All Articles Tagged "sex"
On a scale of 1 to 10, one being “not pressed” and 10 being “can’t stand it,” how much do you think it would bother you (or does it bother you) if your significant other watched adult films and perused porn websites? And not just once in a blue moon, but consistently?
For one woman who sent a message seeking advice, she is at a 10. Her boyfriend of two years is a great partner to have, but she can’t help but be a little peeved about the fact that she catches him watching pornography a lot more than she would like.
“He tapes some of the stuff that comes on the paid premium channels late at night,” she said. “So when I go to watch some of my taped shows, I see some of the titles and my eyes want to roll out the back of my head. And I also don’t like that sometimes when I use his computer and open a new tab, I find some inappropriate pages for porn that were previously opened. And he also searches for certain things, which I see when I type stuff in Google. I know this is what men do but I feel really uncomfortable and and [sic] a little betrayed by it at times. Am I overthinking it?”
She’s certainly not the first woman to ever feel like their boyfriend or husband’s affinity for adult films was, in some way, a knock against her. Some are left wondering if a man’s preoccupation with such images means he’s not happy sexually in the relationship.
Like this woman who said, “I keep thinking that he might start comparing me to the pornstars and wishing that I was more like them which makes me feel even worse.”
Or left wondering if he’ll develop an addiction, like this woman, who said, “I recognize that a lot of men watch porn, but I’ve also read a lot of studies that show that porn stimulates the exact same addictive pathways as certain drugs.”
Or left feeling like they’re just physically not good enough, like another young lady who said about her boyfriend, “He says he’s committed to me and I believe him. But it disgusts me and lowers my self-esteem so much, and I’m so much more insecure about my body now.”
To all this, I say that every woman is different. What one woman can shrug off and say is just “a little porn,” another woman, as you can see, can view as a detriment to not only her relationship but to her self-esteem. So while I do get the idea of many men looking at the women in these films or websites as sexual objects and a “release” while looking at their significant other as so much more, it’s important for women in relationships to speak out about the things that make them uncomfortable. Demanding that your partner refrains from watching adult films is probably not the way to go. He’s grown. But in the case of the woman who asked for advice, telling him how it makes her feel and the negative impact it could have on their relationship is probably the best bet. Even if he doesn’t go cold turkey from it, maybe her boyfriend may decide to decrease his consumption of adult films and images drastically (or at least do a better job at hiding it…), and that would be better than nothing.
But at the end of the day, just because you ask a guy to cut adult films out of his life doesn’t mean that he will stop finding other women attractive and start fantasizing solely about you. Because we sure the hell wouldn’t let a relationship keep us from almost breaking our necks if Idris Elba or Michael B. Jordan passed us on the street, or keep us from the thoughts we have about them that we don’t tell folks about. However, if what he watches seems to be a consistent means to get what he’s not receiving in the bedroom, or worse, he’s watching some really f–ked up stuff, then Houston, we may have a real problem…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What do you say? Is it petty to get bent out of shape about your significant other’s porn-watching habits?
When anyone writes anything about the ability of some women to reach orgasm, there is often talk about what their partner can do in the bedroom to make it happen, because he must be lacking somewhere, right? Not necessarily. According to researchers, it’s not as simple as that. In fact, a new evidence review says the anatomy of a woman’s vagina could actually be the problem.
Researchers said that while in development, the clitoris moves up and away from the vaginal opening. But some women have a clitoris that sits up much higher, or “drifted too far up” due to exposure to male hormones in the womb. This distance can make it especially hard to have an orgasm because of a lack of friction for the clitoris.
Medical Xpress reached out to experts who weren’t a part of the study to help us all gain a better understanding of the findings. Elisabeth Lloyd, a scholar with the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University-Bloomington, said a distance over 2.5 centimeters means a woman will be less likely to reach orgasm with intercourse alone. It may even be impossible.
“It’s so strong a correlation that if you give us a woman who has a distance of 3 centimeters, we can very reliably predict she won’t have orgasm with intercourse,” Lloyd told the publication. “Women can do this measurement themselves or with their partner, to help explain their own sexual experience.”
She continued, saying that your partner’s skills in bed or his penis size “might have some effect, but it really is the anatomical distance that seems to be predictive.”
Still, another expert, Dr. Maureen Whelihan, a gynecologist, and expert with the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, said between 70 percent and 90 percent of women struggle with having an orgasm through penetration alone. And Dr. Whelihan said that if you do orgasm and do so on top, that’s not necessarily penetration “alone.” It’s the direct clitoral stimulation that’s making it happen.
