All Articles Tagged "sex"

Serious Question: Am I A Serial Killer If I Had Multiple Abortions?

April 22nd, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From HelloBeautiful 

I was 16-years-old when I had my first abortion.

I remember nervously pacing down Park Avenue in New York city, barely able to function because I was suffering from severe morning sickness and dehydration (you’re not allowed to eat or drink after 12am the night before the procedure). Outside the hidden Manhattan doctor’s office were a group of hecklers, toting signs with bloody and dismembered fetuses on it. If I had eaten in the last few hours, I would have easily thrown up. I kept walking straight past the entrance, fearful they’d peg me as a patient and attack. I made it half way down the block where I found enough courage to turn back and face the angry lobbyist. They pushed pamphlets at me and yelled things I’ve buried so deep, I couldn’t repeat if I tried. Did you know your baby has a heartbeat at 22 days? I guess that’s if you classify the fetus as such. I didn’t. I just thought of it as a bundle of cells, an embryo. In my mind it wasn’t a baby just yet even though I was somewhere around 4 months along.

Abortion is not uncommon in the United States. 3 out of 10 women in the U.S. have an abortion by the time they are 45 years old. Depending on the length of the pregnancy, a woman can either have the pregnancy surgically removed in a clinic or opt for “medical abortion,” which is the term for taking the mifepristone pill (called RU-486 when it was being developed) up to 9 weeks into their pregnancy. An in-clinic abortion costs anywhere between $300$950 in the first trimester (women can get abortions up to 24-weeks), while the pill can be taken up to 9 weeks into the pregnancy. Prices for the pill cost $300–$800.

I recently stumbled across a meme on Instagram that called women who’ve had multiple abortions serial killers. I’ve never been offended by a post on Instagram, but on that day, I took it to heart. I’ve had five abortions in total, three surgical and two non-surgical (the pill). I never thought I would have so many. When I was just 16, there was another girl my age in the doctor’s office who had six and I looked at her like she was crazy. I judged her…then turned into her.

Read more about this personal story at HelloBeautiful.com 

 

Say What?! Pentecostal Pastor Impregnates A Mother And Her Teen Daughter

April 14th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From EurWeb 

How does one go about asking the Lord for forgiveness for just being trifling? I mean, what words do you actually use?

After allegedly impregnating a 45-year-old mother of three and her 14-year-old daughter, Pastor Sam of Pentecostal church is on the run.

The Pentecostal Church – which is located along Nnebisi Road, Asaba, Delta State, Nigeria has been on lock-down since  the news broke.

OsunDefender gathered that Pastor Sam hails from the eastern part of the Delta state and that the woman and the daughter have been under evil spells after her husband died of a mysterious stomach problem. Elders of the community where they live, had consulted seers who accused the woman and her teenage daughter of having a hand in the death.The mother and daughter was introduced to the pastor for spiritual cleansing around December 2013 and the pastor in turn had solemnly promised to attack the attackers of the destiny and reverse the course.

Read more about this case at EurWeb.com 

“He Doesn’t Even Touch Me!” I Think My Fiancé Masturbates Too Much And I Am Insulted!

April 1st, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From Essence 

Dear Abiola,

I have a masturbation problem, not mine but my man’s. I don’t feel that it’s normal for anyone in a long-term relationship to have the need to masturbate. But at least 3 times a week I would find my fiancé having a solo session in the bathroom. We have different sex drives. I am a once-a-weeker and he’s an every-dayer, but I feel like he should respect me enough to wait until I’m in the mood. Otherwise what’s the point of us being in love?

Every time I catch him, I freak out and we have a big fight. I find it very disrespectful and shameful. I know it sounds kind of crazy to think of it as cheating but I do feel sometimes like he’s cheating on my with himself. I have never touched myself and certainly would never feel the need to do so while I am in a relationship with someone else!

About four months ago we had a huge blowup about it because he doesn’t see what the big deal is. He even had the nerve to say that at least he wasn’t cheating. Since that time, any time I try to initiate anything with us it’s now an erectile dysfunction situation. But he’s still able to do his thing in the bathroom!!? I suggested Viagra but he said he doesn’t need that.

I am annoyed and insulted. I’m a sexy, hot woman. So you can’t get it going for me but you can for yourself? At this point I think he’s just sick and I’m really questioning the whole engagement. It’s not about the sex for me it’s the principle of the thing.

What should I do?

Signed,

He’s Not Touching Me

Read Abiola’s response at Essence.com 

“The Bigger The Hoe, The Lower The Self-Esteem” K. Michelle’s Preaching On IG Today

March 31st, 2014 - By Brande Victorian
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Source: Instagram

Source: Instagram

We’re not 100% certain what’s going on with K. Michelle right now but judging from her Instagram posts this afternoon it’s safe to assume she’s having man troubles.

The “Love & Hip-Hop” star posted a Tweetgram that read “The Bigger The Hoe, The Lower The Self-Esteem,” with the added caption:

“Some people need bodies and hearts to validate who they are. Don’t take their actions personal. Low self esteem is a disease. Pray for them.”

Though the message appeared harmless — and actually should’ve served as a friendly reminder for some — apparently it brought some backlash her way, so much so that the singer felt the need to clarify with an additional post and delete the original one.

Ever the shade thrower, K. Michelle added to the post with the caption “Some people didn’t get burped as a child. #annoying” which we’ll assume was a response to the women who claimed enjoying sex doesn’t mean you have low self-esteem. Despite the fact that K often has a, shall we say, suspect way with words, she was actually speaking the truth today. Just goes to show some folks will have a problem with anything.

What do you think about K. Michelle’s comments?

Why Men Say You Shouldn’t Ask Them Out

March 28th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From YourTango

There’s this man you know who flirts with you often. Maybe every time you see him. You can tell he likes you. So how come he doesn’t ask you out? This makes you wonder if you should take the bull by the horns and simply ask him out. There is equality between the genders today so why not right?

Disclaimer: While the idea of asking a man out seems harmless, I don’t recommend it to my clients as a dating coach. My clients are women mostly over 40.  If you are under 30, I’m going to admit that things might be different. Society is changing slowly. But this particular dating advice about asking men out is meant for women of a different generation who are 40+.

My Dating Advice Is Don’t Ask Him Out
Are you surprised? I have several very good reasons for this advice:

1. Almost all dating experts agree, if a man is interested, he will ask you out

2. Just because a man flirts with you, doesn’t mean he wants to date you

3. Just because a man finds you attractive, doesn’t mean he wants to date you

4. Just because a man wants to sleep with you, doesn’t mean he wants to be in relationship with you

5. He may be flattered or think you’ll sleep with him, but that doesn’t mean he wants to date you

I have seen each one of these scenarios played out with my dating coaching clients. I know women who have asked out the men who flirted relentlessly with them. They discovered that while the guy liked flirting, it didn’t translate into more and were embarrassed when turned down. Men who like to flirt do it because it feels good, and it’s …fun! Flirting with you made him feel attractive and energized as it did for you as well most likely.

But his flirting doesn’t directly indicate his romantic, long-term interest. And the same is true for being attracted to you. Attraction is not a sign of romantic potential, just sexual chemistry. Men want to flirt and sleep with you, but not necessarily want to date you or enter into a loving relationship. You can understand that right?

Lastly, I have worked with enough men as a dating coach to know that men can be very flattered and excited by your advances. When you ask him out, you are going to pique his curiosity. He may also think his chances of “getting lucky” with you are excellent.

Read more about relationships at YourTango.com 

Kissing Games: 4 Must-Read Tips To Turn Your Man On

March 27th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From YourTango

I’ve always said that there’s no one woman that all men desire. A woman one man falls head over heels in love with, will probably turn another man off. That said, there are some common traits and characteristics most men desire in a woman. In fact, I’ll rephrase that. There are several traits real men desire in a woman.

First, let’s just be clear on the difference between real men and “man-babies.” A real man will return your calls and texts. He’s emotionally mature. He’s not afraid to talk about his feelings, and he doesn’t panic when you talk about commitment.

He’s a man who doesn’t play games, and doesn’t expect you to play them either. He’s the man that will hold your hand, and cuddle with you on the couch without pushing himself on you, because he’s in control of himself sexually. He’s the kind of man most of my women readers talk about wanting to meet. So, what are the common traits the real man wants in a woman?

Let me reveal all. There are others, but these are the big 4:

  1. He wants you to be playful. Dating should be fun, and men want to have a relationship with someone they can have a laugh with. Nothing turns men off quicker than a drama queen. There’s nothing worse than a woman who thrives on some kind of drama or crisis in her life. Real men want women to connect with them on a playful level. Remember in many ways, men are like big dogs. We love to play, and we love to embrace our inner child. So don’t take yourself too seriously, and be open to the fun life has to offer. It’s all around you. You just need to let yourself go.
  2. He wants you to have emotional maturity. Sometimes in life things don’t go right, and in every relationship, there are going to be bumps. A real man looks for a woman who doesn’t turn into an emotional wreck the second there’s a problem. I can’t stand seeing a woman throw a temper tantrum in the middle of an argument, and neither can most other men. It throws up a huge relationship red flag for us. We want to know that if there’s anything that needs to be discussed, we can sit down calmly and quietly and talk things through, without worrying whether you’re going to throw a vase at our heads!

Read more at YourTango.com 

Things We All Worry About When Sleeping With Someone The First Time

March 27th, 2014 - By Julia Austin
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Sleeping with someone for the first time can bring up all sorts of insecurities and awkward concerns—you’re probably sleeping at the guy’s house for the first time, maybe he’s seeing you totally nude for the first time, and maybe you’re not even clear how strongly he feels about you. Trust us, we all feel this way. Here are 15 things we all worry about when sleeping with someone the first time.

