All Articles Tagged "sex"

Sex After Pregnancy: A New Mother Still Has Her Needs

July 18th, 2014 - By Tanvier Peart
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Source: Corbis

Source: Corbis

If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my pregnancy experience it’s that everyone has their own journey. It’s great to get pointers from other mothers on what to expect and how things will go, but in the end your body is going to do what your body will do. It’s been five months since I had my first child, a son, and, thankfully, I was able to remain active on the exercise front throughout the entire pregnancy, and give birth without meds after being in the hospital for seven hours.

Source: Corbis

Source: Corbis

The pregnancy and birthing experience was similar to what some of my girlfriends told me I could expect, but one area that didn’t pan out quite how I thought was my desire for sex. Now let me preface this by saying I don’t have the sex drive and sadly –  for my husband at least — did not experience the increased libido I’ve heard other pregnant ladies brag about. My husband and I had sex throughout the entire pregnancy but we weren’t hanging from chandeliers or anything — not that I could. What’s funny is how many sexual dreams I began to have after my pregnancy that made me feel like a teenager. “Why on Earth was I thinking about bumpin’ and grindin’ when I have a child?” I thought. “I just gave birth!”

Even though I was back in the gym within a few weeks of giving birth, I made the decision to wait the full six to eight weeks before I could open up my stairway to heaven below. Regardless of your pregnancy experience, if you delivered vaginally then you know how sore your lady part gets – and how long it feels sore. God bless my husband for being patient (what else could he do), but I surely did play double dutch with my emotions. One day I was ready to give sex a try only to take it back out of fear.

Source: Corbis

Source: Corbis

I’m not gonna lie, the first time after giving birth felt like the first time ever. I was awkward and very fearful that I was going to rip something – even though my stitches had already dissolved. After the second time I felt a bit silly. “What am I doing?” I said to myself. “No man part is going to break my sweet Nancy.” And then it dawned on me, I just gave birth, got my snatch back within three weeks and proudly joined the mother’s club. What do I have to be fearful of? If men think there’s something sexy about a pregnant woman then us ladies need to think there’s something even hotter about a mother who gave birth. Our bodies change, we get more curves, and we are now in charge of this little blessing of life.

From then on I started to think about myself in a new light – one with self-confidence and awareness. Damnit I looked good for being someone’s mother and didn’t need to wear a MILF t-shirt to show it. It was this confidence that made love making with my husband all the more special. I switched up my intimate apparel, made sure to stay fresh and ready by way of Vagisil’s Moisturizing Wash, and became this new woman around my husband. He was shocked when I would prance around him and give him a peep show once our son was sleep. Granted I didn’t do it all the time because we were both tired from waking up at night, but there was this vixen I felt needed to get out.

We had midday meetings where we didn’t make it to the bedroom and took each other in the hallway. If I heard a sensual song I would save it on my phone and add it to my “lovemaking soundtrack.” Child I even invented characters like Keisha from the South (random I know) who would twerk and ride if you know what I mean.

I reclaimed my sexual empowerment not because my husband was a good man and stuck it out, but because I deserved loving too. Our love life since the birth of our son has been wilder, more random and freakier than before. I see why Beyoncé made a grown woman’s album!

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#Surfbort: Help! I Broke My Boyfriend’s Pen*s

July 16th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

 

 

By XoJane, For YourTango

One time, when I was 17, I broke my boyfriend’s pen*s.

We had been cooped up for days in his mother’s basement which had a kitchenette and a bathroom and a TV, so we saw no reason to leave. This was summer in East LA, so the sounds that floated in our window were of chickens and barking dogs and car alarms. One time, there was a foot chase that we watched cautiously out his bedroom window, the tottering, overweight policeman tripping down the ravine with his flashlight, the person he was chasing already lost in the dark.

In the midst of this, we were two quasi-intellectual weirdos, content to read poetry, eat peanut butter sandwiches, and screw each other’s brains out. Which is what we had been doing for a full 72 hours before I broke his pen*s.As to how it actually happened, I am still unclear. My experience was this: It was the middle of the night. I had taken my contacts out, so I was almost entirely blind. The room was dark.

