoms along with the possibility of infants being born with birth defects.
Despite these warnings, WHO states that couples can move forward with their family planning goals just as long as they have some type of medical counseling during the process. They also advise those living in Zika areas to cover or drain their swimming pools, fountains, and even bird baths to prevent the virus from spreading, as these areas of water can become breeding grounds for mosquitoes.
For a more information on Zika transmission, review the WHO’s updated guidelines here.
(As relayed by Lauren R.D. Fox based on a culmination of experiences)
I met Roger during Barbados’ Crop Over carnival three years ago and ever since then we’ve kept in touch, despite living on opposite coasts in the U.S.
friendship situationship has been met with much confusion and drama since his son’s mother is still in love with him and he entered a relationship with another woman in his city of Chicago. Prior to this relationship, Roger wanted me to move to The Chi but I’m well-established in my career in Los Angeles. And although his new girlfriend is very public about their relationship on social media, he continues to act like she doesn’t exist, even after I interrogated him about it.
A few weeks ago Roger told me he was coming to visit me. I didn’t believe him but after sending screenshots of his ticket and hotel information I feel obligated to hang out with him since he doesn’t know anyone in L.A. My friends think I should block his phone number and refuse to see him but I don’t think it’s that serious—plus, I don’t want to look like a Bitter Betty, upset over his indiscretions when he’s technically not my man.
Should I spend time with Roger during his visit or go ghost?