All Articles Tagged "sex"
It’s happened to you: you’re looking at your partner thinking how attractive he is, how much you love him, and how great the sex is but…you’re still just not in the mood right now. But you want to be! Because, well, he’s a great guy and he deserves to get laid tonight! Here are 14 foolproof ways to always get in the mood.
Back in 1995, South Bronx-born music promoter Maria Davis was on top of the world — young, beautiful, happy, and getting her first real taste of success. Her weekly “MAD Wednesdays” hip-hop showcase was a hot industry event, and as its host she even scored a guest spot on Jay-Z’s debut album “Reasonable Doubt.”
But then came the letter that sent her entire world crashing down. When she was forced to take a blood test for a life insurance policy, Davis learned she was HIV positive, and had contracted the virus from her fiance. Three years later, she was diagnosed with full-blown AIDS.
That was 14 years ago. Today, despite the odds, Davis is not only alive and well but also on a mission: She is a Making AIDS History Ambassador, and together with the Foundation for AIDS Research (amfAR), she’s spent the last 18 years of her life fighting to stay alive and to help spread awareness within her community and raise money to support research for a cure.
We know all about her public battles, but when ESSENCE.com sat down with Davis we asked her how living with AIDS has affected her private life. She opened up about her desire to find a soul mate and the hurdles the disease has created along her path to true love.
ESSENCE: Have you dated a lot since your diagnosis? What’s dating been like for you?
DAVIS: It’s been very fearful. But I love love. Tyler Perry is a big inspiration. I’m always watching his movies and the relationship dynamics that he puts in them. They’re all about a woman being hurt and finding love, and I’m crying and thinking to myself, Man, I want to be in love too. I’m not having a relationship with anybody unless I know their status. You can be re-infected. Another part of it is the person I’m sleeping with could have a different strain of the virus than I do. So whereas your strain is manageable, you could get another strain and it could take you out of here. The only way you can know for sure is to go and get tested together. That’s for anyone, in any kind of relationship. Whether you’re jumping the broom, just dating, whatever – before you sleep with someone, you should know him or her in and out. You have husbands and wives who have given each other HIV.
ESSENCE: Is making your status known right away most important to you when you’re dating someone new?
DAVIS: Absolutely! I’m a spokesperson. The only way you really don’t know I have HIV is if you haven’t read or seen anything about me. But I make it clear that I am living with AIDS. Actually, when I’m in a relationship, I’m more afraid of an individual than they are of me, trust me. They know what I have coming into the relationship, but I don’t know what they have. Are you telling the truth? Are you being honest? Are you telling me one thing, but it could be another thing? If so, then my life is in jeopardy all over again.
ESSENCE: Do you feel it’s been harder to find love because of your diagnosis or your fears?
DAVIS: Let’s be for real: It’s because of my diagnosis. I’ve had guys tell me I’m fine, or they try to talk to me. Then when I tell them that I’m living with AIDS they kind of back off. I do have one friend I’ve been in and out of a relationship with. But his head isn’t ready yet.
You can read the rest of Maria Davis’ interview over on ESSENCE.com, including advice she has for younger women who are dealing with HIV or AIDS and yearn to have a successful relationship. This is yet another important facet of dealing with this terrible disease that often gets overlooked. It is great to see Maria Davis opening up even more about how it has affected her personal life.
Promiscuity, do you engage in it?
An incredible study from the Archives of Sexual Behavior is making a pretty presumptuous argument the explain the sexual behaviors of men versus women.
After surveying over 24,000 people, researchers claim that women are genetically hardwired to feel guilt about promiscuous activity. “Prior sex researchers have focused primarily on the emotion of sexual attraction in sexual decisions,” said David Buss a University of Texas at Austin evolutionary psychologist who was involved with the study. “These studies point to the importance of a neglected mating emotion — sexual regret — which feels experiential negative but in fact can be highly functional in guiding adaptive sexual decisions.”
Read more at Styleblazer.com
I found out from one of my husband’s friends that my husband’s cousin has more than once secretly recorded his girlfriend and he having sex and shows it to a couple or so guys in the circle. And according to this friend he has also been shown naked still shots of this same cousin’s ex wife. I have asked my husband about this and he seemed surprised and told me doesn’t know about it. Every now an then I see the cousin and current girlfriend at parties. And she would usually sit by me, and it’s difficult not to think about all this. As a woman and mother it is so wrong on many levels and disgusting. The cousin is 46 with 2 boys, ages 4 and 7 with his ex wife, the girlfriend is 31 no kids.
Read Dr. Sherry’s response at Essence.com
Do you fantasize about getting it in with your man all day but then the second you get home, your libido seems to disappear? It might be your home that’s killing your sex drive! What’s in your closet, your kitchen, that miscellaneous cabinet—these might be affecting your ability to get in the mood.
What is 4play anyway? Well to start off, it’s a noun, but it is so much more than that, and if you pay attention and learn the art of epic 4play you might not even make it to the bedroom. (The backseat or the broom closet might just have to do)!
According to the Urban Dictionary, 4play is touching, kissing or licking each other in a stimulating manner, in order to become “turned on” before having actual sex. However, in most public places this kind of 4play isn’t too acceptable, especially the licking part.
But that doesn’t mean you need to wait until after your date to put 4play skills into action. Non-physical 4play is a bigger turn-on than twerking to Justin Timberlake’s latest in the club. Trust me on this ladies, subtlety is Hot. Keep the twerking for your alone time. He’ll think it’s much sexier if you only twerk for him.
There are just a few simple steps for 4play that starts before the bedroom, and they start with you getting in touch with yourself.
