All Articles Tagged "sex"
“Great taste, less filling” is the mantra for those who advocate for swallowing semen. Nevertheless, it’s like talking, chewing gum and drinking water at the same time. For many people, it ain’t happenin’!
Before you Oooo, aaah, ugh and say how disguising it sounds, let’s take a look at what semen is. It’s a natural source of proteins, vitamins, minerals, natural sugars and nutrients. Healthy semen, mostly fructose (sugar) and proteins, doesn’t contain any harmful chemicals. Besides, if it’s mild enough for a vagina, it can’t be any harsher in the mouth or throat. According to a report from MSNBC, swallowing semen has been known to lower blood pressure, enhance moods, boost the immune system, and lessen acne. Some people even regard swallowing sperm as a spiritual, cultural, and social “norm.” Not to mention that swallowing can create an awesome visual effect that will blow your man’s mind. So, with all the great benefits of semen, how could one pass up on an opportunity to indulge in one of nature’s great wonders?
Well, most people don’t like the taste. So, in order to get you to try it, your man may have to sweeten the deal a little — literally! Men, entice your partner to partake in your manhood nectar by eating naturally sweetened fruits like pineapple, mango, strawberries, kiwi, etc. Blend these fruits into a nice delightful smoothie and drink it about an hour or so before receiving fellatio and that should do the trick! Your partner will notice and appreciate the change in the taste. Also, eating such mouthwatering fruits will not only make your semen taste a little sweeter but it will also give you a boost of vitamin C and other nutrients as well.
Also fellas, if you’re a drinker or smoker, you might want to cut back on the booze and lighten up on the smoking; these things will make you taste bitter. Acidic foods like broccoli and asparagus will leave a bitter taste in your partner’s month as well. While this is no excuse to skip out on your daily serving of vegetables, if you’re looking for a little head this evening then you may want to forgo the extra serving of greenery during dinner. If you want your partner to go down and enjoy, it’s a pretty simple equation: 2 much acidity+ 2 much substance use = bitter semen. Bitter semen = no blow job 4 you! You do the math!
If you still won’t swallow…
Okay! So, he’s eaten the fruit, cut back on the drinks and smoking and you’re still not having it. Well, it’s time to get creative and work together to cum up (pun intended) with some alternative. You need a visually stimulating way for you to get gradually comfortable with the notion of swallowing. Start by letting your partner ejaculate on your hand, breast, chest, chin, lips, etc. Another alternative to swallowing is catching semen in the month and then discreetly spitting it out into a small towel or letting it trickle down the sides of the mouth. (Having breath mints handy and popping one in the mouth immediately afterward will help with the taste as well.)
A side note for Everyone…
When giving head never gag or say “ugh” when the semen is in your mouth. Ladies, you know you wouldn’t want him doing the same to you if he got a taste of your vaginal fluids so try to be as considerate as possible. However, if it’s just that unbearable, excuse yourself and spit it out in another room.
At the end of the day (and before you pour out all your liquor, quit smoking and run out to Wal-Mart to purchase the #1 Smoothie machine), remember that the key to a successful BJ is communication. Talk with your mate or partner regarding your apprehension to swallow. Develop a “BJ” agreement — written or orally agreed upon — detailing the mutual dos and don’ts and make it something that both of you are comfortable with.
Keep in mind that a BJ can add a lot of spice to an otherwise boring sex life. But, more important than swallowing is the enthusiasm and enjoyment you put into blowing your partner’s mind. That’s what truly makes the difference between good and great head! To swallow or not to swallow is the question. The answer is totally up to the both of you!
Finally, guys, don’t get too offended if your partner won’t swallow your semen! Lead by example and show them how harmless it is and taste a nice BIG ol’ teaspoon of your own semen. Everybody say aaah!
DISCLAIMER: By no means am I promoting giving head to any and everybody! BJs are just an “extra” tool in your lover’s repertoire that you can pull out to “WOW” and share with that very special someone! And even if you’re in a committed relationship, make sure you know your partner’s HIV and STI status. This will help to keep the both of you safer by lowering your risk for HIV and other STIs.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, author, speaker and media personality with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com.