Read more abot this incident at YourTango.com 

Exclusive: Writer Feminista Jones Talks Sex & Spirituality, Sex With A Bonnet & Her Love Of Erotic Asphyxiation

July 14th, 2014 - By Veronica Wells
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#SmartBlackWomenOfTwitter

Source: Twitter

This weekend we had the pleasure of attending Tribe Called Curl’s “Kinks Come Out At Night.” The Brooklyn event which discussed natural hair, sexuality and the intersection of the two featured a burlesque show, panel discussions, goodie bags, a natural hair expo, a musical performance and special presentations from a Bedroom Kandi representative.

During the evening, sex positive, feminist writer Feminista Jones hosted the event and spoke on a panel where everything from first sexual experiences to anal sex were discussed. Afterward, we spoke with Feminsta Jones about being comfortable in expressing her own sexuality, how she reconciles her spirituality and sexuality and her love of erotic asphyxiation.

MN: When would you say you felt comfortable with speaking about your sexuality and weren’t concerned with judgment? 

FJ: Since I was like an adolescent. My mom was very open and liberal. In the 1980′s my mom was a really big HIV/AIDS activist. She was very big in the LGBT community. So she was always very  openly talking about sex and sexual awareness and health and things like that. My mom was very liberal and she really raised me to be comfortable with who I am and to talk about those things. My dad was in the picture but a lot of times it was me and her and so we would have these conversations. And I’ve just always been curious. I’m an Aries and I’m an only child so I’ve always been really curious and exploring. “What’s this? What’s this? What’s that?” Never stopped. And I felt compelled as a black woman to talk about the sex that I felt like we were not allowed to talk about. Historically, our sex has been taken from us and robbed from us but we have a right to own it. So I feel like that’s my advocacy, my resistance, that’s my fighting against white supremacy, is just talking about sex.

MN: I heard you talk about Ramadan so how do you navigate your spirituality and your sexuality?

FJ: So I’m not officially a Muslim. My boyfriend is and I participate in Ramadan in solidarity with him. But I am looking towards reverting to Islam. I reconcile it in that my understanding of the faith is not based on a dogma and is not based on other people’s interpretation. I grew up in a Christian household and I grew up in the church, like literally Wednesdays, Sundays, twice Fridays whatever. And I left it because it just didn’t resonate with me anymore. I didn’t feel it in my spirit. I was just like “I’m not convicted. I’m not convicted” and I became interested in Islam a few years ago and I’ve been just kind of studying and I’m feeling more and more compelled. For me, it’s like this is who I am and I feel that I will be accepted as I am. And I don’t feel that I need to go with what “man” says because there’s a lot of oppression in that. I’m just going to be me. My boyfriend approves of it, he loves it the way I am and he celebrates me. The only thing that might change is that I might culturally wear a hijab or a veil or something like that, maybe a niqab just something to cover whatever but outside of that, not really. And I follow a lot of sex positive Muslim feminists on Twitter. They’re very open about these things too, so I’m learning a lot from them about on how to reconcile those things.

MN: Talk to me about the bonnet. I’ve heard far too many black men speak out against sleeping with or having sex with a woman who’s wearing a bonnet or scarf. 

FJ: It’s a reminder that you’re black. Honestly, I’ve seen enough of these conversations to know that a lot of these guys want girls that don’t need satin bonnets. In that they’re kind of saying I want a girl whose hair does not need to be wrapped up in that way. That shows an ignorance in the care for natural hair. They don’t really know what goes into it. A lot of them are used to dealing with girls who’ve had relaxers that maybe don’t really do that. Or they prefer women whose hair textures don’t really require that, although it benefits all women, still they kind of see it as a black girl thing. A lot of these young people, especially online, are trying to avoid black girl things. And I think it’s a rejection of that blackness part of us. That’s kind of what I see it’s tied to. And I just think you know, they’re dudes, fuck ‘em. I’m sorry. They’re going to pick on anything about us, they’re going to find some kind of way to complain about something that we do that doesn’t work for them. The guys that I know, don’t give a shit. I don’t know a man over thirty who actually has a job, has a real life, is an active member of the world who cares whether or not you have a bonnet on your head. Are you giving him head? Good. You can have whatever you want on your head. That’s how they feel.

