All Articles Tagged "sex"

Put In Work: How To Burn The Most Calories During Sex

November 24th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Not that you needed another reason to get horizontal, but heating up the sheets can burn serious calories. And we could all use a little extra help during the holiday season. So make sure he sees you grab seconds so he can help you burn it off later on.

Calories During Sex

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Kissing

Sneak away for a few lip-locking breaks a day and you can burn up to 68 calories an hour. Make out on the couch like you’re handsy teenagers again and you can burn up to 500 calories an hour — but you might want to lock the door.

Are You Sure You’re Protected? Shocking Reasons Why Birth Control Fails

November 19th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Enjoy grapefruit juice? Like spending time in the sun? These are just some of the surprising factors that could be rendering your birth control methods ineffective.

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Your Weight

Did you know that the birth control pill isn’t as effective if you’re overweight?

Your risk of pregnancy while using birth control pills is 60% greater if your Mass Body Index (BMI) is at least 27.3 and 70% greater if it’s over 32.2.

Check your BMI here.

Beast Mode: Celebrities Who Are Reportedly Great In The Sack

November 14th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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What did Will Smith have to say about his bedroom skills? And who’s so good someone called sex with them like crack cocaine? Read on and find out.

Image Source: WENN.com

Image Source: WENN.com

Jessica Simpson

John Mayer told Playboy that he was literally addicted to sex with Jess:

“Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me… Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm…Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just f**kin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f**k you, I would start selling all my sh*t just to keep f**king you.”

That’s deep.

Stop Treating HIV As An Issue Of Morality

November 10th, 2014 - By TaMara Griffin
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HIV/AIDS in the African-American community

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Over the past week we have been bombarded by stories in the media regarding individuals intentionally infecting others with HIV. There has been a range of emotions implicitly expressing anger, outrage, harsh criticism, judgment and scrutiny (all of which help to facilitate the transmission of HIV) aimed at those allegedly responsible for infecting others. We criticize the public health, community-based, faith-based and social and human service agencies for failure to respond “appropriately” to the epidemic. And we automatically side with the victimized individual, yet fail to address their risk behaviors and sexual health accountability.

Often times those living with HIV exist in an environment of silence due to many factors that help perpetuate unspoken risk factors for the disease such as cultural norms, lack of education and skills, lack of self-esteem and self-efficacy, sexual orientation and gender identity, communication barriers, isolation, violence fear, stigma, and perceived exclusion from intimacy.  Are these reasons justifiable enough to excuse someone from knowingly infecting another individual? Absolutely not! But they do begin to shed light on why many individuals fail to come forward and disclose their HIV-positive status.

Let’s be clear, in no way am I suggesting that those purposely infecting others with HIV should not be held accountable and punished justly for their behavior because they should. After all, failure to disclose HIV status to future sex partners and/or knowingly infecting someone with HIV is considered to be a felony in many states. However, I am saying that everyone must also be held accountable and responsible for their own sexual health.

Learning to become intimately acquainted with ourselves and understanding our body is essential to having power over of our sexuality. Additionally, learning to understand, respect and communicate our sexual attitudes, beliefs, needs, wants and concerns, not only to our physicians but our current and potential partners, is imperative in helping to navigate healthier relationships and safer and more satisfying sexual experiences. Therefore, we must become our own sexpert! Building self-esteem and self-efficacy is the first step to embracing our sexual selves. We must learn to love, respect and accept ourselves — flaws and all. By doing so, we begin to free ourselves from the confines of judgment and scrutiny of others, thus giving ourselves permission to discover and explore our sexuality in a healthier and safer manner.

When it comes to HIV, an individual may be infected but the community is affected! Society needs to stop treating HIV as an issue of morality but rather as the public health epidemic destroying individuals, families and communities that it is. People can make excuses and justify a reason for every other issue of ethics and morality, but how dare we talk about sexuality in the same manner! We talk about religion, war, politics, or the state of the economy but we won’t talk about healthy sexuality and reproductive health; tools that can save our life or end it. If we begin to normalize conversations about all aspects of healthy sexuality and reproductive health, we will begin to see a paradigm shift and less people would become infected or die in silence. We need to get our heads out of the clouds, stop turning up our ethical noses, climb down off our moral high horses and, instead of judging, focus on a new “it factor:” normalizing conversations about sex and glamorizing prevention, which will make safer sex the new sexy. That’s a formula for saving lives.

