All Articles Tagged "sex"
By Dr. Kat Van Kirk
Parents have to learn to become opportunists when it comes for their sex life. I see too many couples wait for the stars to align for the perfect tryst and then it never happens. Decide to prioritize sex by getting it in whenever you can, be it in the shower or under the sheet before your kids raid your bed in the morning. Sometimes focusing on a little quantity will improve the quality of your sex.
Removing the expectation of orgasm for each time you have sex can be freeing for parents
Learning to focus on sensation and enjoying the multitude of benefits from sex can help you build arousal and not be focused on “getting it done.”
Do something, anything different
Research by the Gottman Institute suggests that those sexual relationships that maintain spontaneity in their relationships last longer with higher levels of satisfaction. Therapeutically, I have found that learning to be spontaneous can involve small changes that have a big pay off. Anything from having sex on the other side of the bed, to a quick hand job in the car while you are in the driveway accomplishes this.
Screens and technology tend to take up an inordinate amount of time
It can make us less present in our relationships and therefore less likely to have sex. Learn to put your phone down by dinnertime each night and never bring it into bed with you.
Here are some fun products from Adam & Eve ways to change things up a bit so you stay out of a rut in the bedroom. Adam & Eve has perfect products for every type of couple, including those that:
· Prefer couple-friendly toys – Try: Eve’s Remote Control Vibrating Egg – Take kinky couples’ fun to a whole new level! With Eve’s Remote Control Egg, you can feel and control the buzz wirelessly. Tease your hot spots with the egg’s vibrations and silky-smooth coated surface. The handheld remote lets you switch modes easily for maximum fun. Also try the Scarlet Submission Kit, which includes all you’ll need to tie your lover to the bed for a kinky flogging or blindfold them and tickle their hot spots with a feather.
· Are adventurous in bed – Try: Scarlet Couture Glass Duo Balls – These balls can stimulate your nerves for hours on end with gentle, low-key pleasure that will slowly but surely drive you wild! Ben Wa Balls also build up your Kegel muscles for better control and stronger orgasms.
· Want discreet items – Try: A&E Love Bud Play Set – Whether it’s your first time experimenting with vibration, or you’re just looking for a new set of thrills, Adam & Eve’s Love Bud Play Set is ready, willing, and able to excite you in so many ways.
· Prefer luxury – Try: Inflatable Position Pillow – Achieve positions you never thought possible! Adam & Eve’s angled 24” x 16” pillow inflates quickly & easily to support you in all sorts of bedroom positions.
There are also hundreds of different Adam & Eve products if you prefer luxury, are budget-conscious, enjoy travel-friendly toys, want something ergonomically friendly or just enjoy gadgets. Shop around! Adam & Eve is America’s most trusted source for adult products.
This past summer, the 2016 Olympics had us glued to our television sets as we saw Olympians from across the globe set ground-breaking records and win multiple medals for themselves and their countries.
And, of course, it wouldn’t have been the Olympics if we didn’t bear witness to Jamaica’s Usain Bolt retaining the title of the world’s fastest man, again. Only, this time around fans and spectators alike were able to take a peek inside the track medalist’s personal life as well, thanks to his mother and girlfriend.
In an interview with CNN, Usain Bolt’s mother told reporters that once her son is done competing, she hopes he’ll “settle down and get married. Adding fuel to his mother’s fiery wishes was Usain’s girlfriend Kasi Bennett who was making it known how proud she was of her man; that is until he was caught kissing and partying with other women after the Olympics. Cosmopolitan reports Kasi found out about Usain’s alleged cheating via social media and would retweet people calling out Usain for his behavior. Bennett only tweeted: “#SelfControl,” but never fully vocalized how she felt about their relationship, after photos of Usain philandering shenanigans went viral.
Usain, however, decided to open up about his indiscretions and relationship to PEOPLE and revealed, he and Bennet “just got really serious.”
“She’s happy, I’m happy,” he told the media outlet. “We are taking it one step at a time.” He also shared that he’s not in a rush to get married but “in time it will come.”
But in taking the “slow and steady wins the race” approach, especially after a partner has been publicly disrespectful, are you really trying to build a relationship or just saving face out of embarrassment? In me and my friends’ own personal experiences, usually, when you are trying to paint a fairy tale, you are really just skating over whatever shame or hurt was inflicted in the relationship rather than actually addressing it. And not to say Kasi and Usain didn’t work out their relationship issues, but more effort was put into their social media retaliation against those who don’t think Kasi should be with the track star than the interview with People in which Usain simply said, “She’s happy. I’m happy.” Sounds like the two might just be trying not to prove naysayers right rather than admit they might be wrong for one another. What do you think?
Have you ever found yourself, saving face to protect the integrity of your relationship?
