All Articles Tagged "sex"

All About The Clitoris, Part 2: How To Properly Please Your Pleasure Spot

December 19th, 2014 - By TaMara Griffin
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Source: Corbis

Source: Corbis

Forget what you’ve heard about chocolate and diamonds because the clitoris, which we reintroduced you to last week, is truly a woman’s best friend! In fact, they’re inseparable. While the mighty male penis may be a close friend indeed, it’s the clitoris that holds all the secrets to her pleasure. Understanding the secrets of this hot spot can make all the difference in the world between an ordinary and an extraordinary sexual experience!

However before you begin exploring all the ins and outs of the secret workings of the clitoris, be sure to check out these definite do’s and don’ts:

Don’t touch unless your hands are clean!
Just like mama said you should always wash your hands before dinner, you should always make sure you wash your hands before sexual pleasure as well. Make sure your hands and fingers are squeaky clean and your finger nails are well groomed. Bacteria that can mount on the hands and under fingernails can potentially infect the clitoris. Remember bacteria loves to thrive in warm and moist environments. Also make sure your fingernails are clipped and filed. A sharp or jagged fingernail on the most sensitive part of the body does not make for a good situation!

Do make sure you vary your strokes and techniques.
Consider yourself an artist as you paint your masterpiece. Use a combination of various strokes and techniques in order to ensure your greatest work of art comes forward! The same old stroke and/or technique can become pretty dull, boring, and even painful after a while. It can also ruin the entire experience. Consider incorporating the tongue — it’s the perfect tool for pleasure! As one of the strongest and most flexible muscles in the body, the tongue has the ability to twist, bend and fold. It can offer various stokes, apply pressure and even add the element of different textures. Try using fingers and even toys with your clitoral play; lightly nibbling or kissing the clitoral hood also helps spice things up a bit.

Do become intimately acquainted with her anatomy.
That might sound obvious, but very few people actually take the time to learn everything about the female body and how it functions. You don’t have to be a doctor, but you should have a basic understanding of the parts of the female anatomy and how they respond to pleasure. This information will help increase the pleasure you and your sexual partners experience as well as reduce risk for infection. After all, he more you know about how something works, the more you’re able to maximize its usage.

Don’t play too rough, she’s a lady!
The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve fibers. That’s a lot of sensitivity in one location! The wrong touch or move, no matter how slight, can change a moment of pure unadulterated pleasure into a scary nightmare. The same is true when it comes to using your teeth. Teeth are made for grinding and chewing food. Sharp teeth on an extremely sensitive clitoris… need I say more? It’s always best to err on the side of caution when it comes to lady clitoris. If you’re uncertain whether or not the touch or the teeth are too rough, just ASK! She’ll be glad you did.

Don’t skip on the lubrication, she’s not afraid to get wet!
Imagine continuously rubbing a very sensitive area of your body with extra-rough sandpaper. Ouch, right? Well that’s exactly how it feels when you continuously rub a non-lubricated clitoris over and over again. You can prevent this by getting natural vaginal fluids flowing during a steamy session of foreplay. However, if a woman doesn’t lubricate enough naturally, don’t be afraid to apply a water- or silicone-based lubricant. Stay away from coating the clitoris with oil-based or flavored lubricants, unless it’s glycerin free, because they’re not as hospitable to her environment. Remember the wetter the better.

Don’t blow on her. She gets cold quick.
Although it might be her birthday, don’t blow on the clitoris. It’s not a candle! This one might sound obvious, but thanks to advice in popular magazines and porn movies many people think that blowing air on the clitoris is a huge turn on. Not so much. Blowing huge gusts of air on the clitoris will only dry up the lubrication, causing discomfort. However, lightly breathing on the clitoris can provide a warm tingly sensation to the extremely sensitive nerve endings. FYI, blowing on the clitoris and breathing warmly on it are two completely different things. If you don’t know the difference, don’t even try it.