MN: Let’s talk about trust. I know a lot of women are doing things they don’t necessarily feel comfortable doing just to satisfy their partner. Can you speak a little bit about the importance of really trusting someone and not doing anything you just don’t feel comfortable doing. 

FJ: I mean I think ultimately, it’s about you trusting yourself and your ability to make the right judgment calls when it comes to people. And if you trust yourself to make the right judgment calls, you’ll probably choose people with whom you feel extremely comfortable.

MN: Outside the bedroom?

FJ: Outside the bedroom, right. It’s always outside of the bedroom first. When you move into the bedroom, you have to trust yourself to communicate with somebody and you have to trust that person that what you say to them and what you express to them, however it is, is going to be received with respect, with care, with tenderness and it’s not going to be exploited. And I think unfortunately, unfortunately, many women are not taking the time to find out is this person going to exploit my body, my heart, my mind for their personal gain. You have to start there. And I think from there, once you establish that trust and once you feel like I’ve told you this about me and you responded in a way that makes me feel safe and protected, let’s try these other things.

MN: Talk to me about erotic asphyxiation. How did you first find out you were into that?

FJ: Actually a guy just kind of did it. It came out of nowhere. He was in the middle and he just wrapped his hand around my throat and was just like (makes a squeezing noise). And I was like “Oh, Daddy.” I don’t call men daddy anymore. But it really was one of those happenstance kind of things. It was something I guess he was into and just kind of slipped up and did it. And I realized then I like this, I like the way this feels. I like the control aspect of that. I like the losing of my breath. I like what it does to my body. So…yeah. That’s when I got into it. And then I would have partners that wouldn’t do it and I realized I was like “Ok…I mean this is ok.” But I realized it’s a thing for me. And so my current boyfriend, it took him a while to get comfortable because he was raised, you don’t put your hands on women, you don’t hurt them and things like that. But it was something that he’s always been into. And he finally [trusts] me, who makes him feel safe doing it and so now it happens all the time. It’s awesome.

MN: Why don’t you call men Daddy anymore?

FJ: That was just a one time…I was stupid when I was young. I have a really strong relationship with my own father who I call Daddy and I’m not really into the age play kind of thing. That’s a fetish for some people. I’m not into that. So I don’t call men daddy, they’re not my daddy. George is my Daddy. I’m still a Daddy’s girl.

 

To learn more about Tribe Called Curl, visit their Facebook page here. 

Straight From His Mouth: Do Men Lose Respect For Women After First Date Sex?

July 14th, 2014 - By RealGoesRight
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First date sex

Source: Corbis

At some point during Steve Harvey’s “reign of terror,” there was an intense debate on the politics of when a woman should feel comfortable enough to sleep with a man of her choosing. The rhetoric at that time period stated a woman should enforce a 90-day rule in order to not lose the respect of the man she wanted to sleep with. The rule was also suggested to allow a woman time to properly assess whether the man in question actually liked her for her, or just liked her for sex. I was a relatively young lad at the time thinking to myself, “do mean really disrespect women if they sleep with them on the first date?” The short answer, per usual, is it depends on the man in question, but it bears writing that I have never actually seen this line of thinking in action.

In my personal conversations with men sleeping with women after a first date, I haven’t really heard anything negative.  Sleeping together quickly doesn’t cancel out the chance for a relationship, her “worth” as a woman hasn’t been affected in a negative manner, and it hardly ever amounts to anything more than, “the date was great so we ended up having sex afterward.” Because I’ve seen that side of this particular situation so frequently it really hadn’t dawned on me that men felt the opposite way until I got a little older. So let’s address that.

