shutterstock

Recently here at the offices, we received a copy of the book WTF Are Men Thinking: 250,000 Men Reveal What Women Really Want to Know. It’s a fun read filled with surveys of men sharing their thoughts on dating, women, sex, and relationships. Flipping through the data, nothing really surprised me except for this one small survey about when men expect sex from a woman they’re dating. Most of the men surveyed said they expected it after the fourth date.

Fourth date, really?

I know I’m conservative so I had to run the stat by my co-workers to see just how prudish I was being. Funny enough, they had the same reaction. Well, can I really say “funny enough” considering that all my co-workers are Black. I’m not sure if it comes as a surprise that white women and black women have two very different approaches when it comes to sex & dating. When I first read the statistic in the book,  a panel of 25,000 white men came to mind. White because I always had the impression of white men being much more liberal with sex, and in turn, passing on more liberal attitudes about sex to their women. The message I received all of my life is that if you give up the goods without a commitment, you are playing yourself. In other words, having sex on the first, second, third, or even seventh date (without commitment) is not an option for someone wanting to be taken seriously. But…I know my white friends didn’t get that same message. For the friends I had in high school and college, sex was looked at much less seriously. It was just…sex. Not to say that a white man wouldn’t be turned off by a woman giving it up on the first date, but the fact that so many women I know who did that very act got into serious relationships with those very men is testament to the fact that this “fourth date” expectation is no big thing. Can we say that Black men overall have the same expectations and standards, and would accept a woman as “wifey material” if she gave it up by the fourth date? Chime in!

More on Madame Noire!

• Where Are They Now? The Real Hollywood Exes (And Mistresses) Of Music’s Biggest Players
• True Life: I Had To Learn The Hard Way
• Self-Pity? No Thanks: Why I Love The Chocolate Skin I’m In
• Well That’s…Interesting: Mimi Is Writing A Book On Warning Signs Of Dating Men In The Industry
• Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Why Falling In Love Is A Choice (And Why I Hate Romantic Comedies)
• Fall Into Your Feelings: How Autumn Will Affect Your Love Life
• Well, You Don’t Say: 9 Celebrities, Ballers, Authors And Vixens You Might Not Have Known Were Virgin Islanders

The dating world is one of games. We are taught all sorts of ways to hide or thoughts and feelings. All sorts of ways to make one thing look another way. And so, when we meet someone who doesn’t play by the rules, we often think, “What is wrong with this person? You can’t just…say that!” While it’s true some people are just needy or overly aggressive, some have complete self confidence, and just don’t want to play the game. So you don’t necessarily need to freak out if a man does this: