All Articles Tagged "sex"
Dyspareunia is recurrent or persistent genital pain before, during, or after sex. It can be acquired or congenital, generalized or situational. Dyspareunia is not a disease, but rather a symptom of an underlying issue such as a physical, biological, psychological, social and/or relationship concern.
A woman with dyspareunia will usually report experiencing pain. Some women describe feeling pain at the opening of the vagina or on the surface of the vulva when penetration is initiated. Other women may feel pain within the pelvis upon deeper penetration. Some women feel pain in more than one of these places. Determining whether the pain is more superficial or deep is important in understanding what may be causing it and provide options for more effective treatment.
When the pain occurs, a woman with dyspareunia may be distracted from feeling pleasure and excitement during sex. Due to the persistent experience of pain during sex, a woman may still experience pain during sex even long after the original source of pain has disappeared, simply because in her mind she expects to.
Dyspareunia is a condition that has many causes and is not a diagnosis of itself. Some of the causes for dyspareunia may include: vaginismus, which is a condition that affects a woman’s ability to tolerate vaginal penetration, insufficient vaginal lubrication, vaginal thinning and dryness of the vaginal wall. Medical conditions such as endometriosis, cancer, ovarian cysts, fibroid tumors, sexually transmitted infections, pain from bladder irritation, etc., an injury to the genital area or past surgeries that have left scar tissue can also result in vaginal pain. Inadequate foreplay and certain sexual positions can also be the cause of dyspareunia.
Some symptoms of dyspareunia may include a burning, ripping, tearing, or aching feeling associated with vaginal penetration. The pain may also be felt throughout the entire pelvic area and the sexual organs, especially during deep thrusting or with certain sexual positions.
Treatment for dyspareunia is aimed at identifying the underlying source of pain. Depending on the root cause, treatment options include: estrogen therapy, sex therapy, and medication. Unfortunately, there is no definite way to prevent dyspareunia, but here are some options that may help you reduce your risk for dyspareunia and/or manage the pain:
- being intimately acquainted with your body
- communicating with your partner
- communicating with your physician regarding any changes in your body
- engaging in more foreplay
- using more lubricant
- changing how you feel about sex by making it fun
- using proper hygiene habits and staying away from using perfumed products in the genital area
Because symptoms of dyspareunia may mimic symptoms of other reproductive health conditions, including sexually transmitted infections, it is extremely important that you speak with your physician and/or sex therapist about your concerns. DO NOT try to diagnose yourself! Your true condition may not be what you think and you can potentially end up doing more harm to yourself and your body.
Many women will experience relief when physical causes of dyspareunia are identified and treated. However, it is extremely important to also identify and address psychological, social, spiritual, or relationship factors that may be contributing to the pain as well.
Living with dyspareunia is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about! The condition can be manageable if you are proactive and stay on top of your health. Learn all you can about dyspareunia, work with you physician and/or sex therapist to get treatment and communicate your needs to partner. You can still maintain a quality sex life, as long as you are willing to go the extra mile to reduce the pain.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. Dr. TaMara is also the Editor-in-Chief of Our Sexuality! Magazine. Our Sexuality! is the premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com.
Sex, sex, and more sweaty sex….Let’s goooo!!!!
Who doesn’t want to talk about getting it popping in the bedroom or the kitchen for that matter, especially if you are in your sexual prime? When does that exactly happen moms – during the late 30’s or early 40’s? If you have that inner freak in you, it’s virtually impossible to get enough of the topic, especially if you haven’t tumbled in those freaky sheets in a while. (For moms who just had a baby, we feel for you – who has the energy?) However, for seasoned moms, sex is a sport that many run to. For hours, you chit-chat with your mommy friends about new erotic sex toys on the market, risque porn videos, and the best positions to get your partner open (missionary or the straddle anyone?)