Men who judge women for having sex with them on the first date are allowed to do so, although I’m not sure how they reconcile having less respect for a woman they chose to sleep with on a first date when they were active participants. For women, I’d imagine it’s a bit hard to tell when those are the men they’re choosing to sleep with (which may lend credence to Steve Harvey’s much maligned/celebrated plan to wait and see).  In any event, I’m of the opinion a man judging a woman’s ability to make an adult decision based on the timeliness of sex, likely has his own issues regarding either sex or women’s sexuality. That might seem like a stretch, but when you consider the fact a man in this situation is essentially placing the blame solely on the woman and sees her as “less than” while not penalizing himself for doing the same, it doesn’t exactly speak highly of him. Women ought to be more cognizant of situations like that, but given the patriarchal society we live in, unfortunately, too many women will place the blame on themselves as well.

Switching gears a bit, I’d like to provide another perspective on this situation too. Over the course of my years on this Earth, I’ve heard a number of women assume that the reason a man didn’t want to date them after they had sex on the first date is because he no longer respected them. Being on the other side of that conversation as well, I can say the answer to that perception is a tad bit more varied than women would like to believe. In some cases, it isn’t really a problem of sleeping with a woman on the first date, rather the sex was weak so he simply opted not to further engage in the relationship anymore. In other cases, I’ve heard men say there were interested in a woman but the situation (as often happens in dating) just fell apart and never grew into anything. I say that to say there are times where women might attribute early sex as the reason why a man no longer wanted to date them when in reality it was something else entirely.

Suffice it to say there are men out there who no longer respect women after they have sex with them on the first date. There are also men out there who have loved and married women they slept with on the first date. There isn’t a universal answer on this topic. Chances are, if a man is penalizing a woman for having sex on the first date, he probably has a deeper issue which likely has nothing to do with women in general and everything to do with the society he grew up in and how thinks the actions of women should be dictated. In some cases, lack of respect after sex on the first date may not be why the relationship never matured. There were other factors, but that just happened to be the easiest one to point to.

Peace.

Girl, Don’t Kill His Vibe! The Real Reason Why He Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With You

July 10th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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Shutterstock

Shutterstock

 

By Laurel House, For YourTango 

There’s no question that we can all use a little reassurance from time to time but constantly requiring affirmation is a major turnoff (not to mention a total hit to your partner’s sex drive). If you often find yourself asking him “Does this make me look fat?” or “Do you see the roll over my jeans?”, we’re going to have to stop you right there because this intervention is more than necessary.

Dating expert Laurel House dishes on why complaining or pointing out what you consider are your “flaws” won’t win you any points. Guys think you’re sexy until you convince them otherwise. Think about it for a second: Would you really be hot and bothered if your guy always second guessed himself or would you just plain be bothered? Even though we’re all insecure about something, this doesn’t make it healthy to continuously criticize yourself and get upset when he can’t see the imperfections that you do see.


Read on for more information on what men think is s*xy at YourTango.com 

Should You Have To Sign A Contract Of Consent Before Sex?

July 1st, 2014 - By Charing Ball
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Shutterstock

Shutterstock

A new bill working its way through the California legislation will likely revolutionize the way college campuses and students consent to sexual activity. But are the proposed changes the kind of changes needed?

The bill is called SB-967, and it was introduced by California Democratic state Sens. Kevin De Leon and Hannah-Beth Jackson, as well as coauthored by Assemblywoman Bonnie Lowenthal. And according to the language, the bill seeks to amend the student safety section of the state’s Education Code, to require college students in particular to provide “affirmative consent” prior to engaging in any sexual activity, including kissing.

According to various published reports, the bill, which has already passed the state senate and is working its way through the state Assembly, would also require California colleges and universities receiving state funds for financial aid to create and implement policies and standards to not only address affirmative consent, but also for those institutions to “implement comprehensive prevention and outreach programs addressing sexual assault, domestic violence, dating violence, and stalking.”