You can run, but you can’t hide. There seems to be no escape from it. It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s sex!
Sex! Sex! Sex! It’s everywhere you turn, on billboards, in movies, in music (and in music videos); and if I see another viral YouTube video of animals humping I’m going to scream! We are truly living in an oversexed and over-twerked society.
But there are a few of us still meandering around the universe who remain untouched and free from penetration. To put it plain and simple, we are the virgins of the world (cue dramatic sound effect, “bum bum buuuuuum!”). According to the Center For Disease Control’s Health Statistics Report, four percent of the population here in the United States are, in fact, virgins. Since Millennials (men and women born between 1980-2000) are now the largest generation in the United States, and those born at the beginning of this generation are in their early to mid-thirties, it is safe to say that of that four percent, quite a few of those virgins are in their thirties.
The Dirty Thirty. It’s an age where your concept of what being old is has changed because you are now at the age you once thought was on the precipice of old. You are finally making strides in your career while your student loan payments are devouring your income. You are getting a grasp on your life goals and have set a plan in motion to achieve them. The idea of becoming a responsible adult begins to set in, and the pressure of settling down becomes a reality. With all of the adulthood responsibilities your thirties bring, a few women have added “maintaining abstinence” to their list.
Erica, 34, and Jasmine, 32, are both virgins. Erica and Jasmine have obtained graduate level degrees and have successfully advanced in their careers. I must admit I have known these women for quite some time and didn’t even realize that they’ve never had sex. This confidentiality is mainly because many virgins don’t discuss their virginity with people. Erica says, “The only discomfort I have is sharing the information sometimes. In the past, people got weird when I told them I was a virgin, so I stopped sharing. Interestingly, people like to tell me their sexual history, which I’m okay with, but at times; they talk, I listen.”
Jasmine feels the same way. As she puts it, “I’ve been in situations where I’ll be talking with a group of friends and the conversation turns to sex and people share their experiences. I don’t have any so I’ll be quiet. If it’s at a party or something, I may excuse myself.”
Both women made their decision to remain virgins early in life and want to have something to give to their future husband after saying “I do.” Erica says that she made this decision after watching the way sex affected the lives of those around her when she was young:
“I originally decided that I wanted to wait until I was married when I was in high school. I saw too many people making risky, and life-altering decisions based on sex, not realizing the full consequences of their actions until it was too late. I felt like I had a better chance of having a future if I waited. So I made a private commitment to God that I would wait. No one made me do it. Nothing formal. Just a prayer. I’ve decided to remain a virgin because now I know that the person that I share myself with is going to be someone that will be a part of my life forever. With such a strong connection as that, I want that person to remain in my life and be welcomed in it. I want that person to be my husband.”
Jasmine’s decision originated from what she learned growing up in the church:
“I was raised in the church and was taught that sexual intercourse was reserved for marriage. Over time, I took more ownership of it. I didn’t just stay a virgin because I was told to, but I stayed because I wanted to reserve myself for my husband. I thought This guy is going to be the love of my life, of course, I’d want him to have what no one else has had. It became a personal choice for me.”
Shakia, 27, is the founder of the Bare.Bold&Beautiful Movement and author of an upcoming book that focuses on her decision to be a virgin, as well as the journey of nine other women who have made a similar decision.
“I decided to write my book on my abstinence experience when people were continually shocked that I was a virgin. People’s first response after being informed that I’m a virgin is usually, ‘No you’re not,’ justifying their claim by pointing out the way I dress or my outgoing attitude. Then there are people who are confused and ask, ‘But why? You’re pretty’ as if every virgin is a virgin because no one desires them. I began to realize that my look and attitude did not fit the idea of a virgin that many had. So, I decided to share my journey and give a new face, dress and attitude to the virgin. As readers are invited on my journey of abstinence they will realize that I have had plenty of guys who were willing to introduce me to the pleasures of sex and that I have even had to suppress my own urges when my body’s desires were not aligned with my decision. I want to make it clear that there are women and men who are adult virgins not because we are not desired by the opposite sex, but for reasons that all drive the choice that we have made.”