If you are a newly single mom, it may be hard to tame the sexual urges when you meet a handsome man who is interested in you physically. There are so many fears that hover. Will you perform up to par in the bedroom? Are you flexible to do the wild positions that he demands. (Pssttt…Try yoga) What expectations will he have—does he want you to try oral and anal in the same session? Like men, women want to blow a man’s mind when she hops on it. So there are many questions. If you are a mom back on the dating scene who recently has had multiple partners, the dread lingers – are you moving too fast and are giving up the goodies too quick?
Gain more insight on what men think about sex at MommyNoire.com
Okay, before we dive into this topic. Let’s step up a scenario.
It’s a Friday night and you’re out with a group of your girlfriends. From across the room, you see a beautiful pair of brown eyes staring at you. Curious, you stare back. The handsome gentlemen with the beautiful brown eyes approaches you and starts a conversation. The two of you have hit it off and exchange numbers. At the same time, as you’re exchanging numbers, you see your best friend giving you a strange look. After the gentlemen leaves, and you’re on cloud 9 from having a great conversation with the gentlemen, you’re best friend walks over. After asking you how it went, she tells you, “Yeah I had a one night stand with him once.”
Aw Sh*t! I can hear your heartbreaking from here. Now, you’re left with the painful decide of whether or not you’ll give this man the time of the day. So, what’s your verdict?
For many, the answer is flat out no. Real friends, don’t share their leftovers, period. However, what about the group of you that say yes? Are you totally comfortable with being with someone that has seen one of your friends naked?
In a excerpt from a book proposal he’s attempting to sell, Lil Wayne tells the story of what happened to him when he found out his girlfriend slept with Drake.
According to the story, Drake visited him while he was in jail and confessed to the fact that he slept with his girlfriend. Drake said, “Yeah, it’s true. Don’t f*** with her like that cause I did f*** her.”
Wayne writes, “This is the type of s*** that a man never wants to find out when he’s locked up. Or, maybe so, cause only God knows what I would have done if I wasn’t locked up right now.”
Wayne admits in the proposal he and his GF argued a lot, and that may be why Drake said, “Don’t f*** with her like that.” As for the timeline, Wayne says the woman told him she had sex with Drake the day BEFORE they met.
Wait a minute, let’s pause right there. She had SEX with DRAKE BEFORE they met. So, technically, she was Drake’s one night stand. She had sex with him before she even met Lil Wayne. So, what makes Lil Wayne so upset. Is it really because she slept with Drake?
This is the perfect example of what someone would do in a situation like this. Again, we ask, would you ever date your friend’s one night stand? Apparently, Lil Wayne would not.
Has your sex life become boring and monotonous? Are you and your Beloved settled into the same ole tired sex routine? Is the once spontaneous, impulsive, passionate and animalistic sex life that you once had gone with the wind and so far out of view you can’t remember what it’s like to feel that tingling sensation in your body? If this sounds like your relationship, then you are definitely in need of a quicker picker upper, and what better way to get the momentum going again than with a quickie?
A quickie is an excellent way to connect with your Beloved while boosting your libido and saying goodbye to the dreadful sex rut. If you’re ready to set fire to the flame of your sex life and ignite the undeniable passion that once existed between you and your lover, follow some of the suggestions below to help rekindle the spark in no time!
Build Anticipation! The thrill of a quickie can be an incredible turn-on and the levels of arousal built up throughout the day will make that ultimate release extremely satisfying for the both of you. Adrenaline pumping, heart pounding, tension and excitement definitely helps to get you in the mood ! Try building anticipation throughout the day by sending a steamy text message, email or call. Be creative and imaginative! Leave a pair of your sexiest undies in his brief case, glove box or visible location in the car with a handwritten note attached that states something flirty like “I won’t be wearing these when you see me later.” The blood will definitely rush straight to his other head; giving you both something to look forward too!
Think: Location, location, location! Select a location that is easy and accessible but not too public. After all, public sex may be stimulating but it is illegal. Perhaps if you’re feeling really daring and flexible, revert back to your teenage years of the parked car! Add a sexy new twist to cooking in the kitchen! Get really steamy together in the shower. Or even sweeten up dessert just a bit by letting him add a little whipped cream to your cherry! Quickie Tip: Other great locations include: elevators, secluded parks, dark movie theaters, dressing rooms and rooftops.
