All Articles Tagged "sex"

There’s No Such Thing As Casual Sex

January 30th, 2015 - By TaMara Griffin
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Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Girl meets guy. Guy meets girl. They “hook up” for a sexual encounter. Guy never calls girl again — unless he wants to hook up. Girl feels abandoned and used. Sound familiar? This is just one example of the “consequences” of a casual sexual relationship. Rarely do these random indiscretions ever turn into more than a few nights of sex. Nevertheless, many people are finding “comfort” in, or settling for, casual sexcapades.

Now of course what happens between two consenting adults should not be up for discussion or debate, however I caution all of us to think twice about the unintended consequences of casual sex.

Given the fact that sex, casual or not, involves an intimate exchange of energy, one should take into consideration the ramifications of engaging in the horizontal mambo. Casual sex does not come without risk. In fact, some studies show that casual sex is not all that it’s cracked up to be. Reports indicate that people are often left emotionally distressed, physically jeopardized, spiritually conflicted, legally frustrated, financially burdened and socially destroyed by so called “casual” physical engagements. In addition, many times casual encounters happen under the influence of alcohol and/or other substances. While under the influence, people make choices that they would not usually make when sober. In addition, people are not able to give “informed consent.” When they awake in the morning, often times alone, sober with a hangover; it’s all bad and they are left to deal with the fallout of their sexual tryst. Some ramifications of the fallout include:

  • Feeling emotionally empty. Casual sexual encounters can sometimes have lasting effects which may include the inability of a person to form strong emotional bonds of love, intimacy, attachment and/or trust. Often people settle for casual sex because they are longing to have a connection with someone, however, after a casual sexual encounter they are left feeling emptier than before the encounter.
  • Your body’s physically jeopardized. There is always the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), HIV, and unintended pregnancy whenever a person has sex. Even though condoms and dental dams are considered effective, when used consistently and correctly there is always a chance for failure, especially if there is alcohol or some other substance involved. In addition, if there have been multiple casual sexual encounters with the same person, comfort levels begin to disappear and so does the likelihood of using a condom. The question you must ultimately ask yourself is, is this one casual encounter worth the consequence and repercussions that might follow?
  • You’re spiritually conflicted. When two people have sex, there is an exchange of energy. Hormones are released into the blood stream that help bond people together. In addition, when it comes to sexual intercourse, the receiving partner literally receives something inside of their body. For people who may be practicing celibacy or who were raised to believe that sex before marriage is wrong, a slip up of casual sex may cause them to question their morals and values.  Consider the fact that there is no exclusivity, you never know who else they might be having sex with, and every time you have sex with someone, you are having sex with everyone they have had sex with as well and that energy, and sometimes STIs, transfers from person to person. Be responsible for your sexual health.
  • You’re legally frustrated. If you fall victim to your hormones and wind up conceiving you may end up a “friend of the court.” The process of establishing paternity can be frustrating and takes an emotional toll on everyone involved. Now you must deal with potentially missing work, late child support payments, garnishment, legal fees, and destroyed relationships; all because you were blinded by sex. Unfortunately, many times the one who is truly the casualty of this one night stand is the child because oftentimes the parents cannot seem to work things out in a mature manner.
  • You’re financially burdened. Let us say for example in this moment of passion, for whatever reason, you fail to practice safer sex. And as a result, you end up pregnant or getting someone pregnant or get infected with a sexually transmitted infection. Now, you are taking care of a baby, you did not want or plan for, paying for treatment for an STI, child support payment, court cost, time of work, another mouth to feed, the list goes on.
  • You’re socially destroyed. Often time people who engage in casual sex, especially women, develop a negative reputation. This reputation has a tendency to follow you and even may prevent someone from taking you seriously or seeing you as “relationship material.” Additionally, if one or both parties are married, the havoc on the spouse(s) and any children involved can be very detrimental and leave a lasting negative impact on all parties involved.

I’m not saying that people should not engage in casual sex. However, I am saying that if one should decide to partake in a casual moment of pure unadulterated bliss, then they should be well aware of the potential risk so that they can make an informed decision. It is important to think with our head and not with our hormones because at the end of the day, that five or ten minutes of pleasure may not be worth the orgasm.