But despite all the shock, confusion, and the lack of support for this major decision at times, many virgins can find and thrive in relationships with people who applaud and respect their choice. Jasmine, who is currently in a serious relationship, is lucky enough to have that in her life.
“I am currently in a relationship. He, like most guys I’ve talked to in the past, was a bit shocked, but he thinks it is a very good decision. He said right after I told him, ‘You are the smartest woman I know.’ With him, I don’t feel any pressure. He’s also marriage minded. We’ve talked about having sex, and he is fine with waiting until the wedding night. He actually keeps me on track.”
I, too, am like these women. I have decided to maintain my virginity until I get married. And though sharing this gift with my future husband is ideal, my decision to wait has more to do with the gift I have chosen to give myself. We all have been given one life to live and the personal choices we make shape the very essence of our lives. We virgins of the world, the four percent, are taking ownership of our bodies, our options and standing by what makes us happy (and our values) in a world where sex is everywhere and in everything.
Anal sex can be a very enjoyable experience for both men and women–if you do it right and start off slow.
The area surrounding the anus and the sphincter muscle is rich with nerve endings that help to increase sensitivity to stimulation. Anal sex is also known to cause a pleasurable orgasm due to the contracting of the anal sphincter muscles. Because the anal cavity is usually much tighter than the vagina, the squeeze on the penis and/or sex toy is firmer, which also helps to heighten orgasmic intensity. However, because the lining of the anus is so thin, it is more likely to tear during sex play. That increases the risk for transmission of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections. For this reason it’s important to use caution when incorporating anal sex into your play.
First and foremost, when it comes to anal play, you must be totally at ease and relaxed. If for some reason you are not relaxed, the sphincter muscle inside the anus will contract, making penetration uncomfortable and painful. To help ease any anxiety that you may be feeling, you should start by stroking and rubbing around the opening of the anus using your partner’s finger tips or your own. Because the anus does not lubricate naturally, you will need to make sure that you are using plenty of lubricant during anal play; a water-based or silicone-based lubricant is the best option.
Once you’re comfortable with the feeling of something being near the anal opening, you may slowly begin to insert a finger in and out of the anus to gradually stretch the opening, increasing the number of fingers as desired. After you have become more relaxed with the finger(s), move forward with the insertion of the penis or sex toy. Slow, gradual penetration is ideal. Your partner should not try to thrust the penis or sex toy inside, as this has the potential to cause major damage. The receiver should gently guide penetration. This will help you have more control over the penetration as well as allow you to monitor your comfort level.
With regards to the best positions, try starting with the “spooning” rear-entry position and gradually work your way into other moves. Spooning allows for total body contact with your mate and also provides a level of intimacy, which can be very relaxing. Additionally, your partner can stimulate your clitoris at the same time, which will help to intensify your orgasm.
It should be noted that anal sex can be messy. If this is a concern, you can use an anal douche or insert a soapy finger into your anus shortly before having anal sex. This will help minimize the mess.
Quick note: Never go from anal sex to vaginal sex without using a new condom or without cleansing the penis or sex toy. The bacteria from the anus can be transferred to the vagina, resulting in possible infection.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health.Follow her on Twitter, Facebook @ “LIFE by Dr. TaMara or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com.
I remember it like it was yesterday, being sat down by my orthodox Christian parents to have “the talk” alongside my older sister. I was only 12 at the time and my sister was 15. It was the most awkward experience of my life. I thought I was going to hear all I needed to know about sex, when in reality, it was only the biblical edition of “the talk,” which was my parents basically telling me not to do it at all. Abstinence was key and my parents drilled that into me by any means necessary, mainly with fear tactics. Premarital sex = sin. While I was told that I would get all types of warts and diseases if I engaged in it, the educational part of the lesson was left out.