Bring Lubrication: Although women lubricate naturally, it may take a little longer for her natural waters to begin flowing. With a quickie, however, there’s not a lot of on the spot foreplay and you don’t have time for the vaginal wall to expand and lubricate. Keeping a water-based or silicone-based lubricant handy (. i.e. in the glove box, side of the sofa, kitchen drawer or purse) will do the trick. Adding lubricant, especially those formulated for women, speeds up the female arousal process and makes penetration much easier. Also, building the anticipation throughout the day will help to get her ready for play.
Dress easy on, easy off! The outfit is definitely important, especially when you’re pressed for time. Be sure to wear something that offers easy access to the “goodies.” The less time spent on removing clothing, the more time there is for loving! Quickie tip: short skirts or dresses do the trick every time!
Play your position! Any position that allows quick, easy access and hits all the right spots is the best! Quickie Tip: Standing positions are rather adventurous.
Have no shame in your game: We were created as sexual beings so the urge to have sex is natural! Don’t be ashamed to let it all hang out, literally and figuratively, with your Beloved. Unabashedly shower each other with kisses! Use your hands and/or tongue to trace to each and every inch of their body. Allow lust to guide you on an uncanny journey into eroticism that the both of you will never forget!
Live Carpe Diem! Life rarely affords us the opportunity for perfect circumstances or opportunity for sex, so don’t spend your life waiting for a moment that may never come. Sometimes an unorchestrated intense sex session is just what you need! Quickies aren’t about setting the mood, the perfect lighting, and position! It’s immediate! It’s raw, pure and intense! Waiting until you are both horny, not tired, the kids are good, the mood is right and you both have all the energy in the world may not be realistic. Take the opportunity and seize the moment! Give in to the spontaneity of sex.
While a quickie can offer an immediate “fix” to jump starting your otherwise seemingly dead sex life, a truly great sex life doesn’t just happen like in the movies! It takes work and deserves just as much effort as every other area of your life. At the end of the day, always remember that it is essential for you and your Beloved to maintain that intimate, emotional, passionate, powerful and spiritual connection that sex can provide! Don’t allow your sex life to become a “maybe” or “if I get around to it!” Rip each other’s clothes off! Don’t’ worry about how your hair or body looks! Moan loudly! Breathe deeply! Hold each other tightly like your lives depend on it! But most of all live in the moment! Carpe Diem!
Vaginismus is a physical or psychological condition that affects a woman’s ability to tolerate vaginal penetration as a result of involuntary vaginal muscle spasms. The involuntary muscle spasm makes penetration painful or impossible, with the reflex often occurring as a result of an object such as a penis, vibrator, tampon, etc. coming towards it. In some case, even the thought of the object can cause the vagina to spasm.
Vaginismus can be either primary or secondary. A woman diagnosed with primary vaginismus has never been able to have penetrative sex or experience vaginal penetration without pain. Secondary vaginismus occurs when a woman who has previously been able to achieve penetration suddenly develops said spasms.
The exact cause of vaginismus is unknown however it’s speculated to result from physical causes such as an infection or trauma. Some cases of vaginismus may be due to psychological issues like fear or anxiety. Other factors may include:
- medical conditions such as pelvic inflammatory disease, ovarian cysts, endometriosis, cancer, urinary tract disorders, etc.
- psycho-physiological reactions to sexual intercourse based on a negative past experience
- sexual trauma
- vaginal thinning and dryness
- incomplete sexual arousal
- low estrogen
- inadequate foreplay
- sexually transmitted infections
- allergies to spermicides or latex condoms
- not trusting one’s partner
- body image issues
- misconceptions about sex
- undiscovered or denied sexuality
- conservative family upbringing
- first time sex anxiety
Symptoms of Vaginismus
A burning, ripping, tearing, or aching sensation associated with penetration are all symptoms of vaginismus. The pain can be at the vaginal opening, deep in the pelvis, or anywhere between. It may also be felt throughout the entire pelvic area and the sexual organs and may occur only with deep thrusting.