Before you start pointing fingers and assigning blame, always remember that you are responsible for your sexual health! Not your partner, not anyone else but you! Keep in mind that every time you have unprotected sex with someone, you are having sex with every single person that they’ve had sex with. And every time you have sex with someone who’s HIV or STI status you do not know, you’re essential saying to them, I love you enough to let you kill me! Ask yourself one simple question: are these 10, maybe 15, minutes of sex worth dying for? I think not. Respect yourself enough to protect yourself. Wrap it up!

10517587_10152337526693315_3514000000734284521_nDr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

5 Things We Need To Stop Telling Girls About Sex

November 7th, 2014 - By TaMara Griffin
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Stop Telling Girls About Sex

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Mothers and big sisters are usually the first ones to tell their daughters about sex, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. As sensitive a subject as sex is, loved ones should definitely be the first ones to tell adolescents about it. However, our own biases and lack of knowledge can also taint impressionable youths’ vision of sexuality and reproductive health. So in the interest of not leading young girls astray, here are a few things we must stop telling them about sex.

1. Good girls don’t have sex!

Abstinence is great and we all wish that our girls practiced it, but in reality that’s just not the case.  So why turn a blind eye to the situation? It only adds to the problem.  We need to equip our girls with the truth so they can not only protect themselves but embrace and own their sexuality.

When we categorize sex as something that only bad girls do, we subconsciously send the message that “good” girls should not enjoy sex. The challenge this creates is that as our “good” girls grow up and become women who get married, and still are harboring the “good girls don’t” stigma. As a result, they are less likely to experience sexual pleasure with their partner; which can ultimately contribute to significant problems in their relationship. In addition, many girls who grow up with this belief may suffer from sexual dysfunction which may have been prevented if they grew up with a healthy view of sexuality.

2. Douching helps keep the vagina clean and healthy.

For years women have been told to douche in order to feel fresher, cleanse their vagina and keep it smelling spring time fresh. This belief has been passed down throughout generations and still remains a common practice today. The only reason we are still caught up in the belief that douching is relevant is because the media and companies like Vagisil and Massengill have a product to market and sell. It is their job to make us to believe that the vagina is dirty and nasty and in order to feel good about yourself and your vagina you need to use these products that will help the vagina smell like flowers. Having some vaginal odor and discharge is natural. However, if you notice a very strong or foul odor and/or a funny color discharge, it may be a sign of infection.

In recent years, many studies have shown that douching can actually be very harmful to the internal environment of the vagina. Douching can actually have adverse effects on the vagina by washing away healthy bacteria and pushing harmful bacteria further up into the vaginal canal. This can create an imbalance in the internal environment and make it much easier to get an infection.

The vagina is actually designed to cleanse itself. Washing the vagina with warm water is enough to keep it clean. Using perfumed bath and body products only irritate the sensitive lining of the vagina as well as the inner and outer delicate folds of the vulva, the labia minora and labia majoria. Utilize caution when using a face towel or luffa on the vulva, especially as they dry, because they can carry bacteria that may be harmful to the vulva as well. If you must use a soap, then stick to using a non-scented, alcohol-free soap only on the outside of the vulva area.

3. It’s not okay to call your vagina a vagina.

Vajayjay, twat, slit, p*ssy, beaver, kitty, punany, coota mama, coochie, black box, deep hole, down there, titties, watermelon, twins, boobs, and jugs are just a few of the slang names that we use when referring to our body parts. When you stop to think about it, many of these names are not cute at all! They are down right negative and derogatory. They send the wrong message about the female body. Not only that, some of these words are very uncomfortable to hear. When we teach our girls to use cutesy names instead of using the correct terminology for body parts and functions, it takes away the value. When we devalue something, we do not respect it and take care of it. This lack of respect or value of their body places girls at risk for sexually transmitted infections, HIV and pregnancy because they don’t value their body enough to protect it.

Using slang terms also limits girls’ ability to have an educated and informed conversation with their physician. Many physicians are not culturally competent. They do not understand the vernacular and slang terms that are sometimes used when referring to body parts and functions. This lack of understanding can lead to not receiving necessary treatment or appropriate quality of care. The bottom line is that if the physician cannot understand you, then how can s/he help you.

4. Don’t touch your body.

It’s important that we teach our girls that it’s OK to touch their bodies — after all they’re theirs. They must learn the body parts and functions, they must learn how to properly take care of their body, and they must learn what’s natural and healthy for their body. Teaching our girls not to touch their body only sends the message that their body parts and functions are something that is unnatural and nasty. It perpetuates stigma and helps create shame and guilt regarding the body. This negative view will ultimately contribute to unhealthy ideals about sexuality.