 

photo-13Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

Are Heels Keeping You From The Big O?: 15 Shocking Sex Facts Every Woman Needs To Know

January 29th, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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Image Source: Shutterstock

Even when you think you know everything about it, sex can still surprise you. Check out these surprising sex facts that could change your bedroom for the better.

4 Tips To Have The Most Amazing Sex Of Your Life

January 23rd, 2015 - By TaMara Griffin
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Source: Shutterstock.com

 

We all want to have great sex! However, great sex doesn’t just happen, like it does in the movies. It requires some work and effort on our part. Sometimes we get so caught up in positions, orgasms and “goal-oriented sex” that we forget the basics. Below are four tips to having the most amazing sex of your life!

1. Communicate

While it may be challenging to communicate your sexual desires to your Beloved, it is absolutely necessary! Often times we set our relationships up for failure because we don’t to talk to our partners. We just “expect” them to somehow know everything about us. Don’t expect your Beloved to be a mind reader! You have to communicate with each other about what turns you on and off because what worked with one partner may or may not necessarily do it for the next. And as we age, over time our thoughts, attitudes, belief and desires about sex can change so it is very important to talk instead of assume. Be very specific about what you need. Rather than criticizing your Beloved about the things you don’t like, tell them what feels good and that you want more of it. You can also take their hands and gently guide them to your “hot spots.”

Don’t assume or pretend to know what your partner needs either. When in doubt, ask questions — preferably before sex and not during because that can certainly spoil the mood! Try not to become offended when your Beloved tells you his or her desires. It’s not a slam against you, but rather a suggestion on how to increase their pleasure. Be open to loving suggestions. Sharing your sexual desires will not only enhance your relationship in and out of the bedroom but it can also create an unparalleled level of intimacy between you and your Beloved. Your willingness to explore sexual desires together can take you into exciting new territory far away from your old, boring sex script.

2. Don’t forget foreplay

Sometimes a quickie is great but don’t forget foreplay! Women need foreplay to help get their natural juices flowing and lengthen the vagina so that she’s able to welcome your manhood into her sanctuary. Now I know you’re probably thinking foreplay takes way too long and, if so, it’s time for you to think outside the box! Foreplay can begin long before the bedroom romp-a-rama session. Build excitement and anticipation throughout the day so that by the time you’re ready to do the horizontal mambo, she’s literally dripping wet for you. And ladies, don’t be too selfish, men like foreplay too! Leave his favorite pair of your sexy undies in his pocket so he can find it later! Greet him at the door in a Dominatrix outfit ready to subdue him with your feminine prowess or get him all cleaned up and prepared for sex wearing a sexy French maid outfit! Or perhaps wearing nothing at all will do the trick!

3. Add Variety

Variety is the spice of life! It may be cliché but that doesn’t make the statement any less true. Any great chef knows that it’s the variety of seasonings, textures and flavors that make a dining experience great. The same thing is true for sex. It’s easy to get stuck in the same old boring sex rut but now it’s time for you to spice things up a bit. Positively persuade your partner to try something new. Make an adventure out of it by planning a fun day trip. Start your blood flowing by getting a couples’ massage, get up close and personal during a boudoir photo shoot, visit an adult novelty store and purchase a fun new sex toy or rent a sexy adult movie, and end your evening with a passionate night of lovemaking.

Trying new positions is always fun. It’s definitely time to let go of the basic missionary, reverse cowgirl and doggy style positions! Get creative and inventive and switch things up. Can’t think of any new positions? Pick up a book on Kama Sutra or Tantric Sex to help increase your physical, emotional and spiritual connection. Get out of the bedroom. Explore new and exciting places to have sex. You’d be surprised at how a change of location can do wonders for your sex life.