Treatment for Vaginismus
The treatment for vaginismus is aimed at identifying and properly treating the underlying disorder. For example, medications are usually prescribed to treat any infections. Water-based or silicone-based lubricants may be recommended to help ease vaginal friction and discomfort during intercourse. Vaginal dilation exercises may also be used to treat vaginismus, but such therapy should only be done under the direction of a physician or sex therapist. Sex therapy can also be used to address underlying psychological causes of this condition.
The treatment for secondary vaginismus is the same as for primary vaginismus, although, in these cases, previous experience with successful penetration can assist in a more rapid resolution of the condition. Each case of vaginismus is different and an individualized, comprehensive integrative approach to treatment is the most effective.
Living with vaginismus is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about and the condition can be manageable if you are proactive and stay on top of your health. Work with your physician and/or sex therapist to get treatment, learn what works best for you, and communicate your needs to your partner. You can still maintain a quality sex life, as long as you are willing to go the extra mile to reduce the pain.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. She is the Editor-in-Chief of “Our Sexuality!” Magazine, The premiere magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com.
Have you ever wondered why it seems like you just can’t stop thinking about sex? Or perhaps, why men have this uncontrollable urge for sex? Or why women still feel an undeniable attraction to someone they’ve had sex with years ago? Maybe even, how does someone fall in love at first sight? The answer to why and how are caused by tiny cocktails with incredible potencies. No, they aren’t drinks found in any bar or nightclub. These are chemical cocktails called hormones that are served up by our own bodies, and the mastermind at the helm of these concoctions is our very own brain.
The chemicals and hormones in our brain are working for and against us in the evolutionary design of sex; they keep us wanting it and ultimately coming back for more and more. Why? Obviously, the need to produce babies and expand the human race is naturally inherent. But, we have to want and enjoy sex in order to continue our species therefore these notorious instigators of our brain are always working and affecting us. Unfortunately, these master manipulators can sometimes temporarily affect our ability to think clearly. For example, the more we have sex with someone, the more we become bonded to them and over time we may wake up and find ourselves in a relationship with someone whom we may not really know all because our “pleasure center players” temporarily blindsided us. So, who exactly are these pleasure center players responsible for our satiable, or sometimes insatiable, appetite for sex, love, attraction and sexual desires? Let’s get into that, shall we?
Player # 1: Dopamine, aka “The Activator”
When we’re head over heels in love with or have sexual desires for someone there’s an active increase in the areas of our brain associated with romantic feelings which is triggered by dopamine, aka, “the activator.” Dopamine is the key to activating the pleasure center of our brain. When released, it produces feelings of pleasure and satisfaction when we’re doing things that we really enjoy. The pleasure center pumps this feel good hormone throughout our body, informing it that the activity is instantly rewarding with a feeling of pleasure. Dopamine production occurs during the excitement phase of sex, which is the building block of arousal and desire. At the moment of orgasm it is fully released followed by an immediate drop in levels. The drop in dopamine levels (along with player # 2, prolactin) could be the protagonist for that tired feeling after sex. Dopamine can also be highly addictive and some scientists have equated it to the brain pattern and rush experienced by heroin or cocaine users. This could explain one of the reasons why orgasm feels so incredible. Orgasms give you the highest dose of natural Dopamine. Who needs drugs when you can just have orgasms?
Player # 2: Prolactin, aka The “Ahhh” Moment!
Prolactin is the afterglow chemical that creates the “ahhh” feeling after a man ejaculates or a woman has a clitoral orgasm. During sexual arousal there is a peak and then a crash because of this dopamine-prolactin effect, but often times people don’t realize the hormonal shifts that are happening during sexual activities. In some cases, this can create a disconnect between partners and cause them to pull away from each other afterward but thank goodness oxytocin (player # 3) is there to run damage control.