In order to fully discover, explore, and embrace their sexuality, girls must become intimately acquainted with their body. It’s essential to having power over of their sexuality and that begins by being comfortable enough to explore their body. Additionally it helps lay the foundation for learning to understand, respect and communicate sexual attitudes, beliefs, needs, wants and concerns, not only to their physicians but their future partners.

Lastly, by teaching girls to love and honor their bodies, it helps reduce body image issues and self-esteem challenges. Girls and women who love, respect and value their body are less likely to put themselves at risk.

5. Nothing 

In a day in age where sex sells everything from diapers to dog food and the media bombards us with oversexualized images of scantily clad women, we can’t afford to remain silent about sex. The danger of not talking to girls about their sexuality is that it doesn’t prepare them for becoming young women. Many adult women have shared horror stories about beginning their menstrual cycle and not having a clue about what was going on or how to take care of themselves. Imagine how terrifying that could be to a girl who has not been educated about her body.

Avoiding conversations about sex does not mean that girls aren’t going to do it. It only means that they are going to sneak and do it. We were created as sexual beings and we will be sexual beings until we die. Sex is a natural part of life. It’s who we are! It encompasses every dimension of our lives. The urge and desire to have sex does not go away. Not properly educating our girls with the knowledge, skills and tools is only creating a recipe for disaster. Ultimately, they will learn the information from somewhere and in most cases what they are learning is not accurate.

When should you start talking to girls about sex….as soon as they start asking questions. Everything should be done in a developmentally appropriate way. Be open and honest. Allow them to ask questions. If you don’t have the answers, find them! Also, please talk to them about all aspects of sexuality, not just about the physical aspects of sex. It’s important to make sure girls understand the emotional, spiritual, social, legal and economic repercussions of having sex. And while education about sex is great, you also need to take it a step further and teach them the skills. It’s great to say “use a condom” but if you don’t teach them the proper steps to use the condom, where to get the condom and how to negotiate safer sex, then it’s useless.

To all the men out there, please also talk to your daughters! Have a no-holds-barred conversation with her from the male perspective on sex and sexuality. Educate them on the qualities and characteristics men look for in a woman he is serious about.  Take your daughters out on a date! Become the standard of what she should look forward to from a man by demonstrating how a man should respect and treat a woman. Your actions will make the difference in the type of relationships and behaviors she engages in. It just might save her life!

While I do understand that having conversations about sex can be very uncomfortable, they are critical. If you are uninformed or uncomfortable talking about sex, then seek out the assistance of someone who is professionally qualified to have the conversation.

CatalystCon Pic

Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality.  She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

Are We Selling Sex Or Is Sex Selling Black Women?

October 31st, 2014 - By TaMara Griffin
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Selling Sex

Source: WENN

With all the buzz that was surrounding Nicki Minaj’s video “Anaconda,” I have to wonder as a Black women is this all we want for ourselves? Is this really a representation of Black women and our sexuality? Why must we continuously be the focus of hypersexualized videos in order to be relevant? Why must we allow ourselves to continue to be exploited like Mimi Faust and her infamous sex tape? Is this five minutes of fame worth our selling our souls and destroying our people? What statement does this send to our young girls who watch videos and reality TV shows and think that this is a way of life?

While many women are empowered enough to realize that this buffoonery is a form of “entertainment,” many women are not able to make that connection. Unfortunately as a result, many women and young girls end up modeling their lives after these reckless, negligent and thoughtless images. These images don’t represent nor promote sex positivity nor do they denote owning and embracing one’s sexuality. In fact, it’s just the opposite. These images actually represent a conflict of values, morals, and a lack of self esteem
and self-efficacy that contributes to putting oneself at risks for mental health issues, interpersonal violence, substance abuse, HIV and other sexually transmitted infections, etc.

Black women’s sexuality is already stereotyped, stigmatized, taboo and bogged down by layers of negative intergenerational patterns and ideologies that have been passed down from slavery. These ideologies were used to validate the inhumane sexual treatment of enslaved women. They were also used to imply that Black women were despicable and inferior. Unfortunately, these ideologies are still present. Today, the media uses these images in music videos, movies, television shows, and other forms of entertainment to continue to brainwash people into believing the negative stereotypes of Black women.

The prevailing images of Black women in the media include jezebels, baby-mamas, video vixens, chicken heads, gold diggers, angry Black women, and hoes. These images and ideologies, with their highly sexual undertones, helps to influence the way in which Black women view themselves. The more Black women see images of themselves getting famous for fitting into one of the aforementioned categories, the more likely they feel inclined to model what they see. In addition, these images helps to influence the way others value and interact with Black women.