4. Practice Makes Perfect

If at first you don’t succeed then try, try again. To be the best at anything you must learn all the tricks of the trade; sex isn’t any different, especially if it’s with a new partner. If you want to perform better sexually, it’s going to take some work, an open mind and a willingness to learn some new things. To further our careers and to cultivate our growth, we attend professional developments classes to enhance our skills and we must do the same when it comes to sex. Because our bodies and sex lives will change overtime, we need to be continuous learners. So grab your lube, toys, imagination and partner because school is in session!

 

CatalystCon PicDr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. She is the publisher and editor-in-chief for Our Sexuality! Magazine. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

Dishes, Chivalry and Other Things We Wish Men Knew Were Major Turn-Ons

January 22nd, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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Image Source: Shutterstock


Everybody likes to get physical, but some guys can be clueless when it comes to foreplay outside of the bedroom.

Reverse Cowgirl Causing You Pain? Here’s What You Can Do

January 16th, 2015 - By TaMara Griffin
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Pain During Sex

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Most of us don’t think about how we position ourselves for sex. We just bend, twist, lift, stand, (lay there?) etc. We continue on in the moment of pleasure until we hit a spot that just doesn’t feel too good, and suddenly our feel good moment is ruined by a thrust of pain. Most positions that allow deep, thrusting penetration can be painful for women, especially if her partner is well endowed or she has an underlying medical condition. Generally, positions that allow the woman to control the pace and penetration, like woman on top, tend to be more comfortable for a sufferer of painful sex. In order to find out what works, experiment with different positions, techniques and props to find out the one(s) that offer the most stimulation with the least amount of pain. Below are some helpful hints that may allow you to experience more pleasure and less pain during sex:

Pillows work wonders. You know those decorative pillows can be used for more than making the bed look pretty! They can also be used to help alleviate pain and make you feel great during sex. Pillows can help by reducing the amount of sling action and tension. They can also help align the body. There are companies that make specialized pillows specifically for sex. They are great, however they tend to be a bit expensive.

Synchronize your body. Become a slave to the rhythm! Keep your body in synch with your partner. Aligning your bodies during sex will help to make penetration much easier. Flowing together with the same rhythmic motion will not only minimize pain but also help to synchronize movements and breathing which will help increase intimacy. Additionally, it increases your partners chances of hitting all the right spots!

Increase body awareness. Become intimately acquainted with your body movements on a daily basis. Learn what movements result in pleasure and pain. This type of awareness will help you identify movements that may result in pleasure and pain during sex. Additionally, it helps you to be present and more in tune with intercourse. This body awareness can result in mind-blowing orgasms.

Avoid the jerk. If you have lower back pain, avoid sexual positions that involve a lot of thrusting; also avoid sudden jerking movements. Instead, transition gently from one position to the next. Keeping your neck and back aligned will also help to reduce pain. Abrupt moves always ruin the mood and the orgasm.

Be aware of the legs. Lifting your legs can be a real strain, especially if you already have lower back problems or if your leg muscles aren’t flexible. Overextending the legs during sex can also lead to fatigue and cramping. To minimize the aching on the legs, use pillows to prop up your legs or positions that allow you to use your partners body for support. Relax those legs!

Change it up. Stop having sex the same old way! Experiment with different positions and techniques to see what works for both of you. It can be a challenge at first, but it helps to break the monotony, adds creativity and helps to alleviate pain. Remember variety is the spice of life!

Let go! Stop concentrating so much and allow your body to relax. Holding your body so tightly during sex constricts your blood. Additionally, when we are tense our muscles tighten up causing pain. Let go and allow the energy to flow through your body to increase your pleasure and orgasmic intensity.

 

CatalystCon PicDr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. Dr. TaMara is also the publisher and editor-in-chief of Our Sexuality!, a magazine for women’s sexuality and sexual health. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

Sex On Your Period? Is Your Oral Game On Point? The Fellas Of Guy Code Answer Your Burning Questions

January 14th, 2015 - By Brande Victorian
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By now we know there are just some questions our girlfriends can’t answer when it comes to relationships. And while we’re not here for the patronizing advice of the Steve Harveys and Tyrese’s of the world, we can appreciate a little brutal male honesty every now and then and that’s exactly what we got when the fellas of MTV 2’s Guy Code came by the office and answered all of your burning questions about sex and relationships.