The World Health Organization (WHO) recently reviewed their suggested guidelines on the sexual activity for those who travel to or from areas where the Zika virus is prevalent and came up with a new recommendation. WHO now advises travelers to be abstinent or have protected sex for at least six months after they return to the United States.
This advisement was updated after WHO learned the virus can live in sperm for up to the same about of time. Initially, the organization suggested people abstain from sex for eight weeks, prior to learning that the virus can remain dormant in the human body without any signs or symptoms along with the possibility of infants being born with birth defects.
Despite these warnings, WHO states that couples can move forward with their family planning goals just as long as they have some type of medical counseling during the process. They also advise those living in Zika areas to cover or drain their swimming pools, fountains, and even bird baths to prevent the virus from spreading, as these areas of water can become breeding grounds for mosquitoes.
For a more information on Zika transmission, review the WHO’s updated guidelines here.
(As relayed by Lauren R.D. Fox based on a culmination of experiences)
I met Roger during Barbados’ Crop Over carnival three years ago and ever since then we’ve kept in touch, despite living on opposite coasts in the U.S.
friendship situationship has been met with much confusion and drama since his son’s mother is still in love with him and he entered a relationship with another woman in his city of Chicago. Prior to this relationship, Roger wanted me to move to The Chi but I’m well-established in my career in Los Angeles. And although his new girlfriend is very public about their relationship on social media, he continues to act like she doesn’t exist, even after I interrogated him about it.
A few weeks ago Roger told me he was coming to visit me. I didn’t believe him but after sending screenshots of his ticket and hotel information I feel obligated to hang out with him since he doesn’t know anyone in L.A. My friends think I should block his phone number and refuse to see him but I don’t think it’s that serious—plus, I don’t want to look like a Bitter Betty, upset over his indiscretions when he’s technically not my man.
Should I spend time with Roger during his visit or go ghost?
Spontaneity can definitely keep one’s sex life entertaining, but when it comes to certain sexual acts you simply don’t want to be caught off guard. It’s one thing to show up in the bedroom with just a t-shirt and panties on — it’s an entirely different thing to whip out a whip on a brotha with no warning. So, in the interest of keeping your sex — and love — lives intact, we’re issuing this friendly reminder on sex acts you must discuss before executing.
Yesterday, Glamour Magazine reported that the 69 position is trending again, but the real question is, when did it ever stop? Thanks to my trusted followers on Instagram, I know that the trend is alive and well. But since the guru of all lifestyle magazines says it’s hot again, let’s find out why.
Licensed marriage and sex therapist Kat Van Kirk revealed to Glamour that the position, as you know, can make couples feel uninhibited again, especially if they went through a monotonous sex phase. “The position can feel spontaneous and creative, without trying to come up with something brand new. It shows your partner that you are willing to make a little effort to keep things hot,” Van Kirk said. And while it can be fun, Van Kirk wanted to remind everyone that the position can be a bit complicated and if jumped into it too quickly, it can feel like #TeamTooMuch.
Instead, Van Kirk suggests that the partner who weighs less gets on top and use pillows for comfort purposes. “The 69 position can feel awkward. You can also use pillows or sex wedges under the top person’s knees to give more height and a pillow under the person’s head who is laying flat so they don’t have to strain to reach with their mouth.”
If you’re not about this strategy, Van Kirk suggests you and your partner lay on your sides, facing each other. She also revealed that your mouth shouldn’t do all the work and recommends that you use your hands to stimulate your partner, while they focus on giving you the Big O. And if you both want to turn the experience up a bit more, Van Kirk said couples should invest in flavored lube. She claims that’s when the party really gets started. But y’all are grown so, I’m pretty sure you knew this already.
Share your 69 tips in the comment section, below. Keep it classy!
Many of us have heard stories of conception thanks to the “juice” that had people feeling loose. But a new study claims that alcohol can actually negatively affect a woman’s fertility.
In Denmark, researchers conducted a study to see how alcohol consumption affected participants’ ability to get pregnant. A total of 6,120 Danish women, aged 21 to 45, who were in relationships with men and trying to get pregnant were told by researchers to monitor their alcohol intake. And based on the responses to the supplied questionnaires, it was found that the fertility of women who drank less than 14 servings of alcohol per week were not affected (one drink has approximately 12 grams of alcohol.) On the other hand, women who drank more than 14 servings of alcohol per week, decreased their chances of conceiving by 18 percent, Broadly noted.
Ellen M. Mikkelsen, lead researcher of the study, pointed out that this observation isn’t a complete account of how alcohol affects a woman’s chances of getting pregnant because the study’s participants may have under-reported their weight and height, two factors that heavily influence fertility. “We can never know for sure. We know that women often underreport their weight and over-report their height. We validated our findings against a registered database, and it seems like Danish women are generally quite honest,” Mikkelsen said.