While rappers, actors, entertainers and “reality” TV stars may not have signed up to become role models, they are! Once they step into the spotlight, they become a model for what is considered to be trendy and acceptable. These “celebrities” in many ways, good or bad, set the standard. But what standard are they setting and at what cost to Black women?

Unfortunately, Black women have become desensitized to seeing themselves portrayed negatively. While there aren’t any signs of these unhealthy images disappearing any time soon, there is definitely a need to counteract them in the media. We are in need of a cultural shift in sexuality, one that restores the dignity of Black women. It is time for Black women to reclaim our sexual images in society. We must ask ourselves the following questions: 1)Do we care about the type of women our girls grow up to become, 2) Is their public image worth defending, and 3) Is their sexual integrity worth protecting?

No longer can we sit in silence or stand idly on the sidelines while the images of Black women continue to be destroyed in the media. However, in order to change the trajectory, we need to begin with restoring Black women’s sense of value, worth and sexuality. We need to transform from the “ex’s,” “jezebel,” “angry Black woman,” “video vixen,” “gold digger,” “baby mama,” “chicken heads,” and “‘hoes” to self-respecting women, wives, mothers and leaders in our community. Once we do, we will be able to see a shift in our society that will begin to embrace and celebrate the true authentic essence of Black women’s sexuality.
Dr. TaMara G10517587_10152337526693315_3514000000734284521_nriffin loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin, Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-L.I.F.E. www.drtamaragriffin.com. She is also the Director of Project Create S.A.F.E. {Sexual Assault Free Environments} www.projectcreatesafe.com.

The Boardroom & The Bedroom: How Sex Can Help Your Career

October 29th, 2014 - By Ann Brown
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Shitterstock
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Sex can help your career. Yes, you read right. Having more sex can not only help decrease your stress levels at work, but could lead to a raise.

According to Inc., there are five ways in which sex can help your career.

One is more money. “People who have sex get paid more,” reports Inc. “Apparently there are some outside-of-the-bedroom perks for having more sex. One of those perks is a higher paycheck, at least according to research from the Institute for the Study of Labor.”  The study discovered people who have sex at least four times a week earn more money than those who don’t.

Another is sex acts as a stress reliever, which will result in a happier and healthier worker.  You may also live longer if you have a healthy sex life. “According to the book Your Doctor is Wrong by Sharon Norling, frequent orgasms can increase life expectancy by three to eight years. Plus, a study by Arizona State University showed sexual behavior with a partner correlated with lower negative mood and higher positive mood the following day in middle-aged women,” reports Inc.

Third, sex can boost your immune system, which will mean fewer sick days. During sex, the hormone Dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA) is released and among the benefits includes reducing symptoms in women with lupus and helping depression.

A side benefit– DHEA can take years off your real age. “According to a study by the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, people in their 40s who reported having 50 percent or more sex than their peers also appeared to be about seven to 13 years younger than their actual age when judged by a panel of strangers.

Sex can also get rid of office migraines. Another hormone released during sex is Oxytocin. Dubbed the “love hormone,” it is pain relief.

Lastly, sex and entrepreneurship go hand in hand. Entrepreneurs tend to have more sex. According to a recent survey of entrepreneurs, 14 percent reported having more sex after ditching their 9-to-5 job. “So it works both ways–more sex can help your career with better health and higher wages, and finally breaking out on your own and following your entrepreneurial dreams can lead to more sex,” reports Inc.

Hey Madame: How Do I Tell My Man I Need More Sexually?

October 29th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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 I Need More Sexually

Source: Shutterstock

Hey Madame,

How do I tell my man I need more sexually without hurting his feelings? By more I mean foreplay, endurance, and oral. He doesn’t do oral and I miiiiiiiissssss that. Basically, we just do it and go to sleep. I need passion and lengthy sessions. Please help because I’m thinking of cheating even though I don’t want to. I love this man dearly.

Veronica:  I just think you need to tell him. And there’s a great chance that you might hurt his feelings. But his response will tell you a lot, so pay attention. Tell him that you need more foreplay and perhaps suggest things he can do for endurance’s sake. (Do your own research.) And then ask him why he’s so anti-oral. If there’s no swaying him on that, then you’ll need to ask yourself if that’s something you require in a relationship. But uhhh… about that cheating thing? Naw. That’s a very punk move. Tell him you’re not satisfied, if he doesn’t respond well, break up. Cheating will only come to the light later and karma is very real. If you love this man as much as you say you do, cheating could mean losing him forever. Good luck.