We’ll be honest with you: For every laugh we shared with the fellas, we also had one of those is he talking about me? moments as the guys dished on why they will — and won’t — make you their girlfriend, what they like and don’t like us to do in bed, and if that chick they say is just a friend is really just that. Make sure you’re sitting down when you watch this one.

Are You Addicted To Sex?

January 9th, 2015 - By TaMara Griffin
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Are You Addicted To Sex?

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The desire to express our sexuality is a natural part of life. And to seek and find pleasure and fulfillment in expressing it is ok. However, if you are engrossed with sexual thoughts, feelings or behaviors that are causing significant distress to your health, job, relationships or other parts of your life, then you may be facing a sexual addiction.

Sexual addiction is defined as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior, despite increasingly negative consequences. A person with a sexual addiction is obsessed with sex, or has an abnormally intense sex drive. Their addiction may involve an obsession with socially accepted, normal sexual behaviors or it may involve fantasies or activities outside the bounds of culturally, legally, morally or socially accepted sexual behaviors.

Sex addicts’ lives are dominated with sex and the thought of it, so much so that other activities and interactions become seriously affected. In other words, a person who is addicted to sex will continue to engage in certain sexual behaviors despite the consequences to self and others. Some of those consequences may include destroyed relationships, potential health risks like sexually transmitted infections, financial problems, loss of employment, or even arrest.

People with sexual addictions are at a much higher risk for sexually transmitted infections, unwanted pregnancies, sexual dysfunction and damage to the genitals. Another significant consequence is the loss of time and productivity which can result in a loss of job and finances. Debt can mount quickly, and clients can accumulate several thousands of dollars of debt in a short amount of time. In addition, there is a long list of legal consequences, including arrest for solicitation and engaging in sexual acts that are illegal. There are numerous emotional and mental consequences as well and the ffects on the family and partnered relationships can be debilitating.

A sexual addiction is like any other addiction, formed typically by engaging in behaviors that provide physical or psychological pleasure and/or momentary relief from pain. Sex addicts show very similar brain activity to people with drug addictions — they experience a “high” or “ a chemical rush” to the brain’s reward system similar to the feeling a drug addict gets from taking their first hit of a drug.

Sex addicts experience an irresistible sense of euphoria from sexual activity that seems to go beyond the normal sexual experience; nevertheless, the sexual experience is not about intimacy or even sex. Sex addicts use sexual activity as a means of escaping and/or avoiding the pain of past traumas, unpleasant feelings, negative experiences or outside stressors. Any reward gained from the sexual experience usually results in guilt and remorse. The person promises to change but ultimately ends up repeating the pattern of behavior until they seek out treatment for the addiction.

There is no clear reason why some people develop sexual addictions and others do not. Some hypotheses are: 1) an imbalance of natural brain chemicals that may be related to compulsive sexual behavior and help regulate mood, 2) Sex hormone levels have a vital role in sexual desire, 3) Certain diseases or health problems may cause damage to parts of the brain that affect sexual behavior, and 4) Changes in brain pathways that cause changes in the brain’s neural circuits. Research has also found that sex addicts often come from dysfunctional families and are more likely than non-sex addicts to have been abused; others often describe their parents as rigid, distant and uncaring.

While there is no official diagnosis for sex addiction, some clinicians and researchers have attempted to define sexual addiction by the following criteria:

  • Frequently engaging in sex and with more partners than intended
  • Being preoccupied with or persistently craving sex
  • Multiple unsuccessful attempts to limit, cut back or stop sexual activity
  • Thinking of sex to the detriment of other activities or continually engaging in excessive sexual practices despite a desire to stop
  • Spending considerable time in activities related to sex, such as cruising for partners or spending hours online visiting pornographic websites
  • Neglecting obligations such as work, school or family in pursuit of sex
  • Feeling irritable when unable to engage in the desired behavior
  • Continuation of the sexual behavior despite negative consequences of persistent or recurrent social, academic, financial, psychological, or physical problem that is caused or exacerbated by the sexual behavior
  • Need to increase the intensity, frequency, number, or risk of behaviors to achieve the desired effect, or diminished effect with continued behaviors at the same level of intensity, frequency, number, or risk
  • Giving up or limiting social, occupational, or recreational activities because of the behavior
  • Frequently engaging in sexual behaviors to a greater extent or over a longer period of time than intended