“When you’re on top, sitting on the partner’s erection and grinding on his abdomen,” Whelihan said, “it’s really not just a vaginal orgasm. You’re rubbing your clitoris on his abdomen or pelvis.”
Therefore, both experts told Medical Xpress that men and women looking to reach their climax more often need to focus on concentrating on clitoral stimulation through the woman being on top, and positions where the man rubs the clitoris during sex with his hands or does so with a sex toy. But at the end of the day, Lloyd stated that orgasms aren’t the sole sign of a healthy and fun sex life.
“We’ve learned in our research there are so many women who do not have orgasm with intercourse on a regular basis,” Lloyd said. “To put this banner of healthiness as having orgasm with intercourse kind of stacks the deck against these women who, because of their anatomy, cannot have orgasm with intercourse.”
So don’t freak out if you aren’t having orgasms like Samantha Jones in Sex and the City or that friend who shares way too much about her sex life with you. Instead, get creative.
It’s no secret that women fake orgasms, but apparently, the ladies aren’t the only ones. According to a study recently published in the journal Sexual Relationship Therapy, men are faking orgasms quite a bit as well.
To arrive at their findings, researchers surveyed 230 American and Canadian men, whose ages ranged from 18 to 29 and who admitted that they sometimes pretend to climax. Surprisingly, the respondents reported that they faked orgasms 30 percent of the time.
Apparently, men are faking orgasms during all different kinds of sexual activity, but they seem more inclined to fake it during vaginal intercourse. As for why there’s all of this faking going on, one of the most popular reasons was to make their partners feel better and give them some sort of ego boost. Some other reasons included that they wanted to avoid upsetting their partners and being intoxicated. It’s also important to note that the least common reason was that they found their partners to be unattractive.
“When orgasm is simulated because the sex is not satisfying, or because the partner is not desired, men can be encouraged to explore ways to enhance pleasure in sex, or to communicate with their partners about activities which they ﬁnd arousing and satisfying,” the study’s authors recommend.
Of course, the why questions aren’t nearly as intriguing as the how. It seems that it would be almost impossible for a man to fake an orgasm, but according to psychosexual therapist Joanna Benfield, it’s not as complicated as you might think.
In 2014, Benfield told Telegraph that wearing a condom makes it pretty easy for guys to fake it because fluids can be “whipped away quickly before your partner sees any evidence of whether ejaculation has in fact occurred.”
However, she adds that it’s pretty simple to fake it without a condom as well.
“Even without a condom,” Benfield said, “most women do not pay much attention to evidence of ejaculation in their bodies, particularly if they are well lubricated anyway.”
In case you’ve been wondering, a new study published in the journal of Nature Genetics suggests that the age at which we lose our virginity may be partially contingent upon genetics.
According to researchers, who analyzed more than 150,000 individuals in the U.K. and more than 250,000 in the U.S., there are at least 38 gene regions that have an influence on when a person has their first sexual encounter. Some of the genes had to do with puberty and hormones, while others, surprisingly, were related to physical appearance and personality. Genes that had an effect on how inclined a person was to engage in risk-taking behavior were also a factor.
Of course, economic background, religious influence, and social environment were found to be the biggest determining factors. And researchers were sure to note that just because you’re “genetically inclined” to lose your virginity at a certain age, it doesn’t guarantee that you will. Duh.
“We were able to calculate for the first time that there is a heritable component to age at first sex, and the heritability is about 25%, so one-quarter nature, three-quarters nurture,” explained an author of the study, John Perry, in a chat with The Guardian.
(As relayed by Lauren R.D. Fox based on a culmination of experiences)
Last week my husband went to visit his friends in San Francisco. Although we have a three-month-old newborn, I thought he deserved to take the trip since he has been helpful around the house and with our child.
When he returned home from his week-long trip, we sat and chatted about what he and his friends did. As he shifted through the normal and somewhat boring details of his trip, my husband unexpectedly shared that he went to get a full-body massage. For those who are not in the “know,” that type of massage usually ends with “happy endings,” (i.e. female masseuses give men hand jobs).
Although some women would angrily respond to their partners after hearing such news, I wasn’t. In fact, I was fascinated and asked my husband what the experience was like. As he gave me insight on what it was like to receive those special massages, we traded laughs and eventually fell asleep until our son woke us up.