Victoria: Don’t cheat. You should make the effort first to let your man know that you want to improve the sexual relationship that you have, and if he is resistant to change to the point that you’re unhappy, you should just leave before you step out. I would also encourage you to try and change things up on your own if you want things to be more passionate in the bedroom (you should still let him know your concerns though). Try some different positions by taking charge in executing them. Often times we want more but we expect men to do more in order to make that happen.

Initiate longer “make out sessions.” Bring in certain toys, lingerie or products to spice things up.Tell him in a tender way before you get straight into intercourse what exactly it is that you want (including him going down on you). Foreplay will definitely lead to longer sessions so do what you can to continuously encourage more kissing (when he tries to jump into intercourse, lightly resist–making him wait will be worth it), more oral play, more things that will keep you satisfied. They do say that closed mouths don’t get fed… Certain things might require more than just spicing it up between the two of you, as in the whole endurance issue. He might need to get in the gym, change up his diet or see a doctor about that. But for everything else, if you love this man dearly, you both should be able to work together to improve the sex life that you have together.

Jazmine: Cheating is definitely NOT the answer. It just sounds like the two of you need to work on improving your sex life. There are ways of communicating your wants and desires without being harsh or critical. Instead of beginning your statement with what he’s doing wrong, praise him for what he’s doing right and then make your suggestions. For example: “I really like when you do XYZ, but you know what I’d really like to try…” I’d also take advantage of that conversation as an opportunity to find out if there’s anything he’d like for you to do or try.

Lingerie almost always helps and as some have already suggested, I think doing research is pertinent because there’s so much information out there. It’s difficult to make suggestions when you’re not quite sure what you want yourself. Perhaps you can purchase a book on different positions and suggest that the two of you commit to trying some of the out. Also, it takes two to tango. There’s nothing wrong with you stepping up and taking charge.

I’m not really sure what to say about his refusal to perform oral. Maybe find out what his hang ups about it are and then move forward from there?

It really just sounds like you guys need to work on being comfortable enough to communicate your wants in the bedroom.

Brande: You have to have a conversation and, frankly, you probably should have had it before the first time you got it in — or at least after. If you like receiving oral sex and he hates performing it, it’s unlikely you’ll ever get the sexual pleasure you need. Plus, your man has been going along all this time thinking he’s doing his thing and he’s clearly not so it’s likely he won’t be too receptive to this feedback, at least initially. Tell him you’re not getting the pleasure you need and that sex is just as much about the intimacy around it as it is the physical act; hence he needs to spend more time getting you in the mood so you enjoy the moment just as much as he hopefully does. Whatever you do, don’t cheat. Walk away from the relationship before you do that. It’s not the answer and you know it.

Lauren: I think you need to assess why cheating would even be an option for you. As much as sex is physical, it is also a mental and emotional experience. Do you feel connected in these ways with your partner? Besides this, I think it is important you speak about how you feel with your significant other. In order to strengthen your sexual relationship, your communication needs to be sound. If you two cannot speak about what troubles you (or him) in the bedroom maturely without taking offense, it would be worth the thought to examine your personal hangups. Many couples say once they put each other’s needs first, everything aligns for them. Try that method, happy snuggling and then some!

These Celebs Were How Old When They Lost Their Virginity?

October 23rd, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Do you know how old these celebrities were when they lost their virginity? You might know when when Beyonce lost it. But you’ll never guess Weezy’s story — or Britney Spears’ big cover-up about hers.

Image Source: WENN.com

Image Source: WENN.com

Khloe Kardashian

Khloe told The View that she was 14 when she lost her virginity to an 18-year-old man. But Khloe says she regrets giving into the pressure to give it away, “I should have listened to my parents. Don’t let anyone pressure you, it’s not worth it and how I felt afterward.”

15 Embarrassing Sex Questions We’re All Afraid to Ask (And Their Answers)

October 16th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Is it supposed to smell like that? What’s a normal amount of orgasms? It can be hard to find someone who’ll respond to your embarrassing sex questions. So we gathered the answers right here.

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Can I Break His Penis?

The uncomfortable truth?: sort of. The penis isn’t a bone so it can’t technically break. But you can fracture it during vigorous sex by accidentally bending it. It’s a serious and painful injury that will involve a few awkward conversations in the ER and almost immediate surgery.