There is effective treatment available for individuals with sexual addiction. The goal of sexual addiction treatment is not lifelong abstinence, but rather a termination of compulsive, unhealthy sexual behavior. Since it is very difficult for a sex addict to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy sex, it is important that treatment includes addressing this issue. The second goal of sexual addiction treatment involves facing some of the most difficult issues: denial, guilt, shame and depression associated with the addiction. The third goal is to help identify triggers to unhealthy sexually behaviors and ways to avoid coming in contact with triggers. Various methods of treatment may include:

12-Step Programs: Programs such as Sexaholics Anonymous apply principles similar to those used in other addiction programs, such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. By admitting powerlessness over their addictions, seeking the help of God or a higher power, following the required steps, seeking a sponsor and regularly attending meetings, many addicts have been able to regain intimacy in their personal relationships.

Therapy: This approach, which can be done individually or in a group, looks at what triggers and reinforces actions related to sexual addiction. It also focuses on addressing the emotional baggage and/or effects or past trauma. The unique aspect of group therapy versus individual therapy is that it allows you to see that your problem is not unique. It also enables you to learn about what works and what doesn’t from others’ experiences, and draw on others’ strengths and hopes for support.

Medication: Recent research suggests antidepressants may be useful in treating sexual addiction. In addition to treating mood symptoms common among sex addicts, these medications may have some benefit in reducing sexual obsessions.

There are also support programs for partners and/or family members of sex addicts. If you or someone you love may be experiencing a sexual addiction, contact your local physician, clinician, or sex therapist. Recovery is possible!

 

photo-13Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE  and publisher and editor-in-chief of “Our Sexuality!” Magazine for women. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

Scandalous: The Best Sex Tutorials On The Internet

December 30th, 2014 - By Meg Butler
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Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Image Source: Shutterstock.com

Want to make 2015 the best year ever? Forget resolutions and check out the best sex tutorials on the internet.

Don’t Let Vaginal Dryness Ruin Your Life

December 26th, 2014 - By TaMara Griffin
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Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Normally, the walls of the vagina stay lubricated with a thin layer of clear fluid, however there are many things that can cause the lining to become dry and irritated. Insufficient lubrication — or vaginal dryness — can cause mild to significant pain (dyspareunia, which is a type of sexual pain disorder) and interfere with sexual pleasure.

Vaginal dryness is nothing to be embarrassed about. It affects many women, especially as they age. If vaginal dryness begins to affect your lifestyle, sex life and/or relationship with your partner; consider making an appointment with your physician. If you’re not sure you need to make an appointment, read on for these signs of vaginal dryness and potential treatments.

What causes dryness?

There are several things that can affect a woman’s ability to lubricate. Reduced estrogen levels are the main cause of vaginal dryness. Estrogen helps keep vaginal tissue healthy by maintaining normal vaginal lubrication, tissue elasticity and acidity. These factors create a natural defense against vaginal infections, but when your estrogen levels decrease, so does this natural defense, leading to a thinner, less elastic and more fragile vaginal lining and an increased risk of infections.

Medical conditions, significant life events, and daily habits such as pregnancy, lactation, menopause, aging, immune disorders, medical conditions, chemotherapy, sexually transmitted infections, smoking cigarettes, and douching will reduce lubrication and may cause the vagina to feel dry and irritated.

Certain medications can also cause dryness, including many common drugs for allergies, cardiovascular, psychiatric, and other medical conditions. Oral contraceptives and irritation from contraceptive creams and foams can also cause dryness, as can fear and anxiety about sexual intimacy. Vaginal dryness may also result from insufficient foreplay and arousal. In many cases, women need lots of sexual stimulation for arousal. The more aroused we are, the more lubrication, which reduces dryness and friction, helping to make sexual intercourse more pleasure.