As many supporters of the legislations have noted, this bill does away with the often murky blurred lines of consent, which results from tough to prove cases of sexual assault like date rape and when the victim is intoxicated or passed out. Now alleged offenders would have to prove that consent in the affirmative was given prior to engaging in sex, as opposed to the old way, which relied on alleged victims of sexual assault, having to prove that they said no.

However the response to the bill has been a pretty mixed bag. As Emma Woolf writes in her piece for The Daily Beast, entitled Does California’s College Rape Bill Go Too Far In Regulating Sex?, the bill has its problems, particularly how -as it is currently written – a consenting couple would have to seek permission for each sexual act, prior to it actually occurring. And by definition, that would make every single sexual act in the state of California rape in the pretext. More specifically she notes:

But what about regular physical intimacy between regular (non-criminal) students? Are we in danger, in the rush to legislate, of ruining the moment? When I was a teenager, the stages of physical intimacy were called bases: so you might go to first base, second base, third base, or “all the way.” (I don’t remember any young men checking in between bases…)

Comedians love to satirise this kind of law: “May I touch your left breast?’ “You may touch my left breast’; “May I touch your right breast?’ etc. Comedy aside, the conviction rate for rape and other sexual crimes is scandalously low, and this bill seems unlikely to right that wrong. The tragic fact is that rape can and does happen within marriages: once again, SB 967 does nothing to address that.

But in a response to those criticisms, Martha Kemper of the reproduction rights and sexual health website, Reality Check, points out in her piece, Is Affirmative Consent the Answer to Sexual Assault on College Campuses?, that kind of thinking belittles the act of consent and the paranoia of those who are being overly sensitive. Instead, Kemper writes about the law’s potential to address rape culture as a whole:

But communication is still important. Young men have been taught by our society that their role in relationships is to want sex badly, and women’s is to reluctantly give it to them. Many have never really been taught what is and isn’t consent—except, perhaps, “no means no.” That does not excuse any man who rapes, but it is a problem. Fostering a culture of affirmative consent among both parties could prevent at least some men from raping.”

That is an important point to note considering the US Department of Education is currently investigating 55 colleges and universities for allegedly mishandling sexual assault cases. Personally, I feel like this law is potentially some game-changing stuff here. In addition to getting folks to think in new ways about how we communicate sexually including consent. It looks like it will begin to hold education institutions more accountable. But I do worry about the implication and those pesky grey areas. Like how can expressed consent, particularly the verbal kind, be proven when the people involved are disputing the claim? And whose word will matter more? If the we currently treat sexual assault victims in the legal justice system is any indication, potential victims of sexual assault might run into some of the same institutional barriers and biases, particularly the discrediting women through slut-shaming, they had before.

 

 

Straight From His Mouth: Do Men Mind When Women Discuss Sex With Their Girlfriends?

June 9th, 2014 - By RealGoesRight
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Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Today’s topic, if the title hasn’t already given it away, is how do men feel about women sharing the details of their sex life. Personally, I think it all depends on my relation to the woman in question. Generally I’m all for discretion, so I’d prefer if any woman I dealt with kept whatever happened between us, between us. In any event, I’d like to categorize the different relationships I’ve had with women and determine why it’s either appropriate or inappropriate for a woman to dish out sexual details to her friends. I would also like to preface the rest of this post by saying that I’m assuming any woman dishing out on the sex at this point has good things to say. If she’s giving out a bad report, I don’t think I know any man who wants a woman he’s slept with to share that information. Let’s proceed.

Girlfriend: I, personally, don’t see how this is going to do any good. I’d understand if we were still in the “not yet committed” portion of the relationship and the way I put it down was just so fantastic you felt the need to share the information with a friend. At this particular point, the relationship is new, the experiences are new, and since a woman at this stage isn’t really sure where this situation is going yet, it tends to be little more than just gossip between women. But once I’m her boyfriend, I’m expecting all questions regarding my sexual prowess to be met with either an approving smile or a physical reaction of pleasure to emphasize how good I’m laying it down. Otherwise, keep it cute and keep it respectful. As a man, I don’t dish out the details of my sex with my woman to my homeboys. That’s against the rules. Sharing information about random women we’re not in relationships with is fine. Sharing sex information about a woman I plan on spending my life with is a violation.