From then on, I grew up fearing what would happen if I actually had sex. I didn’t want to get any diseases or piss off God and my family. I also didn’t want to end up pregnant either, and most importantly, I didn’t want to shame myself. I learned that sex was a gift from God to a married couple. I wasn’t married, so therefore I shouldn’t be doing it, right?
But when I got to high school, I couldn’t get away from sex. Through sex education, I was finally given the 4-1-1 on STDs and how to prevent pregnancy. I was curious about it all. All my parents did was scare me into not doing it, but I couldn’t stop or ignore the natural desires of my body. I had questions and I needed some answers. All my friends were doing it and suddenly sex was all they would talk about during our lunch periods. The odd girl out, of course, I had nothing to say. Only my imagination and subscriptions to magazines like Cosmopolitan and Seventeen kept me in the loop and from looking like a total square. I had suddenly become the know-it-all with no experience. The teacher and the student among my friends.
I read about sex. I wrote in my journal about fantasies. I watched those late night shows that would come on HBO and Showtime. I discovered the art of self-exploration, a taboo subject that many conservative churchgoers never touch on (no pun intended). I began to learn my body, scientifically. I was having sex with myself, so therefore I wasn’t going to get pregnant. I wasn’t going to get a STD and I wasn’t defying God. STDs and fear were enough to keep my virginity intact. Whenever my friends would ask, I felt good saying that I was waiting until I was married to have sex. It made me feel important and like I valued myself.
But that didn’t last too long. It wasn’t until my freshman year in college that I experienced sex for the first time. I felt guilty about my decision. I thought that God was frowning upon me, so I promised that I wouldn’t do it again. Still, I did have sex again. I was in a committed relationship and tried to justify my actions by telling myself that we were going to get married.
When things with this particular guy didn’t work out, that didn’t stop the sexual urges. I found myself having to re-evaluate my entire way of thinking when it came to sex. I didn’t have an excuse or a real reason that could explain anything, other than my body wanting and craving it. For quite some time, I was ashamed of my sexuality, as opposed to being open to embracing it. I was taught to feel this way.
When it comes to why people say that you shouldn’t have sex, there are religious reasons, a lack of commitment in a relationship, and old patriarchal claims that say that women don’t own their sexuality. But as someone who let myself feel ashamed, I would say that if you do have sex, let it be because it was a decision you made for yourself. Oftentimes women, especially women in the church, aren’t taught how to own our sexuality as a part of who we are. We’re taught that sex is for the sole pleasure of someone else, and when we pleasure someone (our husbands), we pleasure ourselves. We live in a society that still shames people because of premarital sex, but ironically, sex is everywhere. While pushing abstinence and sexual purity can be helpful, it can also be dangerous.
Sexual purity principles are really only pushed on women, but when a woman reaches a certain point and her body starts to respond in unfamiliar ways, there is a tendency for those curiosities to go unnoticed or ignored by the church that teaches her these principles. There are no answers and no encouragement for that stage in a young woman’s life.
I was taught to ignore such urges and continue life as a woman rejecting something that was so natural. So when I decided to no longer ignore those urges, I was bombarded with feelings of guilt and I couldn’t help but wonder, why does something that feels so good, make me feel so bad? I didn’t feel bad because I didn’t enjoy it, but rather, I felt bad because I was taught not to enjoy it outside of marriage.
Oftentimes the value of young women is heavily based on their level of sexual purity, which creates many false images of self. Many times those feelings of guilt come from thinking that your value has decreased. In church it’s drilled into us that “most men want a pure woman,” or losing your virginity outside of marriage is “a gift that’s been unwrapped and given to the wrong person,” especially if God didn’t send that man your way. It creates the false idea that our entire worth is tied to that one single aspect of our lives. But thankfully, after more than 10 years of feeling that way, I finally know and feel better.
Recently, R&B artist Sevyn Streeter sat down with her friends at “The Breakfast Club,” to talk about her career, her current tour, the music and her favorite topic these days: her romantic relationship with fellow artist B.O.B.
Angela Yee brought up the subject of her baby boo, revealing that Sevyn likes to get choked in the bedroom.