 

 

 

 

 

Learn 5 Ways To Fight Fair With Your Man

March 26th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From YourTango

Thirty years of marriage counseling and twenty-five years of a second marriage have convinced me that fights are not necessary in a marriage. Married couples need to have discussions, they need to solve problems, and sometimes they need to disagree, but they don’t need to squabble, argue, bicker or fight. Fights are dramatic, which is not helpful to a discussion. If you have enough energy to create drama, you have more than enough to tone it down into a discussion. However, because social expectations and mythology are so strong, many of my clients want guidelines for “fighting fair”. I’ve developed a set of Fair Fight Guidelines you may find helpful.

Guidelines To Fighting Fair: If you feel a fight is unavoidable, you can still find a win-win resolution if you follow these guidelines.

  1.  Remember the point of the fight is toreach a solution, not to win, be right, or make your partner wrong.
  • Don’t try to mind read. Ask instead of what he or she is thinking.
  • Don’t bring up all the prior problems that relate to this one. Leave the past in the past; keep this about one recent problem. Solve one thing at a time.
  • Keep the process simple. State the problem, suggest some alternatives, and choose a solution together.
  • Don’t talk too much at once. Keep your statements to two or three sentences. Your partner will not be able to grasp more than that.
  • Give your partner a chance to respond and to suggest options.

2.    Practice equality. If something is important enough to one of you, it will inevitably be important to both of you, so honor your partner’s need to solve a problem.

  • Ask and answer questions directly. Again, keep it as simple as possible. Let your partner know you hear him or her.
  • State your problem as a request, not a demand. To make it a positive request, use “I” messages and and say please.
  • Don’t use power struggle tactics: guilt and obligation, threats and emotional blackmail, courtroom logic: peacekeeping, sacrificing, or hammering away are off limits.

3.  Know your facts. If you’re going to fight for something, know the facts about the problem: Do research, find out what options are available, and know how you feel and what would solve the problem for you.

  • Ask for changes in behavior. Don’t criticize character, ethics or morals.
  • Don’t fight over who’s right or wrong. Opinions are opinions, and that won’t solve the problem. Instead, focus on what will work.
  • Ask your partner if he or she has anything to add to the discussion. “Is there anything else we need to discuss now?”
  • Don’t guess what your partner is thinking or feeling. Instead, ask.”What do you think?” Or “How do you feel about it?”
  • Hold hands, look at each other, remember you’re partners.
  • If you’re angry, express it calmly. “I’m angry about ……” There’s no need for drama, and it won’t get you what you want. Anger is satisfied by being acknowledged, and by creating change. Anger is a normal emotion—rage is phony, it’s drama created by not taking care of yourself.

Read more about fighting fair at YourTango.com 

For The Men: Signs We’re Actually Flirting With You

March 25th, 2014 - By Kevin L. Clark
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WENN

The art of flirting is a skill that takes time and practice to master. Women are known all over the world as innovators of subtlety, so it’s up to the man to remain keenly aware of every gesture, every word, and every glance she throws your way.

But while we’re not always the most attentive creatures on the face of the Earth, the lady who is interested has key indicators that should be noticeable to even the most Mr. Magoo-type man.

Here, we list the 15 most identifiable signs that a woman is flirting with you. This means when these behaviors are not exhibited, you can reasonable deduce she’s not interested.

Act Like A Child To Win In Your Relationship

March 25th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From YourTango 

Children are smarter than adults, because I’ve never seen a child with a full-time job or a broken heart. They have life figured out. Ever seen a 7-year- old complain about being single? “Mommy, nobody will go to Chuckie Cheese with me!” No, you haven’t. Give them a piece of candy and a puppy, and they will be happy all day finding joy in what they have, not what they lack.

As grown-ups, we focus on what someone used to be instead of understanding the strengths they offer us now. We say, “I don’t want someone who’s been married.” Well, maybe a divorce taught that person valuable lessons they carry into new (better) relationships; they are a better person and partner because of that “failed” relationship.

Just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean it’s a failure. It can be a success if each person takes the lessons learned into future relations. Each “failed relationship” gets us close to our last (and hopefully best) relationship in life. Often times a person can only appreciate the view of the mountaintop because the divorce was their valley. Another person’s journey is not ours to judge.

Kids do not care about each other’s past. Ever seen a 3-year-old approach another 3-year-old in the sandbox and say, “Tell me what it was like when you were a baby? I can only be friends with 3-year-olds who were breast fed and wore Huggies. If you wore Pampers, I’m afraid we can’t be toddlers in crime. I’m sorry.” This would never happen because kids focus on what exists, the current moment, and not what doesn’t exist…a person’s past.

Sometimes we end relationships before they even begin because of what we think we want in a person. Instead of showing up with a script of what we want, why not be present and see what manifests. For instance, you may want a partner who is close to their family. But you want that because you are close to your family. Maybe a person is amazing because they never had family and learned how to be strong on their own.

Read more about relationships at YourTang0.com 

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