Do consider her time. It’s everything.
The clitoris can be extremely sensitive, especially shortly after an orgasm. Touching it at the wrong time can quickly turn a good time into a bad one. Gauge post-orgasm touch carefully, monitor any reaction and scale back the level of stimulation if necessary. Nothing is more uncomfortable than an over-stimulated clitoris.

Don’t be afraid to use her wing to help her fly!
Don’t just focus on the head of the clitoris!Although they’re not visual to the eye, the wings can help her fly into orgasmic intensity. At the height of sexual pleasure, the internal clitoris is extremely sensitive as well. Using your fingers, penis or a sex toy, to stroke the wings of the clitoris can send you or your beloved soaring into another world.

Do face the truth.
Can we all just face the clitoral truth? The clitoris has miraculous and mysterious power that demands respect, appreciation and attention. The more we understand about the center of a woman’s pleasure, the more we’re able to facilitate experiences of unparalleled bliss. The truth is that without the clitoris a woman would not experience as much sexual satisfaction. And when you combine clitoral stimulation with vaginal, g-spot, breast, vulva or other external stimulation, the experience is absolutely amazing. So, trust me when I say that she will thank you for taking the time to pay her clitoris the special attention it deserves.

 

Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 1CatalystCon Pic3, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

Merry XMas To Him: The Grapefruit Technique Guaranteed To Drive Him Crazy

December 17th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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The Grapefruit Technique

Image Source: Shutterstock

Have you heard about the “grapefruit?” It’s the technique that’s been going viral ever since Auntie Angel of Angel’s Erotic Solutions posted a demonstration online.

Men who’ve tried it swear there’s “nothing better.” Want to drive him crazy this Christmas? Click through for the tutorial.

Would You Ever Consider A Threesome? Watch What Happens To This Couple First

December 16th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Image Source: MTV

Image Source: MTV

True Life has finally answered the question on couples’ minds around America: What would happen if I had a threesome? Lucky for us, this Dallas couple found out for us — you won’t be able to guess what happens next.

Kisses Down Low: The Best Way To Prepare For Oral Sex

December 12th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Oral sex can be as stressful as it is pleasurable. Does it smell good? Does it taste good? Vaginas are complicated organs. But if you prepare for oral sex the right way, you’ll have nothing to worry about but sitting back and enjoying the ride.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Have A Fruit Smoothie

Fill it up with kiwi, strawberry and pineapple and other sweet-smelling fruits that will make you taste sweeter.

It’s All About The Clitoris: Part 1

December 12th, 2014 - By TaMara Griffin
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Shutterstock

Shutterstock

Who says a woman isn’t supposed to enjoy sex? Especially when women have been perfectly designed with their own special pleasure spot! Did you know this spot is the only organ in the human body with the sole function of providing pleasure? With over 8,000 nerve endings — more than its counterpart, the mighty male (circumcised) penis, which has about 4,000 — it’s no wonder why women can achieve multiple mind-blowing orgasms. According to some researchers, even stimulation of this organ accounts for 50 to 75 percent of most orgasms. And, over 90 percent of women experience their first orgasm through its direct stimulation. Even more amazingly, most women experience multiple orgasms as a result of direct or indirect stimulation of this special spot of precious pleasure. The Clitoris is her name.

So where exactly is she, the clitoris? Many women complain that their partner can’t find her, mistreat her, or don’t spend nearly enough time getting to know her. And the vast majority of women do stimulate her in order to enhance their sexual experience! She is a key player to sexual pleasure. She’s a small, round blossom of pinkish or brownish flesh located just above the vaginal opening. A true cutie but shy at times, she’s usually hiding under a soft fold of tissue called the “clitoral hood” that helps protect it from over stimulation. Her size and shape differs from woman to woman, but on average she’s about two-and-a-half to four inches long, similar to the length of a flaccid penis. How about that? But, it’s important to note that her size does not correlate with the amount of pleasure she gives. Treat her right with the right stimulation and the results of magnificent multitude can be achieved no matter her length.