The next day, my husband stayed home with the baby and I went to have brunch with an old friend. While we waited for our food, my friend and I traded motherhood stories until the topic of sex came up. She asked if my husband and I were having sex as often as we would like and I told her the truth: no. But I quickly brushed it off by laughing that my husband takes care of himself or receives “happy endings” while on vacation.
With a horrified look on her face, my friend said that she can’t believe I allow my husband to cheat on me by receiving full body massages from random women. I told her I didn’t give him permission, it was a one-time ordeal and I didn’t count it as cheating. But now I’m questioning my reaction. Did my husband cheat? And did I allow it?
What’s your favorite day of the week to have sex?
If your answer was Saturday, you’re in the majority. According to a survey conducted by married dating website Illicit Encounters, 42 percent of couples prefer to have sex on Saturday night around 10:24 p.m. 26 percent of participants reported preferring to get busy on Sunday evenings, and Friday came in at third place with a preferential rate of 22 percent. Interestingly, only 1 percent of respondents said that they preferred to have sex on Mondays.
According to the survey, the time when people feel most sexually aroused is around 5:35 p.m. on Saturday evenings, which is interesting since it seems that they’re waiting five whole hours to act on these urges.
As for time of year, as it turns out, more than half of respondents (62 percent) shared that they have the most sex in the summer. Winter was the second most popular season (20 percent), spring came in at third place with 14 percent, and fall came in last with 4 percent.
The most interesting finding of them all, however, was that 45 percent of respondents expressed that they’re so busy, they schedule sex with their partners. So much for spontaneity.
What about you? What’s your favorite day of the week to do the horizontal mambo?
If you’ve ever wondered whether or not circumcised penises experience more pleasure than uncircumcised penises, wonder no more. The answer is no.
A newly published study in The Journal of Urology examined 30 circumcised and 32 uncircumcised men, whose ages ranged between 18 and 37. Researchers looked into everything from warmth detection, tactile detection, and pain threshold. In addition, the men were surveyed on intercourse satisfaction, sexual desire, orgasm function, and overall satisfaction. No differences were detected.
“We directly tested whether circumcision is associated with a reduction in penile sensitivity by testing tactile detection, pain, warmth detection, and heat pain thresholds at multiple sites on the penis between groups of healthy (neonatally) circumcised and intact men,” explained the study’s lead author Jennifer Bossio, PhD candidate in Clinical Psychology of the Department of Psychology, Queen’s University, Ontario, Canada. “This study indicates that neonatal circumcision is not associated with changes in penile sensitivity and provides preliminary evidence to suggest that the foreskin is not the most sensitive part of the penis.”
We suppose that’s great news for uncircumcised guys and the men and women who love them.
When it comes to fertility myths, there are a lot of stories out there. Girlfriends, grandmothers, and well-meaning co-workers all seem to have something to say when it comes to the subject of pregnancy. They tried it, they think you should try it, and they believe that you should try it much sooner than later. You know, before it’s allegedly too late.
And sometimes, pregnancy myths stick around for so long that even doctors think that they’re true. So how are you supposed to separate the fact from the fiction? Oh, the struggle.
We’ve rounded up some of the most common fertility myths out there and gotten down to the truth of the matter. And even baby experts might be surprised at the pregnancy facts that we all thought were true but turned out not to be — at least not according to all of the research and findings on the subject.
Most medications have side effects; however, with the exception of possibly making them too tired for sex most women don’t suspect that their allergy pills are screwing with their sex lives.
But according to Good Housekeeping, antihistamines are wreaking havoc on intimacy in the most obvious way that we never, ever thought of: vaginal dryness. These drugs work to dry out mucous membranes to reduce common allergy symptoms like runny noses and sniffling. Unfortunately, antihistamines can’t differentiate between the mucus in our noses and other places in our bodies, which means that they dry out the mucus in our vaginas as well.
“Over-the-counter cold and allergy formulas contain antihistamines that dry out the mucus membranes in your nose, as well as your vagina,” shares ob-gyn and author of V is for Vagina, Alyssa Dweck.
Thankfully, there’s a simple solution to this problem: vaginal lubricant. That way, you can clear up your sinuses and still enjoy great sex.
When you ask a question like “What do all men want in bed?” you’re basically asking for trouble — or a bunch of NSFW TMI answers that only that man and his woman need to know. But, thankfully, that’s not what we got when we asked our Ask a Black Man LA cohort about their sexual preferences. In fact, the most important thing these men say they get out of sex isn’t an orgasm — though they definitely appreciate those — it’s a feeling of validation and desire that’s only achieved in the bedroom. Listen to what they had to say about seeking validation through sex and more in the video above.