Listen here, I don’t kill the fun. And I think that that is important. I think it’s sexy. When you’re with somebody that you love and trust or whatever…it’s important that you don’t kill the fun.
If that’s her cup of tea, sip on boo. I’ve heard good things. But the conversation got particularly interesting when Sevyn shared her philosophy on sex in relationships. Here’s what she had to say.
I think that when you commit to somebody and you take them off the market, right? I think that it is your job as a woman or as a man to– I don’t think you should ever say no. Anal sex I’m not into, but I mean, if you’re tried–‘Oh, I’m tired, I don’t feel like it.’ No. Because at the end of the day, you took that person off the market. They can’t go and be with somebody else because they’re with you. So, don’t you ever say no.
Charlemagne argued that the statement actually opens the door for a man to cheat if she ever finds that she has to say no. Sevyn said that she actually agrees, homeboy should be able to step out, if the woman holds out.
I think Sevyn’s advice is…something. My first thought was that it sounds unrealistic. Life is unpredictable and while I agree you shouldn’t make a habit of telling your boo no; things come up. Hormones and sexual desires change for both men and women throughout life. Sometimes a “no” will be necessary. Then I thought, this is the second time I’ve heard someone talk about this market. Boris Kodjoe was the first person I heard say it, in reference to his marriage with Nicole Ari Parker. He too said that because they took each other “off the market,” they should both invest in making sure they stay right and tight, physically. And if either one of them slips on holding up their end of the bargain, the other would be within his or her rights to step out.
I don’t know about this market. It just makes the whole relationship seem like a business investment or decision. And the moment your acquisition isn’t performing as you expect, you’re ready to trade up, step out or kick them to the curb. Love doesn’t work like that. In love, you’ll be there when your partner gains a little or a lot of weight because while the body is nice, you, hopefully, feel in love with their spirit and soul–which remains. And that same love for the spirit should remain if your partner can’t break you off one night…or a few nights.
There’s also this bit about not being able to say no that troubles me. That’s a dangerous message to send to young girls and grown women when it comes to sex, particularly when so many girls and women feel pressure already. “No”, even within the context of a marriage, should always be an option. It is absolutely crushing to feel like your body is at the whim and disposal of another just because you’ve entered into a relationship with that person. Penny Wren, one of our writers, touched on the importance of women having their needs met in relationships as well; even if it’s the need for rest, it’s a need a compassionate partner should be able to respect.
And lastly, from a deeply personal standpoint, Sevyn’s advice just seems like entirely too much, entirely too soon. I’m not trying to pussy police anybody but the thought that she’s giving this man this much access so soon is a little alarming. I think I would be a bit more receptive to the advice if it came from a woman in a seasoned marriage…or something similar, like an Oprah/Stedman situation. If she’ll never say no to B.O.B now, what privileges does he get as their level of commitment to each other grows? I’d hate for this to turn into a “he won’t buy the cow” speech; but seriously, this is a lot for a dude you’ve been dating for a few months.
But that’s just me. Ladies, what do you think about the notion that you should never tell your man no when he asks for sex?
You can watch Sevyn Streeter explain in the video below.
Dyspareunia is recurrent or persistent genital pain before, during, or after sex. It can be acquired or congenital, generalized or situational. Dyspareunia is not a disease, but rather a symptom of an underlying issue such as a physical, biological, psychological, social and/or relationship concern.
A woman with dyspareunia will usually report experiencing pain. Some women describe feeling pain at the opening of the vagina or on the surface of the vulva when penetration is initiated. Other women may feel pain within the pelvis upon deeper penetration. Some women feel pain in more than one of these places. Determining whether the pain is more superficial or deep is important in understanding what may be causing it and provide options for more effective treatment.
When the pain occurs, a woman with dyspareunia may be distracted from feeling pleasure and excitement during sex. Due to the persistent experience of pain during sex, a woman may still experience pain during sex even long after the original source of pain has disappeared, simply because in her mind she expects to.