Current Sex Partner: If I’m engaging in a casual sexual relationship with a woman, then I’d probably want her to keep her mouth shut too, although for a different reason. If the relationship is casual, it’s only a matter of time before someone catches feelings and that relationship will come to an end. Searching for new casual sex partners can be a real headache and I’d rather not have the pool of available women ruined because the girl I was messing with told her friends and now her friends are interested but don’t want to go there because I “used to mess with her friend.” Keeping our sexual details under wraps means there’s a greater chance I’m being described to her friends as a nameless and faceless lover. I’m a fan of the least amount of obstacles possible when it comes to these kind of situations so her keeping me anonymous makes it easier for me to make any moves in the future.

Past/Current (Bi)Sex(ual) Partner: Here’s one of the few instances where telling girlfriends about how good my sex is, is absolutely appropriate. If the woman I’m sleeping with also happens to like women, wants to be involved in a threesome, and is currently recruiting any of her friends to join us, I have no qualms about the dishing of the details. Hell, I’ll even help them with the dishing of the details if need be. The benefits of this arrangement should be obvious.

In most cases, I’m more of a “what happens in our bedroom stays in our bedroom” kind of guy. I believe if a woman is my girlfriend, it’s inappropriate to discuss what goes on in our bedroom with her friends because we’re in a relationship. If it’s a woman I’m sleeping with casually, I’d prefer she kept her mouth shut as well, but that’s less of a respect issue and more of a “I might want to have sex with one of your friends too” type of issue. Lastly, if it’s a casual encounter with a woman who wants to have a threesome with me and another one of her girlfriends, then she can dish out as much info as she wants. As a small caveat: if my girlfriend is interested in having a threesome with one of her girlfriends, the rules for the casual bisexual partner are in play here as well.

 

12 Of The Most Awkward Sexual Situations

June 5th, 2014 - By Zainab Karim
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Sometimes bad experiences in bed can turn into jokes that are told over and over for comic relief — or they can become terribly embarrassing moments that you’d wish never to speak of again. Whatever the case, awkward sexual experiences happen and are pretty much unavoidable, but they can also teach us lessons. Checkout these awkward sexual situations and add yours to the list, if you dare.

Drunk And Not In Love

Awkward Sexual Situations

Source: Shutterstock

It may seem appealing to get really drunk and have wild sex, but the reality is that drunk sex is not always fun. The outcome of drunk sex can be: a flaccid p*nis, vomiting and/or unprotected sex. We may want to leave drunk sex for the movies and songs. 

Should Your Man Try The New Galactic Cap Condom?

June 4th, 2014 - By Lauren R.D. Fox
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Shutterstock

We learned the basics about contraception when we were preteens in junior high school. My how things change! And now your relationship with condoms may change forever. Film producer Charlie Powell has invented of the Galactic Cap (GCap), which promises to increase sexual sensitivity while still providing the protection we look for in a reliable condom. Powell was inspired to create this product when his friend died after contracting HIV during the 1980s.

“Initially, the Galactic Cap is designed only as a pregnancy prevention product,” Powell says in a video introduction of his invention. “It will greatly reduce unwanted pregnancy because it enhances sexual pleasure, and this enjoyment will encourage its use.”

Perhaps because of the fear-inducing sex education many young people get, the condom is largely viewed as a “necessary evil,” according to Medical Daily. Moreover, condoms can never guarantee full protection from pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. (Though you’re certainly better off using one. Please use them people!) Also, condoms decrease the physical sensitivity between partners. This version promises something different.