Prolactin also helps regulate our sex drive. If the brain isn’t producing enough of it, there is only the desire to have sex. However if the brain produces too much prolactin, it can repress the libido and result in a loss of sexual arousal completely. Prolactin is also very important during pregnancy, as it stimulates the mammary glands to produce milk and assists in the fetal development of the lungs and immune system.
Player # 3: Oxytocin, aka The Bonder
Oxytocin, affectionately labeled “the bonding hormone,” is another chemical hormone that is released during sexual activity. It produces feelings of trust, emotional intimacy, relaxation, attachment and contentment between people. It calms the spirit and lifts moods, reducing fear and anxiety and allowing a feeling of safety in the arms of your beloved. One of the best things about oxytocin is that it believes in reciprocity; the more you give the more you get. Nonsexual touch can also increase levels of oxytocin. Our pleasure center actually becomes more responsive and releases high levels of oxytocin when we touch, nurture and care for others. Just a 20-30 second hug can work wonders for both men and women. Oxytocin also provides balance between the highs of dopamine and lows of prolactin. So, if you are looking to create lasting bonds and to balance the effects of the dopamine and prolactin then do something sweet for someone you care about by giving them a lovingly stroke and/or telling them lovingly how you feel about them.
Player # 4 – Phenylethylamine (PEA), aka The Love Potion
PEA is known as the “love chemical” because it’s the reason we find ourselves thinking about and wanting to be with our beloved all of the time. Under the intoxicating influence of PEA, our beloved can do no wrong. PEA production commonly lasts for about one to 24 months. As soon as the production stops, the honeymoon may slow down or come to a screeching halt. The rose colored glasses come off and things in your partner that never bothered you before suddenly begin to irritate you. The relationship may begin to suffer or eventually end because we are simply not hard-wired to maintain that level of PEA production. But, all hope is not lost! The great news is that besides falling in love, PEA production can be simulated by participating in thrill seeking activities like sky diving and the eating of certain foods like chocolate! So even after the affects of PEA have trickled off, with the help of oxytocin, thrill seeking, or a little chocolate, we can still love and continue to form lasting bonds with our beloved and to stay connected, falling in love again and again!
So how do we balance it all?
With all of the ups, downs and hormonal shifts happening during attraction, desire, arousal, ejaculation and orgasm it is important that we learn how to be aware of them and find balance as we enter into relationships and love play. With awareness and practice we can participate in activities or do things to produce and/or activate our pleasure center players. Lack of awareness of our body’s neurochemistry and how it can wreak havoc on our relationships puts us at a huge disadvantage and increases the chances of relationship failures. When we are aware of these hormonal shifts, we can easily understand the changes occurring within ourselves and our partner who may also be experiencing these hormonal highs and lows. This helps both parties have patience and compassion with one another and establishes a place of balance and a positive relationship arsenal for the journey of love ahead.
Did you hear about the woman who got divorced because her husband is too big? I can’t be the only one who wanted to tell her there’s a way to work it out. These sex positions for big men are the key to working it out when he looks like he’s working with too much.
From better foreplay to good sex etiquette, these are the sex secrets we wish all men knew.
Because we’re taking our selfie obsession too far, a company called LoveHoney is selling the Svakom Gaga Camera Vibrator, a vibrator and endoscopy “love child” that allows couples to Facetime with selfies of a woman’s genitalia. At four inches, the Gaga Camera Vibrator also allows users to upload steamy footage of a woman achieving an orgasm to PCs and smartphones.
According to LoveHoney, “It allows users to get to know their body in its entirety thanks to the remarkably clear footage this camera captures.Thanks to its FaceTime compatibility, sharing the view with your lover couldn’t be easier – whether you’re sat right next to each other or miles apart.”