The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologist’s stance on the matter also confirms Mikkelsen’s findings, as they advise, “Women should avoid alcohol entirely while pregnant or trying to conceive because damage can occur in the earliest weeks of pregnancy, even before a woman knows that she is pregnant.”
Mikkelsen concluded by noting that while the study needs more research on how alcohol affects a woman’s body, she believes hormonal changes caused by the vice influence the reproductive system.
You’ve probably already dismissed this article by its title alone and, listen, we don’t blame you. We have no intention of giving up “nipple play” anytime soon. But we also know plenty of ladies who find themselves (seemingly) inexplicably) attached to their lovers, who they sometimes don’t even like, after a simple romp in the hay and they’d very much like that to stop. If you’ve found yourself in that position one too many times, listen to this advice from Larry Young, a researcher from Emory University, who spoke to Broadly about the way the human brain produces oxytocin and vasopressin receptors when humans indulge in the splendor of sex.
As it turns out, breast and cervical stimulation makes women release heavy doses of oxytocin; thus we become increasingly attached to sexual partners who touch us in these hot spots.
“Humans are the only species where men have adopted the strategy of breast stimulation during sex to stimulate oxytocin release,” Young explained. The breast has become in humans a point of sexual attraction and foreplay. It’s a way to activate the oxytocin system, coaxing the female’s brain to become attached to the sexual partner.”
When we tend to cling to our sexual partners, it’s because our human evolutionary makeup is wired for romantic attachment, which is said to help partners “develop a bond so they could work together to raise healthy offspring,” Young added. But in this day and age of random hooking up and casual rendezvous, Young suggests one other thing that might help you “bounce to the next d-ck” a little more easily: avoid eye contact during sex.
“When you’re having sex with someone you’re making an intimate connection with their face and eyes particularly. This is going into your brain, and it’s inherently rewarding. Love and attachment are very much like addiction. They have a lot of the same chemicals. So if you can divert that information from coming in by not having that eye contact, that will help.”
Learn more about women bio-hacking their way out of emotional attachment from Dr. Young’s entire conversation with Broadly.
It’s a Monday morning, and I’m on my usual hour-long odyssey to get to work. On this particular morning I forgot my headphones, and while navigating planes, trains and automobiles, I happened to overhear a conversation by two men about the presidential candidates, specifically, Hillary Clinton. From what I gathered, there was a quip shared that went exactly like this: “Bill must be getting plugged now that his wife is about to become commander in chief.” They went on and on about the roles being reversed in their relationship, and that Bill was now “Hillary’s b—h.” It was the most ignorant of conversations, and yet, it got me thinking about perceived gender roles and the manner in which we address them — particularly when it comes to sex.
I’m of the belief that anything goes in the bedroom as long as it’s consensual, safe, and both parties enjoy whatever is going on. But I do wonder about gender roles when it comes to sex and how many of us trap ourselves based on what we do and don’t perceive to be feminine and masculine. I’ve had many a conversation with girlfriends about spicing it up in the bedroom and asked if they’ve tried a few different positions with their partners. When I mention anal play, it tends to be to the chagrin of a lot of them. The general feeling about such foreplay is that it’s not “manly” for a guy to receive pleasure in that area. And just like that, one’s sexuality is questioned.
There is a huge misconception that if you are a heterosexual man, certain kinds of foreplay, penetration and positions are less manly than others. It plays on this annoying hypermasculine archetype that society has put in place. Things like nipple biting, prostate stimulation or even something as simple as a butt grab can be taken the wrong way. A friend of mine laughs at me because I have a whole series of interview-style questions I pose to guys I date about this. Inquiring minds need to know, and I’d rather know upfront what I’m able to do and can’t do in a relationship, as it serves as a good gauge of fluidity when things get boring. Let’s be honest, when you’ve been with your partner for a while, you can start to tell how the lovemaking will go and things may need to be livened up every now and then.
I remember a guy I recently dated being adamant about me not touching his backside. He told me that I was doing too much and that it wasn’t “manly.” So I started asking questions. The topic of handcuffs came up and he made it very clear that they were not to be used on him because “bad man nuh do that.” An ex from many years ago even came pretty close to putting his hands on me because I got a little too close to his perineum. Recently, we reconnected (not romantically), and I asked what the issue was at that time. He drove home the point that he’s Caribbean and his general upbringing hammered down the idea that the man is always in a dominant position, especially when it comes to sex — never submissive. And a girlfriend of mine said she couldn’t entertain the idea of “pegging” her now ex-boyfriend. He asked her to do so and she felt it was “suspect” behavior, so she broke up with him.
