All Articles Tagged "settling in relationships"
A few days ago, a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years. While she was hurt and angry, she said she knew what she was doing what the right thing because she had known their relationship was in trouble for about as long as they had been together. When I asked her what made her stay in a dysfunctional relationship for so long, she said that she was in love, and also that she wanted to be in a relationship. She wanted a boyfriend.
And she’s not the only one to have ever stayed in a relationship longer than she should have. So many of us have found ourselves falling head over heels for a guy we know isn’t quite right. Or we’re not sure, but we ignore our gut instincts because we’re attracted to him, want to love someone, or want to be loved in return. The smartest women can be blinded by love, lust or even simple infatuation, and no matter how many times our friends and family try to warn us to run for the hills, sometimes we just don’t want to see it.
The universe has gifted us all, especially women, with instincts – a sort of sixth sense – that tells us something just isn’t quite right and that we should proceed with caution. However, if you feel like your radar is a little off and you aren’t sure if what you’re feeling is a gut instinct to run or not, then here are some relationship red flags you should never ignore so that you don’t kick yourself later.
Dear Dr. Sherry,
I started fooling around with a good friend of mine strictly with the intention of us just being friends with benefits. Seven years have passed by and now I’ve fallen in love with him. When he and I first got involved, I knew that he was not the emotionally expressive type and that was fine because I only wanted sex. Now that I have feelings for him, he’s still the same non-expressive, unaffectionate guy. He says he cares deeply for me and that he’s just always had issues with his feelings. I feel like he just says that he cares because he doesn’t want me to move on. We don’t even go on dates, and yet every weekend he’s partying with his friends. In the beginning I was the same way, but as the feelings grew deeper I’ve lost the desire to be in the club. I’m starting to feel like I’ve wasted these years with him, and that I am nothing more than a booty call even though he insists that he has real feelings for me. What do you think?
Have you ever found yourself in this situation? Visit Essence to read what Dr. Sherry has to say about lovers and friends.
If you’re a fan of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, you’ve probably become very familiar with Kenya Moore, the resident desperate woman who, as “Gone-With-The-Wind-Fabulous” as she is, still hasn’t found her Prince Charming. She’s made it known on almost every episode of Season five that she is more than ready to be married and have children, pressuring her poor [faux] boyfriend Walter to put a ring on it.
While there is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and going after it, there is a difference between actively pursuing romance and desperately trying to find a husband. In case you don’t already know, desperation isn’t hot by any means. As a woman who is knocking on 40 herself, I understand her level of concern – especially as it pertains to having children. But pressuring yourself and others into marriage can cause more harm than good if you’re not careful. If the following describes your approach to looking for a relationship with marriage in mind, it’s time to slow down and take it easy before you find yourself with the wrong guy, or pushing the right one away.
Some of us still believe in true love, so we won’t accept anything less than the best when it comes to our romantic relationships. But others of us are either tired of waiting or no longer believe in true love. We asked our Facebook followers if they’ve ever settled in love and this is what they had to say.
Kirsten: I’ve considered it but God wouldn’t let me…and I’m so thankful for that!
Barbara: Yes, I have settled in love. I fell in love with someone that made less than I made. I was not really attracted to and we had different religious beliefs. Eventually, it ended after 5yrs because he looked at my money as his money and his money as his money. He also continually pressured me to adopt his religious beliefs and I had to get a divorce. It was like playing tug of war with him. We were undoubtedly unevenly yoked.
“I wish a brother would…”