There’s more to her than meets the eye! Only a small portion of her can be seen by the naked eye since about 75 percent of her is hidden internally. Most people only focus on her pretty bold head or “glans,”  but the clitoris is actually a complex network of nerves that stretch throughout the vagina and up into her woman’s body. Some of her hidden internal parts include: erectile tissue, glands, muscles, blood vessels, and nerves. Internally, the clitoris has a bulb, winged-like figure that is reminiscent of a wishbone and she sits on both sides of the urethra. These pretty wings are made of erectile tissue that extends beneath the inner lips of the vagina, and they fill with blood when her woman is aroused.

Once aroused, her bulb fills with blood, increasing her size and sensitivity, which may retract her hood to reveal her head. At the peak of pleasure or orgasm, she will return to her petite size. But sometimes when orgasm isn’t achieved, or for other reasons, her bulb may remain full. If it’s for longer than a few hours, her condition and discomfort is pretty much the female equivalent of “blue balls.”

Every woman is unique and therefore so is her clitoris — not only in appearance but in the way it maintains a satisfying level of sexual arousal as well. The sensitivity of the clitoris and how she likes it to be handled for pleasure varies greatly from woman to woman. The direct approach is not always the best approach when it comes to the clitoris. Some women don’t enjoy direct stimulation because the overall feeling can be very intense, which may eventually cause pain for them, while other women enjoy the intensity and direct pressure and/or stimulation of their clitoris because it feels exhilarating for them. Then there are others who prefer stimulation from the side area or on top of the clitoral hood and the feeling is just as breathtaking. But, if you or your partner are uncertain of your level of clitoral sensitivity, it’s always best to start out gently, nice and slow, then vary your touch depending on the reaction being conveyed.

Communication and knowing your partner is ultimately the key to providing sexual pleasure. Never assume you know how to please her. What worked for one partner may not necessarily work for the another. Take your time, explore her anatomy and appreciate her womanhood. In the end, your hard work will pay off! A sexually satisfied woman is always more willing to return the favor!

Stay tuned for Part 2 of It’s All About the Clitoris.
CatalystCon Pic

Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com  or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

The Fire We Make: Shockingly Bold Ways To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom

December 10th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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You two used to wear out the mattress springs. But now that your relationship has matured, things in the bedroom are… fizzling.

You’re not alone. And the good news is, there’s a lot you can do to spice things up in the bedroom again. You just have to be brave enough to try something bold.

Image Source: Vintage Books

Image Source: Vintage Books

Read 50 Shades Of Grey

And join the S&M revolution. But be careful before you crack open those pages. That book has spiced up so many bedrooms since it was published, it started a new baby boom. So maybe buy condoms first.

Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Female Ejaculation

November 28th, 2014 - By TaMara Griffin
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Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

The elusive female ejaculation, commonly known as gushing or squirting, is a phenomenon that has been popularized by the adult entertainment industry and it is actually more real than you think — that is, of course, minus the lights, camera, props and the beauty of editing!

So let’s say you’re having sex with your beloved and they hit that “spot” just right and all of a sudden you get the urge to pee. Afraid you’re going to urinate on your partner, you stop right in the middle of sex, cutting yourself short of experiencing the phenomenon known as female ejaculation. We don’t want you to do that anymore because you’re not about to pee. You’re about to you know what. So here’s everything you need to know about female ejaculation.

What is it? Female ejaculation refers to a watery fluid that originates in the G-Spot and is secreted by the Skenes/Paraurethral Glands through the urethra before and/or during orgasm. Although the fluid released during female ejaculation comes from the urethra, rest assured it is not urine. The fluid is female ejaculate, and it comes from the ducts around the urethra, not from the bladder, where urine is stored. The reason people may confuse female ejaculate with urine is the fact that female ejaculate can also sometimes travel back up into the bladder, which is called retrograde ejaculation. And because the female ejaculate may mix with urine and even share some of the same properties of urine- -urea and creatinine– many people think that it is urine; however that is not the case.