Gaga Vibrator Camera costs £119.99 ($184.30) and, surprisingly enough, people are ordering this product like it’s going out of style. On their website, one reviewer of the product shared:
“This is a vibrator that beats all the rest with its inbuilt technology. This toy has a camera on the tip and allows you to upload your recordings on your PC or directly to FaceTime. Wow, is all I can say. I was super excited when I purchased this toy. Once it was charged initially, it was ready for use. The camera is such good quality and the light round the tip picks up everything – be warned! There are multiple settings on this vibrator and it is easy to control, although the lower settings are extremely powerful. I haven’t needed to use the higher ones. This toy is so much fun. It is so sleek. While rigid, it feels so perfect. It is my ultimate Sex Toy and I intend to use it over and over. This is technology at its best.”
Do you think this product has crossed the line or do you plan on purchasing your own Gaga Camera Vibrator? Check out its infomercial, below.
via The Independent
Indiana sports fans will never forget Stephen Jackson’s name. You may remember he was one of the Indiana Pacers involved in the now infamous (and arguably justified) Malice at The Palace brawl when a Detroit Pistons fan threw beer, chairs and other things on him and his teammates while he was on the court.
But now, his name is in the headlines once again, this time for a more personal matter. Jackson has asked a judge to dismiss his wife’s petition for a divorce because he’s still blowing her back out.
Naw, he didn’t say that. I’m just very fond of that phrase. But the general message is still the same. In legal documents obtained by TMZ, Jackson said that the judge shouldn’t grant the divorce because his wife, Renata Jackson, is just attempting to collect a prenup payout even though they still do the things married couples do.
Jackson says that under the terms of their prenup, the payout she’d receive would be based on his net worth at the time when she initially filed for divorce in 2013. He was playing in the NBA at the time so the sum to be dispersed would be much greater than his current net worth, now that he’s left the league.
Jackson’s documents state that the marriage wasn’t over when she filed in 2013 and isn’t over now because they’re still having sex…on a regular.
Not only are they having sex, Jackson, who married Renata in 2009, said that they still take vacations together. They’ve been to the Bahamas, Cancun and Jamaica.
In the documents, Jackson’s attorney concluded “Despite filing for divorce, [Renata] continued her relationship with [Stephen] in an effort to ‘have her cake and eat it too.'”
I don’t know what is truly motivating Renata but, unlike several of the commenters on the TMZ article, I was not surprised by the fact that she is still sleeping with her estranged husband.
It happens all the time. If you watched “Married At First Sight,” you saw Vaughn and Monet bicker and fight with each other all throughout the day only to get it all the way in once they went to bed. Despite their sexual chemistry, they still ended up getting a divorce.
There was a whole movie, starring Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin, where a divorced couple couldn’t seem to stop having sex with each other, though they both knew a relationship between the two of them would never work out.
My own mother, in a rather random moment of confession, told me and my sister that should she and my father ever get divorced, she would still have sex with him. Primarily because she knows him and he knows her and she wouldn’t be ready or even interested in building and sharing that type of intimacy with another person.
While I’ve never been married, I can understand the mentality. We all know sex doesn’t equal love. And, to take it a step further, loving someone doesn’t mean you should be together. So with that in mind, I can certainly see how a woman would want to continue sleeping with the man she loved, knew and was comfortable with, even if the relationship is over on paper.
It doesn’t make the best sense in the context of healing and moving on but we’ve all done some pretty stupid things either the name of love or in the name of scratching an itch.
And in the instance of Stephen and Renata Jackson, it doesn’t seem like either one of them really want a divorce. It would be one thing if Renata was just letting Stephen get a little goodbye taste every once in a while; but the fact that she’s vacationing with dude, makes me think a part of her wants to work it out. Do you know how terrible it is to vacation with someone you can’t stand?!
As for Stephen, even though he claims that Renata is just trying to get at his money, he still doesn’t want the judge to grant her a divorce.
These two are funny. And hopefully they come to some type of agreement.
But back to you, would you consider sleeping with an ex or an estranged husband?