Dyspareunia is a condition that has many causes and is not a diagnosis of itself. Some of the causes for dyspareunia may include: vaginismus, which is a condition that affects a woman’s ability to tolerate vaginal penetration, insufficient vaginal lubrication, vaginal thinning and dryness of the vaginal wall. Medical conditions such as endometriosis, cancer, ovarian cysts, fibroid tumors, sexually transmitted infections, pain from bladder irritation, etc., an injury to the genital area or past surgeries that have left scar tissue can also result in vaginal pain. Inadequate foreplay and certain sexual positions can also be the cause of dyspareunia.
Some symptoms of dyspareunia may include a burning, ripping, tearing, or aching feeling associated with vaginal penetration. The pain may also be felt throughout the entire pelvic area and the sexual organs, especially during deep thrusting or with certain sexual positions.
Treatment for dyspareunia is aimed at identifying the underlying source of pain. Depending on the root cause, treatment options include: estrogen therapy, sex therapy, and medication. Unfortunately, there is no definite way to prevent dyspareunia, but here are some options that may help you reduce your risk for dyspareunia and/or manage the pain:
- being intimately acquainted with your body
- communicating with your partner
- communicating with your physician regarding any changes in your body
- engaging in more foreplay
- using more lubricant
- changing how you feel about sex by making it fun
- using proper hygiene habits and staying away from using perfumed products in the genital area
Because symptoms of dyspareunia may mimic symptoms of other reproductive health conditions, including sexually transmitted infections, it is extremely important that you speak with your physician and/or sex therapist about your concerns. DO NOT try to diagnose yourself! Your true condition may not be what you think and you can potentially end up doing more harm to yourself and your body.
Many women will experience relief when physical causes of dyspareunia are identified and treated. However, it is extremely important to also identify and address psychological, social, spiritual, or relationship factors that may be contributing to the pain as well.
Living with dyspareunia is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about! The condition can be manageable if you are proactive and stay on top of your health. Learn all you can about dyspareunia, work with you physician and/or sex therapist to get treatment and communicate your needs to partner. You can still maintain a quality sex life, as long as you are willing to go the extra mile to reduce the pain.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com.
Sex, sex, and more sweaty sex….Let’s goooo!!!!
Who doesn’t want to talk about getting it popping in the bedroom or the kitchen for that matter, especially if you are in your sexual prime? When does that exactly happen moms – during the late 30’s or early 40’s? If you have that inner freak in you, it’s virtually impossible to get enough of the topic, especially if you haven’t tumbled in those freaky sheets in a while. (For moms who just had a baby, we feel for you – who has the energy?) However, for seasoned moms, sex is a sport that many run to. For hours, you chit-chat with your mommy friends about new erotic sex toys on the market, risque porn videos, and the best positions to get your partner open (missionary or the straddle anyone?)
If you are a newly single mom, it may be hard to tame the sexual urges when you meet a handsome man who is interested in you physically. There are so many fears that hover. Will you perform up to par in the bedroom? Are you flexible to do the wild positions that he demands. (Pssttt…Try yoga) What expectations will he have—does he want you to try oral and anal in the same session? Like men, women want to blow a man’s mind when she hops on it. So there are many questions. If you are a mom back on the dating scene who recently has had multiple partners, the dread lingers – are you moving too fast and are giving up the goodies too quick?
Gain more insight on what men think about sex at MommyNoire.com
Okay, before we dive into this topic. Let’s step up a scenario.
It’s a Friday night and you’re out with a group of your girlfriends. From across the room, you see a beautiful pair of brown eyes staring at you. Curious, you stare back. The handsome gentlemen with the beautiful brown eyes approaches you and starts a conversation. The two of you have hit it off and exchange numbers. At the same time, as you’re exchanging numbers, you see your best friend giving you a strange look. After the gentlemen leaves, and you’re on cloud 9 from having a great conversation with the gentlemen, you’re best friend walks over. After asking you how it went, she tells you, “Yeah I had a one night stand with him once.”
Aw Sh*t! I can hear your heartbreaking from here. Now, you’re left with the painful decide of whether or not you’ll give this man the time of the day. So, what’s your verdict?