Vaginal dryness may be accompanied by other signs and symptoms such as:

  • Itching or stinging around the vaginal opening
  • Burning
  • Soreness
  • Pain with intercourse
  • Light bleeding with intercourse
  • Increased urinary frequency or urgency
  • Recurrent urinary tract infections
  • Involuntary contractions of the pelvic floor muscles

What gets me wet?

Vaginal lubricants can support and/or naturally restore your own vaginal moisture. Whether a woman has an issue or not with lubrication, it’s always a good idea to keep lubrication nearby. The more the vagina is lubricated, the less likely the lining of the vagina will have excessive ripping and tearing from intercourse. Rips and tears in the vagina help create a portal of entry for bacteria and other infections. Keep in mind, though, that while the use of a lubricant can make sexual intercourse less painful, it does not address the underlying cause of vaginal dryness itself. Here are a few suggestions to increase your moisture below.

  • Lubricants. Water-based or silicone-based lubricants can help keep your vagina lubricated. Choose products that don’t contain glycerin, which has been linked to yeast infections.
  • Moisturizers: These products imitate normal vaginal moisture and relieve dryness for up to three days with a single application. Use these as ongoing protection from the irritation of vaginal dryness. Before using complementary or alternative treatments, such as vitamin therapies or products containing estrogen, talk to your physician first.
  • Natural and Organic Lubricants: Cosmetic grade oils such as almond, coconut or olive oils act as lubricants and can be helpful in rejuvenating irritated, dry tissues.

Avoid using these products to treat vaginal dryness because they may dry and irritate your vagina:

  • Vinegar, yogurt or other douches
  • Hand lotions
  • Antibacterial or fragrant soaps
  • Bubble baths or bath oils
  • Scented or perfumed products
  • Flavored lubricants are not generally recommended because they can cause a yeast infection.
  • Oil-based lubricants are not meant for vagina use

What can I do?

Just because the vagina’s not wet doesn’t mean she’s not ready for sex! It’s important to note that there’s a difference between arousal and desire. Arousal, which causes lubrication, is physiological and the desire to have sex is psychological. So essentially a woman can have the desire to have sex but not be aroused which means that there may be some type of issue going on that needs to be addressed. In other words, she could want to have sex but her body may not be responding or getting aroused — vice versa she may not desire sex but her body may be aroused. Basically, don’t take it personally if she’s not wet and take this advice.

  • Pay attention to your sexual needs. Occasional vaginal dryness during intercourse may mean that you aren’t sufficiently aroused. Make time for foreplay and allow your body to become adequately aroused and lubricated. Communicate with your Beloved about your sexual needs and what turns you on.
  • Having intercourse regularly can also help promote better vaginal lubrication.
  • Listen to your body. Vaginal dryness may be an indication that something is going on with your body and you need to go to the physician.
  • Boost your water intake. Drinking at least ten 8-oz glasses of water a day may help to relieve vaginal dryness.
  • Follow a hormone-balancing diet. Your body needs the right nutritional support to make and balance your hormones.

 

Dr. TaMara

Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.

 

All About The Clitoris, Part 2: How To Properly Please Your Pleasure Spot

December 19th, 2014 - By TaMara Griffin
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Source: Corbis

Source: Corbis

Forget what you’ve heard about chocolate and diamonds because the clitoris, which we reintroduced you to last week, is truly a woman’s best friend! In fact, they’re inseparable. While the mighty male penis may be a close friend indeed, it’s the clitoris that holds all the secrets to her pleasure. Understanding the secrets of this hot spot can make all the difference in the world between an ordinary and an extraordinary sexual experience!

However before you begin exploring all the ins and outs of the secret workings of the clitoris, be sure to check out these definite do’s and don’ts:

Don’t touch unless your hands are clean!
Just like mama said you should always wash your hands before dinner, you should always make sure you wash your hands before sexual pleasure as well. Make sure your hands and fingers are squeaky clean and your finger nails are well groomed. Bacteria that can mount on the hands and under fingernails can potentially infect the clitoris. Remember bacteria loves to thrive in warm and moist environments. Also make sure your fingernails are clipped and filed. A sharp or jagged fingernail on the most sensitive part of the body does not make for a good situation!