Female ejaculate is also distinctly different from normal vaginal fluid. Normal vaginal fluid can vary in taste, smell, color and consistency, depending on menstrual cycle, hormonal levels, food intake, presence of infection etc. Female ejaculate on the other hand is fairly consistent in taste, smell, color and consistency. It is a sweet smelling, watery type of fluid and is not the typical fluid that one sees when a woman is wet from sexual arousal or having had an orgasm.

What causes female ejaculation? During sexual arousal the G-Spot becomes enlarges and the tissue surrounding the urethra becomes engorged with blood and the Skenes/ Paraurethral glands begin to produce and fill with fluid. The rhythmic pressure from fingers, toys, a penis, or the contractions of an orgasm pushe the fluid out through the urethral opening causing ejaculation.The amount of fluid expelled during ejaculation can vary from woman to woman however the average amount is somewhere around two tablespoons. This depends on how hydrated a woman is and how much she pushes while ejaculating.

Can every women experience female ejaculation? All women have the Paraurethral / Skenes glands so all women are capable of producing this fluid and can eventually achieve female ejaculation! Interestingly enough, many women experience ejaculation during sex, but do not realize what’s happening and as a result, they cut the experience short for fear of “urinating on their partner.” That fear in turn leads to clenching down of the PC muscles which stop the fluid from coming out. The inability to relax, bare down and push prevents the release of the ejaculate. This inability usually comes down to a matter of inhibitions regarding sexuality, embarrassment, guilt, unfamiliarity with the female reproductive system, not being in touch with one’s own body, not having a thorough understanding of female ejaculation, lack of connection and/or sexual compatibility with one’s partner, and stress.

How can a woman increase her changes of experiencing female ejaculation? The first step is to stop trying! Like exploring everything else new in your experience of sex, you should work towards it but not put unnecessary stresses on yourself or your partner by making it your goal. Having goal-oriented sex almost always ensures that you will not reach your sexual goal. Addressing any psychological barriers that may contribute to your inability to fulfill sexual desires may also be helpful and/or it may be just be a matter of finding the right technique.

The most simple and effective way to bring yourself or your partner one step closer to allowing the waters to flow from within is by including some of the following tips into your regular sex play:

  • Strengthen your PC Muscles. Being able to contract and release your PC muscle can help with achieving female ejaculation
  • Add clitoral stimulation to your G-spot stimulation. Multiple forms of stimulation help to increase levels of arousal.
  • Locate your G-Spot. Try using a g-spot stimulator to help locate your G-Spot. Additionally, the G-Spot is usually much easier to locate after the first orgasm.
  • Try to urinate before sex play. Emptying your bladder will help to reduce anxiety around urinating on your partner.
  • Bare down and push when you feel like you are about to have an orgasm rather than clenching tight. This will help to force out any fluid that has built up in the Skenes/ Paraurethral glands. Whatever you do, don’t stop pushing just allow the fluid to flow. The orgasm will be very intense and pleasurable.
  • Seek the advice of a professional sex therapist or counselor. There may be some deeper issue blocking your ability to experience your sexual desires.

So the next time you are in the midst of sex play, give yourself permission to let go and experience the orgasmic intensity of a g-spot orgasm. Don’t worry it’s not pee — unless you didn’t empty your bladder first. Try to make yourself as comfortable as possible and try to enjoy what the experience has to offer you.Give yourself permission and freedom to let go and most importantly, have fun! Remember the journey is just as important as the destination!

 

IMG_1685Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

 

No Thanksgiving Invite? 7 Obvious Sign You’re A Jump Off

November 27th, 2014 - By TaMara Griffin
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7 Obvious Sign You're A Jump Off

Source: Shutterstock

So you’ve been “dating” this guy for quite sometime and you’re really starting to develop feelings for him. You’re ready to take things to the next level but you’re not quite sure how he feels. You finally muster up the courage to ask him just exactly where you stand with him and where the relationship is going and he responds with those dreadful words no woman ever wants to hear: “I’m not ready for a relationship,” “I’m just having fun right now,” or the all time favorite, “it’s not you, it’s me.”