The GCap, is a two piece prophylactic device that fits on the tip of male genitals. One piece is U-shaped polyurethane that can be applied hours or days before sex, surviving showers and urination. The second piece is the reservoir tip that attaches with adhesive and leaves the genital shaft exposed. It should applied prior to engaging in sexual activity. Powell, speaking with LA Weekly, promises that his version of the condom gives users everything they’re looking for from the experience, including a “more powerful orgasm.”

It should be noted, however, that Powell has yet to receive approval from the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). But it has gotten the thumbs up from members of the adult entertainment industry.

A delegation of adult stars, the Free Speech Coalition, has lobbied lawmakers in Sacramento over the use of traditional condoms in their industry. In California, condoms were just recently made mandatory for the adult industry. But it believes the look of a traditional condom turns off the audience and violates their First Amendment rights. This invention could provide an alternative.

Powell launched an Indiegogo campaign page on June 1, raising $2,905 so far.

Below is an infomercial for the Galactic Cap. Would you “get down” with it?

What’s Your Motive? 5 Reasons Why People Have Casual Sex

May 30th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From YourTango

It’s a familiar scene: a thriving nightlife, a club or maybe a wine bar where glasses are clinking and singles are mingling before drifting off into the shadows — two by two. It’s not the perfect picture of romance, but when you’re caught up in the moment, a warm body feels like a fair substitute for love, right?

Hooking up is just a reality of the dating scene. But since when did the hookup scene become the place to find love? While you may think you’re just living the carefree single life, your brain is influencing your decisions more than you might want to admit.

1. Your Brain On Hooking Up: Men & Women Have Different Morning-After Emotions

We all know that love is a powerful drug. It’s comparable to being addicted to crack cocaine. Literally. The shared, near-identical effect amounts to a rush of feel-good chemicals in your brain (or a “high”) that leaves you with an enhanced mood, a heightened sexual interest and a boost of self-confidence … not to mention impaired judgment that can influence you to make poor decisions in the dark of night that you come to regret in the light of day (that is, the morning after).

 

The proof to this morning-after regret? Psychologist Anne Campbell from the Durham University in England surveyed more than 3,300 people between the ages of 17 and 40. Half of them — men and women equally included — reported having experienced a one-night stand. She asked them to describe their experiences and, more importantly, the emotions they experienced the morning after. Her research on casual sex found that despite women’s claims that they can have carefree sex unattached: 80 percent of men had overall positive feelings; meanwhile, only 54 percent of women had positive feelings.

 

Instead, they felt “regret at being used.” Women said, “I felt cheap,” “horrified afterward,” and “I felt degraded. Made myself look cheap and easy. Total regret.”

 

2. There’s A Connection Between Poor Mental State & Casual Sex
So why do we do it? Over and over again? It all has to do with motive. A study conducted by researchers from Ohio State and published in the Journal Of Sex Research sought to clarify whether the state of someone’s mental health determined how often they had random sexual encounters and vice-versa. In surveying the sexual behaviors and mental health of 10,000 people, those who reported serious thoughts of suicide or more depressive symptoms as teens were more likely to engage in casual sex as young adults. In other words, poor mental state and casual sex do reinforce each other — in both men and women.

 

3. Is There A “Hookup” Gene? Actually, Yes
In studying human sexual behavior, Justin Garcia and his research team from State University of New York at Binghamton, he suggests that a person’s DNA may be to blame when it comes to infidelity and sexual promiscuity. For their widely cited study, published in PloS One, they surveyed 181 young adults on their sexual history and tested them for a gene called DRD4, which affects levels of dopamine in the brain and has been associated with ADHD, alcoholism, as well as compulsive, risk-taking behaviors such as partying and gambling. Out of the subject pool, 43 tested positive for the gene, and according to the researchers, “report a greater categorical rate of promiscuous sexual behavior (i.e., having ever had a ‘one-night stand’) and report a more than 50 percent increase in instances of sexual infidelity.”

 

Does that leave you off the hook to cheat? The experts reiterate that your genetic makeup isn’t the only influence over your sexual behavior.

Read more about hookups at YourTango.com