I was not aware that the idea of being receptive and submissive to pleasure from another person was solely a feminine trait. If you think about it, that’s the way we’ve been taught about how this whole rodeo goes. If a man receives pleasure orally for example, it’s usually from a place of “dominance.” He’s looking down on the giver. And some men won’t even perform oral sex (kneeling or otherwise) because it implies submission.
I say all that to say this: When it comes to sex and intimacy, all bets should be off in the name of pleasure. How can you be uninhibited if you’re so focused on keeping up with gender roles in the bedroom? If you’re at the point where you’re being physically intimate with another human being, there should be some mutual trust and an allowance for vulnerability. There really shouldn’t be a fear of being perceived as less masculine or feminine (a.k.a., “butch” for women) or perceived as showing “suspect” behavior if you want to reverse roles and try something new. If there is, just know that things are likely to get as stale as Wonder Bread sooner than later.
To the men out there, are there things you won’t do in bed because you feel it emasculates you? Ladies, would you think of your partner as less “manly” if he wanted to take on a more submissive role sexually?
If you came home from work one day and found your significant other walking around in a pair of your underwear, how would you react? Would it be immediate grounds for the dismissal of your relationship? Or could you go with the flow as long as he kept this practice within the confines of your home?
As shocking as such a discovery might sound, it’s more common than you would think.
“I’ve been married for 12 years to a man I love. Some time ago, I discovered by accident that he likes to wear women’s lingerie,” a woman shared in the UK’s Independent.
“I arrived home early one night to discover him in some of mine, and was very taken aback. Initially, he said he was just experimenting, and was a bit embarrassed. I didn’t believe him, and challenged him to tell me how much and how often – and eventually he admitted it was something he’d been doing for some time in secret.”
As the woman would go on to say, when he showed her how he looked in a pair of her tights, she had to admit that he didn’t look so odd after all. She “reluctantly agreed” to bear with his lingerie fixation on the grounds that he never tell anyone about it or “overdo” it. She found that his “heightened arousal” actually improved their sex life (which seems to be the familiar result — more on that later). But once he started asking her to pick up some new lingerie for him in specific colors and styles, she became uncomfortable.
She ended up wondering if his fascination with women’s lingerie, a.k.a., cross-dressing, was something that would pass or if it would become something that could no longer be hidden. For her, she was more worried about others finding out about his love of lingerie over time than anything else.
As I scrolled through the Internet, from Dear Wendy pages to The Experience Project, I came across more and more women who were trying to figure out what to do about their husbands wearing their panties and pantyhose. And one of the women giving advice actually said that women should try and be open-minded, and that such kinks, as she called them, could improve their relationships.
“If you can reserve judgment and just listen to his explanation with an open heart, hopefully your husband will trust you enough to share his feelings and you will find that this is really nothing more than a kink — and a pretty harmless one at that — and doesn’t have to have a negative effect on your marriage. It could even have a positive effect.”
One man, in the comment section, even admitted to doing it and also said that it improved his sex life with his girlfriend: “I am a guy who wears panties everyday. MY girfriend [sic] was frist [sic] freaked now she buys me nightgowns, and panties she loves me in stockings, We have an AMAZING love life
Be open, guys like soft things to [sic]. I am a guy who ride [sic] Motorcycles, plays sports and a manly man >> no one but me knows whats underneath”
Reading such accounts left me wondering what those around me would do if they caught their spouse in women’s underwear, specifically their own. The consensus? A pretty contorted face. One of my girlfriends did say she might make it work if they were married and had been together for quite some time (“Like 30 years…”). Another emphatically said she couldn’t accept it.
“I just don’t like the idea of a man being very feminine,” she said. “I don’t even wear silk slips, what I look like coming in and you’re wearing one? Plus, it’s a slippery slope into other things. If you want to dress up like a woman, where do we go from there?”
But is it? Experts remind us that cross-dressing, being homosexual, and even being trans, are not the same things. As the man above pointed out, he could appreciate women’s underwear but still be a “manly man.” And a man could wear your stockings and drawls and very likely do so without finding himself sexually attracted to the same sex or, as “Dear Wendy” put it, “feeling like he’s a woman in a man’s body.”
Still, I don’t know what I would do. Some kinks really are harmless, but I feel like such a discovery would make me more uncomfortable rather than open-minded. But at the same time, you telling your partner that you don’t want them to do such things probably won’t keep them from looking through your lingerie when you’re not home. If they’re passionate enough about it, it’s going to happen. It’s all about what you truly feel you can deal with and what things are just a little too outside of the box for you. And I’m sorry, but me seeing my significant other in my underwear as he changes out of his work clothes every day would just be a little too much for me, child…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is a man in women’s underwear a harmless kink or something you couldn’t see past?