For many, the answer is flat out no. Real friends, don’t share their leftovers, period. However, what about the group of you that say yes? Are you totally comfortable with being with someone that has seen one of your friends naked?
In a excerpt from a book proposal he’s attempting to sell, Lil Wayne tells the story of what happened to him when he found out his girlfriend slept with Drake.
According to the story, Drake visited him while he was in jail and confessed to the fact that he slept with his girlfriend. Drake said, “Yeah, it’s true. Don’t f*** with her like that cause I did f*** her.”
Wayne writes, “This is the type of s*** that a man never wants to find out when he’s locked up. Or, maybe so, cause only God knows what I would have done if I wasn’t locked up right now.”
Wayne admits in the proposal he and his GF argued a lot, and that may be why Drake said, “Don’t f*** with her like that.” As for the timeline, Wayne says the woman told him she had sex with Drake the day BEFORE they met.
Wait a minute, let’s pause right there. She had SEX with DRAKE BEFORE they met. So, technically, she was Drake’s one night stand. She had sex with him before she even met Lil Wayne. So, what makes Lil Wayne so upset. Is it really because she slept with Drake?
This is the perfect example of what someone would do in a situation like this. Again, we ask, would you ever date your friend’s one night stand? Apparently, Lil Wayne would not.
Has your sex life become boring and monotonous? Are you and your Beloved settled into the same ole tired sex routine? Is the once spontaneous, impulsive, passionate and animalistic sex life that you once had gone with the wind and so far out of view you can’t remember what it’s like to feel that tingling sensation in your body? If this sounds like your relationship, then you are definitely in need of a quicker picker upper, and what better way to get the momentum going again than with a quickie?
A quickie is an excellent way to connect with your Beloved while boosting your libido and saying goodbye to the dreadful sex rut. If you’re ready to set fire to the flame of your sex life and ignite the undeniable passion that once existed between you and your lover, follow some of the suggestions below to help rekindle the spark in no time!
Build Anticipation! The thrill of a quickie can be an incredible turn-on and the levels of arousal built up throughout the day will make that ultimate release extremely satisfying for the both of you. Adrenaline pumping, heart pounding, tension and excitement definitely helps to get you in the mood ! Try building anticipation throughout the day by sending a steamy text message, email or call. Be creative and imaginative! Leave a pair of your sexiest undies in his brief case, glove box or visible location in the car with a handwritten note attached that states something flirty like “I won’t be wearing these when you see me later.” The blood will definitely rush straight to his other head; giving you both something to look forward too!
Think: Location, location, location! Select a location that is easy and accessible but not too public. After all, public sex may be stimulating but it is illegal. Perhaps if you’re feeling really daring and flexible, revert back to your teenage years of the parked car! Add a sexy new twist to cooking in the kitchen! Get really steamy together in the shower. Or even sweeten up dessert just a bit by letting him add a little whipped cream to your cherry! Quickie Tip: Other great locations include: elevators, secluded parks, dark movie theaters, dressing rooms and rooftops.
Bring Lubrication: Although women lubricate naturally, it may take a little longer for her natural waters to begin flowing. With a quickie, however, there’s not a lot of on the spot foreplay and you don’t have time for the vaginal wall to expand and lubricate. Keeping a water-based or silicone-based lubricant handy (. i.e. in the glove box, side of the sofa, kitchen drawer or purse) will do the trick. Adding lubricant, especially those formulated for women, speeds up the female arousal process and makes penetration much easier. Also, building the anticipation throughout the day will help to get her ready for play.
Dress easy on, easy off! The outfit is definitely important, especially when you’re pressed for time. Be sure to wear something that offers easy access to the “goodies.” The less time spent on removing clothing, the more time there is for loving! Quickie tip: short skirts or dresses do the trick every time!
Play your position! Any position that allows quick, easy access and hits all the right spots is the best! Quickie Tip: Standing positions are rather adventurous.