1. Get in tune with your sensual side.
You can do this by getting in touch with your six senses. Oh… you thought there were five? There is one that many people don’t talk about, and we’ll get to that later. Clueless in how to connect with with your sensual energy? Learn more 4 more subtle seductive communication tips. There are the five senses that we all know: taste, touch, smell, hearing and seeing — and using all of these is a big part of 4play. You’ve got to be tapped in to be turned on.
Try this exercise: next time you are eating your Caesar salad with grilled chicken, really pay attention to what is going on around you. Notice the heat of the chicken as opposed to the coldness of the fork, and the crispy, crunchy sounds of the romaine and croutons. Notice the textures too.
Whenever you do anything, be really aware of the way things look and feel around you while you have. See the sun shining and be aware of the shimmery ice cubes in your drink, what the condensation feels like on your fingers. Licking the condensation off of your glass is not quite what you want to go for hwew. (Remember subtle is Hot, at least in public).
When you tune into your body and live in the moment, you can get more in touch with your sixth sense. When you are in tune with what is going on with you and your body, you can tap into your intuition, and trusting that part will allow you to be more open with you man. Trusting your instincts will turn both of you on.
Read more at YourTango.com
On Sunday night’s episode of “Real Housewives of Atlanta,” we watched Cynthia Bailey and Peter work through their relationship issues. Cynthia was attempting to get her health back in order after suffering from fibroids; Peter was worried about getting their sex life on track after he was forced to go without.
To call Peter’s concerns overtly selfish would be an understatement, as even after knowing his wife wasn’t having sex with him because of her health issues, he was still whining and crying like a depraved little boy. However, my opinion switched just a bit as Cynthia talked about how the couple’s sex life would improve after she was back to 100% health. She said once she got over the fibroid hump, she’d be down to have sex once a week, stating that that should be enough and adding that if she didn’t have to work she’d be perfectly fine upping that figure.
Now for my full disclaimer: I’m not married, nor anywhere near, but I have been in monogamous relationships and I have to say once a week sounds pretty low to me. Shoot, singles can get sex once a week if they try hard enough. And though I rarely agree with RHOA’s Kenya Moore, as I read her thoughts on Cynthia and Peter’s sex life in her Bravo blog this morning I could do nothing but nod my head as she wrote:
“I’m not a sex therapist and I’m not married. But sex is a huge part of a successful relationship. Once a week is not enough! Cynthia girl, get some female Viagra and some sexay Agent Provocateur and get to work! I hope she works that out… Literally! LOL!”
Cynthia’s reluctance to get busy more than once a week sounds like it may be tied to her being, or at least feeling like, the breadwinner of the family. I’m not sure if Peter’s bar/club/lounge is still in operation, but it does appear the Bailey Modeling Agency — and Cynthia’s participation in reality TV — is what’s keeping the family afloat and when a woman is stressed and feels like all the burden is on her, sex definitely tends to take a backseat. However, if we’re just talking about working on a daily basis as most married women do these days, Cynthia, honey, you might have to step your sex game up.
Sex is a lot of work, and we know men tend to want it more than women, but it’s also vital to be able to meet your man at least halfway on this need — not because you’re afraid what you won’t do another woman will (hate that phrase by the way) but because sex builds intimacy and tells your partner you care about his needs. No one wants to feel like they have to beg you to sleep with them, which was one point I did sympathize with Peter on because it’s clear he feels Cynthia’s lack of desire for sex is tied to a lack of attraction for him or his inability to please her and you never want to make your partner feel that way. On the flip side, you also don’t want to make your wife feel like sex is her second job. It’s truly up to couples to determine a sex schedule that works for their individual libidos, but I don’t think I’m too off target when I saw sex once a week between two healthy, consenting, in love partners is not nearly enough.
What do you think?
As liberal as the United States may be, we’ve got some peculiar laws about what you can and can’t do between the sheets — some of which you may have even come close to breaking!
Sex doesn’t always go as planned, nor does it go as we had imagined in our minds or seen in the movies. As much as we want our sex lives to go without a hitch, there is bound to be one sexual experience that leaves you feeling awkward, weird, and confused all at once. Here are 14 dos and don’ts to follow to help avoid awkward sex situations.
Torrei Hart has been quite busy pursuing her own career in comedy and movies, showing the world that she’s more than just Kevin Hart’s ex-wife. While promoting some of her new projects, the Atlanta Exes star sat down for a candid interview with AfterBuzz TV, where she also discussed more personal subjects like sex with Kevin Hart, dating and relationships. Check out a few of her interview highlights below.
On sex with Kevin:
“If he’s putting it down, you gon’ do something crazy. You don’t wanna no one else getting that. He [Kevin] did [put it down]. That’s why I gave him two beautiful children and married his behind. You don’t marry people, and this is my opinion, you marry people because there’s a great a relationship, but if the sex is not great, then I’m sorry. That plays a big part in relationships.”
On dating post Kevin Hart:
“My expectation is loyalty. Consistency: bring something to the table. You have to have a job. I ain’t nobody’s sugar momma. Funny! I still need funny. I cannot be with a man who’s not funny. I’ve always like funny men, even before Kevin. I’m silly. I like to have fun.”
On going through a guy’s phone:
“If you leaving your phone, you have to go through it. You have to go through the other person’s phone. If they leave it, you have to. I don’t trust it. Men just… ughh”
On Kevin’s “wife in the trunk” joke:
“I told y’all I don’t trust nobody. It didn’t exactly happen like [Kevin said it did]. You know comedians have to exaggerate. But it wasn’t a trunk, it was a truck. I wasn’t in the trunk, that’s a little crazy. “
Watch Torrei’s interview on the next page.