Caught off guard, you can’t believe your ears because, after all, in your mind you have been spending “a lot” of time together, or have you? It’s time for you to assess your situation and realize that you probably were just a jump off. As hard as it may be to face the fact that you’ve been played, it’s a necessary period of reflection so you don’t find yourself in the same position again.

Here are 7 dead giveaway signs that you’re just a jump off. Warning: you may experience one or all of these signs at any given time.

1. The 2:00 a.m. phone calls. It’s 2:00 in the morning and your phone rings. Although you’re halfway sleep, you answer the phone only to hear a voice on the other end asking if he can stop by. Anxiously you agree because, after all, he called you instead of someone else so of course that must mean he’s so into you, right? Wrong! Nevertheless, you immediately jump out the bed and freshen up as you await for your company to arrive……at 2:00 a.m.

2. His friends don’t know you exist. Despite the fact he’s always hanging out with his friends, you’ve never met them nor does he ever invite you to. When a guy is truly into you, he doesn’t hesitate to show you off to his friends. He’s so proud to have you on his arm and in his life that he doesn’t waste anytime bragging on you.

3. No happy holidays. Thanksgiving is here and you eagerly made plans, anticipating spending time together. However he comes up with an excuse for why he’s not available to spend the day with you. Or even worse, he shows up at your house after all the festivities are over. And to make matters worse, he uses his mother, his kids or his job as an excuse.

4. He introduces you as just a friend. Whenever you’re out together and he runs into someone he knows, he introduces you, if he does at all, as just a friend. This introduction is necessary to let others know he’s not committed and still very much available to anyone who’s interested.

5. No daytime dates. Whenever the two of you get together it’s always at night in a low-key location without high visibility. His justification: “I want to spend some quiet alone time with you.” Although these outings are not really dates, he does just enough to show some interest to keep you hanging around just so he can hit it and quit it whenever he wants.

6. Affection equals sex. The only time he shows any affection is when you two are having sex. You desire more affection and attention but P.D.A. is so far off his radar that you would have better luck finding Waldo. Try denying him sex one night and watch how quickly he and your pseudo-relationship disappear.

7. You can’t get in touch with him. Like an old cell phone plan, his nights and weekends aren’t free! He is never available to talk when you want to, so you sit by the phone waiting for a call that never comes. He conveniently comes up with excuses that include: my phone was on vibrate, I didn’t hear it ringing, my phone was in the other room, I left it at home by accident or I was out of the area and I couldn’t get any reception (side-eye).

Whether we want to admit it or not, we have all played the fool for love. We auditioned, got the starring role and were unknowingly cast as the jump off in someone else’s relationship drama. While we can certainly say shame on them for doing us wrong, at some point it becomes shame on us for allowing ourselves to be done wrong. Once you have learned the signs of being a jump off, you have no one to thank, for your best actress in a drama award, but yourself. So take a bow and exit stage left. It’s time for women to become more responsible and accountable for ourselves, get off the emotional roller coaster and require better for our love lives.

CatalystCon Pic

Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist!  Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

Put In Work: How To Burn The Most Calories During Sex

November 24th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Not that you needed another reason to get horizontal, but heating up the sheets can burn serious calories. And we could all use a little extra help during the holiday season. So make sure he sees you grab seconds so he can help you burn it off later on.

Calories During Sex

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Kissing

Sneak away for a few lip-locking breaks a day and you can burn up to 68 calories an hour. Make out on the couch like you’re handsy teenagers again and you can burn up to 500 calories an hour — but you might want to lock the door.

Are You Sure You’re Protected? Shocking Reasons Why Birth Control Fails

November 19th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Enjoy grapefruit juice? Like spending time in the sun? These are just some of the surprising factors that could be rendering your birth control methods ineffective.

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Your Weight

Did you know that the birth control pill isn’t as effective if you’re overweight?

Your risk of pregnancy while using birth control pills is 60% greater if your Mass Body Index (BMI) is at least 27.3 and 70% greater if it’s over 32.2.

Check your BMI here.