Have no shame in your game: We were created as sexual beings so the urge to have sex is natural! Don’t be ashamed to let it all hang out, literally and figuratively, with your Beloved. Unabashedly shower each other with kisses! Use your hands and/or tongue to trace to each and every inch of their body. Allow lust to guide you on an uncanny journey into eroticism that the both of you will never forget!
Live Carpe Diem! Life rarely affords us the opportunity for perfect circumstances or opportunity for sex, so don’t spend your life waiting for a moment that may never come. Sometimes an unorchestrated intense sex session is just what you need! Quickies aren’t about setting the mood, the perfect lighting, and position! It’s immediate! It’s raw, pure and intense! Waiting until you are both horny, not tired, the kids are good, the mood is right and you both have all the energy in the world may not be realistic. Take the opportunity and seize the moment! Give in to the spontaneity of sex.
While a quickie can offer an immediate “fix” to jump starting your otherwise seemingly dead sex life, a truly great sex life doesn’t just happen like in the movies! It takes work and deserves just as much effort as every other area of your life. At the end of the day, always remember that it is essential for you and your Beloved to maintain that intimate, emotional, passionate, powerful and spiritual connection that sex can provide! Don’t allow your sex life to become a “maybe” or “if I get around to it!” Rip each other’s clothes off! Don’t’ worry about how your hair or body looks! Moan loudly! Breathe deeply! Hold each other tightly like your lives depend on it! But most of all live in the moment! Carpe Diem!
Vaginismus is a physical or psychological condition that affects a woman’s ability to tolerate vaginal penetration as a result of involuntary vaginal muscle spasms. The involuntary muscle spasm makes penetration painful or impossible, with the reflex often occurring as a result of an object such as a penis, vibrator, tampon, etc. coming towards it. In some case, even the thought of the object can cause the vagina to spasm.
Vaginismus can be either primary or secondary. A woman diagnosed with primary vaginismus has never been able to have penetrative sex or experience vaginal penetration without pain. Secondary vaginismus occurs when a woman who has previously been able to achieve penetration suddenly develops said spasms.
The exact cause of vaginismus is unknown however it’s speculated to result from physical causes such as an infection or trauma. Some cases of vaginismus may be due to psychological issues like fear or anxiety. Other factors may include:
- medical conditions such as pelvic inflammatory disease, ovarian cysts, endometriosis, cancer, urinary tract disorders, etc.
- psycho-physiological reactions to sexual intercourse based on a negative past experience
- sexual trauma
- vaginal thinning and dryness
- incomplete sexual arousal
- low estrogen
- inadequate foreplay
- sexually transmitted infections
- allergies to spermicides or latex condoms
- not trusting one’s partner
- body image issues
- misconceptions about sex
- undiscovered or denied sexuality
- conservative family upbringing
- first time sex anxiety
Symptoms of Vaginismus
A burning, ripping, tearing, or aching sensation associated with penetration are all symptoms of vaginismus. The pain can be at the vaginal opening, deep in the pelvis, or anywhere between. It may also be felt throughout the entire pelvic area and the sexual organs and may occur only with deep thrusting.
Treatment for Vaginismus
The treatment for vaginismus is aimed at identifying and properly treating the underlying disorder. For example, medications are usually prescribed to treat any infections. Water-based or silicone-based lubricants may be recommended to help ease vaginal friction and discomfort during intercourse. Vaginal dilation exercises may also be used to treat vaginismus, but such therapy should only be done under the direction of a physician or sex therapist. Sex therapy can also be used to address underlying psychological causes of this condition.
The treatment for secondary vaginismus is the same as for primary vaginismus, although, in these cases, previous experience with successful penetration can assist in a more rapid resolution of the condition. Each case of vaginismus is different and an individualized, comprehensive integrative approach to treatment is the most effective.
Living with vaginismus is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about and the condition can be manageable if you are proactive and stay on top of your health. Work with your physician and/or sex therapist to get treatment, learn what works best for you, and communicate your needs to your partner. You can still maintain a quality sex life, as long as you are willing to go the extra mile to reduce the pain.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. She is the Editor-in-Chief of “Our Sexuality!” Magazine, The premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com.