Do make sure you vary your strokes and techniques.
Consider yourself an artist as you paint your masterpiece. Use a combination of various strokes and techniques in order to ensure your greatest work of art comes forward! The same old stroke and/or technique can become pretty dull, boring, and even painful after a while. It can also ruin the entire experience. Consider incorporating the tongue — it’s the perfect tool for pleasure! As one of the strongest and most flexible muscles in the body, the tongue has the ability to twist, bend and fold. It can offer various stokes, apply pressure and even add the element of different textures. Try using fingers and even toys with your clitoral play; lightly nibbling or kissing the clitoral hood also helps spice things up a bit.

Do become intimately acquainted with her anatomy.
That might sound obvious, but very few people actually take the time to learn everything about the female body and how it functions. You don’t have to be a doctor, but you should have a basic understanding of the parts of the female anatomy and how they respond to pleasure. This information will help increase the pleasure you and your sexual partners experience as well as reduce risk for infection. After all, he more you know about how something works, the more you’re able to maximize its usage.

Don’t play too rough, she’s a lady!
The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve fibers. That’s a lot of sensitivity in one location! The wrong touch or move, no matter how slight, can change a moment of pure unadulterated pleasure into a scary nightmare. The same is true when it comes to using your teeth. Teeth are made for grinding and chewing food. Sharp teeth on an extremely sensitive clitoris… need I say more? It’s always best to err on the side of caution when it comes to lady clitoris. If you’re uncertain whether or not the touch or the teeth are too rough, just ASK! She’ll be glad you did.

Don’t skip on the lubrication, she’s not afraid to get wet!
Imagine continuously rubbing a very sensitive area of your body with extra-rough sandpaper. Ouch, right? Well that’s exactly how it feels when you continuously rub a non-lubricated clitoris over and over again. You can prevent this by getting natural vaginal fluids flowing during a steamy session of foreplay. However, if a woman doesn’t lubricate enough naturally, don’t be afraid to apply a water- or silicone-based lubricant. Stay away from coating the clitoris with oil-based or flavored lubricants, unless it’s glycerin free, because they’re not as hospitable to her environment. Remember the wetter the better.

Don’t blow on her. She gets cold quick.
Although it might be her birthday, don’t blow on the clitoris. It’s not a candle! This one might sound obvious, but thanks to advice in popular magazines and porn movies many people think that blowing air on the clitoris is a huge turn on. Not so much. Blowing huge gusts of air on the clitoris will only dry up the lubrication, causing discomfort. However, lightly breathing on the clitoris can provide a warm tingly sensation to the extremely sensitive nerve endings. FYI, blowing on the clitoris and breathing warmly on it are two completely different things. If you don’t know the difference, don’t even try it.

Do consider her time. It’s everything.
The clitoris can be extremely sensitive, especially shortly after an orgasm. Touching it at the wrong time can quickly turn a good time into a bad one. Gauge post-orgasm touch carefully, monitor any reaction and scale back the level of stimulation if necessary. Nothing is more uncomfortable than an over-stimulated clitoris.

Don’t be afraid to use her wing to help her fly!
Don’t just focus on the head of the clitoris!Although they’re not visual to the eye, the wings can help her fly into orgasmic intensity. At the height of sexual pleasure, the internal clitoris is extremely sensitive as well. Using your fingers, penis or a sex toy, to stroke the wings of the clitoris can send you or your beloved soaring into another world.

Do face the truth.
Can we all just face the clitoral truth? The clitoris has miraculous and mysterious power that demands respect, appreciation and attention. The more we understand about the center of a woman’s pleasure, the more we’re able to facilitate experiences of unparalleled bliss. The truth is that without the clitoris a woman would not experience as much sexual satisfaction. And when you combine clitoral stimulation with vaginal, g-spot, breast, vulva or other external stimulation, the experience is absolutely amazing. So, trust me when I say that she will thank you for taking the time to pay her clitoris the special attention it deserves.

 

Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 1CatalystCon Pic3, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.